I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before.
All the signs had been there, all the clues present, it was only my own blinded eyes that could have missed putting them together. The slaves had all noticed something, even if they could not name it. Only Heero, who was closest to Duo, had been able to pinpoint the cause of Duo's erratic behavior, but even then he had been unsure of the cause. Duo hid it well.
"Has Duo ever allowed you to touch him?" Sally asked, her voice warm, but clinical, trying to keep Heero calm and make a diagnosis at the same time. "When he is asleep," Heero admitted. "And when he wakes up"
"He leaves immediately. He gets upset if I try to hold him. I've told you this already"
"I know, I just need to be sure. Now, does he act differently with the other boys"
"Yes. He is less... violently defensive around them"
"Are they able to touch him"
"No. He doesn't allow them to get as close, but if they do accidentally brush up against him he's better able to control his reaction"
"Control"
"Yes. He flinches, but he does not push them away"
"What if they try to touch him"
"He avoids them"
"And if that does not work"
"He will get very upset. Wufei has pushed his limits a few times, and he and Duo have gotten into confrontations about it"
"Violent confrontations"
"Not if Wufei doesn't reach for him. They're just very loud. Duo threatens a lot, but he more often runs away"
"I see," Sally said, quickly writing down notes on her chart. She turned to me when she finished and asked, "Can you support his answers"
"Yes. I never noticed this behavior in Duo before, but it was there the whole time. I can't believe I didn't see it"
"He hides it well," Sally dismissed offhandedly, writing on her chart again. "With all the other things wrong with him, and the fact that everyone's just getting to know him, I'm not surprised you missed it"
"Missed what?" Heero asked innocently, his blue eyes wide with worry. I smiled gently at him, hoping to console him. "We think that Duo might have a... a sort of touch-phobia"
"Haphephobia, to be exact," Sally interjected. "Ha-what?" Heero wondered.
"It's the scientific term for a person who is afraid of human touch," I told him, giving a look to Sally that, I hoped, would tell her not to confuse Heero any more than he already was. "We think Duo may have a psychological problem that keeps him from touching or being touched by others. So, you must see, it's not that Duo doesn't like you"
"Actually," Sally interjected, "the fact that Duo gets maddest at you might be because he likes and respects you more than the others. He lets you closer than them, so it hurts more when you cross his invisible barrier"
"So... it's not really his fault"
"No," I told him seriously. "It's not his fault at all. That doesn't mean we can allow this to continue, but he's not in trouble because of it"
"So what should I do"
"For now, go try to calm Duo, then go back to the room the two of you share. I'd like to give him some time to calm, then try to talk to him again before we do anything. Sally and I will discuss what else we can do to help his progress, but right now I just want you to help Duo in anyway you can, alright"
"Yes, Master," Heero responded instantly, getting to his feet. Now that he had been given a focus point, a mission, Heero was much more grounded and centered, ready to do whatever was necessary. "Go on, then," I dismissed, shooing him out the door. He nodded, then was gone. I let out a long breath, feeling a headache coming on.
"This isn't going to be easy," Sally said as I watched the door Heero had just disappeared through. "I know"
"Duo's going to fight us the whole way"
"I know"
"We might make things worse"
"I know"
"The best course of action would be to hand him over to a therapist"
"You know we can't do that"
"I'm not a psychologist"
"But you're friends with them. Find out what we should do, Sally, because I can't do this on my own," I told her. She sighed and I realized that she and I were probably feeling the same things.
"I wouldn't leave you alone with this," she told me quietly. "I just... Zechs, this is serious. I don't know if I can fix this"
"And we're running out of time," I told her, "but all we can do is try. If he can't allow himself to be touched I will have to drug him through Collar and any summer visits I take. I can't afford to be seen without him, even with Wufei. Taming the Shinigami gives me too much credit not to take him, but drugging him will certainly make this problem worse. It will be almost impossible to get him to trust me if I drug him and take him to Collar. If we don't get it to happen before Collar"
"I know, I know," Sally muttered, rubbing her head. "The best approach to this problem would be to send him to psychiatrist, and maybe some medication for anxiety, but it would take several months for the psychiatrist to get through to him, and I doubt he would take the medicine"
"All time and resources we don't have," I replied. "So what's plan B"
"Plan B is risky and very likely to make things worse before it makes them better. I want to try to get him to talk to me first, but I doubt he'll tell me anything. If he does, I'll try to medicate him and continue therapy sessions. If not... we'll have to try something a little more severe"
"Like what"
"We'll try to break him of his fear. I'll give you shots that will cause mild paralysis and repress his anxiety. From there you will have to desensitize him to touch without making him feel that he's being used. Hopefully, with a lot of effort and a little luck, you will be able to break him of his fear enough to start touching him in normal situations, and progress from there. It will be much quicker than traditional methods, but there's a much higher risk of failure"
"Are the drugs really necessary"
"If you don't want him to hurt himself. He'll fight you tooth and nail otherwise, and we don't want him to associate pain with touch. If he's calm, we can break that association from his mind. If he panics, we could just make things worse. There's a possibility, also, that his body has begun to associate touch and pain on its own, because there's a very slight chance he could remain without touch for this long on mental capacity only. The human psyche needs physical affection"
"His nightmares could be the outlet for that need. They do calm as soon as Heero holds him"
"It's a good possibility, but it doesn't really help us. We're still working with a mind and body that fear touch. It's risky, Zechs, and you could easily lose his trust forever"
"We have to try."
All the signs had been there, all the clues present, it was only my own blinded eyes that could have missed putting them together. The slaves had all noticed something, even if they could not name it. Only Heero, who was closest to Duo, had been able to pinpoint the cause of Duo's erratic behavior, but even then he had been unsure of the cause. Duo hid it well.
"Has Duo ever allowed you to touch him?" Sally asked, her voice warm, but clinical, trying to keep Heero calm and make a diagnosis at the same time. "When he is asleep," Heero admitted. "And when he wakes up"
"He leaves immediately. He gets upset if I try to hold him. I've told you this already"
"I know, I just need to be sure. Now, does he act differently with the other boys"
"Yes. He is less... violently defensive around them"
"Are they able to touch him"
"No. He doesn't allow them to get as close, but if they do accidentally brush up against him he's better able to control his reaction"
"Control"
"Yes. He flinches, but he does not push them away"
"What if they try to touch him"
"He avoids them"
"And if that does not work"
"He will get very upset. Wufei has pushed his limits a few times, and he and Duo have gotten into confrontations about it"
"Violent confrontations"
"Not if Wufei doesn't reach for him. They're just very loud. Duo threatens a lot, but he more often runs away"
"I see," Sally said, quickly writing down notes on her chart. She turned to me when she finished and asked, "Can you support his answers"
"Yes. I never noticed this behavior in Duo before, but it was there the whole time. I can't believe I didn't see it"
"He hides it well," Sally dismissed offhandedly, writing on her chart again. "With all the other things wrong with him, and the fact that everyone's just getting to know him, I'm not surprised you missed it"
"Missed what?" Heero asked innocently, his blue eyes wide with worry. I smiled gently at him, hoping to console him. "We think that Duo might have a... a sort of touch-phobia"
"Haphephobia, to be exact," Sally interjected. "Ha-what?" Heero wondered.
"It's the scientific term for a person who is afraid of human touch," I told him, giving a look to Sally that, I hoped, would tell her not to confuse Heero any more than he already was. "We think Duo may have a psychological problem that keeps him from touching or being touched by others. So, you must see, it's not that Duo doesn't like you"
"Actually," Sally interjected, "the fact that Duo gets maddest at you might be because he likes and respects you more than the others. He lets you closer than them, so it hurts more when you cross his invisible barrier"
"So... it's not really his fault"
"No," I told him seriously. "It's not his fault at all. That doesn't mean we can allow this to continue, but he's not in trouble because of it"
"So what should I do"
"For now, go try to calm Duo, then go back to the room the two of you share. I'd like to give him some time to calm, then try to talk to him again before we do anything. Sally and I will discuss what else we can do to help his progress, but right now I just want you to help Duo in anyway you can, alright"
"Yes, Master," Heero responded instantly, getting to his feet. Now that he had been given a focus point, a mission, Heero was much more grounded and centered, ready to do whatever was necessary. "Go on, then," I dismissed, shooing him out the door. He nodded, then was gone. I let out a long breath, feeling a headache coming on.
"This isn't going to be easy," Sally said as I watched the door Heero had just disappeared through. "I know"
"Duo's going to fight us the whole way"
"I know"
"We might make things worse"
"I know"
"The best course of action would be to hand him over to a therapist"
"You know we can't do that"
"I'm not a psychologist"
"But you're friends with them. Find out what we should do, Sally, because I can't do this on my own," I told her. She sighed and I realized that she and I were probably feeling the same things.
"I wouldn't leave you alone with this," she told me quietly. "I just... Zechs, this is serious. I don't know if I can fix this"
"And we're running out of time," I told her, "but all we can do is try. If he can't allow himself to be touched I will have to drug him through Collar and any summer visits I take. I can't afford to be seen without him, even with Wufei. Taming the Shinigami gives me too much credit not to take him, but drugging him will certainly make this problem worse. It will be almost impossible to get him to trust me if I drug him and take him to Collar. If we don't get it to happen before Collar"
"I know, I know," Sally muttered, rubbing her head. "The best approach to this problem would be to send him to psychiatrist, and maybe some medication for anxiety, but it would take several months for the psychiatrist to get through to him, and I doubt he would take the medicine"
"All time and resources we don't have," I replied. "So what's plan B"
"Plan B is risky and very likely to make things worse before it makes them better. I want to try to get him to talk to me first, but I doubt he'll tell me anything. If he does, I'll try to medicate him and continue therapy sessions. If not... we'll have to try something a little more severe"
"Like what"
"We'll try to break him of his fear. I'll give you shots that will cause mild paralysis and repress his anxiety. From there you will have to desensitize him to touch without making him feel that he's being used. Hopefully, with a lot of effort and a little luck, you will be able to break him of his fear enough to start touching him in normal situations, and progress from there. It will be much quicker than traditional methods, but there's a much higher risk of failure"
"Are the drugs really necessary"
"If you don't want him to hurt himself. He'll fight you tooth and nail otherwise, and we don't want him to associate pain with touch. If he's calm, we can break that association from his mind. If he panics, we could just make things worse. There's a possibility, also, that his body has begun to associate touch and pain on its own, because there's a very slight chance he could remain without touch for this long on mental capacity only. The human psyche needs physical affection"
"His nightmares could be the outlet for that need. They do calm as soon as Heero holds him"
"It's a good possibility, but it doesn't really help us. We're still working with a mind and body that fear touch. It's risky, Zechs, and you could easily lose his trust forever"
"We have to try."