A/N: Apologies for any confusion the last line of the previous chapter caused. It was Ruth's thought, not a note from me. Moving on to episode 2.07 in this chapter. A bit shorter this time, but hopefully, still good. Thanks for continuing to read and review. Cheers, S.C.
Friday, 19th September 2003 – The Grid
She seeks him out though part of her is screaming at her that it's too soon and she needs to give him time to realise that she had no choice and that she was only voicing what everyone else was thinking too. But he's her part-time lover and, though they'd agreed it's just sex and nothing more, like it or not, they are connected now on a deeper level than before. You can't have someone see you naked, touch you intimately, move inside you, and shatter in your arms without something shifting between you, a level of intimacy springing up where there had been none before.
And then there had been what Zoe had said to Tom – "Oh, and you think he'd do the same for us?" Zoe doesn't seem to think so, but she has a feeling that he might. He has many faults, but Harry is a loyal man and a fair one. He made a mistake in taking work home, especially work containing such top secret, crucial information for their current op, but she can understand the temptation – that he was tired at three in the morning and just wanted to go back to bed. She might have risked it herself in those circumstances. It's just such a shame he forgot the briefcase when he left home this morning. Poor Harry. He must be really beating himself up right now.
His gaze is fathomless and his face composed into an expressionless mask when he lifts his head to look at her, but his appearance is so much more dishevelled than usual – his collar unbuttoned at the top most deliciously – that she experiences a flash of desire at the sight of him. He's not rung her, nor she him, since their last time together. He's not even given her the burner phone he'd promised to get for each of them. It's only been two weeks after all and, she suspects, neither of them wants to appear too eager. As she looks at him now, she can't help but wonder if he'll ever ring her now. She's sure she read surprise and hurt in his gaze when she told him that he had to tell Six about the stolen briefcase. He hadn't been expecting that from her. Which is exactly why she's here now.
She crosses the room to stand by his desk and, when he doesn't speak, she takes a steadying breath and says, "I'm sorry, Harry. Really very sorry. If there's anything I can do to help, I will. You know that, don't you?"
He nods, his face still giving nothing away. "Thank you, Ruth."
She hesitates then gives him an encouraging smile and turns to leave, knowing there's really nothing more to say.
"You were right," he murmurs, once she's taken a couple of steps away from him, causing her to stop short and turn to face him again. "The op must come first."
His eyes have softened and she's so relieved to see it that her face relaxes into a warm smile. "We'll find a way, Harry, to get Firestorm and to save your career, all our careers. We're a resourceful bunch."
He relaxes a fraction more, his lips forming a crooked smile for a moment before he gets up, taking a large, padded envelope from his drawer and approaching her, murmuring, "Ever the optimist, eh Ruth?"
"Life's hard enough without expecting lemons," she replies and is pleased to hear him chuckle.
"Well then," he says, and hands her the envelope, "just in case we all survive this with our jobs still intact."
The item inside is hard and she guesses it's that mobile he'd promised to get her, so she doesn't open it now. She swallows and lifts her eyes to his, the heat in their depths making her insides do a little flip and she has to lick her lips to moisten them before she can speak. "Thank you."
He opens his mouth to say something, then seems to think better of it, giving her a curt nod instead and turning back to his desk while she goes back to her station to help Zoe find their clean-skin, crossing her fingers that all will turn out well in the end. She can't imagine working here without Harry. She'd miss him terribly and not just in her bed either.
He knows it's fully charged and he suspects she'd turned it on the moment she'd got home, is probably fiddling with it now or staring at it like him – Hoping? Dreading it will ring? He's not sure – but as he sits in his armchair with a glass of whisky in one hand and the burner phone in the other, he hesitates, unsure if this is such a good idea. If he rings her tonight and goes round to hers, he's not sure that it's just sex he'll be after this time. She was right. Everything's getting muddled, confused, messy and he hates that. He doesn't do relationships for this very reason. Once he starts seeking her out for comfort, reassurance, and emotional support, it's a slippery slope from there and he doesn't like where it might lead him. He should end it really before any or all of that happens, but the idea of never having Ruth again is something he somehow cannot stomach.
No. He'll tire of her eventually, like he has with every other woman before her, but he's not yet got her out of his system, and until he loses interest in her, he'll find a way to make it work. He'll have his cake and eat it too – he's a master at that kind of thing. He just needs to pace himself and control the parameters of their encounters: self-control, self-denial when necessary.
Perhaps he should ring someone else instead tonight, Martina perhaps from the Italian Embassy Trade Reception, or Ines or – what was the other one's name from the Annual Embassy Event Expo? It would be very short notice but... He sighs. Who's he kidding? None of them are probably free tonight and it's already past nine. Not to mention the fact that he'll have to take them out somewhere for a drink at the very least, make small talk, use a legend, and play the seduction game. That's not something that appeals tonight. He wants something straightforward, something honest and open. And he wants Ruth.
Perhaps he should just stop over-thinking it. Perhaps he should just ring her and see, go from there...
But what if Ruth's opinion of the way they'd used JJ, the way he'd acted today matches that of Zoe? What if she rejects him tonight, or worse still, reconsiders their whole arrangement? Or what if she invites him round ostensibly for sex, but really to have a go at him for using JJ? And why does he feel this annoying need to justify his actions and have her understand him? It shouldn't matter what any of them think of him and his motives. They're the troops and he's the leader, but Ruth... Ruth's opinion of him matters to him more than is should, and that brings him full circle to the reason why he cannot ring her tonight. No emotional entanglements. He's too vulnerable tonight to see her.
He sighs and resolutely puts down the phone on the table before lifting his glass to his lips to down the rest of his drink. Whisky, a long walk with Scarlet, and an early night will just have to do. Tomorrow is another day that perhaps will not include quite so many lemons. He smiles at the thought, and the memory of Ruth it brings with it, before getting up and saying to his little dog, "Come on, Scarlet. Let's go for a walk, eh?"