Part 13
Tony's years as a cop and a NCIS agent had conditioned him to be a light sleeper; although he could fall asleep anytime or anywhere, he was always ready to go whenever duty called. Over the past year, his ability to maintain a state of semi awareness, even under sedation, had saved his life more than once; sleep was a luxury that he couldn't afford and he knew that once he was free, it would take him a long time to realize that he didn't have to sleep with one eye open.
Despite the medication that he had been given earlier, his senses were still heightened; there was someone in the room with him and since he didn't smell the distinctive scent of sawdust and coffee, he knew it wasn't Gibbs. A muffled sob forced him to open his eyes to confirm the identity of his visitor. Tony's gaze fell on Abby—she was one of the last people that he wanted to see.
He truly didn't blame her for producing the condemning evidence that had sent him to prison; she had just been doing her job. Even though the evidence indicated that he was guilty of such a heinous crime, Abby had never doubted his innocence; instead, she had questioned her abilities all the while working tirelessly to disprove the results of the investigation. According to Gibbs, she had been the one to come up with the proof that he was indeed framed, but at the moment, that didn't matter to him. Tony wasn't ready to see any of his former colleagues; it was hard enough having to deal with Gibbs and there wasn't any way he could handle the emotional baggage of his former teammates.
"Abby," he greeted her, his voice low and controlled. "What are you doing here?"
He was beginning to wonder if she had lost her ability to speak. Abby remained planted near the door, obviously wanting to say something, but the words refused to flow from her lips. Tony didn't appreciate her intense scrutiny. He had spent the past year having people watch his every move; between the guards and the other inmates, he had very seldom enjoyed a moment to himself. Even when he was in solitary, the cameras were trained on him, allowing him very little privacy. Tony couldn't help but wonder if this stunned silence that Abby was currently exhibiting was going to be the norm for everybody that he came in contact with; if so, he quickly reached the decision that he would simply continue the life of solitude that had been imposed upon him this past year and avoid people all together.
"I asked you what you're doing here," he tersely repeated.
Abby took a step closer to him. Although he was taken aback by the fear in her eyes; he kept his expression neutral, refusing to show any emotion. Was she truly scared of him? Was that why she had yet to utter one word to him? Had he changed so much that his friends were going to be terrified of him?
"I uh…I wanted to see you," Abby finally managed to reply.
"Well, you've seen me," he snapped. "I guess you can leave."
Abby schooled her porcelain features and shook her head. Taking yet another step, she said, "No, not yet. I've been waiting for…"
Tony grimaced as he shifted slightly. "Gibbs told you that…I didn't want any visitors. That didn't…change just because he left."
"Like I said, I had to see you. I wanted to make sure that you were all right."
"I'm fine." He knew that his brusque behavior was not what Abby expected from him, but he didn't care. He was bitter and he no longer worried about living up to other's expectations; Tony had to look after himself because no one else would.
"You don't look fine," she observed upon reaching his bedside.
Tony hated the sympathetic tone in her voice; he didn't want pity, especially from those who were supposed to be his friends. He was not the man that he used to be and that was a fact that everyone, including himself, had to accept. "Well, I am. Thanks for coming by."
He rolled his eyes as Abby sat down in the chair beside his bed. What did she want from him? Was she here to beg for his forgiveness? He didn't hold her responsible for anything that had happened but he wasn't in the mood to try and assuage her guilty conscience. Why couldn't she just do as he asked and leave him alone?
"Tony, I don't know where to begin," Abby said. "I just wanted to see you so bad and tell you how sorry I am."
Tony closed his eyes to avoid her grief stricken gaze. "None of this is your fault, so don't…waste your breath apologizing." He knew that he had probably hurt Abby's feelings by his sharp retort, but she had refused to acknowledge any of his previous requests to leave. She was so wrapped up in her need for forgiveness that she didn't seem to realize how on edge he was. "Does Gibbs know you're here?"
"No, but I had to see you."
"Yeah, you've already said that." He clenched his jaw, the action further exacerbating the ever present pounding in his head. His body ached but he refused to give in to the pain. It was taking a great deal of energy to maintain his stoic façade and he couldn't afford to show any weakness; it was a lesson that he had learned during this past year that would probably stay with him the rest of his life.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, he opened his eyes and stared at her, his anger brimming dangerously close to the surface. "Why?"
Confused, she asked, "Why, what?"
"Why did you really come? I've already told you that it isn't…your fault I ended up in prison! What more do…you want to hear?"
"I just thought that you would like some company and to see a friendly face."
Tony muttered a string of curses under his breath, not caring if Abby heard him; if she wouldn't acquiesce to his demands to leave him alone then maybe he could drive her away by using more abrupt tactics. He had almost felt a perverse pleasure in seeing her expression of disbelief at the harsh expletives that he had permitted to escape his lips, but a twinge of guilt prevented him from completely enjoying the moment. Tony knew that Abby meant well, but that didn't change the way that he felt about seeing her. "You were wrong on both accounts," he angrily replied.
"But Tony, I just wanted…"
The former agent exploded. He could no longer handle Abby being in the same room with him; she didn't understand why he couldn't welcome her presence and truthfully, he wasn't completely sure as to why her being there troubled him so deeply. Perhaps he was ashamed of what he had become and the things that had been…He pushed the unwanted thoughts away; Tony couldn't allow those memories to resurface. His emotions were raging as tremors wracked his body. "Damn it, Abby! I don't want to see you! I don't want to see anybody! Now, I want you to get the hell…out of my room!"
He cried out in agony, his outburst had left him completely spent. His body felt like it was on fire as he was reminded as to why he was in the hospital; the shrill beeping of his monitor only seemed to further aggravate him. Abby was now standing over him, doing her best to calm him. He jerked away from her touch. "Don't touch me!" he growled. Tony despised close contact with anyone; he had been betrayed too many times by a well meaning gesture and had decided that he was better off keeping his distance from others, both physically and emotionally.
"I'm just trying to help," Abby sobbed.
"Get out!" he gasped. "Just get…out."
"Tony, please," she desperately pleaded.
"What's going on in here?"
Tony heard the nurse order Abby to get out of the way; the next thing he knew, several sets of hands were attempting to hold him down. His memories fought their way to the surface as he struggled against the firm grips of what he perceived to be his assailants; Tony's instincts were telling him to fight and those instincts had saved his life more than once. He heard the commotion around him and it only agitated him further as he tried to push aside the pain that continuously assailed him.
As he fought, he could hear someone else entering his room and begin barking orders. Tony desperately needed to get away from those who were hurting him. He cried out in frustration as the chaos around him became unbearable. A string of curses aimed at his tormentors flowed freely; his venomous words were unrelenting even after he felt a small prick in his arm. He began to feel his body relax and his eyes grow heavy; the all too familiar realization that he had been drugged began to overwhelm him. His words morphed into a barely audible whisper as Tony slowly returned to the present.
The hands that had been holding him down began to loosen their grip as his weary gaze fell on the doctor. "Take it easy, Mr. DiNozzo. I've given you something to help you sleep; you'll feel better when you wake up," the physician promised. Unable to resist the pull of darkness, Tony closed his eyes, the murmurs of those around him lulling him to sleep. There had been a lot of days where he had wished that he simply wouldn't wake up; this was fast becoming one of those days.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Gibbs was grateful that Tony's attorney had agreed to meet him at the coffee shop close by so that he could sign the papers placing DiNozzo in his custody. With a flourish of the ink pen, the papers were signed and Tony was one step closer to freedom; at the very least, the young man wasn't going to have to spend his time in prison while waiting for the wheels of justice to turn. Sometimes they turned too slow for the team leader's liking, but he knew that everything had to be in order; the last thing he wanted was for Tony to have to go back to prison and wait for the charges to be overturned because of a technicality.
After grabbing a cup of fresh coffee, he had quickly made his way back to the hospital. Gibbs had been reluctant to leave Tony alone, but aside from having to meet with Tony's lawyer, he had also wanted his friend to rest without the added pressure of being watched. Over the past year, DiNozzo's every movement had been under intense scrutiny and he wanted Tony to realize that he had some control over his life. Gibbs knew that it would take a long time for his former agent to regain his balance and feel like he had some semblance of normalcy; he just hoped that everyone gave Tony the chance to get his feet under him before he was bombarded with good intentions.
As he rounded the corner, he came face to face with Abby, whose tear stained face and quiet sobs betrayed her. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that she had been to see Tony and her visit had not lived up to her expectations. She had gone against his specific instructions and waited until he had left before she went to see DiNozzo; the fact that she didn't heed his suggestion angered him. Tony had enough to deal with; he didn't need to ride the emotional roller coaster that Abby had been on the past year.
"What are you doing here, Abby?" he demanded to know, his callous tone reflecting the rage that was bursting at the seams.
She wiped away a stray tear as she looked back towards Tony's room. "I uh…I wanted to see Tony and I thought…"
He visibly bristled. "No, you didn't think, Abby! I told you that Tony wasn't ready for visitors and what do you do? You go and see him! Why couldn't you just listen to me?"
Gibbs couldn't believe that she had the nerve to look surprised by his reaction. "But Gibbs…I just wanted…"
He raked his hand through his hair, his frustration exacerbated by her attempts at defending her actions. "You wanted? This isn't about you, Abby!"
"But Gibbs…" the scientist tried to protest.
"I don't want to hear your excuses! I want to know what was so important that you couldn't wait a few days until Tony was ready!"
"I don't know! I just wanted to tell him I was sorry!" Abby blurted out.
"And how'd that go for you?"
"It didn't. He got upset and…"
The knot in his gut pulled tighter. The fact that Tony had been pushed to his emotional limits was not what he wanted to hear. Before he could offer another reprimand, he spotted the doctor coming out of Tony's room. "We'll finish this later." Gibbs pushed by Abby and hastily made his way down the corridor to intercept the physician.
"Dr. Neal," Gibbs called out. "What's going on?"
The doctor stopped in mid-stride and turned to face the team leader; judging by the expression on Neal's faced, he wasn't happy with the latest developments. "Let's go somewhere so we can have some privacy," the physician suggested.
Gibbs nodded and started to follow Dr. Neal. He spared a glance at the guard who was still stationed outside Tony's room; the younger man couldn't even look him in the eye. "You're relieved of your duty; DiNozzo is in my custody now."
"Yes sir," the officer nervously replied. "I'll inform my superior and…"
"He's already been informed." Thankfully, Tony's attorney had already taken care of those details.
The team leader didn't give the officer a chance to say anything else. Truthfully, he didn't want to hear whatever excuses the guard had to offer; his main concern was Tony and the effect that Abby's visit had on him. Gibbs was still having a hard time believing that Abby had gone behind his back; he knew she meant well, but the Marine still felt a sense of betrayal.
Pushing these feelings aside, he followed Dr. Neal into his office. As soon as the door shut, Gibbs asked the doctor, "What the hell happened?"
The doctor shook his head in frustration. "I'm not sure," Neal admitted. "When I got to Mr. DiNozzo's room, he was fighting the nurses; I think he was caught up in some kind of flashback, but I'm not sure what set it off."
Gibbs had a very good idea what, or more appropriately, who, was the catalyst for Tony's flashback. "He had an unplanned visitor," he replied through clenched teeth.
"I gathered as much. This…unplanned visitor caused him a lot of distress. I had to sedate him," Dr. Neal stated. "I really didn't want to, but he was in danger of hurting himself; he pulled out his IV and was trying to get out of bed. The nurses were trying to hold him down and that just made him fight back even harder; quite frankly, I was surprised by his strength. I guess his adrenaline kicked in. I was honestly afraid he was going to reopen those knife wounds."
"Is he all right, now?" Gibbs was haunted by the visual image of Tony battling what he believed to be his attackers. How many times had he been forced to fight for his life while he was in prison? The team leader had read his records, but he wasn't so naïve as to believe that every altercation and every bruise had been reported.
"He's asleep; it'll be a while before he'll wake up," Dr. Neal replied.
"You don't know DiNozzo."
"Maybe not, but I know that I gave him a pretty strong sedative. That, on top of the pain medicine that he had a little earlier ought to keep him out for a few hours. Trust me, he needs the rest."
Considering that Tony had spent the last year always looking over his shoulder, Gibbs didn't dispute the doctor's statement. "Yeah, I know. I'm gonna go sit with him; make sure he doesn't have any more unnecessary visitors."
"He really doesn't need any more surprises," Dr. Neal conceded, "but you need to keep in mind that your presence may be…upsetting to him as well."
Gibbs glared at the physician. He didn't appreciate what Dr. Neal was inferring; the Marine was having a difficult time believing that his company was detrimental to Tony's well-being.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, his jaw clenched tightly. Gibbs wasn't sure if he wanted to hear Neal's explanation."I'm not trying to piss you off, Agent Gibbs, but I've been keeping tabs on Mr. DiNozzo's vitals. You should be aware of the fact that when you're around, his blood pressure and heart rate become elevated; nothing like it was just a few minutes ago, but, your constant presence is wearing on him as well. I get the distinct feeling that Mr. DiNozzo would be completely satisfied if he were left alone."'
"You're probably right, but I can't do that," Gibbs admitted, feelings of hypocrisy coming over him. Maybe he shouldn't have been so hard on Abby; then again, she had gone against Tony's personal wishes and unwittingly taken away what little control he had been permitted. But, Dr. Neal did have a point. Although Tony had yet to kick him out, he was still guarded around the team leader; Gibbs knew it was going to be a long time before DiNozzo allowed anyone a glimpse behind that concrete wall that he had erected during the past year.
"You may have to at some point," the doctor stated. "There will come a time when you're going to have to back off and let him get his feet under him; just be willing to give him some space when he needs it."
"Sounds like you speak from experience, Doc."
Dr. Neal shrugged. "Let's just say, I've been where you are. You want to help and he needs your help but until he asks for it, you're going to have to take it slow. If you push him, then you might lose him forever."
Gibbs nodded. He realized that the doctor was sharing something personal with him and respecting the man's right to privacy, the Marine didn't press him for details. Gibbs could probably fill in some of the blanks, but he really didn't need to; Dr. Neal was entitled to keep his demons at bay. "I'll sit with him while he's sleeping and when he wakes up, I'll ask him what he wants," he promised. "I'm not gonna lose him, especially over something as trivial as my pride."
The physician seemed pleased by Gibbs' willingness to listen. "Good," he replied. "I'll check on him a little later."
The agent quietly nodded his thanks and made his way back towards Tony's room. Exhaustion crept over him as he considered getting a few hours of sleep; if Tony was as heavily sedated as the doctor claimed, stealing a few winks shouldn't be a problem. He slowed as he neared Tony's door, not bothering to hide his irritation at the fact that Abby was still hanging around.
"Go home, Abs," he gruffly instructed.
"Gibbs, I'm sorry; I shouldn't have…"
"No, you shouldn't have. Now, go home."
"Will you tell Tony that I'm sorry?"
He wanted to be angry with her, truthfully, he was angry with her. Gibbs didn't have the time or the desire to coddle her; he wanted her to truly understand the consequences of what she had done. There would come a time when Tony would need her and the others, but just as Dr. Neal had pointed out to him, DiNozzo would have to make the first move.
"You can tell him…when Tony's ready to hear it."
"But, when will that be?"
Gibbs glanced at Tony's door and then back to Abby. "I don't know; we're just going to have to be patient."
He watched Abby slowly make her way down the corridor towards the elevator. After she was out of sight, Gibbs blew out the breath he'd inadvertently been holding and reached for Tony's door. The team leader stepped inside the room and quietly closed the door behind him. He stared at the sleeping form in the bed; Gibbs could tell by his even breathing that Tony was indeed, actually asleep. It was the first time since this nightmare began that he remembered DiNozzo appearing to be at peace. Of course, Gibbs also knew that this moment wouldn't last forever; he had learned a long time ago that time stood still for no one.
I deeply apologize for the wait…between sharing the laptop and trying to plan an Eagle Scout Ceremony, my writing time has been limited. But the good news is that I have updated both stories! I'm kind of nervous about this post because of Gibbs' response to Abby…I do hope the characterizations stayed true. I mean, how often does Gibbs get truly mad at Abby? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the post and I do appreciate your patience and support.