I want to apologize for the delay. I had a couple of minor health issues that I had to deal with but I am doing fine now. Hopefully, things will be back to semi-normal now. Anyway, I do hope you enjoy the post and I do hope that my absence hasn't caused too much of an inconvenience to my readers. I appreciate the support and encouragement. Now, for your reading pleasure…

Part 14

Darkness surrounded him as he tried to push his way through the void that was holding him captive. Tony would have been perfectly content to stay in such a blissful state of unawareness but he also knew that in doing so, he could possibly be signing his death warrant. His survival instincts urged him to fight against the effects of the sedation; he couldn't afford to let his guard down, even when he knew that he was safe. Tony had a feeling that it would be a long time before he would ever truly feel safe; he couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be able to walk down the street without looking over his shoulder.

His eyes fluttered open and came to rest on the figure sitting in the chair beside his bed. Gibbs. Tony blew out a slow breath; he wasn't in the mood for company, but the agent wasn't going to be as easy to dissuade as Abby had been. DiNozzo now classified himself as a loner and was determined to keep his distance from everyone, including his friends; they didn't understand that he had changed during this past year and that he couldn't be the man that they once knew and truthfully, he wasn't sure he wanted to be that man anymore. It was obvious that something had been wrong with the old Tony DiNozzo; everyone had seemed to readily accept that he could possibly commit such a heinous crime, convincing him that there had to be something in his personality that would warrant such betrayal.

"The doctor figured you'd be out for at least six more hours," Gibbs stated, prompting Tony to abandon his few moments of silent contemplation.

Forced to acknowledge the team leader's presence, Tony tiredly replied, "Can't afford to be…out too long. It's a good…way to end up dead."

He had to give Gibbs credit for his ability to quickly school his features, managing to hide his troubled expression that his words evoked. Although the team leader knew a great deal of what had happened to him in prison, his last revelation seemed to deepen the guilt that the Marine seemed to be carrying. Truthfully, Tony was angry at himself for disclosing that bit of personal information; one of these days, he would learn to keep his mouth shut.

"You're safe now, Tony," Gibbs tried to assure him.

"Yeah."

What else could he say? Gibbs wanted him to believe that he was safe from harm, but Tony knew he would always have his doubts. If he wanted to continue to survive, he was going to have to keep the walls that he had erected around his emotions firmly in place; the task would be difficult but he had no choice but to handle his doubts and fears alone.

The sound of Gibbs clearing his throat once again forced him out of his musings. He met the other man's steadfast gaze and felt a sliver of gratitude in that there wasn't any hint of pity in the Marine's eyes. Tony didn't need anyone's sympathy; like he had told Abby, he had no intentions of handling anyone else's baggage.

"How're you feeling?" the older man asked.

"Fine." It was a lie and he was aware that Gibbs knew that he wasn't telling the truth. Actually, he hurt like hell, but he wasn't going to take the chance on being drugged once again. His pain relief or lack thereof was one of the few things that he could control and he wasn't about to let anyone take that from him.

"Still look a little pale to me," the team leader informed him.

"I've had a…rough day." That was an understatement; the whole last year had been a nightmare and today's events had simply added to the string of hard days that he had experienced since his life had been turned upside down.

"I'm sorry about Abby. She really screwed up."

Tony was surprised that Gibbs wasn't offering excuses for the scientist. It was no secret that he adored Abby and constantly overlooked things that would have earned anyone else a head slap. Now it appeared that the Marine was actually holding her responsible for her actions and Tony couldn't help but think that it was about time; it was time that someone else felt the Marine's ire. For so many years, he had accepted the brunt of Gibbs' wrath and most of the time, he did so without protest; Tony knew that his former mentor had always seemingly held him to a higher standard than the other team members and this was reason enough to readily accept the blame when something went wrong.

"She must have really…pissed you off," he observed. "Things aren't usually…her fault."

Gibbs shrugged. "I guess she did. I told her that you weren't ready for visitors and she didn't respect your wishes; I say that she got what she deserved."

Once again, Tony wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. Ignoring the awkward silence between them, he decided to take the opportunity to reposition his aching body; he felt defenseless simply lying in bed knowing that he had to be ready for anything. Tony flinched when Gibbs stood up and reached out to help him; his aversion to being touched was just another thing that had changed this past year.

"Sorry," Gibbs mumbled as he took a step back, giving Tony the space he needed.

"You just startled me," Tony replied, a bit too quickly. He was both frustrated and embarrassed by his reaction. Gibbs would never hurt him, but his inability to trust the man who had been his friend and mentor gnawed at him.

"It's all right, Tony," the older man soothed. "It's going to take time."

Time. Time was something that he had an abundance of, but yet, there never seemed to be enough of it. Tony closed his eyes and took a few seconds to gather his thoughts; he had to pull himself together and regain control. Even though Gibbs' mere presence was providing him an outlet to talk, he wasn't ready to take it; he wasn't sure if he would ever be ready to talk about his time in prison. Instead, he found himself quickly redirecting the conversation away from that dark period in his life. Tony quickly searched his muddled thoughts for what they had been talking about. "So, I guess I gave Abby a good scare."

Thankfully, Gibbs seemed to take the hint as he sat back down. "I think so, but I wouldn't worry about it."

"I'm not."

"I think you've got enough to deal with; they can wait until you're ready."

"Whenever that may be," Tony mumbled.

"No pressure."

Tony averted his gaze and stared out the window. He took a deep breath and blew it out, unsuccessfully hiding a grimace. This time Gibbs didn't try and offer any kind of physical comfort, the team leader simply watched and waited for him to put his mask back on. Tony was grateful that Gibbs apparently understood his desperate need for space. The team leader used to always know exactly what he needed; sometimes it would be a head slap or an evening eating steak and drinking beer after a trying case, but whatever it was, it was always enough. After he went to prison, Tony had purposefully cut off all ties to his friends, wanting to spare them any more heartache, but it had been a lonely existence; maybe it wasn't so bad having Gibbs back in his life again.

"You takin' up permanent residence here?" Tony asked, his gaze remaining fixed to the blue skies, wondering if he was truly going to taste freedom again.

"Nope," Gibbs replied. "Just visiting."

"You don't have to stay."

"I know I don't. Do you want me to leave?"

Tony was momentarily taken back by Gibbs' response. He wasn't expecting the older man to be as agreeable as to what he wanted; it had been a long time since he had been given a choice in anything. "You'd leave?"

"If you want me to."

There wasn't any deception in Gibbs' voice; the team leader had never lied to him and Tony knew that he wasn't about to start. Perhaps that was why the urge to be alone was quickly dissipating; the knowledge that Gibbs would leave whenever he asked provided him with a sense of control that he had been denied for so long. "You can stay," Tony rasped.

"All right," Gibbs quietly conceded.

Tony quietly resumed his vigil; if he had any worldly possessions, he would gladly give them up to breathe in true freedom. Although he had been permitted to go outside an hour a day, Tony was still a prisoner; the air had always seemed to carry the stench of decay and death, constantly reminding him of the existence he was condemned to live.

"Want to go outside?" the Marine inquired.

He carefully turned his head and stared at Gibbs in disbelief. "What?"

"Do you want to go outside? There's a nice little patio just down the hall."

"How do…I mean…" Tony still wasn't convinced that he had heard his friend correctly. He could barely move but yet, the offer was more than appealing. The thought of not being surrounded by walls and barb wire was exhilarating and despite the protests that his body was offering, he was more than ready to see the world from a different perspective. "Can I?"

"I don't see why not. You're in my custody now."

It took a few seconds for the impact of Gibbs' words to seep into his muddled brain. "I'm in your custody?" he tentatively inquired, silently hoping that he wasn't dreaming.

"Yep. Your lawyer went before the judge with the new evidence and your case is officially being reopened; the judge approved her request for you to be placed in my custody. I met her and signed the papers and I've already sent the guard packing."

Tony laid his head back on his pillow. "Wow. I can't believe it." He pinched the bridge of his nose, struggling to keep his emotions at bay; now was not the time to lose control. "I don't have…to go back?"

"I gave you my word that you weren't going back," Gibbs reminded him. "You're innocent and once the judge reviews all the evidence, you'll be exonerated."

He wished he felt as confident as Gibbs sounded. "You sound so sure."

"I am."

Despite the team leader's certainty, Tony didn't believe that Gibbs fully understood his reluctance to believe that things were starting to go in his favor. Yes, he was innocent, but the damage had been done. He no longer had a job, income, or a place to live; most of his so called friends had left him high and dry and his reputation was ruined. It was going to take him a lot of time to rebuild his life that had been shattered by an act of vengeance.

"Wish I was," he mumbled to himself.

He was grateful that even though Gibbs undoubtedly heard what he had said, the agent chose not to press him. "So, you still want to go outside?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Once again, Tony flinched when Gibbs started to reach out and pat his arm. He bit back a sharp retort as his former mentor pulled back. Would there ever be a time that he didn't startle at the slightest touch? He couldn't bear to look at his former mentor, imagining the pained expression on his normally stoic face.

When Gibbs spoke, there was no contempt or disappointment in his voice. How could the man be so patient and understanding? "I'm going to talk to your doctor. You just hang tight," the Marine gently urged.

He could only nod, his gaze still fixated on the sheet covering his battered body. When he was certain that Gibbs wasn't in the room, he muttered a string of curses under his breath; Tony truly hated what his time in prison had forced him to become. He wasn't even sure what it was that he had become; all he knew was that he bore no semblance to the man called Tony DiNozzo.

Within what seemed like an eternity, but was only in actuality, a few minutes, Gibbs returned with his doctor in tow. His physician didn't look too happy and Tony figured that Dr. Neal and the team leader had already exchanged a few words out of his earshot. He warily watched the two men as they approached his bed side.

"So, Agent Gibbs tells me that you'd like to go outside," the doctor stated.

"Yeah," Tony quietly answered.

"Are you sure you're up to it? After all, you're supposed to be asleep."

"I'm fine."

"I have a feeling that you say that a lot."

"It's kept me alive."

Tony didn't miss the worried glance that Dr. Neal exchanged with Gibbs. He forced himself to remain still under the scrutiny of the doctor. "Mind if I take a look at my handiwork?"

The injured man tightly clenched his jaw; the doctor was only doing his job, but that didn't make what he was going to do easier on Tony. He knew that Dr. Neal wasn't going to intentionally hurt him, but the thoughts of being touched by anyone literally made him nauseous. However, if he wanted to go outside, he was going to have temporarily put his fear on the backburner and let the doctor do what was necessary. Tony swallowed hard, "Go ahead."

He visibly tensed, clenching the sheet with his good hand, as Dr. Neal started to pull back the sheet covering his chest to check his stab wounds. Tony was grateful that the doctor didn't draw any unnecessary attention to his momentary lapse of control. The physician carefully pulled back the bandages and examined his wounds. "You're healing up nicely. How's the pain?"

"Tolerable."

The doctor obviously knew that he wasn't being completely honest, but once again, Dr. Neal didn't seem fazed by his half-truth. "Here's the deal. I'll allow you to get up and go outside for a few minutes after you try and sleep for a couple more hours. You're vitals are still a little elevated and the rest will do you good."

"I'm fine," he repeated.

"Sorry if I don't believe you."

Dr. Neal was truly starting to piss him off. Tony knew that Gibbs could sense his anger, prompting the team leader to intervene between him and the doctor. "I think he'll rest better if he can get some fresh air first," Gibbs pointed out.

"He can barely sit up."

"I'll manage," Tony insisted, his jaw firmly clenched as he struggled to keep control of the expletives that were hanging on the tip of his tongue.

"I don't think so, Mr. DiNozzo; you're my patient and I…"

"F*** you!" the injured man seethed.

The expression that now graced Dr. Neal's face would have been humorous in any other situation; it was evident that he wasn't used to having profanity hurled at him. "Excuse me?"

"I said…"

"I know what you said, Mr. DiNozzo," the doctor replied, cutting him off. "I know you're hurting and that your pain is doing a lot of the talking for you, so I won't hold your choice of words against you; however, my conditions have not changed. Rest first and then you can get up for a few minutes."

Before Tony could launch into another tirade, he saw Gibbs motion for the doctor to follow him outside. "I'll be back in a minute, Tony," the team leader promised.

As soon as the two men were out of sight, Tony threw back the sheet and slowly struggled to a sitting position. He closed his eyes against the onslaught of dizziness that plagued him. Cursing his weakness, he braced his ribs with his arm and carefully swung his legs to the side of the bed. The world around him continued to spin and Tony was quickly becoming convinced that this wasn't such a good idea.

"You stupid bastard," he mumbled to himself. Taking a deep breath and blowing it out, he tamped down the nausea while coming to the conclusion that even though it was going against his better instincts, he was going to have to have some help.

Thankfully, he didn't have to wait too long before Gibbs came back in the room. "DiNozzo? What are you doing?"

"Being an idiot."

"I uh…convinced your doctor to see things your way, but if you're not up to it, we'll wait."

"Nah, I'm good…just waiting on…some help."

He knew that Gibbs was aware of what that particular admission had cost him. "Tony, are you sure you're up to this?"

"Gibbs, don't make me beg for this."

Without uttering another word, Gibbs parked a wheelchair in front of his bed. "Okay, but I need the nurses to come in and help me; they need to unhook what monitors you still have attached and make sure your IV is all right. Can you handle that?"

Tony knew that if he answered honestly, he wouldn't be able to get out of bed. If he had to suck it up and tolerate a couple of the nurses touching him, then he would do so. His first glimpse of true freedom was so close and he wasn't about to screw it up like he tended to do everything else in his life. "Yeah."

He watched Gibbs' every move as he pushed the call button for the nurses. Tony was grateful for the Marine's presence; the man definitely had his back and he was embarrassed by his lack of faith in the team leader. In his mind, he knew that if there was ever a man he could trust, it would be Gibbs; now, he just had to convince his heart.

Within a few minutes, two nurses had arrived and with practiced efficiency had him unhooked from the monitors and standing; he had tensed at their touch but was doing his best not to shy away from their assistance. His body trembled at the strain as they carefully situated him in the wheelchair. While the two women checked his IV, the other one covered his legs with a blanket; Tony closed his eyes, concentrating on his breathing while resisting the urge to push the invading hands away.

He breathed a sigh of relief when Gibbs announced, "They're gone."

Tony simply nodded his thanks to the Marine. "Ready?" he managed to ask.

"Yep. You get tired, DiNozzo, you let me know."

Gibbs pushed him slowly out of his room and down the hallway towards the patio. He kept his eyes cast down to avoid the stares of the staff and other patients; Tony no longer enjoyed being the center of attention. He had learned that too much attention could get a person killed; isolation had become a survival tactic and one that he would probably continue to use in the upcoming days.

As the door opened to the outside patio, Tony immediately felt the warmth on his face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, cherishing the feeling of absolute freedom. This day was a long time coming and Tony hoped that he would be able to enjoy many more days like this; of course, it was going to take a long time to convince him that he still wasn't simply just waiting for the other shoe to drop.