A/n: First off, I'd like to answer two questions. Neither Blaise nor Rosalind are a Veela. They are a normal wizard and witch respectively. As for why he is hesitant to touch her, I'd say you'll understand as the story goes on. Let's just say it has to do with him being very clever, and very considerate. Enjoy.
Chapter 23: Loss
"The sir, was not the one to have started the fire" I spoke, smiling for the first time at the man "It was me. And by all means, do call your manager, but do be sure to mention that you have one Rosalind Kersey at your table, who is most displeased with her service."
I watched with satisfaction as the man turned ashen, recognition shining in his eyes at the mere mention of my last name. Ah, how good it was indeed to frighten trolls.
"My apologies Madam" spoke he, almost stumbling over his own words in his hurry to apologize "I was not aware of your name, if there is anything I can do…"
"You can have another waiter serve us tonight" interrupted Zabini, a smirk on his lips "and be gone from our presence."
"Yes, sir" spoke the man, turning on his heel and almost running out of the room. Coward.
Zabini smiled at me across the table, saying "This was quite entertaining."
"Indeed." I responded, looking away from him. He was making me distinctly uncomfortable and as my eyes wondered across the table, I noticed that the small amount of ash had morphed, changing into a small shape, that, before my eyes acquired texture, colour and smell. Another purple Orchid was settled in the ashtray. This was quite a charm, to create a living plant from the ashes of an inanimate object, most impressive.
Not that I would ever dream of telling him that.
"How about we decide on which course we'll have tonight?" asked he, breaking the awkward silence. I honestly did not know what to talk to him about.
"That would be most agreeable." I responded, welcoming the chance to busy my hands.
But even this did not provide much distraction, and I welcomed the arrival of our long-legged, dark skinned, busty waitress.
We ordered our meals, and I narrowed my eyes at Zabini. What in the bloody hell was he doing? I was watching him all the while the waitress had been present, and he had not even spared her a glance, least of all flirted like I had been expecting.
"Do you have something to ask Rosalind?" spoke the boy, looking up from the table he had been observing, a small, knowing smile on his lips.
"What is the meaning of this?" I asked, and he smiled even wider.
"You know, I was waiting for that." Spoke he, "It's very much like you to ask."
"And like you to provoke me." I responded, biting back my tongue which wished to say a lot more.
"By no means" spoke he, smiling still "I have every intention of answering you. I believe that this is a matter of knowledge. I know you, yet you do not know me. "
"I know enough" I snapped. How dare he suggest that he had the upper hand here?
"Not nearly." Responded he, shaking his head, "For example, you believe that I am pretending here, that this behavior is an act. "
"Is it not? Or is your flirtatious nature your true mask?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him once more, mocking him.
"No, to both." He replied, smirking at me. "They are both a part of my personality. Curious to learn more?"
"No." I replied, looking away from his smug figure. "And you do not know much about me."
He did not respond to that, since our meal had arrived, and honestly, I had no need to hear his reply. I just wished that this dinner affair would be done soon. But there was one other thing that I was curious about, and since it concerned Draco as well, I reckoned it worth my while to ask.
"Say Zabini" I spoke, my eyes still focused on the chicken I was currently cutting. "why do you do this?"
"Do what?" asked he, looking up from his pasta.
"Go out with girls." I replied, but quickly corrected myself, realizing only too late that I may have said something that had an ambiguous meaning. "Not that I consider this more than a business meaning, of course."
"Of course" smiled he, taking his glass of wine, and twirling it a bit, seemingly deep in thought. "but I do not seem to understand the meaning of your question."
"Will your mother not arrange a marriage for you? I can hardly see a reason to date then." I spoke, watching as he brought the glass of wine to his lips, taking a sip. I looked away in discomfort, knowing full well how smug the boy would be.
"Is it not the same for you?" he asked and I arched an eyebrow, returning my gaze to his form.
"No." I replied and he seemed a bit surprised "I am the heiress to my name, and as such have been bestowed a certain amount of responsibility and obligations. However, my grandfather has full trust in my judgment and most decisions, including this one, have been given to me. Were I to decide to marry a muggleborn, my grandfather would have little say in the decision."
"Quite some power." Responded he, his eyes slightly narrowed. It seemed he ,as many of my peers, did not understand just how powerful I was. But somehow, he understood the price better than I.
"Then what is it? Are you not engaged?" I asked, slightly irritated that I had not received my answer.
"Are you asking?" he responded, a sliver of his flirtatious nature shining through the carefully composed mask.
"No." I hissed in response.
"No." repeated he, a smile to his lips. Was that merely a repetition or an answer? I'd be damned if I asked.
We spent the rest of the dinner in silence, and as Zabini paid for our meal, we once more found ourselves in the reception of the restaurant.
I took a fistful of the floo powder, speaking with confidence and a significant amount of relief, "Hogwarts School of Witchraft and Wizadry, the office of Severus Snape."
The ember flames turned emerald, and I stepped in, followed by Zabini, in seconds finding myself in the dark and gloomy room my head of house had the audacity to call an office.
I stepped forward, having every wish to walk out and never turn back, but I stopped in my tracks.
It was partially because I knew that my manners dictated a farewell, but also because Zabini had been on his best behavior tonight, something he was under no obligation to do.
I turned towards him, noticing a sliver of surprise in his eyes as I spoke up.
"Zabini… I had a… decent time tonight." I spoke, managing a compliment. Of sorts.
He smiled down at me, towering over me once more.
"It took a lot out of you to say that did it not?" asked he, but then smiled. "Thank you Rose, I appreciate it. Sweet dreams."
I nodded in thanks, that disturbing gleam , that unfamiliar smile on his lips disturbing me more than I could imagine.
It haunted me as I walked quickly through the dark halls, grateful that the girls were not waiting for me in the common room or in my dorms. There was only Serpen, who hissed and raised his head in curiosity.
"Hello to you too" I responded, only then realizing how late it was.
I kept my voice low as I continued, not wishing to wake my roommates. "You need not wait for me, I can see that you are tired. Rest well."
I got a grateful hiss in response, and I walked into my bathroom, my nightgown and my towel levitating behind me.
I briefly debated sinking my entire head in the tub, to wash away that haunting face out of my mind.
It surely comes as no surprise that I had been cornered the next morning, all five girls demanding , each in their own way, to be told what had come to pass between me and Zabini the previous night. Naturally, I spoke not one word concerning that matter, deciding that they had no need to know the details. They would only bother me to no end.
Arielle, ever the moron of the group, decided that she would get her information from another source, namely, one Blaise Zabini. I was slightly curious as to how that would play out, but as I saw her stick her tongue out at him in passing, I knew he had not told her a thing. At least once, the boy proved intelligent.
Needless to say, Arielle was very frustrated with the situation, and opted to try and get the information by irritating me to no end. The only thing that got her was one very cross look and a silent tripping charm well aimed at her feet. But she couldn't even fall down properly, instead using one arm to lean on and preforming a summersault in the middle of the entrance hall. Moron.
The other four girls were more understanding, and despite their curiosity, I was allowed my privacy.
No such luck from members of my own damn house. As I had expected, the news had spread like wildfire and by the afternoon of the next day, I could not find a single moment of piece, away from whispers and curious glances. It didn't bother me all too much, after all, petty minds will whisper.
I would also like to say that nothing changed between Zabini and me, but I cannot lie to myself. Despite the fact that our relationship seemed the same on the surface, I knew well that something had changed. Something had changed inside my mind.
No matter how hard I tried, I could not help but notice bits of his behavior that were out of the ordinary. Despite his teasing demeanor, I noticed bits of his other self. And I hated how private this seemed, as if only I could see, as if only I was allowed to see.
Dreadful.
Yet I would soon find distraction, merely not the kind that I would have welcomed.
It was December already as I walked through the Hogwarts grounds, freshly fallen, brittle snow crunching beneath my feet. I huddled closer into my coat, cursing Hogwarts, cursing Herbology and cursing every other thing I could think off.
I had a particularly nasty day, some idiot had been practicing a Dark Arts spell in the fourth year girls' dorm, and I had one very upset Astoria burst in my room, practically pulling me away from my book, hurriedly explaining that someone had been practicing a spell that caused water to twist into the form of snakes who did their very best to choke any living creature they could.
The entire incident was resolved with me remaining very cross, and very wet.
These facts added with how cold I was, did nothing to ease the ominous feeling that burdened me from the moment I had opened my eyes that morning.
Serpen hissed in agreement, his mood too dampened by the snow and the cold he was forced to endure. I had him suspended in mid-air, levitating behind me, for I could not bear having him slither through snow.
But as I made my way to the castle, a sight that caused my stomach to clench with anger had me stop in my steps.
Not far from me, at the middle of a once spacious lawn covered in greenery, a company of three was settled. They had brought their own blankets, laying them on the ground and sitting on them, bundled in their coats, laughing merrily as they observed the Weasley twins and a few more felines throwing snowballs at each other. How idyllic.
Except that I knew one of these figures to be my own sister.
Was she bloody insane? I briefly wondered as I looked up and saw her falcon circling the scene, keeping an eye on his mistress.
She'll get sick if she sits on the bloody snow, even four year olds know that. Bloody brilliant.
I changed my direction, marching towards where my sister was settled.
Her dark skinned friend Nelly or Noella, or something like that, was first to notice me and immediately turn completely serious. She whispered something to her as I was a mere couple of feet away from them, and my sister turned around, a smile on her face.
That smile was soon gone as she took notice of my expression.
"Hello Linds" spoke she as I came to a stop in front of her, Serpen hissing in greeting as well.
"Melody " I replied stiffly, noticing that it were only her friends that had noticed me. Good, I had no need of a scandal. "get up."
She furrowed her eyebrows at me, and asked "What? Why?"
"Because I said so" I snapped at her, immediately regretting the words as I saw a flash of anger in her eyes "now."
"No." snapped she back at me, turning away from me in defiance.
"I will not ask again. Get up." I hissed, leaning in so that only she could hear.
"And I will not reply again. NO!" yelled she, her anger rising with every word.
I narrowed my eyes at her, ignoring a worried hiss from my snake.
"I will not tolerate this manner of communication. We are leaving." I spoke, turning and starting to walk back.
"NO!" yelled my sister, having jumped on her feet. "I will not obey you! You are not my mother , you are my sister, I owe you nothing!"
She was grating on my every nerve.
"I am the heiress to the Kersey name, and as a Kersey, you shall obey me!" I commanded, my voice lowering significantly.
"You always do this!" she screamed back at me, "so what if I am a Kersey? That name means nothing to me! And what do you do with the power you boast so much about? Torture first years that dare look at you the wrong way and generally bully anyone in sight! How can you be so selfish?"
Pure rage consumed me as she called me selfish. Me? After all I gave up for her?
I let out a cackling laugh, rage consuming me "You will never know how much you owe me Melody! You will never know what I did for you! What I gave up for you! How can I be selfish when you are the first person I think of? Whose interests I protect?"
"Liar!" screamed she back at me, pure rage twisting her features " It was never about me! You always do as you please, what suits you! You're a selfish bitch and you know that well!"
"It seems granny dearest is lacking in parenting skills" I spoke, and Melody took out her wand, clenching it tightly, "she did not raise a lady, she raised a snot-nosed, self-righteous brat who knows nothing about the real world! How dare you insult your own sister?"
"You were never a sister to me!" screamed she at me, and I felt cold sweat wash over me "I'd rather be an only child if I am forced to call a person like you a sister!"
I raised my hands, clapping lightly, feeling like each clap was the sound of a knife twisting in my back "Great performance sister dearest. But if you do not wish to call me a sister, why, by no means are you obliged to. You can surely find a number of sisters and brothers in all of the mudbloods, half-breeds and blood traitors that swarm you!"
"Stupefy!" yelled my sister, and I briefly noticed that all present students were standing to the side, some already drawing their wands.
I felt a smirk pull on my lips, and I pulled out my wand out in a second, wordlessly casting a shield that broke her spell.
"Weak. " I commented "That's what you are, simply pathetically weak!"
"Furnunculus!" hissed my sister, blonde curls flying around her head with the violence of her spell.
"Protego!" I spoke, once more intercepting her spell, effectively dispelling it.
"MELODY!" bellowed a voice, and I saw Arielle running down the castle stairs, her panther in front of her, her wand drawn.
Melody blinked at this, and I saw shock course through her.
It was only then that I noticed that I had lifted the spell from Serpen accidently, and he had fallen in the snow, but seemed to be paying no mind to that, more focused on my scuffle with my sister.
I looked up again, to see tears well up in my sister's eyes, but not out of regret, but out of knowledge that we broke too far apart to be able to find our way to each other again.
"If this is your wish Melody, I shall respect it" I spoke, feeling that I just lost the only remaining member of my family. "From this day henceforth, I shall not call you sister."
I turned at that, seeing a shocked Arielle come to a stop beside me.
"I wish you the best of luck." I spoke, and then walked away before my rage, my sorrow and my loneliness overwhelmed me, and then prompted me to do something I could not live with.
I was so cold as I walked back to the castle, a thousand whispers in my wake and Serpen my only companion, but I knew well that this was not from the cold air that surrounded us. I was cold in my chest, in my very heart as the realisation settled in. I was alone.
I didn't go to my common room, I couldn't. I walked up countless staircases, one by one, took a right turn, a left one, another left. I don't know where I was going, or how long I walked. I only remember the reassuring sound of Serpen slithering beside me, silent, mourning.
Was it really that easy? To lose everything you had, everything you worked for?
Was it really that easy for her to renounce me? Did she hate me that much?
I suppose she did, or else she couldn't have given up on me this easily. I was willing to die for her, still am, and she cannot bare to call me her sister. What had I become?
I came to a stop in an unfamiliar corridor, and I snapped out of my trans, looking around but finding nothing I could recognise. I had no recollection of this part of the castle, and I observed the corridor with interest.
I had stopped in front of a portrait of witch, a grotesquely ugly one at that. She had green skin, a wart on her beak-like nose, which could almost be of Snape's length, yellow teeth, and long, skinny fingers. Her hat was patched and her robes worn out. I observed with interest as she used her wand to extract a portion of the potion she had been stirring, watching as she drank it eagerly. In moments, her skin paled, her nose shrank and rounded itself, her chin, that had been jutted out, also rounded, the hairs on her face were gone, and before me stood a beautiful witch with chocolate curls running down her back. She had changed completely, but there was one thing that remained the same. Her eyes, those horrible, old, malice-filled eyes, stood out on the youthful face.
I suppose there is a lesson to be learnt in that. No matter how hard we try, no matter how fast we run, we will never be able to change our ugly selves.
And my soul, for I guessed that this was what our eyes represented, was exceptionally ugly, poisonous.
Perhaps it was best for her to get away from me, to save herself.
But what about me? What was I to do now? What had I become that was so ugly not even my own sister could bare the sight of it?
I don't remember having started walking, but I remember feeling the need to move, to get some air, to … I don't know what exactly. But it needed to be now.
I walked, and walked and walked for the rest of the day, descending for dinner as it was ending, sitting at the very edge of the Slytherin table and eating alone. Whispers surrounded me and I was quick to leave, not sparing a glance towards Arielle, Claudia and Melody at the Ravenclaw table, Serpen now slithering in front of me.
I followed his movements without question, allowing him to lead the way, trusting his judgement. I didn't think, I didn't feel, I numbed everything down, ignored the tightening in my chest.
I walked for hours more, paying little attention to where I was going, almost walking through a ghost once. Once more, I was happy to have Serpen by my side, as he was quick to banish any living creature from our presence. He was very protective of me, bless him, but he could not save me from this.
It was around midnight that I returned to my dorms, and my roommates were mostly asleep, or at the very least pretending to be sleeping, I did not know, nor did I care. It was irrelevant.
I took a hot shower, as I was suddenly so very cold, turning the heat up every few minutes, rendering my skin a scarlet colour, but still freezing. I wrapped myself in three blankets, with Serpen sliding up to me, and I lay turned so that I was looking at him, shivering.
I was wrong. I was not alone, no, I still had Serpen.
The next day was equally horrible, but with different torment awaiting me. I was the first to rise out of my roommates, merely tossing and turning the entire night, finding no sleep to rest my mind. I had been gone from the room before any of my roommates could even stir.
But this time, walking did not help me. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and my pace was hurried, at the very border of running as I walked out of the castle. The moment I was sure that I was hidden from sight, I broke out in a run, leaving poor Serpen to manage through the snow. It was not fair, but I felt like I was going to die from suffocation if I did not run, like my chest was going to tighten to the point of no return.
I arrived at the Quidditch pitch, and a part of my mind felt relief as I found it barren, and I ran on and on, one circle, two, three, four…. I lost count. I collapsed next to Serpen when my legs could not carry me anymore, breathing heavily. My mind was so delightfully empty when I ran, but now, memories came back, one word ringing loudly in my mind. Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.
I stood up violently at that, ignoring the worried look from my snake. I waved my wand frantically, causing the snow around me to swirl, creating snow representations of a witch raising her wand at me. In my mind she had but one name, Bellatrix, and one sculpture of snow after the other, my wand cast destruction spells, rendering her to snowflakes around me. I lost some rage as a consequence, but the relief was short lived.
My chest tightened once more, and I buried my head in my hands, breathing deeply, wishing to cry this one time. But I couldn't.
I needed to be strong, but I also needed to talk. And I could think of only two people in the world to whom I could talk, but in order to do that, I would need some help.
So I walked towards the castle, deciding to eat something as it was soon time for lunch, and then write a letter.
I was among the first students to be present for lunch, and I dinned alone, in a hurry. I wished not to meet anyone, but it would seem that I was once more out of luck. Fate would have it that I met Claudia at the very entrance of the Great Hall, and as she opened her mouth to say something, I brushed past her roughly. I did not need help, nor an advice.
The letter was a rather simple ordeal, but sending it was not. I knew how to put my request into words, yet found myself hesitant in sending it. I had asked for a favour from my grandfather not too long ago, and I hated to be in anyone's debt. But this was an emergency, and I needed him to help me. I knew he would do so, but it hurt my pride to ask.
I laughed bitterly on my way to the Owlery, deciding to send Greyclaw on this important mission. Pride was a thing I could not afford in this situation.
Greyclaw narrowed his eyes at me, nudged me with his beak in annoyance that I was sending him out in this cold weather, but took the letter offered obediently, and with one more disapproving glance set out to deliver it.
There was nothing more I could do, so I decided to attend my classes as I awaited the reply.
The evening found me huddled in front of the fire, a blanket covering my knees. I should have been warm by all accounts, but I was not, and I knew well that this coldness came from the inside, not the outside.
Serpen was settled on my lap, and for once I welcomed the weight. It meant that there was someone alive who did not abandon me , who would still be there for me no matter how ugly I became.
My sister's words rang through my head, each a painful cut to my consciousness. You are a selfish bitch. I don't want to call you a sister.
I had been staring in the fire for quite some time now, but I was brought out of my thoughts by Serpen moving on my lap. Not a second after I had noticed this I felt someone sitting down beside me.
Usually, I would have pulled out my wand and put it away only after confirming that it was indeed one of my cousins. But I couldn't be bothered today. What did it matter who sat beside me?
I still turned, more out of habit than any real curiosity, only to see Blaise Zabini sitting beside me. Serpen did not move for once, deciding that I needed him more than he needed his spot on Zabini's shoulders.
"I heard" spoke Zabini after a while, looking straight ahead.
"I expect the whole student body has." I spoke, my voice so void of emotion, so cold.
He just sat there in silence for a while, and had I been any more aware of my surroundings, I would have found it curious. But in this state, I simply could not care.
"I'm sorry Rose." Spoke he after a while.
"Why?" I asked, slightly curious. This was not his fault, nor had he any chance to help me, so what could he have to be sorry about?
"You don't deserve this." Answered he, not a single moment of hesitation to his words.
"I find that hard to believe." I responded, and silence ruled once more between us. The truth was that I knew that I deserved a lot worse.
I don't know what prompted me to ask him of all people, but I found the words spoken before I had a chance to stop myself.
"Zabini…" I called, and his head slowly turned so that he could observe me. "Am I a bad person?"
I observed him intently as his eyes widened, and his mouth opened once and then closed immediately. He had no response to give me, but I could read it well in his eyes.
"I thought so" I spoke, giving him a small, bitter smile. I stood up slowly at that, lowering Serpen to the ground and walking away slowly, in silence.
He had jumped up to his feet as I reached the stairs , and I heard him call my name, but I never looked back once. I did not need his lies, I could tell what the response to my question was. And it made my conversation with my parents all the more necessary. I had to make them understand.
I awoke the next morning to two yellow eyes observing me, almost having my heart give out on me. I jumped up in my bed, my hand flying backwards to reach my wand on my nightstand. But as I blinked once, twice ,and as my brain awoke from its slumber, I recognised the eyes as belonging to my owl, Greyclaw, who was observing me with his head tilted to the side.
I suppose this was his revenge for making him take on such a journey and hurry back, but he honestly almost killed me.
"Hello Greyclaw" I sighed, reaching out my hand and petting his head. "you gave me quite a scare. I almost cursed you."
He narrowed his eyes at me in response, most likely angry that I would have thought of such a thing. Serpen slithered up on my legs, observing the owl with curiosity.
"And a good morning to you too Serpen" I greeted, lowering my hand from Greyclaw's head and gently unfastening the small package from his leg.
I then waved my wand and summoned a small bag from my trunk, opened it and handed a couple of owl treats to Greyclaw. He eyed them warily for a moment or two, before taking one in his beak and closing his eyes as he dined.
I took the small package in my hands and turned it over, only to see the seal of the Kersey house. It was in the shape of a fox, who seemed to be sleeping, curled up on itself, but if one looked closer, he could see that the fox had one eye open. There were words around the edges, saying: absconditus potestas- which roughly translated to hidden power.
I gently removed the seal and opened the package, only to find a small ornate brush, along with a letter.
I took out the letter first, and it read as follows:
"Rosalind,
It has been arranged that you have a day free of classes tomorrow, on the 4th of December. Find enclosed your means of transportation. You are expected to return before nightfall.
Grandfather."
He must have written the letter late at evening, and had Greyclaw deliver it immediately. I was relieved to know that I could leave, and as I examined the brush I found it to be a Portkey, specially designed by my grandfather. It meant that I could leave when I wanted to and return as well, with a simple tap of my wand and two words spoken.
I dressed in a hurry, taking a long black dress, with fur at the top and folds in the bottom, a simple black coat, black high heels and a necklace with one emerald stone, which used to belong to my mother. It was the only heirloom I had from her, and I pressed it to the skin of my neck, feeling like it was a thread that fastened us together.
I walked up to the silver, ornate brush and beckoned Serpen to me, putting one hand on him to assure that he was brought with me. I then tapped the brush with my wand, clearly saying, "Absconditus potestas!"
My world suddenly spun around, and I felt my breath catch in my chest. No matter how many times I travelled this way, I could not get used to the horrible pull just above my navel, and a sense of panic always overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes as I stumbled to my destination, hearing the snow crunch beneath my feet and allowing Serpen to fall to the ground. I took in a deep breath, let it out, took in another one and let that one out too. It was only then that I finally managed to assume some control over my own senses and only then did the sense of nausea leave me.
I bloody hated Portkeys.
I opened my eyes and saw that I was on a small hillock, all covered in snow and I sighed. I'd have to make my way across the hillock, and then across a small brook that was most likely frozen. Lovely.
I started walking, noting that snow was deep here, and listened to the crunching sound of snow, waving my wand and putting away the brush.
It was a good ten minutes' walk, and I struggled through the deep snow, only to be welcomed by a frozen bridge with no railing to provide support and a lovely frozen brook shining bellow. Bloody perfect.
I bristled as small fragments of ice fell over my head from the looming trees above the brook and briefly considered why it was precisely here that my parents had chosen to be buried. Completely inconvenient to visit.
I crossed the bridge slowly, slipping no less than four times and almost falling, cursing every snow flake as I went. Serpen did not seem to be much of a fan either, hissing at the slippery surface.
We emerged in a small, secluded meadow, from all sides surrounded with trees. It was hardly possible for one to find this place if he did not know where to look, and I walked in slowly, marvelling at how much snow could cover the earth beneath my feet through the branches that loomed above. They provided a wonderful shade in the summer, but now, they were just plain annoying with constant ice flakes falling over my head.
My eyes focused on the only thing occupying the whole meadow, a grey marble tombstone. It was built for two graves, and therefore had to be rather wide. It had a black marble board where the names were written and a small ledge at the foot of the tombstone, where a small grey marble table of sorts was placed, displaying Latin words. My eyes focused on the names written and I slowly stepped forward, reading: "Here lie Desmond Kenneth Kersey and his wife, Chrysanthia Richelle Kersey."
I walked up to the small table, which was now covered in snow, and I used my gloved hand to remove the snow from its surface.
Familiar words welcomed me, but along with my house motto, there were seven more words written. "We will always find our way home."
How utterly ironic, I thought, they never could find their way back to us from Arielle's home. They died there.
I pulled out my wand, saying "Orchideous!" and created a bouquet of violets, which I then took from air and laid gently on my mother's tomb.
My father's tomb was situated to the left of my mother's, a small piece of marble separating them. I always liked to think that they could reach each other across that distance.
"Orchideous!" I commanded once more, and summoned a purple orchid flower. This one was for my father, and I put it down gently on his tombstone.
I suppose it was the fact that I had nothing to busy my hands with that made me nervous. I came here to talk, but I did not know what to say.
"Mother, Father" I spoke, listening as my voice rang across the silent meadow, "….. hello."
I did not know if they could hear me, but I hoped they could.
"I didn't know whom to talk to…. So I came here." I spoke, looking at my feet, feeling like a little girl who was waiting for her parents to reprimand her.
"I…" I said, stopping, not knowing what to say, how to convey my thoughts, "I… Miss you."
"I wish you were here mother, there is so much I would like to ask." I spoke, watching as my hands shook "I wish you were here father, I need someone to tell me off. Because I… I… "
I sighed, bringing my hand up and running it through my hair, not caring that I was dampening it.
"I don't know what I'm going to become… what I have become." I spoke, closing my eyes. "I am so afraid."
I pressed my lips in a tight line, keeping my sorrow at bay.
"I.. killed two men. I knew that they had family, that they would feel what I feel now, but I still did it, to protect Melody." I whispered "Or at least I thought so.. I don't know anymore."
"I had a row with Melody… I lost her. Just like I lost you. Please… " I spoke ,not knowing what I was begging them to do "I'm so alone."
I stood there, the cold wind whipping my cheeks, playing with the locks of my hair.
"I don't know what you'd say to me. I don't know if you would call me a murderer or comfort me mother, I don't know if you would reprimand me or offer me a hug father. I…. don't remember you."
"But the woman who took you away from me… that lunatic, I promise to you, I will see to it that she burns for this, for what she did to you, to Melody, to my grandparents, to me." I noticed my hand was curled in a fist, and I struggled to ease it back into a normal position.
I let out a bitter laugh, and spoke my mind, "I suppose the dead truly are the best listeners, you never interrupted me once."
I fell to my knees, curling my palms into fists on my knees, with my head bent to the ground.
"Merlin, how I wish you could interrupt me." I spoke, my voice breaking. "I am so empty, " I spoke, pointing to my chest "here. Please… help me."
I spent some time like that, glad that my coat was bewitched to ward off snow, and despite being cold, my knees were not wet.
"But that's enough off that" I spoke, giving a small smile to my parents, and standing up, summoning a chair and placing it before their tombstones. "I have so many other things to tell you.. for example, this is Serpen…."