Sally was right about the therapy session. It flopped completely. Duo chatted easily before the session and gave her a heartfelt farewell afterwards, but wouldn't say two words during the session. Having a breakthrough with Duo could take months, and we just didn't have that kind of time.
Sally still didn't like Plan B, but we both acknowledged that it was necessary, so she had no choice but to set me up for it. The plan was to create a period of time in which Duo would have to maintain physical contact with another person. We didn't want to isolate or ostracize Duo, so the period of time would coincide with a movie, to distract the other boys from Duo. I could only hope that by doing this exercise in a normal situation Duo would begin to feel more relaxed in other situations that called for touch. As it was only the direst circumstances could cause Duo to reach out for physical reassurance, and this phobia had to be putting great stress on his psyche. It could very well be the cause of his erratic behavior and violent mood swings.
I rented an action move, something loud that would be hard to look away from. It was also one of Duo's favorite kind of movies. I wasn't hesitant to admit that I felt bad about Duo's situation, and even guilty that I hadn't seen it sooner. These feelings did not waver my resolve... but it did get him two quarts of chocolate icecream.
Sally and I decided it would be best to inform the boys and Duo of the situation separately, and then she decided it would be best if I did it alone, and left. It took all my self control not to throw a rock at her van as she pulled away, but I knew if she didn't have so much to do at the hospital she would have stayed to back me up. That didn't mean I was any less alone, but it did keep me from being angry.
Duo took the news that he would be drugged and touched about as well as I thought he would, and I spent the rest of the night nursing a bruised cheek. Even my assurances that if Duo thought he could do it without drugs we could try it that way at any time did not reach him. The fact that I was going to have to inject him with the drug, however, did reach him, and in retrospect I really should have been more prepared for him to deck me. Maybe I deserved it. The others took the news better, meaning that I didn't get a fist to the face.
"You can't... I mean... Duo hasn't... He"
"Calm down, Quatre. I'm not punishing Duo," I told him, then muttered "Though after that punch last night I was considering it"
"What"
"Uh- Nothing. Just... Duo's not in trouble about this"
"Then why the drugs?" Wufei asked. The four of them were assembled in the living room, seated comfortably across the various couches. I sat in the plush chair, watching the various emotions play across their faces. None of them were as close to Duo as they were to Quatre, and it was a little bitter for me to realize that if I had suggested this idea for Quatre instead of Duo, everyone would have been outraged. It only mellowed it a bit to realize that the separation was Duo's own fault. After all, there's only so much affection that can be created at arm's length. "I don't want Duo to hurt himself. I have no doubt that Duo would fight us to the point of injury"
"But if he's fighting us so hard, isn't there probably something to be afraid of?" Trowa wondered, putting a comforting hand on Quatre's shoulder, who was very upset by this.
"There would be, if you believe he should be afraid of us," I replied steadily. "I understand that other masters have given Duo this fear, and that at the time it was completely reasonable to have it, but things have changed now. I don't intend to harm or... share Duo. This fear is only going to hurt Duo if we allow it to continue"
"But... won't he come out of it on his own?" Quatre asked hesitantly.
"He... might. There's a possibility that with time and therapy his mind could fix itself, but... I just don't have that kind of time, Quatre. Duo will be coming to Collar with us, and I can't have him throwing a fit every time someone brushes up against him"
"But do you plan to force him to have sex at some point?" Wufei asked, always to the point. I had to hesitate before giving this answer, for in all these preparations I had never once thought of that.
"I... yes," I admitted, trying to hide my own shame at that admittance. To be honest, Duo was beautiful, but as of yet he had not done anything I had thought of as alluring. The other masters might be aroused by screaming, growling, hissing young men, but I was not. "At some point, before the Collar competition begins, I will have Duo. I am capable, however, of being patient. There are three months left before Collar. We have time to help him overcome this problem, and if overcoming this problem will not only help his mental health, but may also allow him to accept my... advances later on," I told them, then waited for a reaction. It was Wufei who made the reply.
"It would be... unrealistic of us to believe that you would not want to have Duo. We are here for that purpose and that purpose alone. If you had said anything else we would not have believed you. I..." Wufei hesitated, blushing mildly. I knew it was hard for Wufei to speak about personal or intimate matters. "I believe Duo would be better off accepting your advances than the advances of any other master. Even if you can only give him a few months to overcome this fear, you are still doing much for him by allowing that time to heal. I will help in whatever way you believe necessary"
"Thank you, Wufei. I will not betray your trust"
"What exactly are we expected to do while he is drugged?" Heero asked. It was normal for Heero to want to get all the information before involving himself, so I wasn't surprised that he had more questions.
"You are all supposed to watch the movie and pretend that nothing is different. This exercise is to get Duo accustomed to friendly touches, so only touch him as much as you would each other. Also, I doubt Duo will be in full control of his mouth, so please don't be upset by anything he says. He's going to be very upset, but he is fond of all of you. Heero, I think I'm going to have Duo lean up against you while we watch some of the movie then bring him over beside me later on, because the exercise will be almost useless if he gets to curl up in the corner of the couch. Otherwise you don't really have to do anything"
"How long will the drugs last"
"Under two hours. Plenty of time to watch a movie"
"Are there any side-effects"
"Drowsiness and drymouth. Possible dizzness if he tries to walk, but I'm setting this up so that he can watch the movie and go right to bed. Just make sure he has a glass of water beside the bed and you should be fine. I will want you to keep an eye on him at night, just to be sure he doesn't get nauseous"
"Accepted," Heero replied, his features drawn and serious. I knew it was only because of his worry for Duo that he was acting so... mechanical.
"Quatre? Trowa? Do you two have any questions for me?" I asked, but the two merely shook their heads. "Well, if no one else has any questions, we'll try the first session tomorrow," I said. It was a dismissal, and everyone knew it. It was late, and I was tired. I wanted nothing more than to go to bed and forget about what was going to happen tomorrow. Wufei, thankfully, could see how dead I was, and shooed the boys before pulling me up the stairs. I almost fell into bed, and if Wufei hadn't been there I probably would have slept on top of the covers, fully dressed. "You're really worried about Duo, aren't you?" Wufei asked, putting me to bed. I could barely move my body, exhausted from the day's trials.
"Why would you think anything else?" I wondered in return.
"Well... you two seem to hate each other, that's all. It surprises me that you're so concerned for him when you can only tolerate him on the best days"
"I do admit that Duo and I don't get along, but... he's a good boy at heart. You don't blame a dog for becoming vicious after being abused, but you do try to teach it not to bite"
"Which can almost be taken literally in Duo's case," Wufei mused as he climbed into bed.
"He does have some bite to go along with the bark," I replied softly, settling him into my arms. He curled against me like a puddle of warmth. I couldn't have kept my eyes open if I had tried.
Duo took the news that he would be drugged and touched about as well as I thought he would, and I spent the rest of the night nursing a bruised cheek. Even my assurances that if Duo thought he could do it without drugs we could try it that way at any time did not reach him. The fact that I was going to have to inject him with the drug, however, did reach him, and in retrospect I really should have been more prepared for him to deck me. Maybe I deserved it. The others took the news better, meaning that I didn't get a fist to the face.
"You can't... I mean... Duo hasn't... He"
"Calm down, Quatre. I'm not punishing Duo," I told him, then muttered "Though after that punch last night I was considering it"
"What"
"Uh- Nothing. Just... Duo's not in trouble about this"
"Then why the drugs?" Wufei asked. The four of them were assembled in the living room, seated comfortably across the various couches. I sat in the plush chair, watching the various emotions play across their faces. None of them were as close to Duo as they were to Quatre, and it was a little bitter for me to realize that if I had suggested this idea for Quatre instead of Duo, everyone would have been outraged. It only mellowed it a bit to realize that the separation was Duo's own fault. After all, there's only so much affection that can be created at arm's length. "I don't want Duo to hurt himself. I have no doubt that Duo would fight us to the point of injury"
"But if he's fighting us so hard, isn't there probably something to be afraid of?" Trowa wondered, putting a comforting hand on Quatre's shoulder, who was very upset by this.
"There would be, if you believe he should be afraid of us," I replied steadily. "I understand that other masters have given Duo this fear, and that at the time it was completely reasonable to have it, but things have changed now. I don't intend to harm or... share Duo. This fear is only going to hurt Duo if we allow it to continue"
"But... won't he come out of it on his own?" Quatre asked hesitantly.
"He... might. There's a possibility that with time and therapy his mind could fix itself, but... I just don't have that kind of time, Quatre. Duo will be coming to Collar with us, and I can't have him throwing a fit every time someone brushes up against him"
"But do you plan to force him to have sex at some point?" Wufei asked, always to the point. I had to hesitate before giving this answer, for in all these preparations I had never once thought of that.
"I... yes," I admitted, trying to hide my own shame at that admittance. To be honest, Duo was beautiful, but as of yet he had not done anything I had thought of as alluring. The other masters might be aroused by screaming, growling, hissing young men, but I was not. "At some point, before the Collar competition begins, I will have Duo. I am capable, however, of being patient. There are three months left before Collar. We have time to help him overcome this problem, and if overcoming this problem will not only help his mental health, but may also allow him to accept my... advances later on," I told them, then waited for a reaction. It was Wufei who made the reply.
"It would be... unrealistic of us to believe that you would not want to have Duo. We are here for that purpose and that purpose alone. If you had said anything else we would not have believed you. I..." Wufei hesitated, blushing mildly. I knew it was hard for Wufei to speak about personal or intimate matters. "I believe Duo would be better off accepting your advances than the advances of any other master. Even if you can only give him a few months to overcome this fear, you are still doing much for him by allowing that time to heal. I will help in whatever way you believe necessary"
"Thank you, Wufei. I will not betray your trust"
"What exactly are we expected to do while he is drugged?" Heero asked. It was normal for Heero to want to get all the information before involving himself, so I wasn't surprised that he had more questions.
"You are all supposed to watch the movie and pretend that nothing is different. This exercise is to get Duo accustomed to friendly touches, so only touch him as much as you would each other. Also, I doubt Duo will be in full control of his mouth, so please don't be upset by anything he says. He's going to be very upset, but he is fond of all of you. Heero, I think I'm going to have Duo lean up against you while we watch some of the movie then bring him over beside me later on, because the exercise will be almost useless if he gets to curl up in the corner of the couch. Otherwise you don't really have to do anything"
"How long will the drugs last"
"Under two hours. Plenty of time to watch a movie"
"Are there any side-effects"
"Drowsiness and drymouth. Possible dizzness if he tries to walk, but I'm setting this up so that he can watch the movie and go right to bed. Just make sure he has a glass of water beside the bed and you should be fine. I will want you to keep an eye on him at night, just to be sure he doesn't get nauseous"
"Accepted," Heero replied, his features drawn and serious. I knew it was only because of his worry for Duo that he was acting so... mechanical.
"Quatre? Trowa? Do you two have any questions for me?" I asked, but the two merely shook their heads. "Well, if no one else has any questions, we'll try the first session tomorrow," I said. It was a dismissal, and everyone knew it. It was late, and I was tired. I wanted nothing more than to go to bed and forget about what was going to happen tomorrow. Wufei, thankfully, could see how dead I was, and shooed the boys before pulling me up the stairs. I almost fell into bed, and if Wufei hadn't been there I probably would have slept on top of the covers, fully dressed. "You're really worried about Duo, aren't you?" Wufei asked, putting me to bed. I could barely move my body, exhausted from the day's trials.
"Why would you think anything else?" I wondered in return.
"Well... you two seem to hate each other, that's all. It surprises me that you're so concerned for him when you can only tolerate him on the best days"
"I do admit that Duo and I don't get along, but... he's a good boy at heart. You don't blame a dog for becoming vicious after being abused, but you do try to teach it not to bite"
"Which can almost be taken literally in Duo's case," Wufei mused as he climbed into bed.
"He does have some bite to go along with the bark," I replied softly, settling him into my arms. He curled against me like a puddle of warmth. I couldn't have kept my eyes open if I had tried.