When Wufei came out to get me, I had stopped bothering with the excuse of checking the horses and was curled up with my knees to my chest beside the nest of kittens.
"How is he?" I asked instantly. I don't know what I was hoping for him to say, because we both knew Duo would fight the drugs as violently as possible.
"Upset, but not hurt. Though I have to say that Zechs was right about him; he fought us as hard as he was able. If Trowa hadn't been there I probably wouldn't have been able to keep him from hurting himself," Wufei said, and I felt a sharp pang of guilt. It should have been me there, holding him, calming him, but I was too afraid. Instead I had left him to face it alone.
"There was nothing you could have done," Wufei said suddenly, giving me the look he usually gave Duo when he was being purposefully ignorant. "Having you there wouldn't have changed anything, and it might have made him more upset. Do you really think Trowa or I would have hurt him? Would Master? You did not abandon him, not so long as you help him through the hard part"
"The hard part?" I wondered. Wufei nodded. "Getting the drugs into him was the easy part, because it only takes a few seconds. The hard part will be to stay with him while the drugs are in his system, while he's open and vulnerable. He didn't need you then, Heero, but he needs you now," he told me. I rose instantly, my former depression leaving me.
"Then I should go to him," I responded as I walked toward the door. "You should," Wufei acknowledged, following me. I managed to make it out of the barn before I broke into a run, desperate to see Duo, to make sure he was alright. I found Duo alone, in the livingroom, weeping into a couch cushion. The others were close by, keeping watch, but giving Duo some space. I couldn't manage to, though, and I wasn't sure if space was what he really needed. It was what had gotten us into this mess, after all, so it seemed senseless to give him more now.
So I sat down beside him instead, placing my hand on his back. He tensed, and I don't doubt that he would have pulled away had he been able, but instead he simply intensified his crying.
"Shh," I whispered, pulling him closer. It tore at me to hear him weeping, to see him crying like this when he had held the tears in for so long. To be brought so low by a simply touch... he needed to rid himself of this, or it would consume him. "It's just me," I assured him, pulling him into my arms and basking in the feeling of having him, awake, in my arms. I had often wondered in the past if perhaps I dreamed his sleeping form into my arms, for like an incubus he never stayed past dawn. My frightened demon. "H-Heero?" Duo asked brokenly, his voice we with tears. "I've got you," I whispered gently. It was enough to break the little control Duo had gathered to speak to me, and he attempted to turn toward me, but the drugs prevented him from moving more than his head and shoulders. I had to turn him to face me, and by the time I did he was sobbing harshly again.
"Don't leave me!" he begged between sobs, "Please, I don't...! I can't...! I-I"
"Stop," I commanded soothingly, "You're going to hurt yourself," I warned, seeing that he was about to hyperventilate. "Just calm down. I won't leave you, not for an instant," I assured. He gazed up at me, searching my eyes for more assurances, and must have found what he was looking for. He nodded after a moment and lowered his head to my chest, weeping uncontrollably. Wufei was right, it was difficult to sit there with Duo, allowing him to cry into my shirt. It was far harder than I had thought it would be, but I wouldn't have left for anything. Duo needed me, and for once he was letting me close enough to help.
I sat with him for fifteen minutes or so while the others came in and out, bringing in popcorn, getting drinks, setting up the movie, and just generally covering up the fact that they were checking on Duo. Quatre came in to ask what we wanted to drink, because I certainly wasn't going to move to get them. Duo asked for a soda, which was something that he liked to sneak even though Master didn't let him have too much, and I was sure that Quatre would get it for him, but Master intervened, saying the caffeine wouldn't mix well with the drugs. Duo and I both got a tropical drink that Quatre mixed which Duo liked almost as well, and Master treated Duo to a box of chocolate bonbons that almost made him stop crying. The start of the movie, however, created another fit of weeping when Duo realized that everyone would be sitting near us on the couch. "Why can't they s-sit so-somewhere else?" Duo sobbed, unable to do more than curl toward me. "Because that would defeat the purpose of this whole night," Master responded, sitting down beside Duo on the couch. Duo glared angrily and managed to push at Zechs' arm weakly, but nothing more. Zechs merely rolled his eyes and reached for the popcorn, brushing against Duo's shoulder as he leaned past. Duo jerked like he had been stung, then began to weep again.
"You did that on purpose!" he accused angrily. "Of course I did," Master responded, popping a handful of popcorn into his mouth and passing the bowl on down to Wufei, and then on to Quatre and Trowa. Master had, at least, allowed Duo and I to take the corner, and not the middle of the couch. I wasn't sure Duo would be able to stand worrying about touch from both sides. "Be quiet now, the movie's about to start"
"Oh fuck you!" Duo snapped, glaring daggers at Master. The room went quiet, all eyes turning to Master and Duo.
Master, for his part, didn't get nearly upset as he usually did. He merely turned to Duo, took his chin in his hand, and turned Duo's face to look at him. "Don't curse," Master commanded with a dangerous quiet. Duo's eyes pooled with tears, and Master held his face a moment longer before releasing him. I helped Duo turn in my arms and he buried his face in my chest, weeping softly. I don't think anyone really watched much of the movie. Between Duo's soft sobs and panicked gasps whenever anyone touched him, most of the attention was on him and not the movie. Duo certainly didn't see any of the movie, for his face was always buried in my shirt if he wasn't accepting a bonbon or drink from me. Still, I was glad there was something to stare out other than Duo, because that would have only made things more awkward and humiliating for him. It was bad enough that the others had to see him cry, but at least they could pretend they didn't hear him and save a little of his pride. Everything was going... as well as can be expected until about half way through the movie. Duo was almost asleep when Master turned and reached for him. "Master... what...?" I wondered softly over Duo's head. "He can't just hide in your arms all night," Master replied. "Hand him here"
"No!" Duo yelled, coming awake instantly. "I want- I want to stay here"
"What you want isn't really important here," Master countered. "Don't make a scene," he said, but we both knew Duo would. He tried to grab my shirt as Master lifted him off my lap, but he was too weak to hold on. I was helpless to do anything as Master pulled him away from me and set him between Trowa and Wufei. It was more than I could take, and despite Master's commands I began to reach for Duo, but Master intercepted me, pulling me into his embrace. "He'll be fine," Master whispered reassuringly in my ear as he restrained me almost as I had been restraining Duo only a moment ago. Master's hold calmed me, but I could not be distracted from the sound of Duo's weeping sobs. Over Master's shoulder, I saw Trowa cradle Duo's head to his shoulder while Wufei stroked his back. Quatre, more affected by the emotions of others, gently stroked the stray hairs from the side of Duo's face, trying desperately to withhold his own tears. "Do you want a drink?" Trowa asked him softly. Duo sniffled, then nodded. Trowa nodded to Wufei, who pulled Duo up and held him in an upright position. Duo's eyes were slammed shut and he was shaking with the strain of not jerking away, but this tears had been reined in. Everyone shifted, Quatre moving to get the drink while Trowa moved to help support Duo's head, since he seemed to be having trouble holding it up. Trowa laid a hand along Duo's face, and even though Duo flinched at first he seemed grateful to Trowa for taking the weight off his neck. Quatre brought the drink up and held the straw to Duo's lips. Duo tried to raise a hand to hold the glass himself, then blushed as his hand dropped back to his side. Tears of humiliation in his eyes, Duo accepted the straw from Quatre and took a long drink. He pulled back when he was finished, hiding his face in Trowa's shoulder. Quatre placed the glass back on the table, then reached out and stroked Duo's arm, only looking slightly hurt when Duo flinched. Far from being discouraged, Quatre took Duo's hand in his own, lacing their fingers and stroking the back of his hand. After a moment of hesitation, Duo squeezed Quatre's hand reassuringly. Duo stayed between Trowa and Wufei for another twenty minutes, until Master noticed his eyes starting to droop and had him placed back in my lap. The shift startled Duo, and he struggled a bit as we moved him, but he quickly calmed again in my arms. By the end of the movie, he was sound asleep.
"Do you want me to take him?" Master asked as the others began to clean up.
"No. Could you hold him for me while I get up? I think my legs have fallen asleep," I replied, and let Master pull Duo from my lap. Duo stirred slightly, but quickly settled again in Master's arms.
"Sally did say the pills would make him drowsy," Master commented as I rose and rubbed the pins and needles out of my legs, "He'll probably sleep all night"
"I'm sure he could use it," I commented in return, taking him from Master as soon as my legs were steady. "Make sure you take him a glass of water," Master reminded. I merely nodded. Feeling that Master had something more he wanted to say, I hesitated for a moment, but when no words were forthcoming I began to walk upstairs. I stopped in the doorway, turning back to Master, who was staring unseeingly at the couch where we had just sat. "Duo needs this," I told him solemnly, not knowing where the words were coming from but feeling that they were right. "He can't go one like this, and we all know it. Even if... Even if Duo doesn't like it now, he... he needs it. I've seen the way he acts, the strain on his mind, and the nightmares at night. He can't continue like this, pushing people away, rejecting any kind of support. He needs"
"He needs us," Master said with a small smile, placing a hand on the side of my face. "I get it. Thank you," he said, gently kissing my forehead, "but you need to take care of Duo. I... I appreciate the support, though," he said, smiling gratefully at me.
"I know how hard it is for you to hurt us, even if you're trying to help," I told him. "I just wanted you to know that we do appreciate it, even if we don't always show it"
"And by "we" you mean "Duo," correct?" Master said, smiling ruefully. "Ah well. Go on, now. Get him to bed," Master said, giving me a playful push toward the stairs. "It's passed your bedtime anyway"
I shot Master a playful glare, but headed for the stairs anyway. After almost two hours of emotional upheavals, I was ready to sleep. With Duo in my arms, I climbed the stairs quickly and shuffled into our room. Duo went easily into his bed, though I didn't expect anything else since he had been lead weight in my arms all the way up the stairs. I managed to get him out of his clothes and into his pajamas, then covered him and went to change into my own. I took the time to fetch Duo a glass of water from our bathroom and set it on his bedside table, knowing that Master would be upset if I forgot. Once that was done, I hesitated, staring at my lonely bed. I glanced at Duo only to find that a frown was forming on his face. That was all the temptation it took for me to snap off the lights and crawl into his bed. He curled into my arms, as though approving my decision. I smiled as he slept in my arms, snoring lightly. In a few moments, I joined him.
"How is he?" I asked instantly. I don't know what I was hoping for him to say, because we both knew Duo would fight the drugs as violently as possible.
"Upset, but not hurt. Though I have to say that Zechs was right about him; he fought us as hard as he was able. If Trowa hadn't been there I probably wouldn't have been able to keep him from hurting himself," Wufei said, and I felt a sharp pang of guilt. It should have been me there, holding him, calming him, but I was too afraid. Instead I had left him to face it alone.
"There was nothing you could have done," Wufei said suddenly, giving me the look he usually gave Duo when he was being purposefully ignorant. "Having you there wouldn't have changed anything, and it might have made him more upset. Do you really think Trowa or I would have hurt him? Would Master? You did not abandon him, not so long as you help him through the hard part"
"The hard part?" I wondered. Wufei nodded. "Getting the drugs into him was the easy part, because it only takes a few seconds. The hard part will be to stay with him while the drugs are in his system, while he's open and vulnerable. He didn't need you then, Heero, but he needs you now," he told me. I rose instantly, my former depression leaving me.
"Then I should go to him," I responded as I walked toward the door. "You should," Wufei acknowledged, following me. I managed to make it out of the barn before I broke into a run, desperate to see Duo, to make sure he was alright. I found Duo alone, in the livingroom, weeping into a couch cushion. The others were close by, keeping watch, but giving Duo some space. I couldn't manage to, though, and I wasn't sure if space was what he really needed. It was what had gotten us into this mess, after all, so it seemed senseless to give him more now.
So I sat down beside him instead, placing my hand on his back. He tensed, and I don't doubt that he would have pulled away had he been able, but instead he simply intensified his crying.
"Shh," I whispered, pulling him closer. It tore at me to hear him weeping, to see him crying like this when he had held the tears in for so long. To be brought so low by a simply touch... he needed to rid himself of this, or it would consume him. "It's just me," I assured him, pulling him into my arms and basking in the feeling of having him, awake, in my arms. I had often wondered in the past if perhaps I dreamed his sleeping form into my arms, for like an incubus he never stayed past dawn. My frightened demon. "H-Heero?" Duo asked brokenly, his voice we with tears. "I've got you," I whispered gently. It was enough to break the little control Duo had gathered to speak to me, and he attempted to turn toward me, but the drugs prevented him from moving more than his head and shoulders. I had to turn him to face me, and by the time I did he was sobbing harshly again.
"Don't leave me!" he begged between sobs, "Please, I don't...! I can't...! I-I"
"Stop," I commanded soothingly, "You're going to hurt yourself," I warned, seeing that he was about to hyperventilate. "Just calm down. I won't leave you, not for an instant," I assured. He gazed up at me, searching my eyes for more assurances, and must have found what he was looking for. He nodded after a moment and lowered his head to my chest, weeping uncontrollably. Wufei was right, it was difficult to sit there with Duo, allowing him to cry into my shirt. It was far harder than I had thought it would be, but I wouldn't have left for anything. Duo needed me, and for once he was letting me close enough to help.
I sat with him for fifteen minutes or so while the others came in and out, bringing in popcorn, getting drinks, setting up the movie, and just generally covering up the fact that they were checking on Duo. Quatre came in to ask what we wanted to drink, because I certainly wasn't going to move to get them. Duo asked for a soda, which was something that he liked to sneak even though Master didn't let him have too much, and I was sure that Quatre would get it for him, but Master intervened, saying the caffeine wouldn't mix well with the drugs. Duo and I both got a tropical drink that Quatre mixed which Duo liked almost as well, and Master treated Duo to a box of chocolate bonbons that almost made him stop crying. The start of the movie, however, created another fit of weeping when Duo realized that everyone would be sitting near us on the couch. "Why can't they s-sit so-somewhere else?" Duo sobbed, unable to do more than curl toward me. "Because that would defeat the purpose of this whole night," Master responded, sitting down beside Duo on the couch. Duo glared angrily and managed to push at Zechs' arm weakly, but nothing more. Zechs merely rolled his eyes and reached for the popcorn, brushing against Duo's shoulder as he leaned past. Duo jerked like he had been stung, then began to weep again.
"You did that on purpose!" he accused angrily. "Of course I did," Master responded, popping a handful of popcorn into his mouth and passing the bowl on down to Wufei, and then on to Quatre and Trowa. Master had, at least, allowed Duo and I to take the corner, and not the middle of the couch. I wasn't sure Duo would be able to stand worrying about touch from both sides. "Be quiet now, the movie's about to start"
"Oh fuck you!" Duo snapped, glaring daggers at Master. The room went quiet, all eyes turning to Master and Duo.
Master, for his part, didn't get nearly upset as he usually did. He merely turned to Duo, took his chin in his hand, and turned Duo's face to look at him. "Don't curse," Master commanded with a dangerous quiet. Duo's eyes pooled with tears, and Master held his face a moment longer before releasing him. I helped Duo turn in my arms and he buried his face in my chest, weeping softly. I don't think anyone really watched much of the movie. Between Duo's soft sobs and panicked gasps whenever anyone touched him, most of the attention was on him and not the movie. Duo certainly didn't see any of the movie, for his face was always buried in my shirt if he wasn't accepting a bonbon or drink from me. Still, I was glad there was something to stare out other than Duo, because that would have only made things more awkward and humiliating for him. It was bad enough that the others had to see him cry, but at least they could pretend they didn't hear him and save a little of his pride. Everything was going... as well as can be expected until about half way through the movie. Duo was almost asleep when Master turned and reached for him. "Master... what...?" I wondered softly over Duo's head. "He can't just hide in your arms all night," Master replied. "Hand him here"
"No!" Duo yelled, coming awake instantly. "I want- I want to stay here"
"What you want isn't really important here," Master countered. "Don't make a scene," he said, but we both knew Duo would. He tried to grab my shirt as Master lifted him off my lap, but he was too weak to hold on. I was helpless to do anything as Master pulled him away from me and set him between Trowa and Wufei. It was more than I could take, and despite Master's commands I began to reach for Duo, but Master intercepted me, pulling me into his embrace. "He'll be fine," Master whispered reassuringly in my ear as he restrained me almost as I had been restraining Duo only a moment ago. Master's hold calmed me, but I could not be distracted from the sound of Duo's weeping sobs. Over Master's shoulder, I saw Trowa cradle Duo's head to his shoulder while Wufei stroked his back. Quatre, more affected by the emotions of others, gently stroked the stray hairs from the side of Duo's face, trying desperately to withhold his own tears. "Do you want a drink?" Trowa asked him softly. Duo sniffled, then nodded. Trowa nodded to Wufei, who pulled Duo up and held him in an upright position. Duo's eyes were slammed shut and he was shaking with the strain of not jerking away, but this tears had been reined in. Everyone shifted, Quatre moving to get the drink while Trowa moved to help support Duo's head, since he seemed to be having trouble holding it up. Trowa laid a hand along Duo's face, and even though Duo flinched at first he seemed grateful to Trowa for taking the weight off his neck. Quatre brought the drink up and held the straw to Duo's lips. Duo tried to raise a hand to hold the glass himself, then blushed as his hand dropped back to his side. Tears of humiliation in his eyes, Duo accepted the straw from Quatre and took a long drink. He pulled back when he was finished, hiding his face in Trowa's shoulder. Quatre placed the glass back on the table, then reached out and stroked Duo's arm, only looking slightly hurt when Duo flinched. Far from being discouraged, Quatre took Duo's hand in his own, lacing their fingers and stroking the back of his hand. After a moment of hesitation, Duo squeezed Quatre's hand reassuringly. Duo stayed between Trowa and Wufei for another twenty minutes, until Master noticed his eyes starting to droop and had him placed back in my lap. The shift startled Duo, and he struggled a bit as we moved him, but he quickly calmed again in my arms. By the end of the movie, he was sound asleep.
"Do you want me to take him?" Master asked as the others began to clean up.
"No. Could you hold him for me while I get up? I think my legs have fallen asleep," I replied, and let Master pull Duo from my lap. Duo stirred slightly, but quickly settled again in Master's arms.
"Sally did say the pills would make him drowsy," Master commented as I rose and rubbed the pins and needles out of my legs, "He'll probably sleep all night"
"I'm sure he could use it," I commented in return, taking him from Master as soon as my legs were steady. "Make sure you take him a glass of water," Master reminded. I merely nodded. Feeling that Master had something more he wanted to say, I hesitated for a moment, but when no words were forthcoming I began to walk upstairs. I stopped in the doorway, turning back to Master, who was staring unseeingly at the couch where we had just sat. "Duo needs this," I told him solemnly, not knowing where the words were coming from but feeling that they were right. "He can't go one like this, and we all know it. Even if... Even if Duo doesn't like it now, he... he needs it. I've seen the way he acts, the strain on his mind, and the nightmares at night. He can't continue like this, pushing people away, rejecting any kind of support. He needs"
"He needs us," Master said with a small smile, placing a hand on the side of my face. "I get it. Thank you," he said, gently kissing my forehead, "but you need to take care of Duo. I... I appreciate the support, though," he said, smiling gratefully at me.
"I know how hard it is for you to hurt us, even if you're trying to help," I told him. "I just wanted you to know that we do appreciate it, even if we don't always show it"
"And by "we" you mean "Duo," correct?" Master said, smiling ruefully. "Ah well. Go on, now. Get him to bed," Master said, giving me a playful push toward the stairs. "It's passed your bedtime anyway"
I shot Master a playful glare, but headed for the stairs anyway. After almost two hours of emotional upheavals, I was ready to sleep. With Duo in my arms, I climbed the stairs quickly and shuffled into our room. Duo went easily into his bed, though I didn't expect anything else since he had been lead weight in my arms all the way up the stairs. I managed to get him out of his clothes and into his pajamas, then covered him and went to change into my own. I took the time to fetch Duo a glass of water from our bathroom and set it on his bedside table, knowing that Master would be upset if I forgot. Once that was done, I hesitated, staring at my lonely bed. I glanced at Duo only to find that a frown was forming on his face. That was all the temptation it took for me to snap off the lights and crawl into his bed. He curled into my arms, as though approving my decision. I smiled as he slept in my arms, snoring lightly. In a few moments, I joined him.