The final straw came when Cloud unwittingly became witness to classified ShinRa information.

He was on top of that desk again, the one in his old Survival class. This time he was on his chest and belly though, bent at the waist, with his legs hanging down. Two strong hands had his asscheeks spread and a slick tongue pushed inside him again, making Cloud let out a quiet moan. The side of his face was sticky with sweat and a piece of paper, one of many strewed across the desk from a variety of official-looking files, stuck to his cheek. He irritably peeled it off and placed it back down on the desk.

Clearance Level: Yellow, it read at the top. He averted his gaze but couldn't help but take in a few lines near the bottom of the page. . . . Eco-Terrorist group known as AVALANCHE plans another bio-hazardous attack on Mako Reactor 8. The Turk 'Two Guns' recorded the following conversation, transcript below:

[UNIDENTIFIED]: The last time the ShinRa bastards got ahold of. . .

Cloud tore his eyes away and arched his back to stare at the ceiling instead as if the blank white tiles would erase the information from his mind. "Shit," he cursed, and it wasn't because that tongue inside him was curled just right.

His orgasm was satisfying, a slow, steady jerking off with his own hand coupled with Damon rimming his ass. He couldn't help but wonder, incredulously, doesn't his jaw get tired? During their field exercises Klarke had never seemed to exhaust, even after days in the wild eating only berries and the occasional small animal. It had reminded Cloud of Zack, with his own boundless energy. Zack's was occasionally hyper, though, and Damon's was slower but unceasing—he gave Cloud a few more licks, absolutely thorough, before flipping the blond over with that SOLDIER strength and easing him off the desk.

The blond slid off and dropped to his knees before him, and couldn't squash his pride as he had the Second Class coming before long. He didn't miss a drop.

"I, uh, messed up your papers a bit," Cloud said as he climbed back into his pants, nodding at the desk. The files were a mess.

"Shit," Klarke sighed. "That was hot but we should've moved them." He started organizing everything and joked, "You didn't read anything at least, did you?"

"Of course not," Cloud said quickly. "That would be bad."

"Classified stuff," the SOLDIER told him. "An infantryman could get in a lot of trouble…" He turned to him, his dark eyes all delicious heat again and a coy smile curling the edges of his mouth. Instead of flirting back what kind of trouble? Cloud just laughed and waved the statement away.

The blond stood in the center of the room and spun in a slow circle as he scanned the ceiling, his eyes narrowed, and the SOLDIER asked, "Uh…what are you doing?"

"Nothing," Cloud answered. "I have to go get ready for my next class, but uh…"

"This was good," Klarke said, nodding at him.

"Yeah. Thanks. See you around?"

"Mmhmm."

Cloud left after casting one last good look around the classroom. The door slid shut behind him and he covered his mouth with his hand, cold dread making him shiver in his uniform.

He was so fucking stupid!

Gaia, it hadn't even occurred to him that the Turks probably knew everything that everyone in the building got up to. He didn't know a whole lot about them, just that they performed reconnaissance—spy stuff, like in Zack's favorite movie. But if one of them was able to infiltrate wherever the heck a bunch of 'Eco-Terrorists' were and record a conversation about an attempt to blow up a Mako reactor, then they sure as hell knew that a short blond infantryman was slowly fucking his way across HQ.

In all actuality they probably didn't give a single fuck about him; he was useless, a nobody.

Still—the classrooms had cameras, didn't they? He'd done that sweep of the room and hadn't found any, but that didn't mean they weren't there.

Oh, Gaia, what if someone in the building had just watched him get his ass eaten?

Cloud walked to his next class like a zombie. He was absolutely mortified. This class was in a room identical to the last one, minus the streaks of cum on the desk and the sweaty imprints of his hands. Ohhhh Gaia.

He'd had a lot of sex in a lot of places in this past month, and all of it flickered through Cloud's mind frame by frame like an old film. Outside, on the obstacle course, by the supply shed, on the bleachers by the outdoor track. Inside, by the edge of the SOLDIER swimming pool, that fucking classroom, the showers, a darkened hallway.

There was no way none of it had been captured by security cameras. Regardless of whether people were watching or not it made Cloud blush horribly and sink low into his seat. He wouldn't have had that much public sex if there were safer places for infantrymen to do it; it was extremely rare to get time alone in the barracks because of their tight schedules. There were hotels under the plate but were unaffordable on his meager salary.

Plenty of guys had a hell of a lot more sex than Cloud did, and in more daring locations besides. Sometimes they got caught. Cloud never had, but it didn't change the fact that he could have, or that he knew that what he was doing was going to land him in a whole lot of shit eventually.

He showed up at Zack's door unannounced after dinner. To his great relief his best friend was home, albeit slightly confused. "Sure you can come in," he said, stepping back to let Cloud pass, "Angeal's coming over at some point though."

"That's fine. I can leave when he gets here."

Zack was in his running shorts and a tank top, and really, Cloud had been noticing just how hot Zack was more and more these days. The muscles of his thighs were strong and defined, and for a moment Cloud itched to run his palm across the soft, thin hair there. He had pushed those handsome thighs up just before sinking inside him once upon a time. He shook himself out of it as he plopped down on the couch.

Zack did too, with a beer in his hand and another of Genesis' ciders for Cloud. "I know how much you enjoyed them," he grinned at Cloud's look.

"So long as he isn't mad at me for drinking them."

"Nah. You're cute, you could get away with most things."

The small comment flustered Cloud more than it should and it took him a moment to pick the conversation back up. Zack didn't rush him and waited patiently, sitting cross-legged on the cushions and tapping his hand against his shin to some beat playing in his head.

"Zack," Cloud eventually began. "I think I'm in a little over my head."

"Hm?"

"I know I've, uh, told you a lot about the people I've been sleeping with—and thank you again, for that. It's been great having someone to tell all that to."

"No problem, Spike. I'm happy to listen."

"I told you about a lot of them, but…" he shrank back into the cushions and glanced at Zack warily. "There's a lot more I didn't. A lot."

Zack studied him for a minute, frowning. "Why are you cringing?" he asked, surprising Cloud. "You should be proud of having as much sex as you do. I'm not gonna shame you for anything, man—especially not me, you know that."

The blond could not stifle his sigh of relief. They sat in companionable silence, sipping at their drinks with their upper arms pressed together, for a short while.

"I guess it's just… after losing my virginity I… went really hard." He smiled softly and borrowed one of Zack's favorite phrases. "I think I need to take a chill pill."

Zack grinned and ruffled his hair. "It's all up to you, man. What made you stop?"

"Worrying about getting caught started it, I guess. I also realized that I can hardly go anywhere anymore without running into one of my old hookups. But…that's not really it, I don't think."

He confessed his fears to Zack—the fear of not getting into SOLDIER because of complications resulting from his sleeping around, for one, but also a fear he had hardly admitted to even himself—that he wouldn't be able to stop, that he'd have empty fuck after empty fuck until there was nothing left of him to give, until he settled for that, and never tried for anything better.

There was nothing wrong with that lifestyle, of frequent—or not-so-frequent—casual sex, but Cloud was starting to realize it wasn't for him. He hadn't had many bad experiences yet, and considered himself lucky, but that didn't invalidate his feelings of discontent about this whole business. He liked his friends but they were just friends; sex was fun and all but something was…off.

"I guess I just…thought that every time would be as amazing as it was with you," he finally admitted, to himself as well as Zack, "And nothing's even come close."

Zack did not respond right away, and studied him instead for a long moment. His eyes had always drawn Cloud in and now was no different; their steady blue glow calmed him. Zack slowly smiled and pressed half his face into the back of the couch like he was shy.

"Yeah," he sighed, "…We did have a good time, didn't we?" He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly.

"Zack." Cloud nudged the man's knee with the back of his hand. "We never really talked about it."

"No, I guess we didn't."

"We should."

Zack drained the rest of his beer can and placed it on the coffee table, then turned himself around. He put his head in Cloud's lap and stretched out on the couch, his knees bent with his socked feet on the armrest. "I need to lay down for this," he muttered.

"I've seen you a lot this past month but only for a few minutes at a time, so I guess I gotta ask… are we okay?"

Zack gazed up at Cloud and gently tapped his arm with his knuckles. "Of course we are. Or, at least—I'm okay. Just been busy. Are you?"

"Good," Cloud said, smiling at the memory of Zack asking that same question so frequently as he'd patiently led him through intercourse that first time. He sunk his hand into the thick, dark spikes of hair spilling over his thighs, scritched Zack's scalp, and got no complaints. "That's a relief. Had to make sure."

"No worries. I can't imagine bein' all awkward around you."

Cloud hummed and thought for a while, petting Zack's head. He screwed up his courage. "…Was it any good?"

"'Was it any good,' he asks me," snorted Zack. "No fucking duh. I came so hard the first time I passed out like five minutes later, moron. It was kinda weird at first, I'll admit—I'd never even thought of you in, like, uh, a sexual way before? But now it's like..." A long pause, and he changed his train of thought with an awkward glance to the side. "Whatever. It was good, yeah."

Zack turned his head slightly so he could gaze up at Cloud, who was looking down. Their eyes met, both men's expressions guarded. "Actually," Zack said slowly, as though tasting the words, "It was a lot better than I was expecting. Not that I thought it would be bad—I just thought I'd, y'know. Stick it in you, teach you some stuff, and watch you run off to bone some guy. But we had a moment."

"A moment," Cloud echoed, but without the amused drawl. He thought he had a good idea of what Zack was talking about. At some point during that night he'd connected with Zack, who he had already been very close with, on a new level. Everything had gone so right, even with the awkward moments. Something about it had been so fundamentally different from any of his hookups afterward, but what was it?

"The power of friendship," Zack joked, and then spoke more seriously. "I'm glad things didn't change between us, Spike, for the record. And that you're still my best bud and all." He paused. "Well. Things changed a little, I think."

"What?"

"You don't think so?"

The blond just shrugged, the gears in his brain whirling as he tried to understand what the SOLDIER was getting at. Something had changed, but he had no grasp on it; maybe Zack could pinpoint what this feeling was, what the feelings were that had been plaguing him ever since he had left Zack's place the afternoon after they fucked.

"What is it?" Cloud prompted when Zack did not continue. His handsome face was contorted in a deep frown as he tried to vocalize whatever was going on in that head of his. Their gazes locked again. Cloud's thumb on the hand cradling his face stroked Zack's cheekbone on autopilot as he bent down a little more, as if to hear better what he was going to say, or maybe not.

"…I dunno," Zack said, looking uncharacteristically frustrated. "Anyway, tell me more about how I'm the best sex you've ever had."

His cheeky smile made Cloud laugh and he sat up straight again, his heart racing. "Uh. I guess it's like—no one is as caring about it as you were? I mean, you're my best friend, so of course you cared… but I was never too worried or too self-conscious, you know? And I knew I was in good hands and all. Out there it's like… you gotta fend for yourself."

Zack's smile was entirely fond. "I looked out for you, didn't I. Yeah, it's rough out there, especially if you're with people who just wanna fuck and aren't actually close to you." He shrugged, or shrugged as much as he could lying down. "I remember those days before I got with the boys. Whew, I had some stories."

They traded them. Cloud had someone slobber on his dick like an animal. Zack had someone attempt to push rope for forty-five minutes before calling it a day, and Zack had played a game on his PHS the whole time. A scary boy kept sending Cloud filthy texts about buttplugs and wearing one in the class that they shared together (to no response from Cloud), and they both giggled helplessly as they went through them. Zack fucked a guy as a Third Class in the showers and they both slipped during the act, his partner shattering his elbow.

By the end they were both in stitches. Zack had his face pressed into Cloud's belly and muffled his laughter into his shirt.

"Yeah, I'm done with all that," Cloud said once they had calmed. "Too much excitement for me."

"So you're going to look for a boyfriend? Girlfriend?"

"Boyfriend," Cloud confirmed, shrugging. "I like girls and all but…"

"It's fine, man, no need to explain. Is there anyone you're thinking of in particular? Any of your infantry guys?"

"Hm. No." Cloud flushed. "I think I'm going to look more towards SOLDIER. I'm sick of the others. I mean, they're good friends, but I think I want someone more…responsible, maybe?"

"Huh." Zack studied him from below.

"Actually." Cloud finally told Zack about Klarke, the SOLDIER Second. They'd hooked up enough times now for it to be…something, something different from whatever one-and-dones he'd had. He was sure he didn't have feelings or anything for the guy, but something about him put Cloud at ease. It didn't hurt that the sex was really, really good (and maybe the SOLDIER strength was another reason why he was turning away from the Infantry. Damon had discovered how much Cloud liked to be picked up during sex and obliged him once or twice more, but not after gently teasing him about it. Cloud had gotten good at withstanding teasing from Zack, and hadn't minded). True to his fears Zack was disapproving, but not for the reason he expected.

"He's not pressuring you into anything, is he?"

"No."

"Positive? That's the thing about being with a superior—even unintentionally they can exert some of their authority onto you. You have to be really careful. Hey." Cloud had looked away, out towards the blank television, and Zack gently tugged on his chin until he looked down. Zack had done a similar gesture before.

"You tell me if anyone's doing that, alright? Any SOLDIER tries to fuck with you and I'll kick the shit out of 'em."

Slowly, they both grinned.

"Deal."

"Don't forget."

"Did you have to deal with any of that when you got with the other three?"

Zack let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh boy, did I ever. Angeal was worried as hell for like a full year before they let me join up."

It was new, but wonderful, to talk to Zack about these things. Cloud had always been a closed-off person, being scorned and brushed off too many times as a kid back home. It was easier to clam up and push people away than to let them in and get hurt again. There was a reason he hadn't discussed his budding sexuality with Zack; the guy was stupidly kind, but Cloud hadn't talked about that with anybody, and hadn't been quite there with the SOLDIER yet.

Zack had made the first move though, asking him to open up more after rescuing him from that awkward situation with the other infantryman. Now that Cloud had started he could hardly stop—something now made him want to spill his soul to his friend, and him alone. It was like the connection of their bodies had later spawned, in the weeks afterward, a whole new connection of their hearts—and holy hell didn't that sound mushy and ridiculous?

Still. Cloud continued to work his fingers through Zack's hair and smiled to himself as Zack talked away, waving his hands animatedly. It felt like he could have listened to the guy talk forever. Nothing had changed as they fucked, but what on Gaia was this thing that changed after?

He clapped Zack's cheek with his palm. "You're gonna tell me if those three do anything to you, right?" Cloud's serious expression cracked. "I'll kick their asses."

Zack laughed out loud at whatever image was in his head. "Will do, Spike."

"I didn't get to tell you, but thanks for inviting me over to meet them. Sorry I was kinda nervous. I like them a lot."

"You were more nervous to meet my boyfriends than you were to lose your virginity," Zack snorted. "And no need to apologize, you were fine. I got a secret. They told me later you were adorable, and that they totally approved. I think Gen said something like, 'O, you certainly found the most attractive Corporal in the building; his hair is as bright as the light over which yonder sun blah blah blah… LOVELESS."

They both lost it.

"He does quote that a lot," Cloud giggled, recalling a few instances of such while he had been over.

"You liked it, I saw you."

Cloud eyed his friend warily. "You're not…angry at me, are you?"

"Angry? Shit, Spike, half the building has the hots for Seph, Ang and Gen—I stopped being jealous about it ages ago. I mean, look at 'em. I understand."

"How'd you figure it out?"

"You gave me your wallet to pay the delivery guy a few months back, and I saw your Silver Elite card. The other two were easy to figure out. You get a little red every time I mention them, so I do it a lot. You're hilarious."

"Dammit," Cloud scowled, his cheeks burning already.

"Speak of the devil," Zack murmured, and at first Cloud couldn't figure out what he meant. Eventually he heard the scanner outside Zack's door beep and it slid open. There was some shuffling, the removal of boots, and then Angeal Hewley came into view. He was not in uniform but was still tall and the slightest bit scary, especially so when he was frowning at the both of them cuddled up on the couch, Zack's head still in Cloud's lap.

The younger SOLDIER straightened, and most of his hair was sticking straight up from all the messing with it Cloud had done. "Ang!" Zack cried, too-loud, "Hey!"

He got up and they kissed, Cloud politely averting his gaze. He scooted over to the far end of the couch so that they could sit next to each other, and to his surprise Angeal sat next to him, not on the far side. His friend handed Angeal a beer and Cloud suddenly remembered his own drink, now lukewarm on the coffee table.

"Cloud was just sayin' he's looking for a SOLDIER boyfriend now," Zack said as he dropped down (and to Cloud's ears he sounded slightly…fake). "You know any nice guys we can set him up with?"

Angeal glanced at him and Cloud's shoulders rose to his ears as he smiled awkwardly.

He hummed as he popped the tab on his can. He and Zack traded the names of a few men Cloud did not know and the blond sat there uncomfortably until they were done. "We'll work on it," Zack concluded, and Cloud nodded.

"I doubt it'll be hard to find someone who would want to date you, Cloud," Angeal confided, and winked at him.

Cloud flushed fiercely and Zack wrapped an arm around Angeal's shoulders. "Hey, don't flirt with my friend. Look how embarrassed he got."

Cloud croaked, "I'm not embarrassed."

To the infantryman's surprise Angeal started asking him questions. It was less introductory small talk, like he'd had during the dinner at Zack's place, but seemed like Angeal genuinely wanted to get to know him better. He was touched. Cloud finished a stiff few sentences about Nibelheim before asking Angeal where exactly he was born.

"Hold up!"

They looked over at Zack.

"Uh, sorry. That just reminded me. Angeal. Cloud's birthday is next week. Would you be willing to make his birthday cake, please?" Zack clapped his hands together and tilted his head, affecting his puppy look that always devastated Cloud. The blond glanced between them for a second before pulling the same gesture, sticking out his bottom lip for good measure.

Angeal sighed loudly as he looked between them and ran a hand through his hair. "…How am I supposed to say no to that?"

"Yeah!"

The elder First's deep frown seemed to be just an act; it smoothed out into a kind smile as he regarded Cloud. "What kind do you like?"

"Umm." His mom baked wonderful cakes but she couldn't be choppered in for the event. "Um, you made a spice cake that Zack let me have a slice of once… uh, would you mind doing that again? It was so good."

"You don't need to be so hesitant." Angeal, taking the lead, straightened his spine and lifted his chin; Cloud was copying the gesture before he realized it. "I can do that, no problem."

"Sweet. We can do it here, if you want, Cloud? Who do you wanna invite?"

"Um." Cloud squinted off at the floor. "Uh…" He had many 'friends,' infantry guys—but he'd fucked almost all of them at this point. And were his buddies from morning drill really anything at all compared to Zack, who was so kind and affectionate, and who'd taken such fantastic care of him that one night? If Zack was the criteria for 'friend' he doubted he'd ever have another friend ever again.

Zack understood, and smoothed over the awkward moment by saying, "Hey, you can think on it. And I can always invite my friends—it'll just be a hangout thing then, nothing serious. And Angeal and the other two will be there."

He probably glanced meaningfully at Angeal, because after a beat Angeal added hurriedly, "Of course."

Knowing that they cared enough to take responsibility for his birthday made Cloud's chest and belly warm. As much as he wanted to stay, though, and as much as he loved getting to know Angeal better, he had promised to himself he wouldn't take up too much of their time. Zack had told him how hard it was to get time alone with his lovers on occasion.

When he left both SOLDIERs bade him warm farewells. Who would have thought?

Since discovering the joys of carnal sin and all Cloud's letters to his mother had been short and infrequent. She always asked him how things were going, if he was eating enough, the usual. He sat outside in the shade (although the sun was never very intense in Midgar, due to the smog) and tried to craft a letter that could explain his current confusion without telling his mom that, well, he'd been having sex. He doubted she wanted to hear about that.

There was so much that had happened. He'd already been close to Zack but had gotten so much closer recently, surprising even himself. He met his heroes. Angeal, Sephiroth and Genesis were scary but weren't that scary; they were…nice, like he knew they would be after everything he'd heard from Zack. He was making a positive change in his life and trying to stop the meaningless hookups, fun as they were. He started using swords in his combat class two weeks ago, and he fucking loved it. He was good at something, finally.

Dear Mom, he started,

A lot has happened in the past month or so, so forgive me for not writing as often as I should have. I'm not really sure where to start. I haven't been able to figure out exactly what it is, but recently things have gotten kind of weird with Zack…

Thank you again everyone for being so kind and awesome. This has been a real blast so far. ^^