Quatre was quite thoroughly frightened out of his wits. Of course, a few simple words from me could easily have banished all his fears, but I abstained from comment. If Quatre was still too frightened of me, too hesitant about our relationship to come with me, then it was too early for this anyway. If Quatre lacked the trust to follow me into the unknown, then surely he would lack the trust to follow me further. I could merely wait and watch to see if he was ready, or if he would bolt. He followed me down the stairs in a daze, not bothering to protest because he was too shocked by this sudden change in arrangements. Trowa had packed his suitcase for me; I had spoken with Trowa first, because I knew he would worry badly about Quatre, and there was no need for that. Wufei and Heero, as well, had been included in the details of my plan, and Duo was too soundly asleep to notice. I was sure the others would explain it to him the next morning, and I had already warned Heero not to let him upset Trowa with his distrustful ideas. It would be hard enough for Trowa to let Quatre go without Duo to add to his fears.
Once in the car, Quatre became a bit more animated, peering out the windows frightfully and whimpering every so often. At one point he turned to me, moving closer until he was almost in my lap, and staring up into my eyes. "Are you selling me?" he'd wondered breathlessly. "You shouldn't have to ask that," I replied evenly, neither committing to a positive or negative response Quatre merely nodded, his eyes filled with despair, and laid his head on my lap. I gently caressed his hair, but allowed myself no more than that. In nothing but his baby blue pajamas, his blonde hair mussed and ready for sleep, he looked like a child who had awakened from a nightmare. It was all I could do not to pull him into my arms and banish his bad dreams. We drove for another hour or so, passing only forests and dense brush. Eventually we left the paved road for an even, well-packed dirt road. Quatre never noticed the change, for he had fallen asleep on my knee only a few minutes after our departure. From trust or despair, I couldn't tell, but I did notice that he curled subconsciously closer to me in his sleep when we hit a bump in road. It was a good sign, but perhaps not good enough. The house we pulled up at was small, shrouded in dense bushes and thick tree branches. The windows were dark, and only a solitary bulb illuminated the porch, casting an eerie glow onto the porch. It was not a dilapidated house, for all strangeness the darkness created, and would actually look quite well groomed in the daylight. I wondered for a moment of the powers of the night to alter our perceptions, then glanced down at Quatre. In the moonlight, he looked like the pale ghost of an innocent, instead of my bright-eyed angel. I shivered and quickly opened the door, hoping to cast that image from my mind. The car light instantly transformed Quatre back into himself, but it could not dispel the feelings of protectiveness his sleeping form created in me. I would do this... for him. The sound of the door opening awoke Quatre, and he blinked sleepily as he sat up. "Where..." he wondered, dazed, before glancing out the window at his surroundings. The house elicited a tiny gasp from him, and he trembled and slid closer to me. "Come," I instructed simply, sliding out of the car and away from him. He followed quickly, afraid of even a few inches between us. It was only when he hoped to the ground, shivering, and that I realized in his haste he had not put on his shoes, and I had not thought to grab them for him. It would be a defeat on my part to pick him up, for I did not want to give him even that much reassurance, but I could not allow him to walk on questionable ground and risk cutting his feet on a sharp rock or piece of glass. That would certainly do more harm to my plans than a simple gesture of kindness.
I lifted Quatre's light frame into my arms, wincing at the feeling of too little flesh covering bones, and carried him into the house. He was frightened at first, of my movements and of the strange place, but he did not fight me or even voice his protest. Once safely inside the house, I set him down, only have him sink to the floor in front of me. "Are you alright?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. He merely nodded, but there were tears in his eyes, and his face was a picture of misery.
"Why are we here?" he whispered softly, his voice filled to the brim with despair. I knew he couldn't take much more, and he had trusted me this far.
"Come sit on the couch," I said, pulling his to his feet and leading him down the hall to the den, where a fire was burning cheerily in the hearth. This was one of my favorite cabin, if only because of its simple, homey feel. The dense forest surrounding it didn't hurt either, for I was very fond of nature. His bare feet tread softly on the thick carpets of the room, and he sat shakily down on the couch, as far toward the arm as he could get. I sank down beside him, sitting close. He had trusted me this far, and it was time I returned his faith.
"I'll suppose you have no idea why you're here," I said, leading him into the conversation. He merely shook his head, curling in to himself. "You probably think I'm going to punish you. Or perhaps you thought you were being sold." At this, Quatre whimpered and buried his head in his arms, not daring to look my way. I smiled softly and moved to his side, pulling him into my arms. "Nothing could be further from the truth," I assured him, whispering softly in his ear as my hands ran soothing circles over his back. He dared to glance up at me. "This was a test of sorts, to see how strong your trust in me is."
"Did I... Did I pass?" Quatre asked softly, leaning his head against my chest.
"Honestly? I don't know," I told him, still wondering about it myself. "You were terrified and had several moments where you believed I would hurt or even sell you. And yet, you followed me all this way, never trying to run or fight me. Was it trust? Or fear?" I wondered, not really expecting Quatre to answer. "It wasn't either, really," he replied, not realizing the question was slightly rhetorical. "It's just... if it were so bad that even you would give up on me... you, who had been so kind and generous to us, even when we weren't doing what you want... if you would give up on me, could I possibly be worth anything? I mean, I know how much you've taken from Duo and how much you've taken from all of us. If I could make you give up on me... maybe I deserved to be given up on."
Ah. So it was partially affection toward me, partially a case of low self-esteem, and a very small part was trust. I didn't like it, but I'd take it... for now. "I brought you here, not because I'm angry at you, but because I was upset at the your idea of what sex is. I want to prove to you that this definition of lovemaking is entirely incorrect"
"I see," Quatre said, his tone implying hesitance.
"In order to show this, I will need to... demonstrate it. Do you understand? We will need intimate"
"Oh," Quatre replied in shock. His body was tense, his hands shaking. I turned him to look at me, giving him space to calm himself.
"Listen to me, Quatre. I am giving you a choice here. I want to teach you that sex doesn't always have to be painful, but it will be if you aren't willing. This has to be your choice, to trust me with both your heart and body. If you can't do it, if you're still too afraid and uncertain, you have to tell me or things will go very badly. I promise you, agreement or denial will have no consequences to you. If you say no, then we will simply spend the night here tonight and return home in the morning. I will, however, expect your self-abusive behavior to cease, because I have at the very least shown that I prize you equally to your peers. On the other hand, if you do agree, you will not have the option of backing out once we begin, so you must think very seriously about both options"
"I-I would like to try," Quatre answered nervously after only a moment. "That's not good enough. You must be certain," I told him seriously. He was quiet for several long minutes, and I gave him time to think. His face was creased in frown his eyes far away, but every so often they would flick to me and soften. After several minutes he seemed to come to some kind of conclusion, and turned to me. "Would you... Would you kiss me?" he asked tentatively. His request seemed a little odd to me, but I would not deny him evidence to help with his decision. I leaned close to him and placed my hand on the back of his head, tilting his face to meet mine. I pressed my lips against his soft, strawberry ones. After a moment, I pulled away. To my surprise, he looked frustrated. "That's not... I mean... I..." he stuttered, fisting his hands in the material of his pants and biting his lips. It wasn't until a blush stole across his face that I realized what was wrong.
More forcefully this time I tilted his face to receive mine, though still maintaining the gentleness I knew Quatre craved. When we parted, we were both breathing deeply, and Quatre had a distinctly heightened color.
"I think I can do this," he said. For the first time, I truly believe he could.