The typical infantry lunch break was forty-five minutes. In that time they could pretty much do what they wanted. It was not required to stay in the cafeteria for that time but most did—the line for food took about half that time anyway, so the rest was spent eating. Occasionally some people went back to their bunk to catch a quick nap (or fuck—but in Cloud's experience knowing that he had to report to his dreaded hand-to-hand class in such a short time made it nearly impossible to get hard, let alone finish with somebody). They had fairly regulated days, this being the military, and Cloud cherished his free Sundays and his free evenings. Sometimes the last of his duties were at 6 pm, other times 7, and once a week he got off at 5. There wasn't a lot of time to relax before he was required to be back in his bunk before lights-out but it was some time, at least.
Cloud skipped the lunch today and hauled ass to launch pad E as soon as he was relieved from his tactics class. He had never been to this particular location before but they were all the same, really. A number of ShinRa operatives took helicopters to their missions, including Turks, SOLDIERs, and the Infantry. More often than not Cloud took ground transport (which made him sick) but once or twice had taken a chopper himself outside the city (which made him sicker). Getting to the various helipads was a hassle and he took two wrong turns before finally emerging out of a final stairwell and into fresh air (well, it was air—fresh was debatable).
Genesis Rhapsodos was giving a talk to some Thirds, he knew, and was not present. Zack's other two boyfriends were, and the First was giving them their goodbyes across the pad. The helicopter's blades were not yet spinning, but according to his PHS Zack was slated to head out in just a few minutes, so they would be soon.
He waited a respectful distance away as Zack kissed and murmured to them, his hands cupping their cheeks. It had to be hard—you never knew what mission was going to be your last, after all. This could be a final goodbye.
Cloud shook himself violently out of that train of thought. Sephiroth noticed him standing there first and reached out with a hand, smiling faintly. Cloud hurried over.
"Spike," Zack greeted, grinning, "Good, you got my text."
"I almost didn't make it," Cloud huffed, still slightly out of breath from the fifteen flights of stairs he'd climbed from the floor his class had been on. It was honestly faster than taking the elevator.
"Nah, you're fine. Got a few minutes left. Just sayin' bye to these two."
Zack wrapped one arm around Sephiroth's neck and tugged him close. He pressed their cheeks together so their faces smushed. The Silver General normally would have been unamused, but Cloud had a feeling he didn't really mind.
"A week and a half?" Cloud asked, unable to hide the dismay in his voice.
"Yeah. Give or take a few days—I'm not sure how this'll plan out. It'll go fast."
Zack kissed both Angeal and Sephiroth a last time before moving to stand before Cloud. He put his hands on his hips and stared at his friend. Zack was in his full First Class uniform, and his sword was strapped to his back. He looked damn good.
The SOLDIER gave him a noogie and crowed, "You're not gonna miss me too much, are ya?"
"Stop," Cloud growled, pushing him away. His touch grew less hostile as Zack retreated and his arms slid around the man's neck in a hug. Zack embraced his waist and lifted; Cloud's boots left the helipad.
"Don't let those three be jerks to you while I'm gone." Zack spoke into his ear, and that familiar voice was so fond, so kind, so intimate. "Don't want to have to kick any asses when I get back."
"You should be worried about them. I don't take any shit."
"No, you don't, huh?" Zack's arms tightened around Cloud's body. "I'll see ya soon, Spike. Lemme know how that date goes when I get back, okay?"
I'll miss you, Cloud wanted to say, but didn't. Zack had been on many missions in the time Cloud had known him, and a few even longer than this. His heart ached this time, though; he desperately didn't want Zack to leave. With his friend so close and so affectionate he was just like he usually was, and not the stiff, uncomfortable man he'd been lately. It was just too bad that he had to bring up the dating thing now, right before he left. Their last interaction before the mission should be nothing but happy, not frustrating.
Cloud twitched slightly as fingers pushed the hair away from his ears from behind and palms pressed gently over his ears in their entirety. His eyes, squeezed shut, opened to discover the reason why; the helicopter propellers were starting up. In a few seconds they were spinning fast, and their roar was now muted.
Zack let him down with a plop, gave them all a last goofy nod and a wink, and jogged over to the chopper. He climbed inside and a Turk with bright red hair raised a hand in acknowledgement to Sephiroth and Angeal from the cockpit.
Even with Angeal's hands over his ears it was pretty loud; SOLDIERs had enhanced hearing, didn't they? It had to be even worse for a First. Cloud slowly rotated in Angeal's grip, and the man quickly switched his hands so his arms wouldn't get tangled. Cloud reached up and covered Angeal's ears with his own hands, grinning.
They watched as the chopper took to the air. Green smog swallowed it up awfully quickly, and that was that. Cloud swallowed thickly around a lump in his throat, his hands retracting and coasting absentmindedly down Angeal's broad chest. He leant against the older man briefly; Angeal tucked some of Cloud's hair behind one of his ears. "You okay?" He asked.
Cloud nodded, "Yeah," but couldn't look at him.
"As far as we know, his assignment should not put him in any critical danger," Sephiroth informed him. As the chopper took off his face had twisted into annoyance but he hadn't covered his ears. SOLDIERs were masochists. His expression was smoothed out now, but to Cloud, he looked a little sad. "Zack should be back with us soon."
If there was anyone Cloud felt like he could trust when it came to military matters it was Sephiroth, but it didn't escape his notice how the General said should and not will.
"He always comes back with a stupid smile and a story," said Cloud, "I know he'll be fine, I just—I don't know…"
Angeal wrapped one big arm around him and hugged him tight, squeezing before finally letting him go. They understood what Cloud was trying to say, but couldn't—thus far the three seemed to always know what he was really thinking, even if they didn't always let on.
Genesis had hinted at it finally, but nothing was conclusive. That was on him, the Commander had said. He still had to get back to him about his results.
Cloud sighed at the thought, and bade Angeal and Sephiroth farewell. "I have to go to my hand-to-hand now. I'll… see you two around, maybe?"
"What do you mean, 'maybe?'" Angeal asked. He grinned and held the door open for the other two as they descended down a stairwell and onto a proper floor. "I think we're all friends at this point. You don't want to come see us while Zack isn't here?"
"Oh," Cloud stammered, "No, that's—not it at all. I just—didn't think you'd want…?"
"I'm teasing," Angeal admitted, though his eyebrows were drawn together in concern. "Of course we want you. To—spend time with you," he corrected, "Seph?"
Sephiroth glanced back at both of them before continuing his stride down the hallway, and ShinRa personnel scurried out of his way as he did. "I agree. By now, regardless of whether Zack is here or not, you are very much ours, Cloud."
The General meant our friend, part of our group, but Cloud still let Angeal drift ahead of him so no one could see his hot face. They got on different elevators, as they were going in different directions, and Cloud said confidently, "See you soon," knowing that he would.
"Check this out."
Five boys, two girls and one cool Cadet that was neither crowded around a small table in one of the infantry lounges. They were poorly kept, especially compared to SOLDIER's (those had coffee makers and couches without holes and stuffing popping out) but this was one place that haughty Third classes didn't think it was worth going, even to bug the infantry. The newest shipment of letters and packages from home had just come in, and one young man had hit the motherlode.
A large cardboard box was packed with snacks and sweets from his well-to-do family back in Mideel, and as soon as he said "Yeah, you guys can have some," seven grabby hands plunged in and started fighting for stuff. Cloud managed to get a bag of chips and two packages of cookies with some sort of chocolate filling and moved to a chair on the edges of the room before he could be guilt-tripped into putting something back.
They didn't make a lot of money in the military, after all, and nearly everything Cloud did make went home to his mother. It took her some time to understand Cloud's decision to head to Midgar but realistically there was no chance for employment in Nibelheim. The economy was stunted and no one liked the Strife family besides. He was glad to support her as best he could from Midgar.
Her most recent letter had arrived, and he was glad. Not having Zack around for two days now was making him feel surprisingly down, even though he told himself repeatedly he wouldn't get upset. It was so weird. Thankfully he was past the point where he could ignore it; something was up. He planned to use Zack's absence productively and figure out what the fuck was going on in his head.
It doesn't mean anything, his friend Andrew had said. It was entirely possible that Cloud losing his virginity to Zack had spawned some understandable, but ultimately useless and juvenile feelings that would go away with time. They hadn't faded yet, and had only grown more complicated as Cloud navigated his new relationships with Angeal, Genesis and Sephiroth.
Now he wasn't so sure.
"Letter from your mom?"
"Yeah," Cloud answered absently, carefully opening her envelope. He felt bad tearing it. Her cards were always the same, a picture of the Nibel mountainside on the front that could be purchased cheaply in packs at the general store in town, but sometimes she drew on it to make it interesting. This time she'd drawn what looked like him, but as a child—yikes, there was that ponytail he'd never live down—and what looked like Tifa. Cloud had a little stick in his hand (I should have known you'd be interested in swordfighting, his mom had sighed during one of their talks pre-departure for ShinRa).
Cloud smiled—he missed Tifa. One day he'd meet up with her again, and hopefully he would be worth more of her attention and time. They could be friends as equals. One day.
In his last letter he'd elaborated a little more about his Zack problem. It was hard to find ways to talk about it without confessing what he'd done with Zack, or that he was plagued with, gulp, romantic thoughts around his friend. They weren't just physical anymore, and that was just something he noticed from time to time, when Zack was present and close and touching him or one of his partners. His chant of it doesn't mean anything got weaker and weaker with each iteration.
Then he crammed a huge discussion of the other three in the second half of the card, his handwriting cramped and messy—how much he liked them, how great they were, how they treated him so well, and how he never expected them to enjoy spending time with him. He even finally mentioned how they were all a couple, another reason why he hesitated mentioning specifically his issues with Zack. If his mom thought it was weird, or gross, or couldn't comprehend it, he didn't want that spilling over to him too. That would be hard to handle right now, with all of his other worries.
I went through some old photo albums the other night, his mom wrote, and I found some of you and Tifa around eight years old. Do you remember that time you sat out in the cold outside her house for hours because you wanted to give her your art project? If her father wasn't such a horrible dick to you and hadn't chased you away I'm sure she would have liked it. Cloud blinked at the word 'dick' – his mom had never used profanity around him as a child, and it was still weird every time it happened.
To be honest, I was holding out for the two of you getting married someday for a long time. I suppose it was a bit silly. You've moved on, I see. I'm much more concerned with you being happy, Cloud—you should know that. Don't hold yourself back from anything (or anyone!) because you're worried what I might think. Moms should be the last of your worries when you're searching for love. (Maybe it's a good thing Grandma isn't here to pester me about the dinner I had with Jacob last Friday…)
Cloud's heart beat erratically and his face started to burn. What was she talking about? Not about her date with one of the men in town, he had known that was coming from her last letter, but— was she giving him her okay to…? Did she know that he…?
Cloud paused. That he what? Had some sort of a weird crush on all four of them individually, and on the group as a whole? That was fine, but it wasn't like he was pursuing anything, which she was apparently approving of. He sighed raggedly and skimmed the rest of her letter.
Oh, wow! she said about the foursome, That sounds really complicated. How do they make enough time for everyone to use the bathroom in the morning?
Cloud chuckled. It was because they very rarely were able to spend the night together as four. Most of the time they slept as two groups of two at various apartments, and that was assuming all four were at HQ at once. Sometimes they needed space and thus one more would spend the night alone at their own apartment. Plus, he was fairly sure the showers at Sephiroth's and Genesis's places, being the biggest and most expensive (Angeal's was small because he was a cheap bastard) could hold two—or maybe more—people at once, but he didn't plan to tell his mom that.
They sound like great friends Cloud. I'm glad to hear that you found your own little family in Midgar.
Cloud was almost blushing too hard at this point to continue, but he forced himself to quickly read the last of her letter.
. . . I can tell from here what you're doing—focus really hard on what you want so you know for sure, and then DO something about it, dear. You were always too shy to tell Tifa that you thought she was cute, but you're an adult now.
I love you so much,
Mom
"Fuck," Cloud groaned.
"Letter from your girlfriend?" Someone asked obnoxiously, snickering at Cloud's overwhelmed expression.
"Hell yeah it is," Cloud shot back, "Your mom wants me to tell you that if you fuck up so badly loading your rifle during drill again she'll disown you."
Someone nearby laughed; Cloud stuck the letter in his back pocket and tried not to think too hard about what exactly she was encouraging him to do.
True to their word Cloud hung out with the famous SOLDIER Trio not once, or twice, but many times during Zack's absence. Without his best friend as a buffer Cloud tended to be more quiet than usual during the first hour or so but inevitably opened up. They were not unkind, and had come to care about him in their own ways—there was no reason to be closed-off.
That said, Cloud doubted he'd ever be the type to sing and dance in front of these three, or anybody, but sometimes they managed to get him positively riled up.
"Kill him," Angeal had advised a minute earlier, and now Cloud was pummeling Genesis with a couch throw pillow.
"I didn't mean anything by it," Genesis whined between blows. His arms were raised to block the hits but he hadn't retaliated yet.
"I told you—" Cloud huffed, getting in a particularly satisfying smack over the head, "—like fifty times that I hate it."
"Keep hitting him," Sephiroth said approvingly as he wandered in from the kitchen with a snack.
Genesis eventually knocked the pillow away with little more than a flick of his wrist and then grabbed Cloud's, pulling the teen close to him, half-straddling his thighs. "Well fine," he sighed, "I won't call you 'chocobo' anymore."
"Or make any chocobo references," Cloud said heatedly. He'd learned a few things in his hand-to-hand class about how to break grips like these and he shook off Genesis's hands with a maneuver that had been on his last test. Genesis just grabbed him again though, but he looked briefly approving.
"Ugh. Okay." Genesis's smile grew sweet though and his hands relaxed and slid a few inches down Cloud's palms so he could twine their fingers together. "But we have to have some sort of pet name for you, no? We all have them."
"Um," Cloud said. "You can just call me 'Cloud.'"
"Boring," countered Genesis. "I'm a fan of 'kitten' myself. I think it's a nice little commentary on your situation with Zack."
"Genesis," someone grunted.
The redhead sent an unimpressed look over Cloud's shoulder. "What about 'blondie?'"
"We need something that's blue, for your eyes," Angeal offered. "'Blue…jay?'"
"Bird reference," Cloud sighed, pretending to be cross.
"No, it needs to show how much of a little asshole he is. 'Demon?'"
Cloud couldn't whack Genesis with his hands so gently headbutted him instead.
"See what I mean?"
"Cloud is cute, not evil," Sephiroth chimed in.
The other three peered at him. The Silver General was preoccupied with a tiny bowl of ice cream and looked rather startled when he looked up to find he held everyone's attention. "So think of a cute name," Angeal told him.
Sephiroth looked awkward as hell. "Hm," he began, "…Pumpkin."
"What the fuck?" Genesis exclaimed, as Cloud burst out laughing. Genesis let him go finally and Cloud scooted over to the far end of the couch, the one adjacent to the one Angeal was sitting on, so he could be close to the man.
"You said cute," Sephiroth defended. "I thought of the costumes babies are often dressed in. Those are very cute."
"Does he look like a baby in diapers?" Genesis gestured dramatically at Cloud, who smiled sheepishly.
"Of course not. Cloud, you are a lovely young man with considerable amounts of sex appeal but even you would not look good in a diaper."
Cloud flushed, but Angeal started to laugh—the usually reserved man covered his face with one hand and emitted these tiny, quiet chuckles long after the joke stopped being funny. "I'm sorry," he apologized after calming somewhat, wiping at his eyes with his thumb, "I just got the most ridiculous picture in my head."
"Alright, alright," Cloud interjected, waving his hands awkwardly, hoping no one else tried to imagine him dressed like that.
The laughter and his real personality was starting to come out around these three just as effortlessly as it did with Zack. It was hard to remember why he had been so wary of them during his first meeting. They didn't hate him for sleeping with Zack, they liked him. Liked him a lot, Cloud was fairly sure. More than he was expecting. They liked him so much it was confusing…and Cloud liked them so much it was even worse. How could he not?
They were open to all his questions and with Zack temporarily out of the picture he used the opportunity to ask everything he'd been meaning to.
On a different night, when they had again invited him over, saying that they were trying to 'get to know him better,' Cloud asked, "Sorry if this is a rude question, but how does it work adding another person to a polyamorous relationship?"
"Why would you be curious about that?" Angeal's eyes were bright and fixed on Cloud with unusual intensity.
"Zack's told me a bit about how he ended up with you three, but not a whole lot. And I guess I'd just like to learn more about it."
Genesis inquired, "Having multiple partners might be something you think you'd enjoy?"
Cloud frowned as he considered. He hadn't forgotten his conversation with Genesis over melted ice cream; the man was still waiting on his answer.
"I think we're all at the point where we could use some honesty—not just from you. What do you want, Cloud?"
Cloud let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed at his face with his hand. "I really don't know."
"I want you to think hard. No—I need you to. I understand things are confusing with Zack at the moment."
Staring blandly at his boots Cloud asked, "You know about that?"
"Of course we do. …Hey." Genesis' voice grew softer. "We're not mad at you."
"I didn't think you were."
"Hm."
"…What do you think about Zack? What he wants, I mean."
"Aren't your own concerns more important?"
Cloud didn't answer. His brows drew together in frustration. Genesis's arm finally wound around his shoulders and he tucked Cloud against his side. "For what it's worth, you don't have to worry about us. I think you and Zack have to work out your issues between yourselves before we think about next steps."
"Next steps?"
The SOLDIER turned to look at him. His smile was kind, and lacked the mocking edge or superiority Genesis usually carried. "Think of it this way. If you didn't have to worry about pre-existing relationships or whether your feelings are reciprocated or not—what do you want most right now?" Genesis spread his arms. "If the sky was the limit. Maybe we can all talk more together once you have an answer."
"Maybe?" was his answer to Genesis' immediate question. "Honestly, it freaked me out at first. I hadn't heard of an arrangement like that before. I guess I had some…weird ideas about it in my head when Zack first told me." He wasn't sugarcoating it for their sakes; there was little point. "But now I get it, I think. I don't think it's my first choice, and wouldn't be up at all if I hadn't met all of you, but it seems so… normal, and easy, with you four. So I guess I wouldn't discount polyamory for myself, in case the opportunity ever came up."
It was more than Cloud had ever said at once to any of them, and despite the uncomfortable sentences they seemed to understand what he was saying, and that he meant no disrespect or harm.
Angeal's warm hand came down on his knee. A gentle squeeze made Cloud look over. "That's good to hear," he confided, his thumb gently stroking his skin even as he continued, "And with Zack… it took some time."
"He told me that you were worried for about a year?"
"Was he ever."
Angeal scratched his nose, looking bashful. "I'll admit I panicked about a lot of things that seem silly in hindsight."
"Not all of it was unwarranted." Sephiroth scraped repeatedly at the bottom of his bowl with his spoon to get every last melted drop, and the noise was making Genesis' lip curl away from his teeth. Cloud discreetly shook his head when the General looked his way, and tilted his head at Genesis. Sephiroth put the bowl down, and he looked grateful.
"No. I was right to be wary of our work relationship. We didn't allow our relationship to turn physical until I stopped being his mentor."
"Could you have gotten in trouble?"
"Probably. I doubt anyone would have tried it, but if they had, there was ample evidence for a reprimand."
"I was wondering how it worked out between SOLDIERs."
"There's no rules against it, provided you're not in a position like I was, where I gave him a grade. There are some special channels involved for mentoring that involve performance reviews by the mentor that came up during his candidacy review for First. There wasn't anything wrong with Sephiroth or Genesis dating Zack—just me. Once he made First and didn't need me anymore it was fine."
Cloud nodded along as he processed the information. "But was it clear that you two were interested in each other for a long time before that?"
"Definitely. It was hard, waiting for that long."
"But," Genesis added, "It should be said that it doesn't always take that long for someone to get added into a group. It depends on the people involved and the circumstances. For example—say we only knew a person for a little over two months. If the attraction and chemistry is there, why not?"
He looked at Cloud expectantly, raising his eyebrows impatiently in that way that Cloud knew meant he was supposed to respond. "Uh, right."
Angeal approved of his answer. "Like any other relationship, you date first, right? Another person could come aboard someday but that doesn't mean they're committed to spending their rest of their lives with us. Especially if we've only known them for two months. It means we get to spend more time with them, get a feel for what it's like with them in the group. And if anyone wanted to leave someday, they'd be allowed. A polyamorous relationship isn't a jail sentence."
"So we're talking about you guys now," Cloud noted. "You'd really consider adding someone new? You seem so… content right now."
"If everyone liked them, and wanted them." Sephiroth watched Cloud evenly. "Do you remember the time I told you about feeling something was lacking?"
"On my birthday. Yeah."
"After thinking about it for a time I think that might be it."
"Really," Cloud breathed.
"Is that such a surprise?" Angeal's thumb tapped against Cloud's leg, trying to get his attention, but Cloud couldn't look at any of them.
There was no getting around it.
Genesis asked him what do you want most right now? and still expected an answer once he reached a conclusion.
Andrew said that Cloud would get over it, that his affection for Zack, crashing outward in exponential waves since they'd slept together, would eventually calm. It didn't look like that was the case.
All the talk about next steps and the other three's hints about adding someone to their group (not to mention that he'd known them for somewhere over two months) was making Cloud's head spin. Yeah, he'd always had crushes on them, and these days Cloud felt that the lack of their presence was nearly as painful as Zack's, but… fuck, he didn't know! Everything was a goddamn mess. A mess.
A hard life in Nibelheim had left him wary; it wasn't even in his nature to hope too hard for anything. Realizing that he had some problematic feelings for his best friend was one thing, but it was completely another to start to wish for…
An utterly lackluster date a few days before Zack was due to arrive home offered some clarity, but not enough. It was some buddy of Zack's, a SOLDIER Second named Akoni who was dull as a rock, not nearly as cute as Damon, and whose breath smelled like the rancid cafeteria meatloaf. …He wasn't really that bad—although the meatloaf thing was no joke—but the utter lack of chemistry or interest made it a painful few hours.
He finally responded to his mother as soon as he got back to HQ. He'd hesitated as he sorted out his thoughts in his time away from Zack but he wasn't interested in waiting anymore. He laid it all out, pushing past his embarrassment—the current situation with all of them. He wanted Zack, and he wanted the other three, and it seemed like some of his affection was returned, but he didn't know anything about Zack. And if he was right, and they were thinking about him joining up with all of them—was that a thing he'd even want? Or be comfortable with? Could he handle that?
He sent the letter off before he could chicken out—just did it, like how he'd called Zack in his bunk that one time, accepting his promise of a stress-free, enjoyable first time. He even paid the exorbitant fee for fast arrival—he never spent any of the small amount of Gil he saved for himself anyway. He'd thought himself rather confident in this arena now—if he wanted to fuck a fellow trooper he could do that, just go up and say so. That was really all there was to it. Hardly complicated.
But this was trickier, and for bigger stakes. Even the best occasionally needed a little assistance.
Cloud didn't see Zack at all on the first day he returned to HQ, nor anybody else. That wasn't a huge surprise. Sure enough Zack invited him over on the second night. He'd asked through text what Cloud wanted ordered from their favorite delivery place and it was there when he arrived. Zack was in PJs and had a bottle of booze in his hand.
"Spike," he greeted from the couch as Cloud took off his boots in the doorway. "Long time no see, bud!"
The alcohol was a celebration to himself for a successful mission, he said. On Friday nights Zack could do whatever he wanted, as SOLDIER had Saturdays off—though it wasn't even like he could get hungover or be in poor enough shape to miss work the next morning anyway. Cloud very much had drill at 0600 hours but accepted a couple shots anyway, and then a couple more because Zack was here and that was worth celebrating too.
The mission had been boring, Zack said. A whole lot of 'standing around and looking pretty.'
"Dude. We went out to eat at this one restaurant on our last day, and I don't even know what kinda food it was, but it was the best damn thing I've ever had." He described at length the fried dough with sugar he'd had and the three bowls of noodles, patting his belly and groaning and being the stupid little shit Cloud had come to adore so much.
"How was that date?"
"Shitty," Cloud answered easily, uncaring. "He's a nice guy, just not my type. I appreciate you setting us up though."
"Aw man."
"Honestly, I think the worst thing about it was the interrogation I got from the other three afterward."
Sephiroth, nosier than Cloud had ever suspected, bluntly asked him for all the details the next time Cloud had met them after said date. Angeal's arms crossed and his eyes narrowed throughout the whole conversation, and Genesis kept saying things like, "Oh, so you want a partner who does the opposite of that, then?"
Talking about them was so preferable to talking about failed dates. He'd gotten so much closer to the trio during Zack's absence and he filled him in on all the stuff they'd done.
"Dang. I'm glad you're all such good friends, Spike. They told me a bit about how they hung out with you. I'm glad."
"They're great, Zack."
"Aren't they?"
"You glad to see them again?"
"Fuck yes."
At this point Zack was giggly and sluggish and Cloud was past tipsy—Zack was looking awfully soft in his sweatpants and t-shirt and Cloud shuffled over until he could press against his side. Like old times. Zack looped an arm around his lower back.
"Spike. Confession. I had half my day off today, 'cause of the mission thing and all. I spent all of it in bed."
"Nice," Cloud said, grinning, "With the other three?"
"You know it. Reunion sex is second only to make-up sex." He pouted after a moment. "But all of us were together only last night. They had duties and shit today. Sephiroth took his lunch hour at nine am to come see me."
"That's nice of him."
"Eh. He just wanted to fuck some more." Zack waved a hand. "And Gen came at ten, and Angeal at eleven. It was kinda weird, but nice to see them again." He laughed at some memory from this morning, then turned to Cloud. He punched the blond's shoulder. "And it's good to see you too."
"I missed you, Zack," Cloud admitted softly.
"Aw. C'mere!"
They hugged, but Cloud didn't let go after a few seconds, at an acceptable time. Neither did Zack. "I missed you too, Spike," his friend muttered into his hair.
They tipped backwards, until Cloud's back hit the cushions and Zack bowed over him. Cloud continued to hug to the older man as Zack nuzzled by his ear. They lay there for a short while, just breathing steadily.
Then Cloud opened his mouth, and the shit poured forth.
"Zack, you don't know," he began, "You don't know."
The man hummed against his temple, "What don't I know?"
"Everything. I missed you so much. It's not the same with you gone anymore."
"I know."
"Nothing's the same since we fucked. It's all—messed up."
"Shit," Zack swore, and settled more of his weight onto Cloud. "Don't you think I know that too? What the hell happened?"
Cloud's arms tightened around Zack's neck, really clinging now, forcing the other to stay close and keep up that tantalizing pressure against the whole length of his body. He sighed raggedly as Zack's hand slid into his hair on the opposite side of his face, the side he wasn't cheek-to-cheek with.
"You don't get it. I—"
Cloud trailed off with a small groan. Everything about Zack felt so good, just his presence, and the pleasure of finally getting this off his chest.
Zack crooned into his ear, "You what?"
"I can't stop thinking about you. About—it, what we did."
"Shit. It's like every goddamn time I'm alone and I jerk off I'm hearin' your voice in my ear again."
Cloud's eyes opened wide at that delicious bit of information. His ankles locked around the small of Zack's back like they had when Zack pounded into him that night, finally aiming for orgasm.
"Same. Every time I have sex," Cloud panted, his whole body humming, "Every time. It's just you."
"You were so good, Cloud, and I had so much fun—"
"No one's fucked me as good as you did—"
"Gaia, it's killing me every time I see you—"
"Ugh, Zack—"
"I wanna do it again—"
They grunted and groaned little endearments to each other. They didn't kiss, but pressed their heads together and roughly clutched at each other's shoulders and backs. Cloud arched against Zack's chest, his whole body singing. "Let's do it," he said bravely, right into Zack's ear. Confessions uttered that way didn't have a chance to linger uncomfortably in the air, after all.
It was when Zack let out a loud, too-real moan of pleasure that they both stilled. The euphoria of finally saying what needed to be said was not, in fact, the cause of Cloud's rapid pulse, the blush staining both their cheeks, and the wondrous feelings making him tremble and shake.
They were both hard and had been rutting against each other on the couch for a while now. Two shocked gazes met. There were two options: keep going and fuck, like Cloud had just suggested, or stop.
Zack chose to disengage.
He slid away, sending cold air in to replace the burning places he'd occupied. Cloud scuttled away, to the far armrest, and Zack looked at him. He'd never seen his friend look so scared.
"We can talk about it," Cloud blurted. He hated talking about shit but—all that stuff Zack had told him just now, it couldn't mean anything bad. This was fixable.
"Shit." Zack dropped his head into his hands. "Cloud."
Zack hardly ever called him Cloud.
"What?"
"I'm not—can we discuss this when I'm not drunk, please? I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry," Cloud said. "I shouldn't have—"
Zack raised a hand. "It's fine. I'm just gonna sleep."
It was a clear dismissal. Cloud stood, grabbed his stuff, and left without ceremony.
In bed he painfully combed over every second of his time with Zack. He'd obviously messed up, but he couldn't figure out where exactly that mistake was.
Thank you everyone once more. This is on its way out now - only a couple chapters left. You're all such babes, gosh.