A/N: Continuing on from the last chapter, there is one more chapter after this and then the epilogue that has yet to be written. Thanks so much for sticking with this story and for all your encouraging reviews. S.C. x
"Good, because I suspect we've got rather a big audience gawking at us by now."
Thursday, 7th October 2004 – The Grid
"Shit!" He lifts his head abruptly and straightens up, snatching his hands back as if burned, his eyes on hers, probing deeply, more than a little worried about her reaction. "Ruth, I..." He tails off, unsure of what to tell her.
Her cheeks are flushed, her gaze a little embarrassed, but she doesn't bolt or turn away, giving him a crooked little smile instead and murmuring, "It was bound to happen eventually. We can't hide forever, Harry."
"No, but..." He sighs. "I'm sorry, Ruth. This is terribly unprofessional of me." He still hasn't dared to look through the window, but she's right – there's little hope that no one has seen them for, though they're tucked away in the corner somewhat, they're in full view of part of the Grid, more of it when one considers that they had to cross his office together to get here.
"Perhaps," she acknowledges quietly, "but it's terribly human too, Harry, and your humanity is one of the things that I love most about you."
He smiles, eyes softening with love. "I suppose we'd better file that paperwork today then."
She nods, giving him a small smile in return. "I've had it ready for weeks, waiting for the right time to hand it in."
His heart warms to hear that. "I'd say the right time is upon us."
She nods again and takes a deep breath. "Come when they may, they shall not find us skulking and hiding, as if we feared to take our portion of the light of day, and left it all to them," she quotes, resting her hands and her weight on his knees for a moment as she stands.
He follows her up, smiling. She really is marvelous, his Ruth. "Hornblower?" he asks.
"Dickens," she replies with a small smile and soft look before she turns to leave his office.
His eyes follow her across the room for a moment before he turns abruptly to the window, needing to know who witnessed his moment of weakness and the evidence of his closeness to Ruth.
There's a handful of them – young admin staff and junior officers – who drop their eyes in haste and go into a flurry of activity, and he can't help the way his heart sinks to see them. There's no hope, then, that the news of his involvement with Ruth won't spread through the Service – and beyond – like wildfire. He should probably attempt to see the DG today to get his signature on his own S24, as well as pushing through Ruth's paperwork. Far better for both of them to preempt the gossip and make it appear that the latter resulted from them filing the appropriate paperwork.
None of his senior officers seem to have born witness to what happened, except Sam, who, unlike the younger crew, is still staring at him with lips slightly parted. She has no subtlety, that one. How does she ever hope to become a proper spy? He narrows his eyes at her and watches with satisfaction as she quickly closes her mouth and drops her gaze, but instead to turning away like the rest of them, she simply lifts her eyes again and gives him a dazzling smile. She has balls at least, he acknowledges to himself as he holds her gaze, waiting for her to look away first before turning back to his desk. Much like Ruth, Sam has never really feared him – something he's always found rather disconcerting. She's certainly the only one of his officers besides Ruth who's ever dared to hug and kiss him – though, thankfully, in a very chaste way – and as his thoughts turn to Catherine once more, he can't help hoping that she too will, one day soon, feel as comfortable around him as Sam clearly does, comfortable enough to show her affection physically – or at least allow him to do so – and perhaps even tease him on occasion.
She leaves Harry's office with her gaze lowered, though she tries to keep her head held high. She's been thinking about this and worrying about it for so long, but it's not made it any easier to deal with, now that she finally finds herself here. Part of her can't quite believe how bold she was, back in his office, where on earth she'd found the courage, but her concern for Harry had overridden everything else as she'd watched him sway and struggle to breathe and she'd just gone to him, desperate to help, terrified his heart had given out or worse, and she was about to lose him.
She can't quite face the Grid floor, so she takes the corridor towards the technical suite, trying to martial her thoughts and come up with something to justify her seeking out Malcolm. She hasn't got very far, however, before Zoe rounds the corner in front of her, her expression so shocked, that Ruth has no doubt she witnessed all of what just happened.
"Ruth?" she says and pauses, seemingly lost for words. "What...?"
"It's Catherine," she replies instantly, babbling in her anxiety. "The thought of her being an agent for the November Committee. It's really stressing him out. He... he couldn't breathe and..." She tails off, losing her momentum as she realizes that this isn't helping and, moreover, is likely doing some damage to Harry's image and authority. He certainly wouldn't thank her for exposing his moment of weakness like this.
Zoe frowns at her. "So you and Harry-" but she never gets to finish her sentence as Sam materializes behind her.
"Oh my god, Ruth!" She exclaims breathlessly, rushing towards them, eyes bright, cheeks flushed, looking alarmingly excited. "I can't believe you didn't tell us! How long's it been going on?"
"How long's what been going on?" she manages to stutter, only to wish that she hadn't.
"Hochmagandy with Harry, of course," Sam replies, waving an impatient hand.
"Hochma-what-now?" Zoe looks confused.
"Sex!" Sam exclaims, only to realize that she's just made a huge assumption. "You are shagging him, aren't you?" she asks earnestly, turning back to Ruth.
Sometimes she hates Sam's candor and her teasing, jesting nature, though at other times, she thinks that it's fantastic. Nights on the town or a drink at the George with Sam are always a riot and she's always felt grateful for Sam and Zoe's friendship and the camaraderie they share as the women of Section D. She's not found anything like it at work before, not since her student days at Oxford.
"Nice, Sam. Classy," Zoe observes sarcastically.
"What?"
"You couldn't think of a nicer way to ask that? Not everyone jumps into bed with a guy at the first opportunity, you know."
"Are you saying you didn't bang Will the first chance you got, then?"
"Well..."
"See? I bet Ruth got Harry in the sac faster than you could say porridge. He's hot and I bet his good. Am I right?"
"Hot? Harry?!" Zoe looks a little stunned.
"Yeah. Those pouty lips and, have you looked at his arse lately?" She turns to Ruth and adds quickly, "Not that you've anything to worry about, Ruth. He's not my type and, besides, I think he's really quite smitten." She giggles and looks gleeful and Ruth has absolutely no idea what to say to that.
Silence stretches on for several moments as both Zoe and Sam look at her expectantly. It's weird and uncomfortable, but at the same time, not as bad as she thought it would be, and she can't help feeling a surge of gratitude for Sam, and for Zoe, for seeking her out and talking to her, still treating her like a friend and giving her a good ribbing, rather than withdrawing in shock and recoiling at the thought of her shagging their boss and telling him all their secrets.
"Well," she says eventually and clears her throat, unable to find the words. How can she put into words all that Harry means to her? How can she make them understand how special he is? How they have nothing to fear from this? How she values their friendship and her biggest fear has always been that people will judge her, look down on her, and sneer at her for being with Harry?
Sam sighs in exasperation. "Come on, Ruth! Someone's gonna come looking for us soon and give us a good bollocking for not getting any work done. It's simple. Are you dating Harry?"
"Yes," she says meekly.
"I knew it!" Sam exclaims, her big grin giving Ruth courage. "How long?"
She hesitates, unsure of how to answer. She can't possibly admit the truth. "You know when Tom-"
"Oh my god! Ruth! It's been months. And you didn't say anything?!"
"Oh sure, because you'd tell us all, Sam, if you were dating the boss." Zoe comes to her rescue.
"Okay. You've got a point. You do love him though, don't you?" Sam asks.
She swallows. "Yes, I do."
"Awwww," Sam coos. "That's so sweet. How did it happen? Did he ask you out?"
They look at her expectantly, but before she can answer, Sam's speaking again, wiggling her eyebrows. "He seduced you, didn't he?"
She frowns. "Maybe I seduced him," she replies, annoyed suddenly at the assumption that she's taken a back seat in her relationship with Harry.
"Brilliant!" Sam claps her hands in glee.
Ruth drops her gaze, a soft smile gracing her lips as she thinks of Harry. "Yes. It is. He's... lovely."
"I knew he had a softer side," Sam agrees. "Like a bear that turns into a teddy."
Zoe looks at her askance, but privately, Ruth thinks that's quite a good description of Harry.
"I've been so scared to tell anyone," she confesses softly, knowing that she needs to say this. "I thought everyone would think that I have... ulterior motives for being with Harry because – well, that's probably obvious – but you guys have been great and I just wanted to say thank you." She glances up at them to see them both looking pleased and a little bashful. "And I also feel I should say that I hope you know that I wouldn't betray anyone's trust by telling him things I shouldn't – private things, I mean, like people pulling a sickie or – I don't know – stuff no one wants their boss to know about. Truthfully, we rarely talk about work at home-"
"At home!" Zoe sounds shocked. "You're-"
"No, no. I meant when we're together... at his place or mine," she hastens to explain.
"Told you. Hochmagandy." Sam grins at her, making her blush. "Is he any good?"
"Bloody hell, Sam! He's our boss. I really don't think I want to know that," Zoe objects.
"Well, I do."
"Sam," Harry's low voice makes Sam's eyes widen so far that Ruth has to lift her hand and cover her mouth to suppress a giggle, "Adam's looking for you."
"Yes, of course, Harry." She turns, her eyes glued to the floor, and hurries away, Zoe right behind her, and it's only once they're gone that Ruth allows herself a laugh.
"Were they really just asking you about my sexual prowess, Ruth, or did I just imagine that?" He looks a little dumbfounded.
"Oh no. That just happened. Standard female conversation, I'm afraid," she explains with an amused smile. "Don't men talk about that kind of thing?"
"Not..." he begins, then tails off, still looking a little bemused. "No."
"So what would your mates ask you about me then? If I can cook?"
He chuckles, reaching for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." She smiles up at him.
"You're sure?"
"I'm fine," she reiterates. "Relieved they don't seem to hold it against me."
"Good," he says, holding her gaze in a way that he's never allowed himself at work before.
"Harry, we really shouldn't..." she murmurs, yet finds herself unable to look away. "People knowing doesn't mean we should give ourselves license to act any differently than we have been."
He smiles, his eyes softening further as he continues to gaze at her. "You're right. Mooning over you is not very professional."
She laughs and looks down for a moment, blushing, then lifts her eyes back to his.
"What would you have told Sam if I hadn't interrupted?" he asks, his eyes twinkling.
She grins, knowing full well what he's hoping to hear, yet unable to resist the temptation to keep him guessing. "I thought we just agreed to stick to work, and I have a lot of it to be getting on with."
He hums and purses his lips, perhaps considering the possibility that the answer to his question might not be a favorable one. "I'm on my way to see the DG," he says. "I wanted to sign and file your S24 before then, if you have it?"
"Of course. I'll just go get it." She smiles up at him and walks away, pausing to look back as she's about to round the corner. "My answer would have been 'the best'," she says, the twinkle in his eye and the smug smile on his lips lifting her spirits and easing her remaining anxiety. Not everyone's reaction will be as positive as Sam's and Zoe's has been, but she'll survive it and their relationship will survive it and, at the end of the day, she'll have Harry's love and warmth to look forward to, which makes it all worthwhile.