Chapter 6 – Mandy's Story

I was sat in the living room of the clinic on Saturday morning. Mandy had gone to the canteen in the clinic to get food for us so I was on my phone texting. I looked at the time and realised it was time for me to take my tablets so I got them out my bag, took four out the packet and proceeded to take them.

"What are you doing?" I heard Mandy say as she sat down next to me handing me my bacon barm cake whilst looking at the tablets in my hand.

"Just taking my pills, I take them every day at this time and thanks for the food" I said

"Yeah I know that but aren't you supposed to take two at a time, not four?" she asked me eyeing me suspiciously.

"Two doesn't do anything so I have increased the dose" I say

"Leo you know I ain't one to lecture but...you can't do that, it can have side effects or you can become addicted to them or even overdose".

"How can you become addicted to anti-depressants?"

"It happens, more and more people are becoming addicted to painkillers I am sure if you can become addicted to those you can become addicted to anti-depressants"

"Ok so there is a risk of that but overdosing? You have to take like twenty pills at once for that to happen"

"Not really you are still overdosing but just not as fast as you would if you took more, and trust me overdosing is not worth it"

The way she said that sentence was fishy, like she knew someone who had overdosed on pills, but I knew how to get her to talk to me about it. I knew she trusted me enough to tell me like I had trusted her enough to tell her about my depression.

"What do you mean? Who do you know who overdosed? Someone in the clinic?" I asked knowing she knew everyone in the clinic better than I did.

She took a bite of her barn cake pausing for a minute as she was figuring out what she wanted to say. Sometimes she finds it hard to know how to reply she has to think about it first.

"Well...yeah they live in the clinic but ..Let's just say you know them"

"What you mean...you!?" I asked as that was there only conclusion I could come to

"Yes it was me..A while ago"

"Wait you overdosed?"

"I didn't mean to...it was when I was first diagnosed I did what you did...I thought they weren't working so I took more than it said to"

"And what happened?"

"I was fine at first, but then after a few weeks I started to get ill...physically ill not mentally"

"How were you sick?" I asked

"I started to get chest pain, and I was always hot because I had a temperature, and I was always tired I would fall asleep during the day for hours"

"So you knew straight away you had overdosed?"

"No...I thought I had a bug or something I was still taking the pills, not realising they were causing it" she replied

"So what happened then?" I asked eating my food

"I wasn't getting better, I started been sick and I would feel lightheaded and then one day..I collapsed"

"Oh no that is not good"

"I woke up in hospital, they told me I had overdosed, I was really sick, but they would make me only take the right dose in hospital and I started to get better"

"You aren't making this up to scare me are you?" I asked knowing Mandy could say things to scare me into not doing something.

"No look I can prove it, wait here" she said as she walked out the living room and I presume to her room. She came back a few minutes later holding a picture in her hand. I took it the picture was of her in hospital. She was attached to machines and stuff.

"Oh...you don't look well"

"I wasn't, I had been poisoning my body so of course I would look sick"

"I..I didn't realise it could happen like that...I thought you had to take them all at once to overdose"

"So did I...but when I started taking them properly...the right amount , I started to get better straight away"

"I am glad you went through...no I didn't mean that...I mean"

"I know what you mean you are glad I experienced it because I can stop you making the same mistake"

"Yeah obviously I don't want you sick"

"See this is what I mean...it's not worth ending up hooked up to machine's in hospital...its best just to stick to the dose"

"But what if they don't work..."

"You can get stronger doses, though I will have to pretend to be your sister again"

I looked at the pills I was still holding in my hand, I hadn't realised tiny pills could make someone so ill and I knew it wasn't worth it. I took two of the four pills and put them back in the box and took the two I was meant to take, Mandy smiled at me.

"Good little geek listening to someone older and wiser than you"

"Wiser? No way"

She grabbed a pillow from the sofa we were sat on and hit me with it laughing, as she moved her hair out her face.

"Hey! Stop with the violence"

"Na its fun"

I smiled and hugged her gently, letting her knowing I was grateful that she was helping me and needing to know someone cares about me. She smiled as we hugged and I knew it had taken strength to tell me.

I got home after visiting Mandy, of course my family started to fuss over me pretending they cared about me, I played along this time letting them think I was starting to trust them all again. My family make me laugh they think they are perfect and everything is okay. They can't even tell there is something wrong with me and as Mandy says 'I don't half make it obvious'.

After we had finished our 'family time' by playing this silly board game, I went upstairs to my room and played on the PlayStation 4 for a bit...well I say a bit more like a few hours as I lost track of time. By then it was getting quite late so I got my tablets out my bag and went to take four out but then I thought of Mandy and I shook my head before taking the two tablets I was supposed to take and smiling she had saved me before it was too late.