A/N: I won't be able to post regularly, but I will be working on the story. There a couple of more chapters until the end of Rosalind's sixth year, and I can promise I will be writing her seventh. Also, I think you'll like the ending :) . Also, thank you very much for the reviews.
Chapter 34: I can't
Damn him, damn him to one thousand painful deaths.
Why did he have to go and tell me? Why in the name of Merlin did he have to be so selfless in the first place? Why did he have to care so much? And why in the name of Merlin couldn't he have kept those awful, twisting, ravishing feelings to himself? Why did he have to make me share them?
Didn't he know, couldn't he have guessed, what they would do to me?
But I was stronger than this. Never in my life had I allowed my emotions to govern my mind, and I would do so not here, not now, not ever. I was not here to listen to his confessions, I was not here to allow my crush, for it could be nothing more, it could not be allowed to grow into anything more, to throw my mind in a state of such complete, utter disarray.
I was here to train them, to train him. I would repay his favour in this manner, and do my best to forget of his.
"Again." I spoke, staring straight ahead, hearing him stop in his path towards the back of the room.
We were not done, not nearly done.
"Rose?" he questioned and I turned around swiftly, almost violently, my wand slashing the air.
"Stupefy!" I called, the red light rushing towards him, illuminating the air. I was sure I had used less strength than I would have had I been duelling someone in their seventh year, but this amount of power alone could outduel any sixth year student.
His eyes widened in his surprise, I could see it quite clearly, and he raised his wand, calling out "Protego!"
There was a loud bang as my spell met the shield he had created a second before, and a gust of wind appeared, obstructing my vision, but as it cleared, I could see that he was standing there, his wand still raised.
He stopped it.
"Step inside the duelling area Zabini" I spoke, turning my back to him and walking back to where Daphne and Astoria stood, surprise blatantly obvious in their expressions.
If he could stop that, he was well above the level he was expected to be.
"Linda" spoke Daphne as I stopped in front of them, but I made no move to respond, holding out my wand and casting a wordless levitating spell. It rose from my hand and levitated a few inches away from me as I took off my leather jacket. I needed my hands free.
"Linda" tried Daphne again, and I handed her my jacket wordlessly.
"Did you know?" I asked, taking my wand from mid-air and finally looking at her.
She seemed downright uncomfortable, but still raised her gaze to meet mine.
"No." she responded, and I sensed that she was not being entirely honest with me.
I narrowed my eyes at her and noticed from the corner of my eye that Astoria was observing the scene with interest.
"I assumed." Answered Daphne, knowing that I had seen through her words. "I didn't think it was my place."
"I suppose it wasn't" I agreed, turning my back to her "still, I would have liked to know."
I moved forward at that, stepping into the second dueller's circle.
Blaise stood opposite me, his wand in his hand, his eyes focused on me.
"I feel privileged Rosey." Called he across the room "I'm the only one getting special treatment."
"You were the only one that managed to stop a spell of mine. Two of them." I responded, my voice once more back to its cold, impassive tone. My control had slipped before, but I could not allow my feelings to govern my actions any more. "I want to know how far you can go. For that purpose, we shall duel. The same rules apply, I will use only mild hexes, while you are free to use any known to you. Try to win."
"And if I refuse?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me, challenging me.
"You won't." I responded, and in another heartbeat, slowly and deliberately, bowed.
As I stood up straight again, I knew all eyes were on me. I never bowed in a duel, not unless there was an opponent who had won against me before, or had proven superior to me in some aspect.
Blaise had done both.
"You're serious aren't you Rose?" asked he, and then mimicked me, bowing.
I pulled my hand back the moment he stood up straight, and he mirrored the movement, our wand hands settling on our hearts, and then in a violent, sudden move, we pulled them away, pointing our wands at the ground.
He was the first one to raise his wand, and I heard him call out "Impedimenta!"
The spell was strong, I could tell from the light alone, and it was fast, very well cast.
I raised my wand and cast a wordless Protego, moving to the side to avoid being blinded by the light of the two spells meeting.
"Stupefy!" called the man opposite me and once more, I brought forth a shield.
"Petrificus Totalus!" I hissed at him, and he responded with another stupefying hex.
He had to use more advanced spells, I had to make him.
"Expelliarmus!" I hissed, not minding my power at all, using the same amount I would have had Gryffindor been the one standing opposite me.
All Blaise could do was twist out of the way of the spell, missing it by an inch.
"Rose" started he, but I responded with another hex, this time wordless, and just as powerful.
He dove for the ground and had he done it a second later, he would have been thrown half across the room. He managed to land on his feet and I could see determination in his eyes as he spoke up "Exposco!"
The spell was powerful, but still, not nearly enough, and I met it head on, the shield I had cast for his second spell still holding.
"Harrundo!" I responded, having reeds sprout from the floor, and the man jumped up, avoiding them.
"Diffindo!" he called, aiming at the floor, trying to gain the upper hand over the roots that would not stop growing.
He could only win if he managed to knock me out of my ring before the reeds held him down and rendered him an easy target.
"Flipendo!"called he, and anger rose in my chest. Why wouldn't he use a stronger hex?
I knew why.
"Expelliarmus!" I spoke, having seen enough. The spell cut his hex in mid-air and hit him square in the chest, throwing him backwards and to the floor, his wand flying out of his hand.
He was as powerful as a seventh year student would have been, a little training and he could grow well beyond his years.
But this test, our little duel, all of it, it was just a prelude. The real training, where their minds would strengthen and their skills would be honed, that is what is to follow.
I had chosen to keep the three of my guests in the trunk for another two hours, having them perform various other hexes and curses, helping me determine what could be done to achieve the best progress possible.
Despite lacking in speed, I was pleased to find, that Tori had quite some power behind her hexes. While it was true that she was at a disadvantage with regard to her age, her ancestry proved most fortunate. Her grandfather had been renowned as one of the best duellers the Slytherin House had produced in generations, and I could not help but notice the talent in my young cousin.
Daphne was on the level of a fifth year student, which was only appropriate for her age. With a little practice, she would, as they all would, be able to stand on par with some of the more accomplished and practiced Death Eaters in His ranks. And take out all those of average skill daring to threaten them.
Which was just as well, since I could trust Arielle to go after any higher ranked Death Eaters left alive after I… after my work was done. And she would win, for her skill grew as well. She was my first, best knight.
And my two rooks, my sister and the youngest member of the group, I would make sure that they could live their life to its full capacity after this was over. It was too late for me, even extremely late for Arielle… but not for them.
The plan was going well, very well indeed. Except for one aspect.
There was a rather annoying, persistent complication. I had never expected, not in my wildest dreams that I would feel something for someone. And never could I have guessed that I would feel something for him.
He was to prove to be a rather annoying complication the very next morning.
I had stayed behind in the trunk for well over five hours after my guests had left, practicing with Salazar, and it was well past three in the morning when I finally lay to rest in my bed, falling asleep the moment my head met the pillow.
It was most fortunate that the next day was a Saturday, and there were no pressing matters to attend to, well, not until mid-afternoon. I would have some peace and quiet, and would finally get to sleep to my heart's content.
Once more, the stars were not in my favour.
It felt like I had just fallen asleep when I woke, an obnoxious giggling ringing through the room. They'd leave soon, I hoped snuggling into my pillow and pulling the blanket closer around me, they'd leave. I closed my eyes tightly after a couple of seconds, finding that my mind was unusually clear. Not sleepy at all.
If the bloody clock showed less than noon, I'd bloody butcher them.
I opened my eyes and slowly sat up. I glanced to my left, only to read that it was bloody eight o'clock. I'd colour the bloody room red.
"He got me a perfume !" I heard one of the bloody bitches exclaim, making me wish to take that perfume and break it against her too loud mouth. Maybe knock out a few teeth in the process.
I ran a hand through my hair, straightening it a bit, glaring at the curtains that were around my bed, cursing them for not doing anything to keep sound out.
"No fair!" exclaimed another of my roommates, Elizabeth most likely, "I only got roses and chocolate! How cheap, I'll dump him!"
Bloody imbecilic whore.
"Ooooh" another exclaimed as I uncovered my legs, ready to tear their throats out, "I got a necklace!"
I heard movement and at least four shadows moved past my bed, doing their best to be quiet. Were they really so bloody thick?
But more importantly, what was happening? It couldn't be Christmas, none of them shared a birthday…
It wasn't just them, I too was bloody thick. Jewellery, chocolates, flowers, perfumes…. It was bloody Valentine's day.
I decided to attribute this dullness of senses to lack of sleep, and just as I was about to remove the curtains from my bed, something caught my eye.
On my right nightstand, at the very edge, sat a small, purple gift box with a black bow. My heart skipped a beat, I hate to admit it, and I stared at the box for a moment.
He couldn't have….
But he did, and it was best for me to ignore it, throw it away. Somehow, this option did not sound that appealing.
Just one glance, I'd just glance at what he had chosen to give me, and then, I'd chuck it in the bin. Yes, I'd do that.
I leaned over Serpen, who was coiled up on the right side of the bed, very slowly, trying not to stir him. At least one of us could have some rest.
My fingers curled around the box, lifting it gently, gingerly, finding it surprisingly light. As I retracted my arm, I found that there was a leather addressed to me, positioned directly below the box, the narrow purple letters stating my name.
My feet were cold and I pulled the covers around them once more, finding that the idiots I shared a room with did not mind the temperature in the room at all. Merlin forbid that they'd throw a log in the fire.
I reached forward once more, taking the letter in my fingers and glancing at my familiar. He did not wake and I pulled the letter back as well, only then remembering that I could have used magic.
Bloody idiot.
But, somehow, the annoyance I felt towards everyone and everything, gave way to curiosity. My fingers untied the bow gingerly, placing it aside for the moment, and I hesitated in removing the top of the box. Everything would be all the more complicated if I opened it.
As if things were simple now.
I removed the top of the box and stared in surprise at the content of the box. I now knew why it was so light. Inside, surrounded in silver bedding, sat a crystal flower. An orchid.
The amount of detail on the flower was simply extraordinary, every single line, no matter how small or how difficult, was traced, giving it a lifelike appearance.
I reached forward, taking the orchid gingerly, and placing it in my open palm. As I blinked, the flower shivered and the texture seemed to be condensing, turning soft, and purple. Before long, in my hand sat a small purple orchid, very much alive.
I traced its surface once, twice, finding that it was real, very much so. The magic in this was…. Extraordinary.
There was something familiar about this flower, and I knew that he had chosen it with a reason. But I could not find it, for the life of me. Perhaps his letter would prove useful, I thought, and I gingerly placed the orchid in its box, watching as the flower turned into crystal once more.
I removed the seal from the envelope, taking out a single piece of parchment. I set the envelope next to the bow, and unfolded the letter, which read as follows:
"Dearest Rose,
I must admit that it was not my original intention to write you a letter, but not because I have nothing to say. I have so much to say that I simply cannot put it in words. Does that make sense to you? Because it does not to me. However, the events of last night have forced my hand. You asked, rightfully so, why I had chosen not to stop your hex, if I had the capacity to do exactly so. I had the sense that you did not wish for me to speak in front of your cousins, perhaps I was mistaken. But I chose to give you a part of the truth. In this letter, I hope to clarify the rest. Naturally, I would not be able to duel you, in fear of cursing you. But there is more to it. You have to know, my beautiful Rose, that you held my interest, and that of many of our housemates, from the very first year. But, it was my fourth year that changed that interest. I had spent the summer before my fourth year in Italy, visiting my father's family, so I had not seen you for three months. And the first time I laid eyes on you in three months was the first of September last year- Rose, you took my breath away. I remember talking with Draco, and then just stopping in the middle of my sentence. He must have thought I had gone completely mental, but I didn't care, not in the least. You were talking with Arielle I believe, and I remember thinking that I had never seen a woman more beautiful in my life. The attraction was purely physical at that time, and I knew that I wanted you, and that I would do all I could to get you to come to my bed. But you already knew that. And I did, I tried my best. Not stopping your hexes, which were rather mild, was a game, taunting, luring. And then, at the beginning of this year, I slipped up. I made a mistake. I had thought that, were I to know more about you, my chance of winning you over would be greater. And I chose to ask a favour of a girl who was clearly not competent enough to see it through to the end without getting caught. I admit that my tactics were dirty, and that I was not choosing means to attain what I wanted, and there is nothing I can say to render the situation any better. You found out, as I should have known you would, and you confronted me. You humiliated me Rose. I'm not saying I didn't deserve it, hell, if I could, I'd beat some sense in the boy I was back then. I was angry, I was furious with you. You hurt my pride, but even then, I could not make myself take revenge. Not against you. I had decided to give up on you, that you simply were not worth the trouble. And then, an evening a week later, you convinced me otherwise, without even knowing it. Henry Meliflua came to you for help. You knew, as did I, that the boy would have humiliated you the same way as you had me, perhaps even worse, had he been given the chance. His sympathy lay with Nott. But you showed him mercy, you were infinitely nice. You helped him, assured that Dolores Umbridge would never raise her wand against a member of your house again, and healed his hand. And that intrigued me. What sort of a woman shows such kindness to an enemy? What is going through that brilliant mind of yours? I wanted, I needed, to know more about you. You weren't just a pretty face anymore, you were a mystery I never tire of discovering. And now, I knew that I could not afford to stop a hex from you. Sometimes, it was for your sake. I like to think that I was, if not protecting, helping you by allowing you to vent that anger that was so obviously hurting you, on me. But mostly, and I am sorry Rose, it was selfish. Because I am not a stupid man, no matter what you may think, I am very rational. And I know that there are plenty of other men that would be more suitable company for you, those who are older, wealthier, with better connections, with purer blood… So I had to keep your interest somehow. And stopping your hex… I wouldn't be interesting now would I? Not for long.. And I couldn't risk it, I couldn't risk you. My mother told me once, that there is no such thing as love. The only love one can feel is towards their children, all other is a mere game. Winner takes all. But now, with you… I don't think I believe her.
I hope that this will help you understand my behaviour, even if I don't quite understand it myself.
Blaise.
P.S.
I wonder if you understand my choice of flower. I thought that I should give you something permanent, but something alive. So I chose to buy a crystal orchid, and if my spell worked, the flower will be given life by your touch, and Rose, by your touch alone.
I stared at the letters for a minute or two more, not reading, not even seeing the words that spelled out such horrible things.
I wished I had not read the letter, I wished I had been smarter and burnt the bloody thing to a crisp the moment I had recognised the handwriting.
He didn't write it, he didn't have to, each words simply screamed the truth, that horrible truth, at me. I couldn't run from this, not anymore.
He loves me.
And he had managed what many had not, he had managed for me to feel sympathy towards him. I was hurting him by pushing him away, and what was even more horrible, I didn't know what to do for him to stop feeling it.
I didn't want him to stop.
But I… I wasn't a person that should be loved. That deserved to be loved.
And I wouldn't be as cruel as to allow him to be hurt by the monster I was, I couldn't allow him close enough so that he was within reach. Or he'd get hurt. Badly hurt.
Merlin, I thought, raising my hand and running it through my hair, how did I get in this mess?
If he got any closer… I'd have to break his heart.
I sighed once, and turned my head as I heard rustling of the sheets. Serpen had awoken, and was observing me with interest. He knew something had happened, and he wanted to make sure that I was alright.
I reached out to him, leaving the letter to lie on my covered legs, and stroked his head gently.
"Worry not my friend" I whispered to him "I am well. It's getting late, will you join me for breakfast?"
He gave out a hiss and I smiled, thanking him.
I decided to get up at that, but not before carefully folding the letter, placing it in the envelope and tracing the seal, so that it once more applied itself to the paper. I carefully put the orchid and the letter in my trunk, deciding that I would think about this some other time. And wishing to keep the gifts safe. They were mine.
There was only one holiday that I could find absolutely no love for, and that was due to the behaviour of people during, shortly after, and before the blasted thing.
For some reason, the professors saw it fit to decorate the entire castle with various foolish items, such as cupids that would suddenly start raining hearts over the unfortunate passer-by from some dark corner or the other. Oh, and let's not forget the bloody strings of hearts that decorated every alcove, every nook and corner, the mistletoe, which was completely inappropriate, sprouting everywhere randomly.
And then there were people. It was my experience that receiving a gift for Valentine's day from their crush could render most foolish girls a giggling, nonsense spouting, blushing moron. How distasteful. Not to mention the couples. You could not pass a single alcove, a single broom closet, a single bloody corridor without encountering some idiots that seemed to wish to suck their partner's face clean off.
I bloody hated Valentine's day.
Thankfully, this particular horrid day fell on a Hogsmead Saturday, and most couples would be engaging in such awful drooling activities at Madam Puddifoot's or at the Three Broomsticks. I did not care where they were, as long as I did not have to suffer their presence.
The Great Hall was surprisingly empty, even if it was late, and I had no trouble finding the three girls, unfortunately positioned at the Gryffindor table. Serpen slithered past me, intent on joining Shadow, or, alternatively, making her into his personal pillow. What a lovely little creature he was.
I kept my eyes on my friends and my sister, trying to avoid seeing the bloody pink and frilly decorations that littered the hall.
"Good morning" I greeted, taking a seat next to my sister who had chosen to dress casually for the day. A yellow blouse, a high waisted black pencil skirt, black ankle high boots and black earring with black hearts as pendants, was an outfit choice that I highly approved off, as she for once chose clothes fitting of her social standing.
I had dressed in a similar fashion, choosing a dress with a black wrap top and cuffs on shoulders and a white cotton skirt with a black tree print. The dress also had a black sash between the top and the skirt, which I had allowed to fall down the dress. I paired this with black high heels and a diamond bracelet.
"Morning" she replied, a disturbingly wide smile on her face. I gave her an odd look at that, questioning her sanity, but also guessing that her room was littered with dozens of cards, roses, chocolates and what not. Horrible business.
"Morning Linds" replied Arielle, looking up at me, a black rose with thorns in her hand. She was twirling it slightly, as if she were not even conscious that it was there.
The only one not to reply was Claudia, who seemed to be regarding the box of Cadbury's chocolate placed in front of her on the table with wariness.
"You're late this morning" said my sister, and I noticed that she had a bouquet of red roses on the left of her.
"My apologies." I spoke, waving my wand and having a portion of porridge poured in a small bowl in front of me. "Is there something wrong with Claudia this morning?"
Even Marty seemed to be sniffing the chocolate carefully, and I could not understand what they were expecting the box to do. It would hardly kill them.
Melody giggled by my side, and she turned her attention towards the young Raven who had not taken her eyes off of the chocolate before her.
"It's not going to explode Clo!" she giggled, and I turned my attention away from them, focusing on my porridge.
"You never know" I heard Clo say, uncertainty almost palpable in her voice "it just might."
Why in the name of Merlin would chocolate explode? What a silly notion.
I met Arielle's eyes, who was observing something behind my back, twirling the rose lightly in her hand still.
"Why would chocolate explode?" I asked, throwing an uncertain glance at said item, not quite as convinced as I had been as the discussion between my sister and the Raven went on. If Claudia was so uncertain about it, there was something worthy of attention about that chocolate.
"George Weasley gave it to her." She responded, and by her tone, I knew she wasn't done talking. Marty looked up at the mention of the name, his head tilted to the side.
"Blaise hasn't stopped looking this way since you took a seat you know." Continued Arielle, instantly earning Melody's attention.
I hadn't even glanced his way as I came in, hopping to ignore him for at least a short while. Thanks Ari.
"Really?" asked my sister, her eyes glistening as she looked from me to Arielle. "What did he get you?"
There was an eager smile on her face as she observed me, waiting for a response. I was not happy to disappoint her, but somehow, I was very reluctant to share my gift with her, even if only by telling her about it.
But with you… I don't think I believe her.
"Nothing." I replied, looking her straight into the eyes, and watching as her face fell.
Arielle coughed at that, rising her hand to her face, smirking and saying "Liar.", before coughing once more. Really subtle.
She gave me a wicked grin, that rose still in her hand.
Melody seemed confused, not knowing whom to believe.
"I am not lying." I responded, glaring at Arielle opposite me. "I received no gifts this morning."
"That's too bad." Replied Melody, glancing at her roses, "Everyone should get something for Valentine's day! He's really a.. a.. a jerk!"
I turned to see her pouting, and Arielle coughed violently as she choked on the sip of orange juice she had just taken.
"Anapneo!" spoke Claudia, not even looking at Arielle, yet her wand was aimed perfectly, and we watched as Arielle took in a deep breath, and then burst out laughing.
"A jerk?" she asked, her eyes dancing with mirth "Is that the best you can do Mells? Man, you are nice!"
"Well- he is!" responded Melody, frowning at Arielle, "In fact, I'll have a word with him!"
She seriously made to stand up, and I caught her hand, stopping her.
"That will not be necessary sister." I spoke, releasing her hand but giving her a small smile "The problems between me and that man can only be solved by me. But thank you."
She frowned at me, not liking this at all.
"Here." She spoke, and turned swiftly, surprising me, and having us all observe her.
She turned back around just as swiftly, holding a single red rose in her hand.
"I have plenty of them, and I'm sure that Fr-" she started and I stopped her, closing her hand around the thorn less rose.
"Don't." I spoke, observing the rose. "This was a gift for you, you would do well to keep it. Besides, I'm not fond of the holiday at all."
"But!" started Melody, wishing to protest.
"She's right Mells, I'm sure that" started Arielle, she too wishing to convince the girl no to break her gift to make me feel better. I knew Arielle had seen through my lie, and I appreciated her help.
But she could not finish her sentence, as a surprised yelp from Claudia interrupted her.
"I knew it!" she exclaimed, and I glanced towards her, not having heard any noise that would indicate an explosion.
Perhaps an explosion would have surprised me less.
Instead of one marten, I now had the pleasure to see two, sniffing at each other in mirror-like movements. They were almost identical, one could hardly tell Marty apart from its chocolate double.
"I knew he'd pull something like this!" she said, standing up from the table, "He can't be serious for one single moment!"
"But it's not an explosion!" countered my sister, ever coming to the defence of those so wrongly accused.
"Is this much better?" asked Clo, "is he mocking me?"
She seemed confused, and honestly, I had no patience for more confusion. I had more than enough problems as it was.
"I'll see you soon." I spoke to Arielle, who was observing the scene with interest.
She glanced up at me, but I was already standing, ready to leave.
"You haven't eaten much." She remarked, and I thanked Merlin that Melody was currently busy with Claudia, assuring the poor girl that George had the best intentions.
"I'm not particularly hungry." I replied, turning and motioning with my hand for Serpen to follow.
All this talk of affection and love made me feel like a cage was closed around my own heart, and the bars were pressing inwards, trying to crush it.
Perhaps there was one man in the whole castle that harboured as much dislike for Valentine's day in his heart as I did.
Severus Snape, ever the cheerful and most of all pleasant man, assigned us an obnoxiously long, 12 inch essay on the Elixir to induce Euphoria and the horrible consequences taking such a potion may have. Of course, the essay was due Monday.
As if I did not bloody have enough work on my hands.
As it happened, my free time was being reduced more and more by each passing day, and for each commitment I fulfilled, I wound up having at least two more.
And now, instead of reading a good book, I had to spend my afternoon in the library, seeking out some dusty old potion book that would offer some information on what happened to idiots who used Euphoria daily.
My heels must have made too much noise as I passed her, for Madam Pince, ever the lovely vulture of the library, gave me a disapproving look.
I responded by raising an eyebrow at her, not at all impressed by her attitude. I wasn't one of those idiots that scribbled on books or tore pages out of them, she had no business reprimanding me.
I walked forward through the library until I reached an armour missing its left arm, where I made a sharp right turn. This part of the library was rather dim and I knew that it was not very frequented as it held the books on History of Magic.
However, it was the quickest way to the Potions section, and after I passed four bookshelves, I made another sharp right turn, walking in a narrow little passage that smelt of dust and moist. Madam Pince wasn't doing her job very well, now was she?
"Roooooosey" I heard, stopping in my steps immediately.
The voice was rather odd, sounding as if it was coming from the bottom of a deep well.
"Lumos!" I whispered, casting some more light around me, and slowly turning around, finding no trace of Blaise. There were no breaks in the rows of shelves on either side of me, and I knew that I could only be approached from behind or the front.
But there was no sign of him, and I was beginning to doubt my own sanity. Had his letter shaken me up so much that I was imagining his voice all around me even if he was nowhere in sight?
I narrowed my eyes once more at the passage behind me, turning on my heel and whispering "Nox!"
I walked forward, and after a minute or two emerged in a wide hallway between bookshelves, where I made a left turn, finding myself in the Potions section. The bookshelves were taller here, but at the expense of their width.
I walked forward a bit more, and upon finding my section once more glanced around myself, finding nothing out of the ordinary. There was no indication of an illusion and I gravely concluded that I had completely lost my mind.
This was going to take ages, I thought as I stopped in front of the first book, just barely making out the runes on it. The book itself looked so fragile that, were I to attempt to take it out, it would dissolve into dust. I assumed this was not the case, with the way the vulture took care of her precious books, but had been pleased to find out that I would have no chance to test my theory. Sadly, I was in no need of this book.
I walked forward a bit more, reading the titles on somewhat better preserved books, when I heard the voice again.
"Rooooooosey!"
The voice was closer now, but it still sounded as though it was coming from the deepest crypt of hell and was taking centuries to fight its way upwards, through the halls of this old castle, and up, towards my ears.
Serpen had naturally chosen this time to go hunting for food.
"Is there someone there?" I asked, more than annoyed at that moment. Whoever it was, and it could really only be just one person, better show himself momentarily or I would wring his dark neck.
I waited a moment, two, not reaching for my wand. If it was him, there was no need for it, and if it were someone else, wandless magic would be sufficient for self-defence.
Nothing, not a sound, not a movement, not a motion. Nothing.
I made another step forward, carefully reading through another few titles, before finally finding a book that would suit my interest.
I had forgotten the mysterious voice for a moment, and I reached forward, dusting off the book, confirming that I had read the title correctly and taking a hold of the rather hefty book, pulling it down from the shelf.
My eyes had not followed the book, perhaps out of instinct, and my heart almost stopped when I saw a dark brown eye staring back at me.
Cold sweat washed over me, as I stared at the man opposite me for a moment or two in shock.
He had a sly smirk on his lips and it stretched into a grin.
"Hello Roseycheeks!" he spoke up, seemingly thrilled that he had managed to surprise me.
"What in the name of Merlin is the meaning of this Zabini?" I asked, glaring at him, feeling like an idiot. I was talking to him over a bookshelf! "Are you trying to kill me?"
"Haven't we been over this Roseycheeks?" grinned he at me, "I'd never hurt you."
I glared at him in response, and took the book, moving along the aisle without another word.
"So Rosey" he spoke, raising his voice so that I could hear him over the bookshelf, "how did you like my gift?"
"Stop talking to me Zabini!" I hissed, also raising my voice and knowing that we were sure to attract the vulture at this rate.
"But I really, really want to talk to you Rosey!" called he, talking ever louder.
I hurried my pace, and emerged in the break between the two bookshelves, finding him already waiting, leaned on the bookshelf we were just talking over with his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk on his face.
"Lower your bloody voice" I whispered, still standing a bit further away from him than I would have had he been anyone else.
Perhaps it was my anger, perhaps it was the smile that crept on his face, the way his eyes shone as if he was enjoying a particularly interesting game of chess, it doesn't matter really. But I remembered in that moment all that my anger pushed out of my mind; the orchid, the letter, that he loved me.
Things changed at that moment, I couldn't bear to look at his face, I became very conscious of myself, my lungs constricted, my chest hurt, my palms were incredibly sweaty. I needed to leave. Now.
"Rose?" he asked, his tone changing, the playfulness disappearing. "Are you alright? You seem rather pale…"
I was looking down as he was talking, and I flinched as he raised his hand.
Of course I was pale, I was bloody terrified of him. Of myself. Of how close he was, and how clear it was what he felt towards me. And I towards him. I couldn't do this. I couldn't love anyone.
"Rosalind.." he said, and I looked up in my surprise, seeing that his eyes were darker now, worried. "Did you read my letter?"
I took in a breath at that, hoping that he couldn't hear it, trying to compose myself.
"The orchid was beautiful, but it was unnecessary." I spoke, looking at his nose, finding it easier to observe than his eyes.
He was looking at me like he could see straight through me, and he couldn't be allowed that. Not him.
"Do you know why I chose it?" he asked again, remaining in his place. He had noticed that I flinched, and this was how he responded.
I hated him for being so mindful, the bastard I thought he was ,was so much easier to dislike.
To be honest, I had not given it much thought, the silent message of the letter was by far too disturbing. But now, facing him, I knew why he had chosen the flower without even considering the question.
"It was on the table at our business meeting." I responded, and saw him smirk at my choice of words.
"Business meeting?" he replied, "Are we calling it that still?"
We are. And we will always call it that.
This conversation was a distraction, I was reminded painfully by the heavy book in my hands, and I had no time for distractions.
"I am sorry Zabini, but I must cut this unpleasant conversation short. " I spoke, turning to leave, thinking of this conversation as finished.
"Did you read the letter?" he asked again, stopping me in my tracks, He did not reach for me and stop me physically, and he didn't need to. This was too serious of a matter to walk away from.
"I did." I responded, not sure as to how to continue. What do you say to someone who writes such a letter to you, who opens their soul to you?
"Have you nothing to say?" he questioned, sounding as if he had been expecting a different reaction entirely.
"Thank you." I said, and started walking again, leaving one very confused man behind.
"Welcome" I spoke, my back turned towards the doors as I heard them close.
I turned around slowly, the fabric of my dress lightly dancing around my legs, the thin material providing every chance of swift and agile movement. The dress was sleeveless, see through on the ribs, shoulders and legs from knees downwards.
"I trust that you had no difficulty in finding this room."
Claudia's eyes were glancing around the empty room, a dozen candles set ablaze, providing more light than I had ever found in this room. Salazar and I preferred dimmer settings for the trainings, but I had chosen to take my sister's advice, and light up the room. She said it would set Claudia's mind at ease somewhat, and I had faith in her judgement.
The girl glanced at me, her eyes attracted by the light breaking against the emerald around my neck, assuming a green sheen.
"N-no, I had no trouble." She said, glancing at her feet as she noticed that I was observing her and biting on her lower lip in her nervousness.
"Very well." I responded, my eyes assessing her choice of clothing. She had chosen to wear a t-shirt of dark blue colour, sporting her house crest on the chest, some worn out looking jeans, and sneakers. Did she think I'd make her run?
Oh Merlin, I spoke, briefly glancing at my black high heels, she really had no idea what she was walking into here.
"Tell me Clauida" I spoke, tilting my head to the side and slightly narrowing my eyes in observation "are you afraid?"
She glanced up at me, and I returned her gaze, finding hate blossoming in my heart for Arielle. Claudia never looked her age more than she did at that moment. She was bloody fourteen.
"N-no." She stuttered, and I raised an eyebrow at that, making her look down to her feet once more.
"Yes." She whispered.
"I would imagine so. But you should not be afraid." I said, and she looked up in surprise " You should be terrified."
She turned pale rapidly at that moment and I felt sympathy for her, but there was more to be said.
"The first thing you need to know is that I will have no mercy." I continued, twirling my wand in my hands. "Coming here, walking into this room, allowing yourself to be subjected to such weak manipulation, this whole thing, was your doing, your choice."
She swallowed visibly at that, and I kept my gaze constant, and she seemed to be unable to look away from me, her fear was not allowing her to do so.
"I am not a kind teacher, expect no such behaviour. I will use every and any method I deem appropriate, and you will have no say in it. Confront me about it and I promise you retribution the kind of you had never imagined."
If she was scared when she came in, she was bloody terrified now. Terrified of me.
"You have one more chance, turn around, walk away. I will take responsibility, I will claim that I had denied you a chance to learn. No one will think less of you, no one will know. Be wise here Claudia Amity Beck- leave."
She glanced left and then right rapidly, as if she was searching for someone that would help her, that would make the choice for her. I hopped, with all my heart, I hopped, that she'd leave. That she'd be smart. That she would give herself , and me, a way out.
"No." She whispered, and there was a part of me that wished it had just imagined her speak. But I saw her mouth open, I saw her eyes dart up to glance at me, and then quickly back down to her feet.
"Come again?" I asked, giving her one last, life-changing chance. If only she would take it.
"I can't." She whispered, and then closed her eyes tightly.
The room was so infernally quiet, I could hear her drawing in a breath, I could hear my own heart beating.
I couldn't shelter her. She wouldn't let me.
"I can't." she said, but there was more force to her voice, surprising me a bit. "I can't Linds, and I'm sorry that it has to be you, I know that you don't want to do this, and I'm sorry that I'm not talented. But I can't. I can't leave, because I have to learn. "
Her words were rushed, as if she thought that I might interrupt her, and then she stopped, taking in a deep breath.
She opened her eyes, and it surprised me how expressive, such dark, brown eyes could be.
She was scared, she was ready to run, she was angry, and she was determined. She wasn't going to run. How brave, how very brave.
I hope you are happy Arielle, you made her brave. The very first people that die on the battlefield, are the brave ones. The ones who have to do it. The ones with a duty.
"I have to learn Rosalind, because you won't be able to heal us every time. Because I don't want people to die if I can do something to stop that. Because they are attacking my home, my family. I want to fight back. And I have to know how to heal Dark Arts. I have to." She whispered the last part, staring straight into my eyes, begging me to see her point of view. To understand.
I gave her a sardonic smile and answered "You… have to."
I chuckled a bit at that, but the sound was not happy, as any laugh should be. It was dark, menacing, threatening.
"How very brave of you. How very commendable. Why, I should congratulate you." I sneered at her, and I saw her shiver. She did her best to conceal the movement, but it was there, plainly visible to my eyes.
"I am angry with you, with Arielle, with Blaise Zabini, with Dolores Umbridge, with Theodore Nott, with Bellatrix Lestrange." I spoke, and she furrowed her eyebrows at me, confusion written clearly across her face.
"I hate Tom Riddle. I hate Bellatrix Lestrange, and I will kill them." I continued, closing my eyes, seeing their faces, watching them smile, wishing to hear those mouths open in a scream.
I opened my eyes, and saw that Claudia's face had changed. She was thinking now, I could almost hear the buzzing of her mind as she analysed my words.
"The Dark Arts are called Dark for a reason. They prosper on our deepest, darkest emotions, on our anger, fear, lust, rage, hate. They help us hurt, and maim and wound, and take what we want. They are your will to hurt, and thus, you must want to hurt someone to be able to cast the spell. Therefore, I must ask, whom do you hate? Whom would you like to see choke in their own blood? Whose face would you shatter if given a chance?"
She seemed a bit taken aback by such violent words, and I knew that she was not likely to have such strong sentiments of rage. She was by far too inexperienced, too sheltered. And I couldn't help but envy her slightly.
There was no beast inside her chest, no hate to rip her soul apart.
"I- I don't- I don't think I have someone like that." She spoke, her eyes once more downcast, focusing on her hands, and it seemed like she suddenly didn't know what to do with those hands. She tried crossing them over her chest, but quickly let them fall back down. She tried putting them in her pockets, but changed her mind at my stare.
"I'm sorry Linds, I don't…" she muttered, still looking down.
"Dolores Umbridge." I spoke, watching her still.
I knew it, I bloody well knew it. She was by far too innocent for this, and she was forcing my hand. I would have to do something very unpleasant to force that anger to blossom inside her heart.
She grimaced at the name, but her eyes were still downcast and I knew that this amount of anger was not enough.
She had not suffered in life, not one bit. Whom was she to be truly angry at? No one had ever hurt her, not to the degree that would provoke true hate in her.
"You are to imagine the very worst emotion you have ever experienced in your life. Experience it again, live in that moment again." I said, walking towards her and then moving in a slow, elaborate circle around her.
"Imagine the person who is the source of that emotion," I urged, taking a hold of her wand hand and raising it lightly, "Focus."
She obeyed instantly, closing her eyes, wrinkling her forehead in her attempt to clear her mind.
"Imagine that person, feel the anger." I whispered, once more changing my position and talking in her right ear "hate them."
She gripped her wand tighter, but I still doubted that she would be able to do it.
"Hurt them. Cut them." I urged, and as she tensed up beside me I knew I was losing her, "Say it: Sectumsempra!"
"Sectumsempra!" she repeated, but I knew that it would not work at the first syllable. There was no intent in her words, and as expected, nothing at all happened.
I closed my eyes for the barest of seconds. I'd have to do it.
I moved swiftly, not looking her way once as I passed her, standing a couple of steps away from her, forcing my face to turn into a stone like mask, showing my displeasure with my eyes only.
"I'm sorry Linds" started she, clearly uncomfortable under my stare. "I'll-"
"Excuses." I interrupted her, glaring at her and making her shrink beneath my gaze "Again."
"I-I-" she stuttered, and I interrupted her once more, using cruelty the kind of which she did not deserve.
"If you do not hex me now, I will perform the Unforgivables!" I sneered, a feral expression appearing on my face. "Do not waste my time you low born little brat. Again!"
She flinched as I spoke, looking as though she might run for the doors any moment now.
"Now." I sneered, raising my wand slowly, aiming it at her heart.
She responded by shakily raising her wand, pointing it at me but with her eyes staring at her feet.
Her hand was shaking and I thought I saw a tear roll down her cheek as she stuttered "S-sectumsempra!"
Nothing, not even the barest indication of a spell.
This was not enough.
I had to push her further.
"Pathetic." I sneered, and raised my wand, aiming it so that it would miss her by an inch. "Crucio!"
Her head snapped upwards at that, and she seemed frozen in her spot as the curse whizzed towards her. It missed her by an inch, and I let out the breath I was not even aware I was holding.
"Again!" I hissed, and she simply stared at me, her wand pointed downwards, defeat written across her face.
"Did you not hear me?" I asked, mocking her, "Is there something wrong with your ears little girl? Whom were you thinking of protecting with this sort of magic? You'll let them die little girl, and it will be. All. Your. Fault!"
"No." she whispered, and I could see a determination of sorts shine in those dark eyes of hers, still so full of tears.
"You almost killed Arielle" I continued, knowing that this hurt, knowing that she couldn't sleep at night, seeing Arielle bleed before her, unable to help her. "and then? You sat and you cried. Who knows who will be next? You, protect someone? Don't make me laugh. Go play with your tea sets."
"No." she said again, her voice louder this time.
"No?" I questioned, staring at her. "I'll be honest with you little girl, this one time, I'll be honest. You'll never catch up, you'll never be good enough. Quite honestly, I have no idea why they chose you as a Soul Heir. "
She raised her head at that, and I could see anger shine in her eyes, her jaw clenching, her hand curling into a fist.
"Arielle was quite naïve in thinking you could perform the Arts, but I wasn't. I always knew you were too weak, and you proved me correct. You know, some people are just… average. We can't all be brilliant. And you are… mediocre, at best."
"No!" she yelled, glaring at me, furious with me.
Good, there was just one little push left.
I let out a sigh, pretending to be bored, as if I knew this would happen, even playing with my wand casually.
"But you know, if I'm being honest… this was my mistake as well. I never should have expected your sort to be able to perform the Arts. Sure, you can turn a cup into a rat, but your blood… it's quite sad really. It limits you so."
She hated me in that moment, and as I spoke next, I knew she would be able to cast the spell "The Arts are refined magic, and only those of pure blood are truly capable of mastering them. You, sadly being born to those muggles, are a lowly little mudblooded vermin yourself, and you'll never be capable of magic my pureblooded kin and I can perform."
"SECTUMSEPRA!" she screamed, and I grasped my wand, pointing it in front of me.
"Abigo Maleficium."I stated, and the white light encountered the shield, dissolving like a mist.
The spell had power, and were it to have hit me, I would have lost my arm.
The mist cleared, and I met Claudia's eyes, who was still glaring at me with such hate. She was leaned forward, breathing heavily, her hand turning pale with the tightness of her grip around her wand.
I allowed my façade to crumble, and I gave her a small smile.
"Well done." I spoke, and she blinked at me, but the anger was slow in dying down. I could use it once more. "You did very well. Again."