That Dear Octopus Chapter 2: Ep 2: The Sun Caught in His Raven Hair, a ninja turtles fanfic

Raphael dove out of the way, dodging rocket-launched toy merchandise, and crashed into a pyramid of shipment packages. As the uppermost cardboard boxes toppled over, several insectoid plushies fell into his lap. Raph scrunched his nose and yanked his arm away.

"Cockroaches…!" he hissed.

"Your brother is mine!" Dregg shouted. His young, smooth face was tightened in anger; deep lines spread from his exaggerated dimples to his brow. He clenched the round peridot pendant of his bolo tight.

Raphael pushed himself to his feet. He readied his fists. When Dregg, standing in the center of the factory warehouse floor, seemed momentarily distracted with another doll made in his likeness, the boy leapt for him. Without looking, Dregg's hand shot into the air, fingers splayed.

Abruptly, Raphael couldn't move.

Pineapples!

He was frozen, arm pulled back and lips parted in a silent cry. Held suspended by an unseen force, Raph fought against the powers that immobilized him. He flapped his mouth, found he could still talk, and then roared, "He's never gonna date you, man!"

"That's a lie!" Dregg tightened his hold on his tie.

A sliver of silver caught his eye, gleaming from the side: a work table that sat facing the adjacent wall, covered with hand-stitching tools. With a curled finger, Dregg telekinetically lifted the large scissors from the desk surface and snipped at the air once, then twice. He guided them toward his frozen captive. A wide and sinister smile stretched across his face. "And I'm going to make sure you can't lie to me or anyone else ever again."

Raph bared his teeth. The scissors drew close enough that he could see the faint outline of his reflection on the gleaming twin blades' side.

It started with the grand "re-opening" of Uncle Yoshi's wax museum.

Karai hated the whole thing, but she was there and present and manning the ticket table, which was as much as anyone could ask of her. Leo had also volunteered to help at the front, but when he could hear his uncle's deep and gravelly voice introduce the youngest of their quadruplets-"A word from our own Michelangelo…Michelangelo."-who had, amazingly enough, managed to craft a near-exact wax statue of their Uncle Yoshi, Leo began to get itchy. He craned his head this way and that, trying to see around his cousin while he overheard his smallest brother recognized for his rarely-explored artistic talents on the outdoor stage.

Karai rolled her eyes. She licked her index finger and continued counting with rapid-fire ease the dollar bills she cradled in the palm of her hand. "Just go see him, yeah? Our work's pretty much done here. Anybody else who straggles in this late, I can handle."

Leo's round eyes snapped to his cousin. His eyebrows lifted past the fringe of his dark bangs. "Really?"

"Really." Karai smiled and fanned the wad of cash at him. "Go, you sap."

Leo grinned and leapt from his seat. He found an open spot to stand behind the last row of folding chairs and listened as Mikey answered his questions with enthusiasm. An odd sense of pride filled Leo's chest while watching his youngest brother; the kind that can only come from being an older brother, he knew, even though each of them were born just minutes apart. He crossed his arms over his chest.

A familiar balding man with a handlebar mustache sat close to the front. He timidly raised his hand and without hesitation, Mikey pointed to him. "Yes, sir?"

"I'm terribly sorry. I have an awful memory," Old Man Honeycutt's accented voice babbled, tapping his fingertips against one another. "Who did that man say you were again?"

"Michelangelo."

"No, wait. I'm sorry. I mean, what's your name?"

"Michelangelo."

"Uh, wait. I'm sorry-"

A chuckle at his left drew Leo's attention. When he turned, he could see at his side a kid who looked about the same age as him, if not a year or two older. He had dyed silver hair, pulled back into a sporty topknot. When he turned to Leo, he revealed his autumnal eyes-the color of drifting, sun-dried leaves.

Leo could not recall having ever seen anyone so perfect in his life.

"I wonder if the boy's parents knew of his talent when they named him," the stranger was saying in a smooth and quiet voice, even-tempered like waves against sand. "Do you ever wonder about things like that?"

"He-hub-what?"

"Names have power, but they are not the determining factor in one's life. Anyone could be whatever they chose, no matter what their given name is."

"I-uh-I have a name."

Usually, if Leo could have a penny for everytime he said something brainless, he would be a very poor man.

He decided in this rare instance, however, that unless he got his act together, he was about to become a very rich man very soon.

"I-! Oh boy. I mean-uh-"

The handsome stranger laughed, a light and joyful sound. Peculiarly raspy for so young a face, but somehow all the more delightful and pleasing to hear because of it. Leo's toes curled in his sneakers and he clasped his hands behind his back. He held his breath and felt his face burn hot.

"For that, I'm glad. What is it, if you'd like to tell me?" the stranger murmured. The corner of his mouth twitched upward in a smirk that made Leo's heart leap into sudden acrobatic feats of Olympic proportions.

"Uh-L-Leo. Leonardo. Leo, for short."

"Ah. Another unusual artist's name. Like our sculptor up there."

Was Mikey still on the stage? Leo wasn't aware of anything else in the world at that moment. Everything outside of this pale-haired stranger had become peripheral white noise. "Yeah," he swallowed. "That-he's my brother. Little brother."

"I think I see the resemblance. Are you two twins?"

"Quadruplets, actually." At the reminder that he had family in unknown places outside of this magical little bubble of perfect time and space, Leonardo jerked his eyes around to find them. A young woman in a navy blue tight-fitting suit dotted with teal orbs held a familiar blue sneaker in her hand and nodded to herself. "The other two are here somewhere."

"Are they also named after famous artists?"

"Italian ones," Leo smiled. "Mom was a big Renaissance fan."

"Wow, that is...different. But also, I think, kind of wonderful."

Leo's heart soared. It pushed upwards past the clouds, somewhere high and flighty and warm and he didn't think he ever wanted to come down from this feeling. "Yeah. It is," he said, though he had no idea what part of his mother having been a historical nerd was exactly 'wonderful.' But that someone else thought so-a particularly handsome someone else-was somehow the best thing that had ever happened to him.

The feeling stayed long after their conversation ended and the museum closed. In the fleeting few moments before the stranger was forced to depart the Mystery Shack with his older cousin, Leonardo was able to get his name.

He couldn't stop saying it since.

"Miyamoto Usagi," Leonardo whispered to the slanted attic ceiling. He flexed his hands behind his head and kicked his feet idly under the covers. "Miyamoto Usagi…"

Raph groaned, lying on his side with a pillow bent over his head. His bed was pressed against the wall left of Leo's; together, with Leo's bed perpendicular to his own against the north wall with the large window seat, their beds formed a right angle. "What are you sayin' over there?" he muttered. "You chantin' somethin' from that dumb journal of yours?"

"It's not a chant," Leo muttered. He slid his hands out from underneath his head and tapped his finger-tips against his stomach. "It's a name, Raph."

"Yeah, well, gesundheit."

Leo rolled his eyes. "You're being rude. His name's just different, that's all."

"Oh, I'm being rude? I'm not the one keeping us up at odd hours-"

"-some people might even say our names are really different and weird too, y'know-"

"-repeating over and over again the name of my new boyfriend."

Something in Leonardo's chest sharply lurched. He placed a hand over his heart. "Cut it out, Raph," he said, more quietly than before. He rolled to face the wall.

There was a long, stretching pause. All Leonardo could hear for several minutes was Mikey's quiet snoring from the other side of the room, where his and Donnie's beds mirrored the set-up of the two older quadruplets. He picked at a loose thread from the seam of his pillow cover; his lips curled into a thin frown.

"...tell me about him," Raph mumbled.

Leo stared at the wall for a moment more. Then, slowly, he turned onto his back again. He wondered where to start, but then realized he needn't have worried. Everything that had been building up all afternoon long was ready to tumble out; it only needed a door.

He recalled the conversation he had with Usagi to the best of his memory, cherishing each savored detail. He replayed in his mind's eye every twitch of Usagi's mouth: the way it broke open wide for a breathy laugh; the way it quirked sideways when he smiled.

"I think I like him," Leo whispered at the end, awash with the feelings that pressed up hard against his ribcage, threatening to burst him apart from the inside out.

"...like, like-like him?" Raph muttered.

"Yeah."

"Leo. You just met the guy."

"Yeah, but you didn't see him, Raph…"

"Don't need to. An hour or two shouldn't swing your heart, Leo."

Leo groaned and threw his forearms over his eyes. "I knew it," he sighed. "Talking to you is hopeless."

"Then, I don't know. Talk to Karai or somethin'."

"Karai?" Leo's heart stuttered hard. "But, Raph, then I'd have to tell her-"

"-you really think she wouldn't understand, Leo?" Raph's voice coming from his bed was matter-of-fact. Somehow patient, when usually his younger brother was far from it. "She introduced us to Shinigami, man. If anything, she's gonna scream her head off because she's so happy."

Karai nearly did just that.

"No way! My own little gay cousin!" She enthused, kicking her feet out off the yellow couch and thrusting her hands into the air. Before Leo could move away, she wrapped him up in both of her arms and squeezed him tight. "I'm so proud! I knew there was something special about you, Leo! Now we have so much more to talk about!"

"W-we do?" Leo wheezed.

Karai released him and brought her hands down hard upon his shoulders. "How did you know? You're so young!"

"I-I don't even think I really know, uh, anything, yet..."

"We gotta give you a look! Now that you know you're gay, it's like, all plaid from here on out. You know that, right?" Karai said as if the matter was super serious and grave. "We're in a boondocks place in Oregon called Gravity Falls, for crying out loud. If there's ever a time to embrace and live the gay, it's here."

"Is it? Is it really?" Leo asked with a skeptical frown.

Karai wouldn't be budged. That night, she persuaded Leo to try out his new 'gay aesthetic' with her and Shinigami. A grumbling and seemingly uninterested Raphael joined them and together, the four attended a tent magic show in town called the 'Dreggnought.' It had only been in Gravity Falls or a few weeks so far, but already-according to Karai-it was a complete hit.

"I heard about it from this commercial. It's super cute!" Shinigami had said. "'Are you completely miserable? Dread not! Come to the Dreggnought!'" She laughed and waved a hand. "Word plays are so adorable."

"Dad's not a fan of it because it's the 'competition,' but whatever." Karai had shrugged with a wicked smile. "As I always say, a little rebellion is good for the heart."

In the end, Leonardo hardly could recall a thing about the actual performance. It was flashy and bright and the star psychic of the show was a kid as young as he and Raphael. His red suit and pale lavender cape, not to mention his updone ebony hair, were perhaps the most eye-catching parts of his whole routine. His mind tricks, on the other hand, were easy to see through.

Raph kept reminding Leo how unimpressed he was throughout the show, while Karai and Shini took turns nudging Leo periodically to ask him if the random other boys his age they could see in the audience was his 'Usagi.' Leo didn't know how many times he had to say, "He's not my Usagi!" but when his denials didn't help, he sunk lower and lower in his fold-up chair. He just wished he could disappear.

The combined efforts of both his bored younger brother and nosy older cousin and her girlfriend were perhaps the key reasons why Leo, on the walk home, realized he couldn't remember a single thing about the show itself.

Great. Now I have nothing to tell Mikey and Donnie about it.

He bowed his head, frowning. The sleeves of his borrowed, oversized plaid shirt were rolled up, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his too-tight jeans. He decided he wasn't sure how he felt about this new 'gay aesthetic' Karai had elbowed him into; even the gel in his hair felt itchy. He'd probably just go back to how he usually dressed.

By the respectful distance Karai was giving him, walking far behind and holding her girlfriend's hand, Leo suspected she might already know.

He kicked a loose rock ahead of his feet. Raph joined his side and kicked the rock back to him. A reluctant smile spread across Leo's face. Together, they kicked the same rock back and forth for the last leg of their walk home.

It wasn't until Karai sharply gasped that either younger cousin thought to look up.

And when Leo's eyes landed on the police car parked in front of the Mystery Shack, red and blue lights still spinning, his heart abruptly stopped.

Sheriff Steranko and Sheriff Zeck stood across from Uncle Yoshi, Donnie, and Mikey around the decapitated body of an unlikely murder victim lying prone on the dated shag living room carpet: Michelangelo's wax sculpture of Uncle Yoshi. Their gazes as they viewed the beheaded figure ranged from unimpressed to devastatingly heartbroken.

Leo could only express relief as he saw his other two brothers safe and unharmed. "When I saw the police car parked outside, I thought something much worse had happened."

"Worse?!" Mikey exclaimed. "How can it be worse! Someone be-snitched-"

"-besmirched-"

"-whatever, Dee. They be-sni-smir-the point is, they ruined all my hard work!" Mikey huffed and crossed his arms over his chest and looked to the two sheriffs standing idly on the other side of the prone wax figure. Sheriff Zeck had a coffee in hand. "And these two won't do anything about it!"

"Look, small boy," Sheriff Steranko began, his Russian accent heavy and thick, "it is like we already said. This case? It is unsolvable."

"Not to mention, that-no offense-but this just a piece o'art. No need to get in a hissie about any of it," Sheriff Zeck added. He waved his free hand at them. "I mean, can't you just like, resculpt the head? Then boom! Your problem is solved." He shook his head and took a long, slow sip of his latte. "Man, am I great at this job."

Don saw a disheartened shimmer in his little brother's eyes and that was all he needed to not let this matter go. "What do you mean it's unsolvable?" he asked. "There's evidence, isn't there? A motive?"

"Dude, face the facts," Sheriff Zeck shrugged. He held out a hand placatingly. "The only motive here is just someone who's not a fan of your bro's work."

Mikey's lips pressed together into a crooked frown. The shine in his eyes brightened.

Don threw his fists down at his sides. "Ugh, you guys are useless."

"Hey now," Sheriff Zeck warned with a flat and raised hand, as if he were defending himself. "If you think you can do better than the grown-ups, kid. Then by all means…"

"Fine! If you won't solve it, then I will!"

There was a moment of stunned silence.

Then it was gone. Both Sheriff Zeck and Sheriff Steranko burst out laughing. Steranko laid a hand against his broad stomach. Zeck pointed a finger at the second-youngest quadruplet and crowed, "Oh! Oh, that's so cute. Look at 'im, Rocksteady! Look at 'im! Lil' city boy here actually thinks he can solve a case!"

"That is-how you say-adorable!" Sheriff Steranko roared.

Don's face flushed from the top of his forehead to the bottom of his neck. His shoulders bunched and his fists tightened. "A-adorable?"

Mikey stepped in front of him. "You guys are laughing now, but just you wait! Don's really good! He's smart. Real smart! He'll solve this case faster than either of you ever could!"

Sheriff Zeck was already rounding the prone wax figure on his way out of the house, Sheriff Steranko on his heels. Both of them squeezed past the gathered family both in the living room and trailing into the hallway, and lifted their hats in farewell.

"Yeah, whatever. Good luck, city boy," Sheriff Zeck called out with a chuckle. "Cuz you're sure gonna need it for this one."

Sheriff Steranko laughed and muttered something else-something that must have been another joke at their expense-but no one heard it. Shinigami shut the door behind them, and Don spun around to Mikey, both hands fisted in front of his chest. "That's it. Mikey, you and me are going to find the jerk who did this and get back that head." He punched the palm of one hand, dark brown eyes slipping up to stare at some unseen point. "Then we'll see who's 'adorable.'"

Any lingering trace of hurt or worry immediately melted away from Mikey's face. The youngest of the four broke out into a wide smile. "Aw, yeah, boi! B-Team is at it again!" he cheered.

"...okay, don't...actually call us that."

Karai raised an eyebrow. She looked to Raphael, the closest brother to her out in the hallway overlooking the crowded living room space. "'B-Team'?"

"It's a long story," Raph muttered. He lifted a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug as Donnie and Mikey immediately got to work. They bent their heads together and animatedly talked, pouring over the headless wax figure on the floor. Uncle Yoshi wordlessly turned and moved for the kitchen.

"Mystery Twins?" Mikey piped up, tapping his chin.

"We're not twins, so no."

Mikey gasped. "Donnie, do you realize what this means? We could be like, some kind of rodeo detectives-"

"-Mikey."

Well, one was focusing more than the other.

When Leo woke the next morning, he found Mikey and Don had already left. They headed into town bright and early after discovering a lead about a potential suspect, according to an ever-stiff Uncle Yoshi reading his newspaper and a half-awake Raphael munching aggressively on his breakfast flakes. At the news, Leo just shook his head and smiled. He reached into the cupboard and retrieved another cereal box. I wonder how awake Mikey was when Don dragged him out of bed.

A knock sounded at the door.

Uncle Yoshi sent him a look over his newspaper pages that made Leo roll his eyes. He turned and left his empty bowl on the counter.

"Greetings."

The dark-haired kid on their front porch stood a few inches shorter than Leonardo himself. Up close, Leo could see his skin was so pale, he looked almost sickly.

Somehow, he seemed familiar.

"Hi," Leo answered. "Do I know you?"

The kid smirked and bowed extravagantly, one hand at his chest and the other stretched out. It was then Leo noticed the loose and gaping length of his lavender sleeves and all at once, last night's barely memorable performance came back to him.

"Oh! It's you! From the show," Leo smiled.

"Yes, it's me." The kid psychic named Dregg seemed especially pleased at Leo's recognition. "Vringath Dregg. I hope you enjoyed what you saw last night."

"Oh. Yeah." Leo cleared his throat. "It was certainly, uh, something."

"You must forgive my abrupt appearance; I know we haven't been formally introduced yet," Dregg continued and tapped the tips of his fingers together rhythmically, slowly. "But I confess, I was unable to wipe the memory of seeing you in the audience last night from my head."

"Oh." Leo laughed, a short and embarrassed sound. "Did I stand out that much?" I'm going to kill Karai.

"Only in the best kind of way." Dregg's smile angled wide on his face. He reached up a hand to the bolo tie wrapped around his neck. At its center was a round, perfectly smooth, pale green gemstone. A peridot, if Leo had caught a proper glimpse of it. "It was as if I could sense a...kindred spirit. From afar."

"Oh. Oh boy," Leo chuckled. He sucked in air through his teeth. "Okay. Look, Dregg, I wasn't trying to-"

"-you, too, like the show Space Heroes, don't you?"

"I...uh. Wait, what?"

Leo wasn't prepared for how easy it was to become friends with Dregg. When he looked past the weirdness of the kid's supposed-to-be-fake but also somehow-incredibly-accurate psychic abilities, Dregg was actually kind of fun to hang out with. A little nerdy, just like Leo was, and at times, kind of intimidating-"Leonardo, when I'm up here, looking down on all those tiny little people crawling up and down the street, I feel as if I were lord of all I survey..."-but he was a good kid, overall.

A mostly good kid.

"Leonardo."

"Yeah, Dregg?" Leo lifted his head from the town square below, overlooking the large road that bisected Gravity Falls. He and Dregg sat side-by-side on the top of the Dregg family's toy factory on 412 Gopher Road after an afternoon of marathoning Space Heroes. They had only known each other for two days, but already they were close to finishing season one. Leo couldn't believe how fast they were powerhousing through the episodes.

Summer was going to go by so much more quickly now that he had someone to watch Space Heroes with. No longer could his brothers and Karai tease him everytime he wanted control of Uncle Yoshi's ancient television set.

"To my memory," Dregg murmured, "I have never...ever felt so close to anyone. Not as close as I do to you at this very moment."

Suddenly Leo became very aware of how close their hands were on the beam of the roof's peak. He looked down at the short space in between their fingers and back up. "Yeah. Uh, I guess we're...pretty close." The boy cleared his throat.

Dregg reached a hand for Leonardo's cheek. Sharply, Leo brushed his hand away and scooted back.

"What's happening?" Leo asked.

"Give me one chance." Dregg's voice had taken on an unusual quality: something quiet and insistent and pleading, compounded by his bizarrely formal diction. "It is all I ask."

"Give you a-are you...are you asking me out on a date?"

"I-yes."

Leo stared at him. He stared at him for a long stretch of time. "Oh boy." He rubbed the back of his head and fumbled for words. "Uh. Okay. Look, Dregg, I like you and all, but just as a friend. Maybe that's what we should stay as."

"Give me just one chance, Leonardo," Dregg repeated and the way he met Leo's eyes this time made it hard to look away. He was just so earnest. "One date, and you would make me the happiest boy in all the cosmos."

Leo didn't know what to say or do.

"You...really want to go out with me?" Man, I'm kind of still figuring things out and here Dregg is, so confident and so assured in himself and what he wants. He took a slow breath. "I mean…" Is this how it works? Is it really this simple? "I...I guess? S-sure. If it's just one date."

"One date." Dregg's smile threatened to split his face. For an instant, it actually seemed terrifying, like his spread lips had cut his pale face in two and then the boy was launching himself forward to wrap his arms around Leo and hug him tightly. "Ah, Leonardo, you have made me so very, very happy!"

"I…" Leo sat stiffly in his arms. "Okay!"

Later, Raphael would warn him against this.

Later, Leonardo would have to try to explain to his brother why he had a "date" with someone who's a bigger fraud than Uncle Yoshi and all Raph would say was, "I don't know, Leo. Giving someone a pity-date ain't exactly the best way of telling them to leave you alone" and Leo would know he was right.

For now, Leo sat awkwardly in an unrelenting embrace of someone he had known for two days and tried to determine if that small whiff-whiff sound he kept hearing was Dregg trying to sniff his hair or not.

"What is Leonardo doing on the cover of the newspaper holding hands with the competition?"

It was perhaps the most Raphael had ever heard his uncle say in one breath. The man stormed from the living quarters and into the northern annex of the Mystery Shack that had long ago been converted into a gift store. Raph raised his head from lying against the check-out counter, and April O'Neil, the part-time help Yoshi had hired a year ago, lifted her head from her phone. With a faint flush, the redhead sharply stuffed her cell back into her pocket. Yoshi didn't seem to notice.

"Oh yeah, you didn't hear about it?" Karai, leaning on the other side of the check-out counter, held up her own phone screen and waved it from side to side. The e-gazette edition of the Gravity Falls newspaper gleamed from its surface. "It's all the current buzz right now. Leo and that kid psychic Dregg got a big date tonight."

"Date?" Yoshi enunciated every consonant in the word. He looked back at the newspaper and something frustrated, something unsettled, crossed his twisted features. The pages crumpled in his hands. He tossed them down to the counter and turned. "I must settle this. Now."

"For the record, Uncle Yoshi, I didn't know about this!" Raph called after him. "I didn't hear anything, and besides, I told him not to!"

When he received no response but the sound of the front door on the other side of the shack slamming shut, Raph looked to April. April shrugged.

A second later, Donnie and Mikey ran through the gift shop. Out the door of the living quarters they flew, across the general merchandise floor, and towards the door that lead outside.

"Hey. Where have you two been?" Raph narrowed eyes at them.

"Our murderer is left-handed!" Don cried over his shoulder. In his hand he held a pad of paper with a list of names and two sets of boxes at the end of each line. He reached the exit door and held it open for his younger brother. "My good man and gentleladies, we've finally found our break in the case!"

"Break in the case!" Mikey echoed as he ran outside with his fists in the air. Donnie followed on his heels. The door clanged shut behind them.

"...I'm sorry, did a couple of twelve-year-olds just say they were chasing down a murderer?" April asked the only brother left at the store.

Raphael sighed and dropped his chin to the store counter. He wondered why everyone else was seemingly getting an adventure and not him.

Somewhere out across the town of Gravity Falls, a car pulled to a stop in front of an iron-wrought fence. Hamato Yoshi, dressed in a suit he normally reserved for press conferences, stepped out and marched up the walkway to the cauliflower blue front door of Dregg's estate. When he spied upon the door a cross-stitched sign that pleasantly read, 'Pardon this Garden' with a happy, buzzing bee sewn along the bottom, he growled.

"I will pardon nothing," he muttered and swiped the sign from the door.

He proceeded to demand an audience.

One date turned into several very quickly. Too quickly for Leo.

What was supposed to be just one night out for dinner turned into a second date dancing at the weekly open ballroom the following day. Ballroom dancing became a boat ride with an unexpected fireworks show on the river later that same night and Leo didn't know how to make it stop.

"That's it, Leo, right?" Raph pressured when he saw his older brother return to their attic late the second evening. His brother's steps were heavy and slow. "You'll never have to go out with him again. It's been three dates. That's like, three times more than what you agreed to. It's over."

Leo didn't answer. He just tossed his jacket onto the chest at the foot of his bed and ran his fingers through his hair and over his face. He fell back onto his mattress and bounced.

"Leo…"

"He asked me out again!" Leo burst and lifted his hands from his face. "I didn't know how to tell him no!"

"Like this." Raph rolled to sit upright on his bed and pointed with two fingers to either side of his mouth. "'No.'"

"It's not that easy, Raph." Leo sighed and let his hands fall over his face again.

"Sure it is! You just say it."

The sound Leo made was soft and angry and a little bit sad. He rolled over onto his side, facing the wall. His body curled into itself. Silence followed.

"Leo?"

Leo shook his head. His short, dark hair that was splayed against his pillow waved with the motion.

Raph sighed. He dropped the comic book he had been reading when Leo first walked in and stood up. "Leo," he called again, more firmly.

"Leo's not here right now," Leo mumbled through his palms. "Leave him alone."

"See, you say that to me, but why can't you say that to Dregg?"

"Because it's different. If I tell him no, I'll break his heart!"

"So?"

"So?" Leo repeated and he scoffed but the sound was tight and pained. He lifted his head to ground out over his shoulder: "I kind of actually like being friends with him. I know that may be hard for you to believe, Raph, but I'm not like you. I don't actually enjoy making enemies. I don't want to be a 'bad guy.'"

Raphael frowned.

Leo sighed and laid his head back down against his pillow.

"Leo…" Raph didn't know how to finish. Is that what you think of me? Or was he supposed to say: You're never a 'bad guy' for standing up for yourself.

Instead he sighed and took the few steps he needed to cross the space between their perpendicular beds. He sat on the corner of Leo's mattress. "Fine. Enough is enough. If you can't break up with Dregg, then I'll break up with him for you."

Leo slowly peeked out from behind his hands on his face. Shock colored his dark blue eyes. "You will?"

"Yeah," Raph grumbled. "I will."

The next thing Raph knew, he had his arms full of a grateful older brother, rambling over and over again into his shoulder, "Thank you, Raph…! You have no idea-just-thank you."

He cleared his throat and patted Leo on the back with his one free hand. The other was pinned to his side. "Don't mention it, Leo." That's what brothers are for, I guess...to be the 'bad guy' when you need them to be.

When he heard heavy footfalls that were nothing like the graceful and rhythmic ones of his Leonardo, Vringrath Dregg supposed he had always known that one of the boy's many brothers would finally step in the way of his plans. First, it had been their uncle with that horridly ugly face-a man who Dregg's father could only make complacent with the words, "It is Leonardo's choice as to whether or not he agrees to be courted. It is not yours." And now, there was one of the other quadruplets, just concerned for his brother's wellbeing.

He supposed he would have to deal with him like he's dealt with everything else.

Dregg lowered his dinner menu to the table and slid a surprised smile on his face. "Raphael Tang. How good to see you."

"Dregg," the younger brother of his Leonardo grumbled. Ah yes, the ever-uncouth one.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Dregg continued pleasantly. "I was hoping to see your brother soon, you know. He's late, but that's quite all right. I am...patient."

"Yeah, 'bout that," Raph began and Dregg folded his hands tightly over the white tablecloth. The boy freed his own hands from his pockets and crossed his arms over his chest. "Look, Dregg. Whatever's between you and Leo...it's gotta stop. Leo doesn't actually want this. He's not 'late.' He's just not coming tonight."

Something sharp cut right down through Dregg's center. An eye twitched. He fought the tension that grew in his shoulders. "I...apologize. I'm not quite certain what you mean."

The brute rolled his eyes, a dark color with flecks of green. "Yeah. You do. You just don't want to accept it and that's what your problem is." Raph pinned Dregg with an unyielding stare as he added, "Leave Leo alone."

Dregg placed his hands flat against the table. He breathed long and thin; his eyelids slipped closed and then open again in an exaggerated blink. "So does this mean you're...coming between us, Raphael?"

"You know what? Yeah," Raph growled and leaned low over the table. "I guess I am."

The second-oldest quadruplet pushed himself off, turned, and marched away with the same kind of heavy footfalls with which he had entered. Dregg watched him leave. The frown on his face stretched and deepened. He set his teeth.

It appeared he was mistaken. He would handle this one in a way very different than how he's dealt with everything else.

Leo jerked upright when he heard familiar footsteps stomping up the stairs. He threw his legs over the side of his bed, hands wringing under the blanket he pulled around his shoulders. As soon as he saw his younger brother stepping through the door, he blurted, "How did it go? Was he all right with it? He didn't try to...I don't know, do anything to you with his psychic powers, did he?"

Raph rolled his eyes and walked straight to his bed. He fell back on it with all the carefree, spread-eagled grace of a ragdoll. "He doesn't have any powers, Leo. It was fine. We're cool, now."

"So he'll leave me alone?"

That made Raph look up to him. "He better," he muttered dangerously and Leo smiled.

The next day, Mikey and Don were out again solving their murder investigation, and Uncle Yoshi had taken Karai into town to buy groceries. April O'Neil, then, was left in charge of the gift shop and two of the quadruplets, and when the traffic of customers were slow, she, Leo, and Raph picked up some of the store items to play with, giggling as they occasionally fake-stabbed each other with painted kaleidoscope tins and Chinese finger traps.

"Oh, you got me!" April bemoaned, clutching her side. She sagged dramatically against the check-out counter and Leonardo as he stepped away.

"The ninja master wins again!" he cheered.

The household phone rang. Immediately, Leo and Raph looked to one another from different sides of the souvenir shop.

"Not it!"

"Not-ugh."

Raph rolled his eyes. He climbed down from his 'fortress' of unpacked merchandise in the corner and slunked for the living quarters of the Mystery Shack. He lifted the phone on the kitchen wall to his ear and rehearsed flatly, "Hamato residence. Raphael Tang speaking."

He blinked when he heard the voice on the other end. "Wait, what, are you serious? What happened?"

He paused, then groaned. He pinched the bridge of his nose and wondered why he had to have such a little brother like Mikey. "Yeah, all right. I'll be there in a second. Thanks for watching over him." Pause. "Yeah, uh-huh. 412 Gopher Road?" He reached for an old receipt and flipped it over to scribble the address on the back. "Got it. Thanks."

He hung up and walked back out through the gift shop. When Leo heard what had happened and offered to go with him, Raph waved him off and said he would be fine. He was going to wring Michelangelo's neck himself for this mess.

In retrospect, he supposed he should have known that with Donatello with him, Michelangelo would never have done something as stupid as what the phone call had told him he did.

When Raph entered the toy factory on 412 Gopher Road, he wasn't met with his little brother or his supposed Good Samaritan caretaker. Instead he saw a boy about as old as himself, with long, extravagant lavender sleeves and an expensive hairdo that must have cost the kid hundreds, sitting in the center of the warehouse floor.

"Dregg," Raph groaned.

"Greetings, Raphael," Dregg muttered, idly playing with a stuffed hornet. He sat perched on a tall-backed swivel office chair.

"What do you want, man?"

"How long have you and your brothers been in this town, hmm? A week? Maybe more?" Dregg asked instead of answering. He had yet to look at Raph, his eyes still nonchalantly fixed on the hornet between his knees. "Have you been enjoying your time here in Gravity Falls?"

"Can we skip to the part we both know this is really about?" Raph fired back.

Dregg's gaze finally snapped up, pinning Raph with his gaze. "Listen carefully, boy, when I say this: there are things in this town that are beyond your comprehension. Your little, insignificant mind couldn't even begin to understand it all."

"Oh yeah? Try me."

The next thing Raph knew, he was being flung against the wall. Hard. Dregg hadn't moved; he hadn't gotten up to shove at him or touch him in any way. And yet, it was as if someone had taken hold of Raph's body like he was one of the cheap toys inside the factory and chucked him. He gasped and struggled against thin air, but couldn't move.

"W-what the-"

"Now," Dregg murmured in a strange and filmy tone, like he was speaking through a thin stretch of fabric. The vibrations of his voice were louder than his words. He slid from his chair, his hand wrapped around the peridot center of his bolo tie. "I agree. Let us 'skip to the part' where you pay for turning my dear Leonardo against me. Where you learn, Raphael, exactly what happens to people when they try to stop me from getting what I deserve."

"How…?" Raph gasped and pushed harder against the invisible force keeping him pinned. He couldn't move. "You're a fake!"

"Things you couldn't even begin to understand, Raphael," Dregg reminded in a lilting sing-song. The horrific, wide spread of his smile seemed to split his face in two.

"Karai?"

"Mm?"

"Can I help put away groceries?"

"Sure. That'd be great. Thanks."

"...hey, Karai?"

"Yeah, Leo?"

"Have you ever...broken up with someone before?"

Karai put down the plastic bag of yogurts and cheeses. She looked to her cousin standing next to the round dining table loaded with food. He didn't look back. The boy kept his eyes on the bag he was sifting through; his fingers toyed with the edge of a fruit snack box.

"Well, yeah," she answered. "A lot of people."

Leo nodded.

Karai smiled, a soft and secret one she saved for the rarest of occasions: the times when she could tell she needed to put on her 'big sister' cap. She turned for the refrigerator and propped the door open with her hip. She hummed. "But this isn't about me, is it? This is about Dregg."

Finally, Leo's gaze snapped to her. His eyes were wide. "You knew about us?"

"Kind of everybody did, kid," she answered. "But that's not the point. I had a feeling you two weren't a great match."

The sigh that slid from her cousin's lungs moved his small chest. Leo padded over to the chair on the opposite side of the dining table and plopped onto it. His shoulders slumped forward. "Yeah. It kind of sucks."

"Was he your first boyfriend?"

Leo's brow folded. His fingers played with a button on his sleeve. With a paper white press of his lips, he nodded.

"Kind of makes it feel worse, doesn't it?" Karai murmured. She let the refrigerator door swing shut and crumbled up the plastic bag left in her hands."Why'd you even go out with him, Leo? It's not like you've ever talked about him before. Not as much as you've talked about this mysterious Usagi who I have yet to meet, anyway."

"I don't know," Leo whined. His head fell against the table between the lettuce and potatoes. "He was my friend. I liked watching Space Heroes with him."

"That doesn't mean you have to date him." Karai picked up the box of fruit snacks Leo had been toying with earlier. She tore it open and tossed a small pouch to the side of his head. Leo winced and picked it up.

"Yeah, I know that now," Leo murmured. "I just...I kind of felt like I did everything wrong." He sighed and popped a misshapen Captain Ryan into his mouth. "I picked the wrong first boyfriend. I didn't have a great first date with first said boyfriend. Man, I even had Raph break up with him for me because I was too much of a coward to tell Dregg to his face that I never actually really wanted to go out with him, I was just scared of hurting his feelings."

Karai reached over to grab the lettuce. With her free hand, she combed her fingers through Leo's short hair. "That's not the only thing though, is it?"

Leo frowned deeply. "Karai, I don't even know if Usagi will like me back," he said quietly. "When Dregg asked me out, it got me thinking: what are the chances that the guy I like would even like other guys? Here I am waiting for the perfect somebody but what if he's waiting for the perfect girl? Maybe...I was wasting my time just waiting."

The refrigerator door swung shut. Karai rounded the table to sit in the chair beside her cousin. "Leo, this is going to be the last thing you want to hear, but…" She gently flicked the side of Leo's head. "...kid, you're twelve."

"Ow," Leo whined and rubbed his head.

"You've got time. Don't be so mellow. Yeah, maybe your first boyfriend ever wasn't the greatest choice. Maybe you've an awful couple of dates with him. But that happens. You'll have a gazillion more mistakes, sprinkled in with some really great dates and really awesome boyfriends, and that's life. You kinda have to mess things up once in a while to know when the good and keepable people come by you."

Leo raised his eyes to his cousin. "Like Shinigami?"

Karai's smile turned soft and fond. "Yeah. Kinda like Shini." She cleared her throat. "Anyway. You want to know what else I think?"

"Do I dare ask?" The corner of Leo's mouth twitched up.

She pressed a finger into his forehead and then stood to grab the last bag on the table. "Break up with Dregg yourself. You'll feel a whole lot better if you do."

Leo thought for a moment. When he nodded, he set his mouth in a firm line. "Yeah. I guess you're right."

"I always am."

"Oh, please." Leo rolled his eyes hard but smiled. He waved a hand as he stood and passed by his cousin out the kitchen. "Hey. Thanks, Karai."

"Don't mention it, Leo. I'll have the ice cream out and ready when you get back."

"Cockroaches…!" he hissed.

Abruptly, Raphael couldn't move.

Pineapples!

"That's a lie!" Dregg tightened his hold on his tie.

Raph bared his teeth. The scissors drew close enough that he could see the faint outline of his reflection on the gleaming twin blades' side.

All of a sudden, the double doors at the far end of the warehouse slammed open wide.

"Dregg!" called Leonardo's voice. "We need to talk."

Leo's arrival was as jarring to Dregg as it was to Raph. As soon as the kid heard the oldest quadruplet's voice, Dregg spun on his heel. His bug-like eyes were wide.

Raph couldn't move when his brother stepped forward. If he didn't see the flicker of Leo's eyes towards him as he floated suspended with a pair of scissors just millimeters from his open mouth, he would have thought, from the way Leo was talking about not dating and just being Space Heroes buddies, that Leo wasn't aware of the danger he himself was in at all. Uh, hello? Earth to Leo? Need a little help, here?

But then the scissors clattered to the floor and even though Raph still couldn't move, he could breathe a sigh of relief.

Then it became very hard to breathe.

"I'm afraid I don't understand, Leonardo," Dregg asked. "I thought you liked our dates."

"Leo!" Raph gasped. "Maybe now's not the...best time to be...brutally honest with him!"

"It was, uh-" Leo's eyes darted to his brother once. "-thoughtful. They were very thoughtful. But listen, Dregg. I've gotta tell you..." He held out his hands and slowly, carefully, Dregg slid his own palms away from the peridot against his throat. He laid them over Leo's.

There was a split-second of teetering silence and then Leo snatched the bolo tie free from Dregg's neck with a twisting yank.

"I can't believe you!" he shouted. Raph fell to the floor with horrid, choking heaves of air. Leo shook the bolo tie in Dregg's face and there was no fear now. No hesitation. Everything buried deep within the boy now had a door and it was gaping open wide. "I tell you I don't want to date you, and you attack my brother?! What the-"

"-my tie! L-Leonardo, my dear Leonardo, I can explain-"

"-no, you don't get to explain!" Leo cried. "I'm done listening to you, when you've never ever listened to me or my brother. We're finished!"

With that, Leo threw the bolo tie to the floor and raised a foot. He stomped the peridot gem of it once, twice, and Dregg screamed as it shattered into thousands of glittering pieces. A ghostly pale and ethereal essence wafted from the remains of the broken stone. Within moments, the apparition dissipated into nothing.

Dregg dropped to his knees with a mournful cry. "My powers…!"

Raph scoffed from where he kneeled on the floor. He held a hand to his ragged throat. "Not so tough now, are you?" he rasped.

Dregg's head spun around to glower at the younger brother. He opened his mouth to sneer a remark, but Leo's shadow fell over him. When Dregg looked up, the look on the boy's face was dark. Dangerous.

"Go," Leonardo threatened, "I don't ever want to see your face ever again."

Dregg scurried away. The moment he was gone, Leo hurried to his brother's side. He wrapped him tight in his arms.

As soon as they could, Raphael and Leonardo slumped against the old and stained yellow couch in their uncle's living room. Karai was on the phone in the kitchen and when she came back a minute later, she had tucked in both arms three bowls of ice cream.

"So, uh, that was Dregg," Karai said. She handed each of them a bowl and sat down on the giant replica of a dinosaur's head next to the sofa. She crossed one leg over the other and lifted a spoonful of rocky road into her mouth. "Apparently, he's declaring 'vengeance' on the whole family, now. That's fun."

"So much for not being the 'bad guy' and not making enemies," Raph muttered. He sighed and sunk lower in the chair. Both of his hands cradled his chilled bowl. "Sorry, Leo."

"I'm not." There was a small smile on Leo's mouth. He hummed and took a bite of ice cream. He waved his spoon in the air like he was drawing clouds. "It felt good to yell at him after everything, actually. Kinda therapeutic."

Karai snickered. "Yeah, well. Guess we'll have to watch your toes or something. He might try to nibble on them from now on."

Raph laughed. "Yeah. Yeah!" He turned, crooking one leg next to him on the couch as he looked at his brother. "How's he gonna destroy us now, Leo? Gonna try to guess what-what number we're thinking of or something?"

"Ooooooooo," Leo wobbled his voice around chuckles and wriggled his fingers. "So spooky."

Karai busted out laughing. "You guys-"

"-you guys! You won't believe it! Donnie solved the case!"

Mikey tore threw the living room so fast that when he skidded to a stop, there might have been skid marks on the shag carpet. He stepped in front of his brothers and cousin, his hands proudly fisted against either side of his waist.

"Ew! Oh my gosh, Mikey, what is that?"

"Are you...are you covered in...wax?"

"It was amazing!" Mikey crowed. Donatello and Uncle Yoshi, carrying his decapitated wax head, strolled in from the hallway. "All of Uncle Yoshi's wax figures turned out to be evil! They're the ones who were trying to kill Uncle Yoshi but they killed his replica instead, so we fought them to the death!"

Leo wasn't sure what he was hearing was the truth or the result of an overactive imagination. With Mikey, it was hard to tell.

He turned to the other quadruplet also covered in splotches of what looked like melted wax and asked, "Don…?"

"I decapitated Michael Bay."

Karai's eyes drifted up to her father. "...Dad…?"

Her father shrugged, muttering under his breath, "Kids." He strode forward and set his head lookalike on top of the television set. Without breaking his pace, he moved for the kitchen. They heard the refrigerator door open a moment later.

"...wow. What a week," Raphael finally decided.

"Yeah," Leo nodded, bewildered. He leaned back against the couch. "What a week."

Somewhere out across the town of Gravity Falls, beyond a cauliflower blue front door and up a freshly-stained wooden stairway, a disgruntled young boy hunkered over his desk in his bedroom and flipped through a red and dusty journal. He no longer had his precious green amulet, but that would not be an issue. There were thousands of other options for him littered throughout these yellowed pages. Hundreds of other opportunities to take advantage of, all drafted inside of this golden flower-faced book engraved with a large '2.'

He just needed one to get his revenge.

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