A/N: Once again, a huge thank you for all the reviews/ follows/ favorites.
The walk was arduous. My body grew heavy, pain coursing through my veins in place of blood. My legs were limp, but I walked with my back straight and my chin raised high.
I could not seem weak.
I was a Kersey. We are ancient, mighty. Weakness is below us.
My vision swam halfway up the grassy slope and my feet faltered, breaking my posture. I tightened my hold on Draco's hand, struggling to keep my balance.
"Rosalind?" came his voice, strangely distant, from somewhere on my left. I blinked once, twice, and drew a deep breath.
"It is nothing Draco." I said, turning my head slowly to glance at him, "Worry not."
He did not seem convinced, glancing once quickly over my face, but gave me a curt nod none the less.
Perhaps it would be wise to find a bite to eat, I thought , but my stomach flipped unpleasantly at the suggestion. On second thought, I did not want to eat. Or drink. Just sleep. Sleep for a long, long time.
Serpen hissed sharply at the thought and my eyes flickered down to his form, meeting his angry gaze.
Dangerous, his thoughts echoed in my mind, very dangerous.
He was right, I realized with a start, quite shamed to have wanted such a wilful, selfish thing. After all, everything that had happened, that was yet to happen, was my fault. My sin.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat and tightened my grip on Draco's hand, using it as support to keep myself moving. My fingers had turned white as I clutched him, but thankfully, Draco did not say a word.
Serpen hissed again, as if to argue, but I dismissed him. I had no strength to spare, and there was so much I had yet to do. So much that had to be done. This was no time to rest.
He must be safe.
I had to talk to Astoria, somewhere away from eager ears, before news of my treachery reached her. For the rumours had already started to spread.
The doors of the castle stood open, and students stepped through them eagerly, wishing to enjoy the first pleasant day we had been granted in weeks. It was a torrent of scarlet and blue, with only a smattering of yellow.
They stared at us as we walked past, whispered and giggled, but I paid them no mind. Mudbloods, halfbreeds and blood traitors, what did it matter what they thought? They would never understand us.
But as my eyes fell on green robes, I knew I had to hurry. It was imperative. There few of them, mostly younger students who were not nursing a hangover from the previous night, but more were sure to follow. And even these few could do me much harm.
I was relieved when we finally reached the steps, nearly forgetting all fatigue. I tried to think of some place safe, secluded, but my mind was drowsy, slow to wake. Normally, I'd take her to the Astronomy tower, but that would be the first place Daphne would think to look for me. Pain tore through the centre of my chest, knocking what breath was in me, and I pushed that thought quickly aside. I had known what the price of my treachery was, and chose to pay it.
I could not go to the dungeons, not at this hour of the day, and I could not be sure he had left the office. And Merlin, I never wanted to go there again.
"Rosalind?" called Draco, and I turned my head to him, only now realizing that we had stopped in front of the grand marble staircase. Draco had been trying to get my attention, and had tugged lightly on our hands, finally managing to pull me out of my thoughts.
He was observing me with his eyes ever so slightly narrowed. He had called my name several times, but his voice had been drowned in all the voices flowing around us.
"Where do you want to go?" asked he.
My eyes darted left, towards the dungeons, a sense of dread settling like lead in my stomach. Students had been emerging from the corridor in groups of two or three, older and older, their eyes irresistibly drawn to us, standing as we were, in the middle of the hall. They were silent as they passed us, gazes averted, but broke into whispers only a couple of steps away.
I have to find her.
"I have to talk to Astoria" I said, suddenly feeling exposed.
"Alright" said Draco, making a step towards the dungeons, pulling on our joined hands. Only then did I realize that there had been an unspoken we to his question.
"Draco!" I called, feeling rather than seeing more heads turn in curiosity. He turned around, a sliver of surprise in his eyes, and stepped back towards me once he realized I had no intention of following.
"Alone. I need to speak to her alone." I spoke, my voice as quiet as I could manage. We could not be overheard.
Draco stepped closer to me, too close to be considered platonic.
"Could you repeat that?" said he, his voice lowered to match mine.
"You can't come with me." I said, glancing once at the crowd around us: "What I have to say has to be said in private."
"Are you sure?" asked he, sounding quite uncertain himself. He must have feared that I would collapse if allowed to wander around on my own. Serpen echoed his agreement, but I brushed them both aside.
No weakness.
"Quite." I replied, struggling to sound stronger than I felt. "But I thank you for the sentiment."
He frowned a little at my words, but nodded his head in acceptance none the less. We both knew he had no means to stop me, nor any right to do so.
I was still a Kersey, no matter how terrible.
"As you wish." he said, "I will be waiting for you in the common room."
But I was not looking at him. Behind him, from the darkness of the hallway, emerged Alphonse with one of our peers. They seemed to notice the commotion two steps away from the dungeons, and in one frightening moment, Alphonse met my gaze.
That is why I did not notice Draco leaning towards me, and saw his outline a second before he pressed a kiss to my cheek. I fought to keep my expression blank, for it was all I could do to keep from cringing at the sentiment.
He had warned me, of course, it was my own fault for not paying due attention to the situation.
Draco whispered good luck and gently released my hand, heading towards the dungeons. But still, I was not looking at him.
Alphonse was staring at me with something akin to shock on his features. He blinked once, and carefully assembled his features into a neutral mask. But I could still read his eyes.
Surprise, betrayal, and hidden, just barely there, disgust.
It is done, I thought, flames tearing through my chest, our treason was proven by a kiss.
Alphonse held my gaze for one timeless moment, his eyes alight with furry. He must have thought me crueller than his parents, crueller even than Rosier. The thought was sickening, causing bile to rise in my throat.
It has to be done. They can't touch him.
I pressed my lips tightly together and pushed my chin up in one jerky movement, hopping he was too far to notice.
We stared at each other for a moment more, before he turned his head in one angry motion, briskly walking back the way he had come.
He did not look back once. His friend, a halfbreed I could not seem to name, gave me one curious glance and turned on his heel, disappearing down the dungeons corridor.
I let out a small, shuddering breath, my back cramping with the effort, and slowly parted my teeth. I had not noticed when I clenched them, but my jaw ached from the effort.
I took another second to breathe and turned towards the steps, reaching for the rail and clasping it tightly. It would make for a strange sight, but I thought it a better option than risk losing my footing and tumbling down the stairs.
Serpen followed silently in my wake, his worry a dull hum in my mind.
My progress was slow, my feet uncertain as they met the stone. But I didn't know where to go. Half-formed ideas, half-remembered secrets swarmed my mind, yet none would linger. Merlin, if I could just focus.
High thought Serpen, somewhere high.
Yes, high. Somewhere far from eyes, far from ears. A tower.
But not the Astronomy tower.
I raised my head, my gaze settling on the dark ceiling above me. Yes, up.
Another step, but there was no stone to meet. I felt a sudden vertigo, and barely noticed that I was standing again. A wave of cold sweat washed over me and I stopped for a moment, faintly aware of Serpen's worried hiss.
Alright, I thought, I'm alright.
I raised my gaze and glanced around, only to find us momentarily alone. It was just a moment, but that was all I needed.
I tapped my wand once against the silver bracelet on my wrist, careful to keep Astoria the only recipient.
Central tower. Now.
Come alone.
I could only hope that she was somewhere close by, for I had neither the strength nor patience to wait. Thankfully, she was a smart child, she knew better than to dawdle once summoned.
It took me well over fifteen minutes to climb to the top of the tower, much more than it should have, a curious stabbing pain tearing through my muscles. But this was no time to dwell on it, and I focused all my energy in placing one foot in front of the other. She was the only thing that mattered. The only one I'd have left.
I don't want to be alone.
The last landing was a wide, square room that ended in narrow steps etched into the wall. They had no railing to frame them and I leaned against the wall as I walked, struggling to keep my balance. Finally, I reached the wooden bridge that hung suspended from the ceiling. It was a sturdy construction and did not so much as sway as I crossed it. I arrived at a small arch carved into the stone and stopped just beyond a narrow balcony.
I could see the bright blue sky from where I stood, not a cloud to spot it. The cold stone around me hid the sun, and I kept to the shade. Sunshine was too bright, too heavy today. I could not stand it.
I leaned on the wall, seeking some repose, but the pain in my chest flared at the movement, forcing me to stand up straight again.
Please, let me get to her first.
She would believe me. She had to.
They had always thought me a better person than I truly was. And I was desperate enough to gamble everything on that belief alone. Cruel enough as well.
A family trait, I supposed, passed through blood.
I deserved this, pain and misery to escort me to my grave, but please, let me keep her.
I did not hear her approach until her feet were climbing the last two steps, and would not have heard her then either, were it not for her voice that carried strangely through the empty room.
"Am I late Linda?" asked she, and I turned around slowly at the sound "I tried to hurry. But I did not run, I know how you disapprove of us…"
Her voice trailed off as she finally raised her gaze, catching sight of my face.
"Running."
Her eyes grew large, worry shining through them. For I had no mask in place.
Honestly, I don't think I'd be able to produce one had it been my wish to do so. But as it was, I thought it best to be honest. Or as honest as I dared to be.
"Linda, what happened?" her voice had grown high, pitched. She was not hiding either.
She stepped forward quickly, towards me, but I held up a hand to stop her.
I reached into my left sleeve, making for the wood of my wand, but it slipped from my fingers. I tried again, grasped the handle and pulled it out in one shaky movement. I could not seem to still my hands.
I pointed it at the floor, taking in a deep, calming breath.
No mistakes.
"Homenum Revelio" I called, and felt a swooping sensation high above me, followed by one more. They were far below us, three floors at least, and ought to be kept there.
"Repello discipuli!" a whisper like sound, a flash of faint blue light, and we were shielded from our surroundings. At least for the moment.
But, to be sure, I cast a Muffliato charm as well. Astoria had been observing me carefully as I cast, a sombre expression on her face.
I turned to her then, calling: "Come to me, child."
She stepped forward without hesitation, crossing the bridge in four quick strides. Serpen raised his head, glanced at her once and gave a small hiss in greeting, before once more curling up in himself.
"Linda, are you alright?" breathed Astoria, raising a small hand and placing it lightly against my cheek. "What happened?"
Her touch caused a lump to form in my throat, and I could not speak around it, much as I tried.
"Did someone hurt you?" asked she, her eyes flitting about my face, throat, body, and settling on my eyes.
My eyes fell to the floor at our feet, my teeth gritting together tightly. I could not bear to see the worry in those large, familiar, trusting eyes.
"Linda?" called she in a high, scared voice "What happened?!"
I swallowed hard, struggling to force my voice past my clenched windpipe.
"I-" I croaked, glancing up at her, "I made a mistake."
I took in a shuddering breath, my eyes positively burning in my skull, and whispered: "I made a terrible mistake."
Her eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise, her hand falling from my face, and she whispered back, as if fearing to ask too loudly "Linda… What did you do?"
I closed my eyes, pain ripping through my chest, and took one more shuddering breath.
"I fell in love."
It was a second more before I dared open my eyes, dreading what I might see.
But Astoria seemed to have forgotten my previous sentence, focusing instead on those four terrible words.
"With whom?" asked she, her eyes aglow, a wide smile drawing on her lips.
She knew the answer before I put it in words. How could she not? He had made his affections clear, shown them plainly for all to see.
I opened my mouth to respond, knowing well that I could allow for no misunderstandings. She had to forgive me.
But no sound came out. Merlin, I never knew a name could bring such pain.
"Blaise" I managed finally, just barely registering Astoria's delighted squeal. I wasn't getting through to her at all.
"I knew it!" she exclaimed, giddy in her delight. "That's wonderful Linda! Wait until I tell Daph-"
"No!" I yelled, the sound tearing from my lips before I could check it, startling the girl before me. "No. Nobody can know. You can't tell anyone, not Daphne. Especially not Daphne, please-"
I stepped forward, grasping a hold of her hands "Promise me child. It's a matter of life and death. Not one word, not one hint. Nothing. No one. Promise me."
My words were almost feverish, frightening the child in front of me. But I could not stop now. She had to promise me.
"…omise." She said, but realized her voice had been too low to be heard. "I promise"
I let out a shuddering breath and took one step back, finding momentary relief. Astoria was sharp, cunning, resourceful. Nothing short of legilimency would be enough to pry the secret from her. And I'd personally put a shield on her mind as soon as I got some rest, for it would be truly mad of me to attempt such dangerous magic at my present state.
"Linda" called she in a careful, lowered tone "you said this was a mistake. Why is falling in love a mistake? What's going on?"
She caught up, I thought, suddenly very nervous. Merlin, please.
I don't want to die alone.
"Grandfather wants me to marry."
Her eyes widened at the news, every detail of this encounter suddenly falling into place.
"With whom?" asked she, knowing I had no choice in the matter. Unlike Draco, Astoria was quite familiar with Grandfather's temper.
"I don't know yet." I said, feeling it mattered very little who the other actor in this horrible charade would be. I would not live to see the day of my engagement, let alone wedding. But it was a natural question. For the answer would normally set the course of my entire life.
Her face fell, her large eyes filling with tears.
"But it can't be Blaise." she said and suddenly closed the distance between us, her small arms forming a cage-like grip around me. "Oh Linda, I'm so sorry…"
She sniffed, hot tears rolling down her cheeks and soaking through my shirt. I was shaking, too tired, too weakened to force my body into submission. So I reached up and wrapped my hands around her, clinging to her for support.
But I had no right to comfort. Not until I told her everything. Not until she knew what I had done. How I betrayed her.
"There's something else." I said, my heart kicking into life, thundering in my chest.
Her hold on me tightened ever so slightly and she took a moment more, before whispering "Okay".
I could hear the tears in her voice and they robbed me of all words. Astoria was never teary. Not even as a child. She did not weep. She whined, certainly, but she did not weep. And here she was, tears rolling down her face, grieving my misery.
How was I to tell her what I had done?
I was no better than any of them. I was no better than Grandfather. But by Merlin, I didn't want to lose these arms. I couldn't lose her too.
"I'm sorry" I said in place of an explanation, words bursting from my lips before I could control them "I am so sorry. I didn't have a choice. I swear it, I didn't have a choice. If there had been any other way, I would never-"
And then, she wasn't holding me quite so tightly anymore. Forgive me.
Her arms fell from my back, and she gently, slowly, pulled back, effectively ending my rambling.
I made no attempt to stop her, letting my hands fall back to my sides. I didn't know what to do with them, for they wouldn't stop shaking. My ears were buzzing, all the sounds blending together in one piercing, white noise.
"Linda… what have you done?"
One shallow, shuddering breath.
"I asked Draco to pretend to be my boyfriend."
For one endless, infernal moment, Astoria did not react. She did not so much as blink. And I stood there, bathed in cold sweat, waiting. This was it. My last loss.
And then my little cousin looked away from me, lowering her eyes to the floor. My heart sank to my stomach at the gesture, my hands aching to reach for her. But that would only hurt her more.
I love them dearly, yet all I brought them was pain and tears.
"It's just pretend?" spoke she suddenly, her eyes darting up to meet mine.
"Yes." I rushed to confirm, stumbling over my words. "It's not real. It will never be real. It cannot be. I just… I had to hurt him. I had to break his heart so that it can keep beating. Grandfather would… I couldn't let him-"
I cut myself off mid-sentence, more than aware that I was making less and less sense with every word. I had to try again.
"It had to be unforgivable. It had to make him hate me. Loathe me. He can't be perceived as a threat, not by Grandfather, not by my suitors. And this was the only thing I could think of. " and against all reason, I stepped forward, taking her hands into my own. If I could only stop the tremors. "I know how you feel about him. I do. And I would never hurt you."
Wouldn't I? I already did. I could read the sting in her eyes.
"You're everything I have in this world… everything that matters. You know that, you have to know that. This is treason, but please, please, forgive me."
I'm begging you.
"It's okay." Said she, squaring her shoulders and rising herself up to stand just a little bit higher. For one brief moment, she did not seem to me a child at all. "It's okay Linda. Because it's you, it's okay."
The words rang in my ears, just barely registered. It's okay.
With a shaky breath, I sunk to my knees, my legs unable to support my weight. I was so relieved. The pain did not ebb, still flaming through my chest, burning flesh and bone. But it mattered just a little less. Because this was the right choice.
I did the right thing.
Astoria sunk to the floor beside me without so much as a word, and wrapped her hands around me, pulling me towards herself. I fell forward awkwardly, landing in her embrace. Another burst of pain shot up my spine, but it was dismissed quickly. I still had her.
It's okay.
She had begun to hum at some point, echoing the song I had hummed for her sister. A few years from now, it might be Daphne who'll hum for her baby sister. Our mothers too may have been in our place. So few of us are fortunate enough to be happy as we fulfil our duty.
The warmth of her body seeped through my shirt, only seeming to aggravate the shivers. Astoria's hold around me tightened, and she pulled me forward once more, forcing me to shift and settle into a slightly more comfortable position.
It was too late for me. But not for them. No, not them. I would protect my family. I'd give my life to build a better world, a world in which our daughters had more value than common breeding mares.
I'll give them a voice.
We sat on that stone floor for a while longer, Astoria's hand tracing small, soothing circles on my back. I did not notice when it was that she had stopped humming, but her words, gentle though they were, startled me.
"Daphne and I were talking, after Alphonse… We knew this might happen to me too. But we never thought it would, could, happen to you. You always seemed so… well, invincible."
Invincible… Not nearly.
"I have great power" I managed, finding the muscles in my throat tightly clenched around my windpipe "but it begins and ends with Grandfather. All I do, I do because he allows me. He has little other choice, as I have no brother to take my place. But should he be angry enough…"
I dared not finish the thought.
Serpen raised his head and gave one furious hiss. Ever so protective. But should that come to pass, nothing in this world would protect us. After all, nothing had protected my great uncle. Neither tears, nor pleas. Certainly not blood.
"I know" admitted she in a quiet voice. "But Linda… we'll find a way."
My heart dropped in my stomach at those words. I should have known better. This had been by far too fortunate.
Astoria did not understand me at all.
She seemed to be a bit uncertain of her words as well, but she repeated her last sentence, this time with much more force. Even more dangerously, with much more conviction.
"Yes, we'll find a way. Blaise is a pureblood after all. A low-ranking one, but a pureblood none the less. Your children would be pure as well, no one can argue with that. We'll just have to stall a bit, that's all, until we figure something out. Draco agreed to help, he might have some ideas. You're not alone in this Linda, we'll help you."
She was asking for time. Time I did not have.
Neither this future, nor the one she dreamed of could ever come to pass. I was already dead.
But I did not have the heart to stop her rant. Even more importantly, I could not stop her. Her ignorance kept her safe.
So I let her dream.
"Daphne will be so angry with us. But we'll tell her everything once we find a solution. She'll understand. She can't very well be cross forever, not with us. And Blaise…"
He can. A spasm tore through my chest, sending bile up my throat. I swallowed hard against the bitter taste, knowing it would be worse than foolish to show such weakness in front of Astoria.
I had already scared her enough.
"I've seen the way he looks at you. In his eyes, you can do no wrong. I think that there is nothing you could do, that he could not forgive."
She had wandered off too far. This was not a tale read to her at bedtime. This was our reality, and we were all forced to live within its confines as best as we can.
"Astoria…" I said, interrupting her mid-word. I pulled back, and after some resistance, Astoria loosened her grip. I raised my hand to her face, grasping wildly to find the right words. I had to explain. "Child, some things are unforgivable. Even if we want to, we cannot smother our pain. We cannot forget it. It poisons all other sentiment."
She was staring back at me with such determination and I realized I could not convince her. She always was too stubborn.
Perhaps there was no need to do so.
"I hope you realize… Draco and I will need to be convincing. I will have to… I will have to do some things with him. But no matter what you see, no matter what you hear, believe in this." I lowered my hand so it settled on her heart "Believe in me."
"Always" said she with a note of fierce pride to her words. She leaned forward determinedly, pulling me in one more tight, impossibly warm embrace. "never doubt it. You'll get through this, I know you will. Because you're Linda."
That word, which ought mean nothing at all, filled me with inexplicable warmth, pushing some strength into my limbs.
"And no matter what happens in the future, no matter what you see or what you hear, please remember; you're my Linda. And there's no one that could ever replace you."
Serpen moved somewhere to my right, uncoiling himself and approaching us where we sat, sprawled as we were on the stone. He stopped before Astoria and rose to her shoulders, giving her one low, long hiss of gratitude.
I took in one deep, shaky breath, forcing the air through my clenched windpipe.
I had to get up.
Yes, I was in pain. Yes, there would only be more pain to come.
But I would get up.
For her. I could not betray her trust again.
"Thank you Tori." I choked out, knowing I would have to refrain from speech in presence of others. A Queen speaks clearly, she does not choke on syllables. "But we must rise now."
She tightened her embrace around me for a second, before pulling back and climbing to her feet. She rose gracefully, effortlessly, and I suddenly became aware of how numb my legs felt. For a second, I doubted they would hold my weight.
I climbed to my feet slowly, carefully, and for a moment, my apprehension seemed to be entirely ill-founded. But then my legs wobbled beneath me, and were it not for Astoria's hands that shot out to steady me, I would have toppled back to the ground.
"Linda!" exclaimed she, clutching my forearms, "Are you not well?!"
"I am fine Tori. It was just a dizzy spell, it has already passed."
But my answer was a moment too late. Yet I could not spare the strength to convince her and turned towards the stairs instead.
"Come, they are waiting."
Astoria relented, releasing my forearms, but clasped my hand tightly in hers, insisting on the contact. My legs felt stiff as we walked, my step unsteady, tense, and I found myself grateful for Tori's foresight. Her hand grounded me, somehow balancing my feet.
It was only at the foot of the stairs that I remembered my spellwork. I glanced back, for a moment uncertain. The wards would surely wear off on their own with time, but it would have been wiser to end them myself, erasing all traces of our words.
But for the first time in a very long while, I began to doubt my magic. What if I failed? Worse still, what if my attempt to end the incantations that promised us privacy also ended the illusion I had draped over my neck? Would she know what the mark meant?
I didn't think I could stomach an explanation.
Serpen did not seem to share my hesitance. No proof, echoed he in my thoughts, no traces.
He was right, of course. I could not afford such negligence. I almost reached for my wand with my left hand, but Serpen hissed once more in warning. Right hand, I had to use my right hand. I released Astoria's hand gently, allowing the wood to slip into my palm. I grasped it firmly, clenching my teeth in an effort to gather my wits, and raised my wand determinedly into the air.
"Finite Incatatem!"
There was a light, fresh breeze, as of air clearing and I turned to my young cousin once more, only to find her staring at me with worry. My left hand shot up immediately, covering my neck, drawing her attention. But her eyes did not stay there long, turning instead to my face. My face, not my neck. The illusion held.
"Linda, are you certain you're alright?" asked she, clearly having decided on an answer to that question.
Instead of replying, I pushed my wand up my sleeve again, and offered her my hand.
We seemed to be walking for hours, followed by whispers and snickers, pointing and gossip. I could not focus on that for the fear and dread that clawed at my stomach. My nerves were a little more strained for every figure that emerged behind a turn of the corridor and every door that opened on our way. But he wasn't there.
I can't say whether that brought me more relief or more pain.
And all too soon, we were standing behind the damp wall that hid the entrance to our common room.
Tori must have said the password as the wall split in two, granting us access, but I did not hear her. My ears were ringing, my chest painfully tight, closing against my lungs. This time, Tori did not ask me anything, stepping forward first and leading me towards the common room.
Please, please, don't let him be there.
The anger, the hate… I didn't want to see it. I couldn't stand it.
I was barely conscious of crossing the small hallway, and then we were in the common room, and my eyes were searching the room. I could barely focus on individual faces, each quickly dismissed. I searched the room twice, but he wasn't there.
Draco was, however, and he rose upon our entrance. I wished to search the room once more, in vain as it was, but remembered that we must keep walking. It would do us no favours to cast doubt on the act before it began.
So I forced my legs to move, focusing on reaching Draco. Astoria released my hand, trailing a step behind me, seemingly waiting for some instruction on my part.
He seemed to be assessing me as I approached, glancing once at Astoria, and he moved to meet me, closing the distance between us so that he stood a step away from me. Draco placed his hand lightly on my upper arm, just below my shoulder, and leaned in, pressing his lips softly against my cheek. I stilled at the contact, feeling quite ill, and he leaned back, offering me a small smile. His hand lowered down my arm quickly, gently, just barely touching, and he took my hand in his, intertwining our fingers. I responded mechanically, my stomach turning at the action.
They were watching us, a dozen voices readying to carry word of our treachery.
"Hello love" he said, glancing once over my face, and then, in a much lower voice, added: "are you feeling better?"
"Quite" I lied, knowing he would not believe me. But that was not important. If I could just reach my dormitory.
"I talked to Astoria" I continued in a low voice, matching his, "I've explained about Bla-"
The syllables caught in my throat and I stumbled over the name. I had to try again.
"About Blaise."
He seemed to be regarding me for a moment and I hoped he'd read into the rest of the sentence. Only about Blaise.
His eyes narrowed a fraction in consideration, searching my face, and he gave me one small nod of acceptance. Understanding too, he'd caught up.
Clever boy.
This was the right thing to do, I reminded myself again, he was the right choice.
The only choice I had.
Draco glanced at Astoria, voicing his agreement: "Alright."
"Did you eat?" asked he, turning his attention back to me.
"No" I replied too quickly, only then realizing that it might have been wiser to lie.
"I thought as much" spoke Draco and turned, tugging lightly on our joined hands and beckoning me forward. We approached the armchair he had been sitting in, and he reached to the small spindle legged table on its side, producing a small silver plate with two pieces of toast covered in what I imagined to be some sort of jam.
"I stopped by the kitchens on my way back." explained he, offering me the plate. "You're very pale, you ought to eat something. There's some pumpkin juice as we-"
He stopped mid-word as Astoria stepped up beside us, snatching the plate from his hand. I realized with a start that I had not noticed her following us at all.
"Linda hates raspberries" said she reproachfully, "you should have brought apricot."
She lowered her voice, adding: "You can't afford to be that careless if you mean to be convincing."
"Astoria!" I hissed, my admonishment a moment too late. A chill went down my spine as I realized that for a second there, I thought not to admonish her at all. "Need I warn you about manners?"
She bit her lip for a moment, looking contrite, and I raised my free hand towards her, palm up, expecting the plate. Tori handed it to me with a murmured sorry, a tint of red colouring her cheeks. My stomach twisted unpleasantly at the sight, but the part of my mind that still held rational thought argued against guilt. She'd need to mind her manners around the House, it was expected of her.
Besides, Narcissa would not look kindly on such rashness.
"Thank you Draco" I managed, a splitting headache adding to my discomfort. "You are most kind."
"You are welcome love" said he, releasing my hand so that I could eat. For a moment, I thought to take the plate with me and be rid of it the moment I entered my dormitory, but both of them were staring at me expectantly.
Draco would read through me, I realized, and reached for the toast, bringing it to my lips and taking a small bite. Astoria needen't have worried, I could not taste the sweetness at all. It tasted like parchment, dry and inedible. But still, I had to chew.
I could not worry Astoria.
In the end, I managed to eat one piece of toast and forced half a goblet of pumpkin juice down my throat. I then excused myself, claiming tiredness, allowed myself to be kissed goodbye, and turned towards the dormitory.
It was all I could do to keep my back straight as I walked. They were staring, whispering, but that didn't matter. I just wanted to sleep.
I climbed the steps slowly, carefully, afraid I'd lose my footing, and found the dormitory blissfully empty upon my arrival. I drew the curtains around my bed and curled up , hugging my knees to my chest. I shut my eyes tightly, meaning to sleep. It was not long after that I drifted off to a fitful, uneasy sleep, filled with brown eyes that stared at me with such violent loathing.