A/N: At the request of my sister because I owe her. Caroline centric, minor Klaroline.

In. Out.

In. Out.

in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out in out

Sometimes, it was a struggle to remind herself to breathe. She had to breathe to keep living, but that was only half true. If she forced herself to stop breathing, she'd eventually collapse. Caroline didn't know if she actually 'died' during those moments, but it didn't matter. She always woke up, whether it be minutes or hours later. She always woke up.

He didn't tell her eternity would be like this. He'd made it sound so grand all those years before.

You're free you're free you're free you're free

Free for what though? She'd watched everyone she loved die, slowly, unable to age herself. Sometimes, in very horrible moments when she was alone and had nothing else to focus on, she swore could almost feel her cells trying to deteriorate.

If she were human, she'd be over five hundred years old.

If you were human, you'd be dead.

She didn't want that either. Caroline feared death and life in equal measure.

See, the problem with eternity and with trying to fit in a normal human life to whatever extent you could for the sake of your mother, was that afterwards you ran out of things to do. There was only so much the world had to offer; only so many times you could see the same sights with different humans who acted exactly the same as those who had come before them.

Rule number one: Eternity is boring.

It was the only rule, really, but she felt it was a very good one. When people discovered her secret for one reason or another, and if they survived long enough to ask to be turned, that was the one warning she gave.

None of that "you're free" crap that she got.

Sometimes, she hated him.

Sometimes, she understood why he did the things that she did. More and more, Caroline found herself doing things she never would have done just to relieve the boredom.

She could feel each second ticking by, marching on, stretching out endlessly….. the problem with living forever was that, well, you lived forever. And forever was a helluva lot longer than it had seemed when she was a teenager.

Caroline decided that it was high time she add a rule two.

Rule number two: Eternity is lonely.

Sometimes, she thought about calling him.

Just to hear his voice? To hear his voice wrap around her name, soft and lilting, catching slightly, but always with a surprising note of happiness. Caroline; the name on his lips made her feel equal parts wanted and treasured. He always said it as though surprised that she was gracing him with her presence. And she loved it and she craved to hear it just once more. A part of her knew, though, that if she gave in, it wouldn't be just once more.

To yell at him for making her immortality sound like the greatest gift she could receive when in fact it was the worst? It wasn't really that bad though; she was lonely and bored and hadn't stayed with anyone for over two hundred years and it seemed much worse than it probably was. And maybe she was lying to herself again, trying to find a small bit of hope to relieve… she wasn't even sure what at this point.

To ask him if he'd ever felt the same way she did? She wanted to know if it was just her. If there was just something wrong with her. Could she ever be happy in any form? But if he told her that, yes he'd felt the same way she did, she might yell at him then too for not telling her.

So Caroline wasn't sure why she really wanted to call him. Maybe it was the familiarity, the comfort of knowing that he was alive. No matter how many people died, he was a constant. Not that he was a presence in her life, but at least she knew he was still out there somewhere in the world.

Probably terrorizing a new town for some reason or another. (Instead of feeling disgust, though, as she expected to, she felt envy that he was enjoying himself and she was not.)

Sometimes, she wondered if he had anything to do with her continued existence. She knew it was a little ridiculous, but she'd determined that the people of Mystic Falls were cursed. All of her friends, Elena, Bonnie, Stefan, Matt, Jeremy, and though she hadn't considered them friends at the end, Tyler and Damon, had died horrible deaths. And yet here she was. Alive and whole. Other vampires left her alone, and though she'd run into several werewolf packs, they'd left her alone as well. She couldn't help but wonder if Klaus' influence had anything to do with it.

As though she couldn't protect herself.

She was angry then. How dare he? He hadn't talked to her since…. that day in the woods. How dare he? He had no claim over whether she lived or died.

She was angry enough to call him. And so she did.

Of course, it had been ridiculous of her to expect him to have the same number. She certainly didn't. Why then was she both surprised and crushed by the mechanical voice ringing in her ears, a relic from her childhood and teen years that some companies still chose to use. The number you have reached is no longer in service. Please try again…..

Caroline didn't even know where he was anymore. She had no way of knowing where he was, and what if he didn't want to see her anymore? What if she'd waited too long? What if what if what if what if what if what if

Panic blossomed, faster than she had thought possible, but she tramped it down.

She could find him, she knew that she could. And she would.

And in any case, at least she had something to do now.