I needed to do something about the last episode haha! I'm sorry but I had to! So you get daddy!kane and some kabby and some linctavia and angst. And the whole thing is probably terrible but… I had to.
Love Is Weakness
Regrets were heavy things.
Marcus pondered that thought as he sat on a boulder near the entrance to the small cave they had set camp in. The night was alive with the chirping of birds and the distant noises of animals on the hunt but he was pricking his ears for different sounds. Although… If experience was proof, chances were he wouldn't be able to hear Grounders creeping around until they would be close enough to slit his throat.
"Don't." he said.
Octavia was silent as a cat but he was hyper aware of his surroundings and particularly of what was going on behind his back. The girl froze, probably hesitating between approaching and ignoring him altogether. She had done a lot of that on the way to the cave.
"Jus drein jus daun." she spat with enough anger and resentment that Marcus briefly closed his eyes.
"That is not our way." he opposed calmly.
"It was our way when you were ready to kidnap Pike and deliver him to the Grounders." she retorted. "What happened to that plan, Kane?"
"It went south." he replied, still calm. "Getting to Pike was near impossible then, it will be even worse now. We need to wait for Indra to come back."
"If she comes back, she won't have a miraculous solution." Octavia growled. "Lincoln's murderer walks free."
"And what are you planning to do?" he asked, finally turning around to face her. She looked terrible. Bruised and battered, her eyes puffy from crying… "Sneak in and kill him?"
"Yes." she answered, jutting her chin up in the air. "Revenge."
"Security will be up. You won't get to him." he countered. "You'll get caught."
"Then I'll get caught doing something, not sitting here on my ass watching the stars like a lovesick schoolboy." she taunted. "You disgust me. You're weak. You should have grabbed her and run. You should have sedated her."
"And leave you there to die?" he sighed, his voice hardening a little. "Lincoln didn't want that Octavia. You know, he didn't."
"It wasn't his choice. It wasn't your choice." she snapped.
"Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim." he reminded her.
Get knocked down, get back up. One of the first sentences Indra had taught him.
"Fuck you, Kane." she laughed bitterly. "Fuck you."
"Yeah." he snorted just as bitterly. "Fuck me." He rubbed his face, exhausted. He was used to adrenaline leaving his body in a rush, used to the aftershock, used to a lot of things but… It didn't make anything easier. "Say it."
They might as well get it out in the open. It had been lingering between them since she had woken up on her horse.
"It should have been you." Octavia snarled, not needing to be invited twice to speak her mind. "It should have been you, you pathetic coward!"
She shouted that last word and it seemed to echo in the night. Coward. He was a coward. He should have insisted. He should have forced Octavia into Lincoln's arms and told him to run. He should have walked to Pike and accepted his fate. It would have saved the Grounders. It would have been enough – more than enough probably. It shouldn't have been Lincoln.
All of this had flashed through his mind when he had turned to the tunnel, the girl safely in his arms. All of this had flashed through his mind and he had told himself he was too important, that their people needed him.
Stay strong, he had told Lincoln, perhaps because he was weak.
"I know." he offered without any apologies. What good would apologies do to her now?
It wasn't arrogance or fear that had made him flee through the tunnel. It was…
I can't do this again.
He had something to live for now, something he really, truly, wanted to live for. Something personal and deep that made him selfish. It was why he had stopped her in the first place before the execution, why he had forced her to step back before she could do something earth-shattering like kiss him… He couldn't be strong when he knew what he was leaving behind. He couldn't be strong when she would be destroyed by his death.
There was a sharp intake of breath and Octavia stepped closer.
"I don't mean that." the girl said, her voice fragile and breaking like it hardly ever did.
"Yes, you do." he smiled sadly. "And you're right. It should have been me."
Because he was the Commander and they were all kids. Abby could say all she wanted, they were still kids, all of them. And he should have been protecting them not using them as soldiers or spies, not… He should have protected Lincoln. He had failed him. He had failed Octavia. He had failed everyone.
"Hodnes laik kwelnes." the girl whispered.
Love is weakness.
"I used to think like this." he countered. "Back on the Ark. It didn't make me a better person. Ruthless, maybe. Strong in ways but weak in others. I'm not sure there is a perfect answer here, Octavia."
She crept closer and sat down at the foot of a tree, placing her sword on her lap. She stared at it for a long moment.
"He was all I had." she confessed eventually.
"You have your brother." he pointed out cautiously.
"A traitor." she scoffed, turning her head away.
"He is still your brother." he insisted. "And you have Indra and your friends. And Abby. And I'm not much of anything right now but, for what it's worth, you have me. You're not alone."
"But he made me belong." she argued. "He… He was everything."
"I know." he sighed. "I know."
"When we take Arkadia back…" Octavia pressed. "Pike is mine." He didn't answer that. If he had any say over the matter, Pike wouldn't be hers to kill. Revenge never led anyone anywhere good. She seemed to understand his lack of promises because she scowled and looked away. They kept watch in silence for the longest time. "Why did you leave her behind?"
The question didn't surprise him and he shrugged. "She doesn't run away if she can help people. It's not her."
"It's not you either." the girl replied.
He took it as an accusation at first and then realized it was reassurance.
He didn't say anything.
She didn't either.
Silence suited them both.