It was with some trepidation that I approached the medical room, where I knew Master would be awaiting me. It was an odd feeling, both usual and unusual. I had to admit, I wasn't at all unaccustomed to being nervous at the thought of meeting with a master for unknown reasons. At Collar, there had scarcely been a meeting with a master that I hadn't feared, so the emotion had begun to feel quite natural to me. On the other hand, I had not once been given any reason or provocation to fear Master Zechs since he removed the dreaded piercings from my body. Even then he had not so much intimidated me as confused and frightened me. I hadn't been able to believe his motives, and had feared darker torments would await me if I put my faith in him.

But Master had proved himself nothing if not honorable, and I no longer saw any reason to dread him. Obedience was naturally given to him, so much that it seemed like far more struggle to Duo to disobey him than to obey, and respect had been slowly earned through his thoughtfulness and consideration. So, while I might have felt somewhat nervous that I might have somehow accidentally displeased Master, I felt no fear of retribution or terror of impending cruelty.

It had taken me a few minutes to get to the medical room, since I had been catching up with some of my weapons training when Duo called me. It had taken me a few minutes to clear my supplies, but it had not taken me a significant amount of time to get downstairs, so I was confused to find that Sally was already absent from the medical room, leaving just Master present to receive me. Master, as well, had a somewhat bored look on his face, reclining on a large chair in the corner of the room. There was something small in his hand that he was worrying, but it was so tiny that I couldn't see what it was.

"Master?" I called, to which he looked in my direction and smiled, though a lingering shadow still seemed to haunt his face. But the smile did manage to put my fears of being in trouble at ease.

"I was wondering when you'd get here."

"I apologize. I was in the middle of practice and had to clear everything before I could come down."

"Practice? I'm sorry I disturbed you. How is it going?"

"Well, Master. I hope to be competitive for Collar."

"That's good," Master said. After that, a silence fell between us, with Master's face once again going dark with worry. Finally, he sighed and looked me in the eyes. "I think the pleasant part of this meeting is over now," he said, holding out his hand and revealing the small blue pill that he had been holding. "I need you to trust me, and take this."

It was such an odd occurrence for Master to spring something like this on one of his slaves that I hesitated, glancing between the pill and where Master was still seated on the chair. It took one glance for me to realize that he was asking me to take the pill, and another for me to realize that he wasn't going to say anything else. The third glance was merely to ask for reassurance, which Master's calm, warm blue eyes gave. With that, I took the pill and swallowed it dry, ignoring the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I did trust Master, as much as my hesitancy must have told him otherwise. Master was the first person I had truly trusted, and the four others that I had learned to trust all lived in his house. Were it not for the bad memories connected with drugs in other master's hand, I would not have hesitated at all, but loss of mental and physical control for a slave was terrifying for many reasons, least of which was an imminent rape and worst of which was the fact that masters could easily learn your secrets and your fears.

But Master already knew my fears, and I had no secrets to keep from him, so I didn't fear losing control in front of him. Master had proven several times already that he would not allow his slaves to be unnecessarily hurt and he had shown a dislike for excessive cruelty, so I felt safer with him than I would anywhere at Collar.

"Thank you, Trowa," Master said softly, returning my attention to the present time. "Now, tell me, how have your other studies been going?"

"Other studies?" I repeated stupidly. The day was taking so many leaps that I was hard-pressed to keep up.

"Yes, you're doing an interpretive dance, aren't you? How is that going? Have you completed a routine?"

"The routine is still unfinished but I have selected the music. It's a violin solo about the secret love and longing for a lover. It's a more classical piece, but it tends to be more difficult to create an interesting routine to classical music, so it scores better when done well. It's a risk, but there's no other way for me to score well my first year. It…" I paused as I began to sway on my feet. My body had been feeling heavy and strange for a few moments, but I hadn't expected the drug to hit me so suddenly.

Master was up in an instant and beside me, letting me lean on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, trying to regain my footing even as Master led me to the room's small bed.

"It's alright, this was completely expected, although I do wish you'd given me a bit more warning. Now, sit down before you fall down," he instructed, helping me to get seated on the gurney. Once I was propped against the wall and fully seat, Master surprised me by hopping up beside me and pulling me into his arms.

"Hold your hand up for a moment," he told me, pulling my hand up until it was level with my chest, then leaving me to shakily hold it on my own for the few minutes that I could. "We'll give it another few minutes," he told me, gently running a hand down my arm. "Now, tell me, how are you really doing? The others are so loud and noisy, sometimes I forget you're even around. So how are you getting along?"

"Fine," I responded instinctively, but the pregnant silence that followed told even my fuzzy brain that Master would not be satisfied with such a short answer. "I'm doing well. Wufei says I'm making good progress in my reading and he thinks that I might be done with lessons at the end of the summer. Heero and I get along well, and I'm fine with Duo when he's normal. I like being around Quatre."

"You do seem close to Quatre," Master said. "I was worried when you first arrived that you might have a hard time making friends because you and Heero didn't seem to like each other. I worried that you'd be too shy to talk to anyone, but it seems that Quatre managed to get close to you after all."

But had he? I couldn't help but wonder at that fact. I spent the most time with Quatre, certainly, and I enjoyed being around Quatre the most, but could we actually be called close? After all, he had barely spoken a word to me about his time with Master, and I was fairly certain that good friends would not hold such secrets from each other. Then again, I had not had the nerve to do more than pose a few superficial questions to him about it, and had backed down when he had seemed reluctant to answer me. What good would it do to force the answers from him? If he didn't feel comfortable trusting me, then I probably was not worthy to be trusted, for Quatre had a knack for understanding peoples' characters. It was more likely that I was untrustworthy than it was that Quatre had made an error in judging my personality, especially after all the time we had spent together.

Perhaps he was right about me. After all, wouldn't a true friend confess the secrets of his heart? And yet I hid my darkest secret, the unfriendly attraction I felt for Quatre, afraid of the response it might get me. If I were braver, like Duo, or more stoic, like Heero, or even more scholarly, like Wufei, I might be able to overcome the feeling, or remain unresponsive to it, or even logic it into non-existence. If I were purer of heart, like Quatre, it would never have come to exist, but I was none of those things. I was the flawed doll amongst the perfect pieces.

"Trowa? Are you alright?" Master wondered, and only then did I realize that I had not answered his question. "Do you feel tired?" he continued to ask, and I realized suddenly that I did feel extremely heavy and lethargic.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling as though I could no longer hold my head up and allowing it to rest against Master's shoulder.

"I told you, it's to be expected. Now, I'm going to take off your shirt, so try to stay up while I get it off you," he said. I tried to do as he bid, but it was terribly difficult to control any of my muscles, so I was able to do little more than cling to Master as he guided the shirt up my shoulders and over my head, keeping a firm hold on my torso all the while. The air felt cool and my bare arms and back. I shivered lightly and clung more closely to Master's warm form. He chuckled in response, and I must imagine that I looked something like a cold puppy as I curled into him, but I didn't mind the comparison. Being a slave leaves little room for wounded pride.

"Sally, I think he's ready," Master called, and I had to fight off a brief stab of annoyance. It had been some time since Master had shown such individual consideration to me, and friendship alone could not replace the warmth and security that a devoted lover could bring. I realized with a sudden clarity that I had been feeling lonely and forgotten, even with as kind as the other slaves were to me, since Master had been so busy with the others. Was I jealous, even, of the individual attention Quatre had gotten? Was that the reason I had pushed so hard to know what had transpired between Master and his slave? Was I truly that petty?

But it was more than that, and lower still. I was jealous of Master as well, as sick as that made me. I had been the most often around Quatre, the one he most often turned to with his problems. I should have been the one to realize what was wrong. I should have been the one to realize what was wrong. And I…

…I should have been the one to fix it.