I had forgotten how damn cute Trowa could be when all his mental barriers were down. He had the biggest, most expressive brown eyes when he chose to use them, and it was probably a good thing that he kept them mostly hidden behind that shock of hair of his, otherwise everyone would know what was going through his mind all the time.

That's not really true. Everyone would know what emotion was going through his mind all the time, but what I wouldn't have given to be able to read his thoughts. Especially when Quatre was mentioned, and those big green eyes began to turn introspective, suddenly and randomly filling with rage or sadness, even as far as a rather convincing disgust that made me worry for a moment about the drug having a side effect.

I knew things would be hard for Trowa if the dynamics between him and Quatre changed, but there hadn't been another option. I knew Trowa relied on Quatre for socialization almost as much as Heero relied on Duo to make him relax and have fun. Where Duo would overcome Heero's workaholic attitude, Quatre would overcome Trowa's severe shyness. It had gained Duo and Quatre a deep loyalty from the other two, and it also gave Duo and Quatre the stability and structure they both needed in their lives. However, due to my intereference, Quatre was now looking toward me for his sole source of stability, and Trowa was forced to grapple with this new development that had so radically altered their relationship. The relationship between Trowa and Quatre had suddenly become as tentative as Heero and Duo's, just when Heero and Duo's relationship seemed to finally be settling down.

"I want you to relax now," I told him, turning him around so that he could comfortably lay his head on my shoulder, putting his legs on either side of my and my back against the wall. Once he was situated and settled, his eyes nearly closed by the drug-induced exhaustion, I called for Sally, who bustled in a moment later.

Was it really only a few minutes ago that Duo had been in the same place? The scene was so different this time that I could barely see that the same thing was happening. Instead of an angry, petulant teen facing Sally and daring me to offer comfort there was a shy, frightened boy who would rather hide behind me than let Sally near him. Instead of wanting to bend him over the table and hold him for Sally, I was tempted to knock the table over and hide Trowa behind it. Instead of inspiring annoyance in me, Trowa's reaction to Sally engaged every protective instinct contained within my over-protective soul.

I did, however, wish Trowa had a bit of Duo's stoicism and attitude when he saw Sally holding the needle, but it was my own fault that he didn't. To prevent any chance of Trowa running off again and possibly hurting himself, Sally and I agreed to drug him before the shot, but the precaution had made it impossibly for Trowa to contain his fear. He surprised me by casting a quick glance over his shoulder while Sally was preparing the needle, and I hadn't been able to turn him back around before he had seen the gleaming tip. The whimper of terror he let out would have been enough to prompt me to carry him right out of the room had I not ordered this task myself. As it was I barely restrained myself to clutching his shaking form closer and whispering soothing words into his ear.

He had been doing so well, too, that I couldn't say for certain that he would have run if given the chance. He had helped to hold Duo for his injections several times and had done little more than shiver fearfully at the needle that was less than a foot from his own skin. And even when I had surprised Heero with an injection to keep him from running off, Trowa had done little more than flinch at the terrible metal. Unfortunately, I couldn't trust that Trowa's reactions were actually because he was learning to accept needles rather than because the needles were aimed at someone else. There was a strong possibility that Trowa might only react so strongly when the needle was aimed at him, so I felt that precautions were necessary, lest he hurt himself.

The ordeal probably felt like it took forever for Trowa, but it was actually over very quickly. Sally rubbed a numbing cream over the site of the injection, waited three minutes, then inserted the chip and cleaned the wound, with the whole process taking less than five minutes total.

Of course, Trowa was still highly upset, and with the drugs still in his system, along with all the other worries I had for him, I didn't feel right about leaving him alone immediately.

"Heero is probably in the training room down the hall. Would you mind going to get him and informing him of what's being done? I'd like to put Trowa in the den to rest," I told Sally. She agreed and left the room as I lifted Trowa, awkwardly since he was nearly my size, and carried him into the den.

Trowa's breathing was shallow and sporadic when I gently laid him down and covered him with an afghan, so I sat at the top of the couch and let him pillow his head in my lap. In a surprisingly short amount of time he calmed and his breathing evened out in a sleep-like rhythm. Perhaps I had underestimated him in applying the drugs and should have allowed him to try on his own, but there was no use regretting it now. Besides, had I not used the drugs I never would have gotten this peaceful moment to sit and merely enjoy the peace and silence with my quietest slave. It was almost with disappointment that I heard Heero and Sally coming down the hall and realized that I should go and talk to him about this myself.

I sighed and moved out from under Trowa, rising and moving to leave the room, but Trowa's arm shot out clumsily from under the blankets and made to grab at my sleeve.

"Stay," he whispered, fighting to get his eyes open and trying in vain to rise and come after me. "Please stay."

"Shh," I soothed, kneeling next to him and taking his hand in my own. "I'm not going far, just in the other room."

"No. Stay here," he pleaded, his voice no more than a puff of breath. "Stay with me."

"Alright," I told him and I saw him suddenly relax, his body going lax as his eyes stopped fighting to stay open and slipped nearly shut.

"…Lonely," he whispered softly, and I'm fairly certain that he didn't mean to say it out loud, because he started slightly when I asked, "Why are you lonely? There are lots of people you can talk to in the house."

"It's not the same," he said softly, as though it was something he was hesitant to admit. "The others are friends. They won't get close to me like you will. They aren't… you."

"They aren't your lovers, you mean," I asked him quietly. It shouldn't have surprised me; out of all the boys, Trowa was actually the most tactile, the one who most craved physical touch and demonstrations, even though he was too shy to ask for it. The electrodes in his past had deprived his body of years of human contact that it was now trying to make up despite the mental blocks and phobias that had been put in place. In some respects, he was a lot like Duo, only his problem had been much easier to overcome since there was a physical item that caused all his pain, whereas Duo had many different triggers.

"I…" Trowa hesitated, mulling over what to say, "I miss you," he finished neutrally.

"It's understandable, I haven't spent much time with you lately," I soothed, but Trowa looked more upset despite my efforts.

"You don't understand. I'm not a good person. I was jealous of you when you took Quatre, and jealous of him when you came back," he said, his mental anguish lending him strength as the drugs began to wear off. "I don't deserve to be with you."

"Of course you were jealous. I took your best friend away from you and paid him far more attention than I was paying you. But you have to know that it wasn't because I like him better, and Quatre hasn't stopped being your friend either. He's probably fonder of you than he is of me."

Trowa looked uncomfortable and hesitant to speak. "Of course he likes you better. You are his master. You have more to offer him than I do."

"But that's not the way friendship is supposed to work. Friendship isn't about giving or taking, it's about being there because you want to. Because you want the other person to be happy."

"But what if making the other person happy doesn't make you happy?" he wondered, and I realized suddenly that neither of us was speaking of friendship, but I was the only one who knew it.

"Then you have to decide which of you is more important, and if you can truly be happy if he is unhappy, or if you would do better to let him find his own happiness and try to find ours elsewhere."

"I don't want to be alone," he whispered softly, but there was a note of despairing resignation in it so potent that I shifted myself back to the couch and took him in my arms.

"You will never be alone," I told him firmly, stroking his hair as I held him to me. "We will always be here for you, no matter what choices you make. But don't expect Quatre to reciprocate feelings that you've never expressed to him. You might have to take a risk to really get his attention, but even if you can't you will still have a home here, understand? You are not alone."

For a moment, I thought I might have pushed too far, because Trowa looked frightened at what I had said, but the fear only lasted for a moment, though whether due to my expression or the drugs in his system I couldn't tell you. Still, in only a few more minutes Trowa had dozed into a fitful sleep.

As upset as I was at the realization that I didn't really know what all was happening with my slaves, I was glad that I had managed to talk to Trowa so openly, for his normal self would have taken months to give me as much information as his drugged self had revealed in minutes.

Removed for content.