Half an hour found both Wufei and myself tagged, Sally bid a somewhat terse farewell, and me sulking in my office and ignoring the throbbing of my shoulder.
And, yes, I knew I was sulking. I was well aware of my own perchance for stubbornness, and I accepted the fact that I placed the safety of my slaves and the safety of myself on different levels of importance. But there was no call for her to team up with Wufei to force me into submitting to the chip. It was an uncalled for breach of faith, and I was still steaming twenty minutes after Sally left.
Of course, all that steaming allowed me to ignore the real reason I didn't want the chip, which began to make a subtle entrance into my mind as I started to calm. In truth, having a chip myself was a very good idea, and it would help my security team locate me in case of emergency, and it might keep some unknown Preventer's agent from shooting me when they came to end Collar.
But it would also help them locate me and shuffle me off to a safe location while the rest of them did battle. I was well aware on Preventer's policy on undercover agents, which was to get them out of the site as soon as possible, both for their own protection and so they wouldn't be spotted by an escaping perpetrator, thus blowing their cover for any future mission. In the past, I was always concealed by a heavy helmet and full mask in any operations I actively fought in, but my voice and my looks were too well known at Collar for that to be an option. Fighting in the Collar battle would probably compromise my usefulness as a secret agent for the rest of my life, because even a single escape or forgotten video would reveal my persona as Zechs Marquis to be part of a Perventer's plan. If everything went according to Preventer's plans, however, there would be no evidence that it was my hand that brought the Owner to justice, and it would simply look like I had managed to escape punishment by Preventers in all the confusion. The dirt of the world would still have faith in me, and I would still be useful to the Preventers.
But I was getting sick of having my whole world, every word I said and every place I went, dictated by my job. Being with the boys and finally having a more or less functional family unit was making me realize just how lonely I had been before, how important family was to me, and how much I had been missing out on. Never had I been this irrational before, but never had I cared this much before either. And, even with all the stress and the fighting, I was happy. Nothing in the past or future could take that away from me; I was happy now with the family I had found.
And yet, I thirsted for blood. I tossed and turned at night, dreaming of being the judge, jury, and execution to those defunct members of humanity that had harmed my family. I wanted to hear them scream, to hear them plead and beg for mercy. I wanted to do all the depraved and vicious things they had done to their slaves to them, to make them scream and writhe in agony while I laughed at them. There was something deep an primordial in me that I could feel awakening, something instinctual that only knew lust and violence and territoriality. My family was my territory, and someone had crossed the boundaries that I sought to protect, challenging me, and I was ready to fight back. It was like a beast had been uncaged inside me, freed to reap destruction across the world until there was nothing left that might pose a threat to those I protected. These instincts were stronger than any I had ever felt before, and I was terrified that my reason would not hold out against them.
Then, shocking even myself, I suddenly realized that I was loath to let Preventers exact punishment to the worst of these offenders. I wanted the Owner to die by my hands, and I resented the chip for making it even remotely possible that I would miss that chance. My instinct of self-preservation was far less than my lust for bloody retribution.
This realization was so astonishing that I was completely dumbfounded for several minutes, and never heard movement outside or the knock on my door until Wufei quietly admitted himself. My annoyance had fled at my self-realizations, and I must admit that I was grateful for this distraction to keep me from contemplating myself any more deeply. I wasn't sure my heart could take another epiphany of that magnitude.
"Zechs? Can I come in?" Wufei questioned hesitantly at the door, obviously uncertain of his reception.
"Of course," I replied, then smirked at him. "Ready to apologize?"
"I could ask you the same question," he responded stiffly, his pride stung as he angrily closed the door. It was in me to get offended, but in light of my recent discovery it was difficult to regain the righteous anger that I had felt before. I was ready to let the whole thing go, but when Wufei turned to me I saw the irritation in his eyes fade into guilt, and he continued before I could respond.
"I didn't know the suggestion would cause such a fight between you and Miss Sally, and I certainly didn't intend for her to badger you into accepting the chip. However, I still believe it was a good idea for us to have something locate you with in case of an emergency, and frankly I don't see what all the fuss is about," he replied, a mix of guilt and self-righteousness warring in his eyes. I withheld a sigh. There was a perfectly good reason for me to resent the chip, unfortunately there were many reasons that I could not justify my cause to Wufei, one of which was my sense of shame over the senseless violence my heart was seeking, and another of which was that Wufei and the other slaves still had no idea that I was secretly working to save them, nor would they find out until after they were freed.
"I understand your concern for my safety, however, please remember that I also have reasons that you are not privy to," I responded cryptically, and was surprised when Wufei merely nodded his head and accepted my answer. Still, I had to suppose that, spending so much time with the Owner, Wufei was probably fairly accustomed to having secrets kept from him. The notion made me feel a small stab of guilt, but the idea of revealing myself never entered my mind. It would be far too dangerous for Wufei to have that kind of knowledge, for his safety and mine.
"So then you're not still angry?" Wufei asked me, but there was something in his tone that mad me suspicious.
"Not really, why?" I wondered, narrowing my eyes as he approached my desk.
"Etiquette requires that I offer compensation for my behavior. I was hoping I might be able to make amends now for earlier transgressions. And… I was hoping you might offer compensation in return," Wufei said, perching on the side of my desk and giving me that sexy smirk of his.
"What kind of compensation did you have in mind?" I asked, unable to keep the leer out of my voice.
"The kind that requires rigorous physical activity," he replied, his voice getting husky as he slipped off the desk and onto my lap.
Removed for content.