Chapter 2

Back from the Brink

"Sayaka, you're not alone!" Kyoko shouted, eyes manic with single-minded focus. Sayaka began saying something, but the older girl talked right over her. "Everyone feels pain, everyone suffers! You're lying to yourself when you say 'I don't care anymore!' Your problem is you care too much!" At least I've got her attention now, Kyoko thought as the dull, lifeless eyes shifted to stare at her. "Life ain't about getting by in the easiest way possible. It's about what you do in spite of the pain, not because of it!"

The wide, haunted blue eyes sparkled before the raging redhead. Sayaka closed them, a tear slowly trickling down her cheek, to be caught by a finger with a red diamond pattern on its nail. Kyoko wiped away Sayaka's tear, her rough, calloused finger firmly but gently drawn over skin. A sheen of dirt, grime and something worse smeared away at her touch, leaving clean patch along her cheekbone.

Cupping the younger girl's chin in her hands with minimal awkwardness, Kyoko stood and forced the girl to look up at her. "Miki Sayaka, I said before that you remind me of myself. I didn't realize how deep I was being at the time. Not only do you remind me of me, you remind me of me." Kyoko let out a grunt of frustration as she saw Sayaka's blue eyes waver in confusion.

"Look, as the Buddhists say, life is suffering. I told you a little about what happened to me, so hopefully you'll trust me when I say that I know what you're going through. You feel, right now, like nobody in the world cares about you, that everything you touch turns to crap, that all this is meaningless-so why not give up?! Am I right?" Kyoko's voice had risen to a shout, and she grimaced inwardly as she noticed some spittle hit Sayaka's face.

The younger girl didn't react, other than to wipe away another tear. "But... its all so hopeless. Happiness comes at a price-Homura was right about that... Maybe it would have been better if she killed me. I've already made Madoka suffer enou-"

"Listen to yourself, agreeing with that obnoxious little-" Kyoko cut off mid-sentence, quickly realizing any conversation about the mysterious raven-haired Puella Magi's stalking tendencies could possibly lead to unfortunate questions about Kyoko's own activities during the last several days, where she too had managed to show up suspiciously "just in time" to help.

A glint in the liquid blue eyes below her was like a ray of sunshine bursting through oppressive storm clouds. Could it have been humor that flickered behind that dull gaze, if only for a moment? Encouraged, Kyoko went on.

"What I am trying to say, Sayaka, is that you remind me of the me back when I used to like myself." Letting out a sigh, trying to still the anxiety that was making her guts squirm with dread, Kyoko focused on getting her message across. "Ever since... the... you know."

"Kyoko..." Sayaka whispered, her own sadness beginning to morph into a different, but equally terrible emotion. How could anyone be so cruel as to murder their own daughter? Worse than the men on the train, she thought wearily.

"Don't interrupt," Kyoko said, then mockingly added, "I am your elder, show a little respect. Anyway, since then, I can't sleep, can't breathe sometimes... when I think about it... knowing that it was my fault. No!" she interrupted the younger girl's protest, "It was my wish, and even if I couldn't imagine the consequences, what happened... happened because of me. If either of us should feel worthless and abandoned by the world, its me.

"You care about the world, and what happens to people. That, more than anything, drew me to you. When I think about you, Sayaka, I see a protector, someone who-if you were in the right place at the right time-would rush in to save an "innocent" from danger. My sister-" the redhead paused, taking a deep breath, as Sayaka looked on in rapt fascination, despair momentarily forgotten in a wave of sympathy for the older girl. Were those tears in Kyoko's eyes?

"I think, if you'd have been there, you would have helped her. If there had been a familiar lurking in the neighborhood, you'd have destroyed it. You're that kind of person, Sayaka, no matter where your soul may be."

Kyoko cleared her throat, which had become uncomfortably constricted. "The pain you're feeling, that isn't because of your wish! You did a good thing, made the world a better place-at least for that boy and whoever enjoys his music. You're suffering because you put all your hopes and dreams into a fake, an illusion of a perfect boy who'd love you like some frog-turned-prince in one of those ridiculous Dingo movies!" Her voice had risen once again, and before Sayaka could recoil from her passionate words, Kyoko grabbed two fistfuls of the white cape that hung over her friend's shoulders.

Sayaka shook her head, but returned her gaze to the girl who held her. "It isn't... just him. That's part of it, but..." Kyoko used all her self-restraint to keep from commenting, aware that Sayaka needed to express her feelings without interruption. "Its... that I'll never be able to be loved! I feel so alone, but what can I do when I'm this?!" she screeched, brandishing her Soul Gem almost accusingly at Kyoko. "I'm nothing more than a rock, built to kill witches, riding around this... this CORPSE!" she screamed, bringing her hands up and clawing at her face in emotional agony. Kyoko caught her hands, but was mesmerized by a trickle of blood than ran down the left side of her face, even as the angry red scratches quickly healed and faded from the girl before her. The light coming from Sayaka's Soul Gem faded ever so slightly.

The screen behind Sayaka flickered: some blip of commercial played for an instant, the back half of some kind of colorful fish.

Kyoko let go as the blue-haired junior burst into tears. With a glance to the heavens, she approached the younger girl again, this time embracing her in a tight hug. The near-hysterical weeping gave way to a body-wracking series of desperate sobs. Kyoko squeezed harder, feeling the hardness of the other girl's flesh-rock hard, in fact. It was like hugging a statue. "It doesn't matter where your soul is, stupid! What matters is what's inside it!

"You've never taken the easy way before: it is that stubborn pride of yours that drew me to you from the beginning. Where is that fire now? I'm holding you, and you feel warm to me. Your tears are wet. Your cuts bleed. You feel pain. You are a person, idiot, and unlike anyone I've ever met." Slowly, the sobbing began to abate. Kyoko ignored the spreading wetness along her shoulder, feeling a comforting squishy-ness return to the blunette in her grip.

She began to run her fingers through blue hair, the act somehow feeling right as she whispered "You woke something up in me, Miki Sayaka. Something I'd long thought dead." Wide blue eyes stared, red-rimmed and almost fearful, as Kyoko put her face within inches of her own. "For as long as I remember, I've separated myself from the world. It seemed simpler that way. I have been alone, isolated from the world, for a long time. So long, it feels like forever." She sighed wistfully.

"What does life even have to offer?" Sayaka moaned tiredly. "How can it be worth enduring, when I am already filled with so much pain? I haven't even had my first kiss and already I feel ready to die!"

Kyoko had always had quick reaction time: sometimes she acted almost without conscious thought. It always spelt trouble for her enemies, and often caused her problems as well. She leaned forward and planted her lips directly against Sayaka's, locking them together for a few moments. The older girl hardly noticed the salty taste as she pulled away, licking her lips and blushing furiously.

What the hell was that? Kyoko asked herself, remembering to breathe. At least it shut her up, she rationalized.

Sayaka stared, wide-eyed and open mouthed, at Kyoko. Her cheeks had regained a little of their color.

"There." Kyoko said, somewhat breathlessly. "I hoped that would shut you up for a second. Well kid, when you get old and wise like me," the redhead said with a wink, pausing to recover her breath, "you might be able to look back and ask yourself what all the fuss was about. You get over pain, Sayaka. If I could, then you better be able to." Damn, I'm such a hypocrite, she thought. Her bravado didn't entirely cover up the slight waver in her voice, nor the sheen of sweat barely visible along her forehead in the dim lighting of the empty station-was it just a little brighter than before? Those piercing blue eyes threatened to engulf her entire world. The question was, what was she seeing in them? Sayaka wiped her mouth with the back of her glove, leaving a faint smear and murmuring something to herself. Looking away, Kyoko said, "Anyway, now you have one less regret to take to your grave-if you still plan on going there next."

Kyoko took a step back, turning around as if to leave, and heard Sayaka let out a small gasp. With a smirk, the redhead turned back, offering her hand to the still-sitting junior. A small, barely noticeable smile hovered on the younger girl's lips, and her eyes had a far-off look of wonderment. It felt as if she had just discovered an entirely new vista full of lush flowers and pristine streams in the dead, industrial heart of the city that had dominated her attention for so very long.

"Or you could always come with me. Get up off your cute little ass and let's go find your pink-haired girlfriend, and start trying to make things right."

The blue eyed girl reached out her hand, as if in a daze. Kyoko's battle-calloused fingers clasped her friend's soft but firm hand, pulling to her feet. Sayaka gasped as the older girl grabbed her other wrist, pulling it up. There was a small clink, and Sayaka felt the weight of the world lift slightly from her shoulders.

"What the-" she blurted.

Kyoko grinned, her sharp canines glinting in the pale illumination. She showed Sayaka the Grief Seed, now completely black, held in the palm of her hand. With a flourish, she made a fist as Sayaka reached out to touch it, waving her finger like a parent to a naughty child.

"You have a lot to learn; that's something you gotta understand and come to grips with. I was lucky to have Mami; but since she kicked the bucket you ain't had anyone except than that creep Homura explaining the way things work. You can do it your way," she continued over the blue haired girl's sharp reply, amazed at the rapid recovery of the young girl's spirit, "but you have to at least listen to what I have to say."

Sayaka glowered for a moment, until Kyoko averted her eyes in mock-innocence. "I have a confession. I know how you feel about stealing, but given the circumstances... and that I snatched that Grief Seed off of that jerk Homura..."

"Kyoko!" Sayaka said, a throaty whisper sounding half exasperated and half amused. She stopped, breathless, as Kyoko placed her finger on her lips to shush her for a moment, before jerking back as if electrocuted.

"So what'll it be? Friends?" Kyoko asked, averting her eyes in an uncharacteristic demure way. She stared intently at her shoes for several seconds, but the silence continued to eat away at her confidence. She looked up as Sayaka approached, hand extended.

"Friends. And... thank you, Kyoko. I've really been an idiot."

Post Script

"Because I don't make that offer to just anyone, you know!"

"I noticed. You didn't strike me as the kind of person who would even want a friend."

Awkward silence.

"It was a joke."

"Oh. I see. I walk half-way across this city to find you and try to bring meaning back to your life, and you tell jokes."

"I'm sorry... some people try to do good things simply for the sake of doing them. Others prefer rewards for their-"

"Now you're talking! How about we start with some ice cream?"

"Kyoko...! Wait, start?"

Thanks to those who've offered comments and suggestions-I have tried to act upon them. I would greatly appreciate any other feedback-be brutally honest, I can take it. Too verbose? Not enough action(yet)? Did I capture the essence of the characters at all successfully? Are the underlying emotions obvious enough without being maudlin or sappy? Any suggestions are welcome.

More in the saga to come. How would things have gone differently if Kyoko had been a little more self-aware and confident about her feelings (and Sayaka being a little less absorbed in her own self-pity)?