Okay…this was a hard one but I hope I did it justice. Again thanks for reading and reviewing…I do look forward to hearing your thoughts and I will try to answer any questions that come my way.

Future of Promises

Chapter 9

It didn't take long for Jane to find herself sitting in front of Maura's house again. Her stomach churned with anxiety as she looked at the empty driveway wondering why Maura wasn't home yet. It had been nearly forty-five minutes since she had left Carly and Ryan's house and she had half expected to find Maura waiting for her. She couldn't help but wonder if maybe Carly had been wrong about April, perhaps Maura really did like her. Maybe they were having a night cap, sitting on Aprils couch getting cozy and familiar with each other. She shook her head to dispel the unwanted images from her mind just as headlights illuminated the driveway. For a brief moment Jane sat frozen as uncertainty washed over her. She wasn't sure if she would be able to follow through with her plan. The instinct to run was strong but when she saw Maura climb out of the front seat of her car and look over, tilting her head in that way that indicated she was regarding something with curiosity, she knew she had been caught.

Maura recognized the car parked along her curb as Jane's and even though it surprised her at first, she was also relieved to see that Jane was alright. As she got out of her car, she had expected to see Jane do the same but when there was no movement, Maura turned her attention Jane's direction. With careful but quick strides she made her way across the driveway to where Jane was parked.

It only took a moment for Jane to finally make her move. Opening the door, she took a shaky step onto the asphalt, grabbing the door to steady herself. The move did not go unnoticed by Maura who had a worried expression on her face.

"Jane?" The tone of Maura's voice held more than one unspoken question.

"Hey…" Jane pushed her hair away from her face and let out a heavy sigh. "Sorry…but I really needed to talk to you…" She fidgeted, shifting her weight from one foot to the other in an uncharacteristically clumsy way.

"Um…okay…" Maura hesitated. She wasn't sure she was ready for what she believed would be a talk that would either bring them closer or drive them further apart. The sound of her keys jingling in her hands brought her attention back. "Would you like to come inside…?"

"Yeah…I'd like that." Jane tried to smile but the fear etched on Maura's face caused her to falter. The realization that things were about to change between them hit her hard. She hoped with all of her heart that Maura would forgive her and that they could move on to have a future together. "I'm sorry about what happened at Carly's…" The apology was said on a shaky breath.

"I understand…I guess…" Maura gave a noncommittal shrug of her shoulders. She had been more confused by Jane's earlier behavior than angry.

"Look, I'll explain everything…I promise." Jane reached out to touch Maura's arm as they walked up the walkway towards the front door.

"You look tired Jane…" Maura sighed as she glanced at Jane before using her key to unlock the door. She had seen the dark shadows under Jane's eyes at Carly's and now they were only enhanced by the lack of light as they stood next to each other.

"Yeah…I guess I am." Jane let out a breath of air causing her hair to float up before settling back down on her forehead. It had been a halfhearted attempt to get the hair out of her eyes but it hadn't worked so she reached up to push it behind an ear.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Maura asked as she pushed the door open and waited for Jane to enter.

"I don't have much of a choice…" Jane gave a sheepish grin hoping to charm Maura with her roguish attitude. It had worked before and she hoped that it would work again.

"We always have a choice Jane." Maura turned to look at her, a serious yet sad expression on her face.

"Sometimes having a choice doesn't make it any easier." Jane looked away from the hazel-green eyes that regarded her with the same scrutiny that Paddy had earlier.

"But it is a choice…" Maura pressed but only got a shrug as an answer. She watched with curiosity as Jane removed her badge and gun before holding them out to her.

"Do you have some place where I can put these?" Jane asked. "I just want it to be me tonight…"

"Yes…there is a curios cabinet by the front door where you can put them." Maura waved her hand towards the cabinet.

"Thanks…" Jane said over her shoulder as she placed the gun and badge in the top drawer.

"Here…let me get your jacket…" Maura moved to help Jane shrug out of it. They were quiet as Maura hung it up in the front hall closet. When she turned around she couldn't stop herself from apprising the figure before her. Jane was in the process of rolling up the long sleeves of her oxford shirt that was unbuttoned to reveal a dark tank top underneath. Maura could almost picture the muscular shoulders and toned arms that lay beneath the fabric but it was only a fleeting thought. "Would you like something to drink?"

"I'll have whatever you're having." Jane seemed distracted as she followed Maura towards the kitchen.

"Red wine okay?" Maura asked as she reached for a bottle of wine from the rack built between two cabinets.

"Yeah…sure." Jane tried to smile as she watched Maura struggle to reach up to pull down a bottle. "Need some help with that?" She moved so she could reach up above Maura to grab the bottle and in the process found herself pressed close to the smaller body in front of her. Quickly pulling the bottle free from its confines, Jane moved away to place it on the counter. "You have a bottle opener?" She asked as she twisted the bottle around in her hands in an attempt to keep her mind from wandering to the feeling of Maura's body against hers.

"In the drawer to your left." Maura didn't turn around. She could feel her resolve withering with each passing second. She reminded herself that she was supposed to be mad at Jane but the familiarity and comfort of having her near was almost too much. In an attempt to steady herself, she took a deep, shaky breath as she grabbed two wine glasses before turning around.

An uncomfortable silence settled around them as Jane dug through the drawer until she found what she was looking for. The only sound in the room was the shifting of kitchen utensils until that came to an end plunging them into silence again. Even though her hands were trembling slightly under the strain of the moment, Jane managed to pull the cork out of the bottle.

Maura had noticed the way that Jane's hands were shaking so she set the glasses down on the counter and placed a hand at the small of Jane's back. The move caused Jane to drop her head and shoulders giving her the look of defeat. "Jane…" Maura started to say but was interrupted when Jane stiffened.

"Please Maura…I have to do this." Jane placed her hands on the counter to give herself something to balance against.

"Okay…we can go into the living room where it's more comfortable…" Maura poured the wine into the glasses and then picked on up to hand to Jane.

Bringing the glass up to her lips Jane took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet, woodsy aroma wafting up from the ruby red liquid. When she took her first sip, it burned as it slid down her throat causing her to cough.

"Still not much of wine drinker?" Maura tried not to smile as she watched Jane struggle to swallow.

"Um…not much. I guess I'm more of a beer drinker." Jane finally swallowed without coughing. She gave Maura a smile as if she had just accomplished the impossible.

Following Maura into the living room Jane could feel her legs wobbling just enough for her to sway slightly before reaching the couch. She watched as Maura sat, bringing her legs up under her while leaning back against one side. Setting her glass down on the coffee table, she sat on the opposite end of the couch. Again an uncomfortable silence filled the air making it difficult for her to catch her breath.

"Why are you here Jane?" Maura finally asked. Her voice was so soft and quiet that Jane almost didn't hear her.

Taking a deep breath, Jane clasped her hands in her lap in an effort to stem the shaking. She couldn't stop herself from rubbing at the scars in her palms as her nerves reached the breaking point. When she saw Maura watching her intently, she gave a self-depreciative chuckle as she stopped and clinched her hands into fists a few times to get the blood flowing. "Um…I…" She reached up to rub the back of her neck. "I…guess…I…"

"Just start from the beginning…" Maura reached over to place her hand on Jane's arm. It was meant to comfort but when Jane flinched it caused Maura to frown. "It will be okay Jane…just tell me what you came here to tell me."

"Easier said than done…" Jane said under her breath, hoping that Maura hadn't heard but she had.

"The longer you fidget and stall the more you will prolong the inevitable." Maura tried to reason.

"Okay…okay…let's see…" Jane hesitated as she tried to gather her thoughts. "I want to tell you what happened…why I ended things with you all of those years ago…"

Taking a deep breath, Maura braced herself for whatever was going to come next. She had no idea what Jane was about to tell her but she hoped that she would be able to find it in heart to forgive because she really wanted to.

"I should start by telling you that my Pop has a gambling problem. He has for as long as I can remember but it didn't get out of control until about fifteen years ago…" Jane glanced down at her hands as if they were the most interesting things in the world. She was afraid of what she might see if she looked into Maura's eyes so she kept her head down. Reaching over to pick up her wine glass, Jane drained it in one swallow, still not allowing herself to look at Maura. "Um…he got in with some really bad guys Maura…borrowed money he could never pay back." She finally let herself look at Maura and saw confusion mixed with sorrow. "They took out a contract on his life…I had to choose…." Tears welled up in her eyes as she fought to push them back but it was too late. "It was the hardest thing I've ever done…" Her words were coming fast and her breath even faster. Before she could say anything else Maura's arms wrapped around her and held her tight. She could feel her thoughts growing sluggish as the alcohol seeped into her brain. A mild tingling sensation started in her arms and legs, moving through her body in a wave as she buried her face against Maura's neck finding refuge against the warm skin. The tears continued to fall as she tried to make sense of what was happening to her but the security and familiarity of feeling Maura wrapped around her was causing her muddled thoughts to slow down. The last thing Jane remembered was the soft, soothing sound of Maura's voice whispering into her ear as she slipped away into a sound sleep.

As Maura held a sleeping Jane in her arms, she couldn't make sense of what Jane had tried to tell her. From what she had gathered by Jane's fragmented explanation, her father had a gambling addiction and it had gotten out of control. But from there, things started to fall apart as far as her understanding of what Jane's ramblings meant. When the tears started it had surprised Maura because Jane very rarely allowed herself that outlet for her emotions. She hadn't even cried the day she told Maura it was over between them. It had been one of the things that hurt her the most, the lack of emotion that Jane seemed to have in that life changing moment fifteen years ago. Before she could think about what she was doing, she had moved across the couch and wrapped Jane up in her arms. The words kept coming but they still didn't make any sense to Maura. It was the feeling of Jane's warm tears against her neck that knocked down a piece of that wall she had built around her heart so long ago. As she rocked Jane and murmured soft words of encouragement and comfort she knew the moment Jane had drifted away into a deep sleep, something that Maura had no doubt Jane had not experienced in the last twenty-four hours. Carefully, she lowered Jane down onto the couch, bringing her legs up as she covered her with a light blanket. With a heavy sigh, she knew that the answers to her questions would have to wait for another day. She bent down to place a soft, chaste kiss on Jane's forehead before taking her glass of wine to the kitchen, leaving Jane alone to finally get the rest she needed.

As Maura sat alone at her kitchen counter drinking her glass of wine contemplating what had just happened with Jane, her doorbell rang pulling her from her thoughts. Glancing over at the clock on her stove, she was surprised to see that it was just after eleven. She furrowed her brow as she wondered who would be coming to her door this late at night. The only person she would have expected to show up in the late hours of the evening was already there, asleep on the couch. Getting up from her chair, she moved quickly towards the front door so the doorbell wouldn't ring again and wake Jane up. If she had been surprised by the ringing doorbell this late, she was even more surprised to find her mother standing on the other side of the door.

"Mother…?" Maura wasn't sure what to think by her mother's unannounced appearance.

"Is Jane here?" Constance asked as she leaned forward to give Maura a quick hug as she stepped through the doorway. She looked around to see if Jane was anywhere in sight but she didn't see her. "I have to talk to you." Her tone held an urgency that Maura wasn't familiar with.

"Jane is here…but she fell asleep on the couch." Maura watched as her mother moved through the foyer towards the kitchen.

"Please tell me you have an open bottle of wine…" Constance sighed gratefully when she saw Maura's glass and the bottle on the counter. "Thank the Gods…" She said as she grabbed a glass and poured herself a hearty helping.

"Mother…do you realize what time it is?" Maura stared as her mother helped herself to a glass of wine. "What are you doing here and why did ask if Jane was here?"

Constance didn't say anything at first, she just watched Maura over the rim of her wine glass as she took a sip. After a full minute of silence, she finally cleared her throat nervously thinking that maybe she had made a mistake. It was Maura's wide eye's filled with uncertainty that pushed her into action. "Jane came to see me today…"

Maura's eyebrows shot up in surprise at the admission. "Why would she do that?"

"Can we sit down?" Constance asked as she moved over to the dining room table. She waited for Maura to get her own glass of wine before joining her at the table.

"Okay…now will you please explain why you're here?" Maura placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin in the palm of her hands.

"You look tired dear…" Constance reached out to push a stray strand of hair away from Maura's face.

"And you are stalling…" Maura grabbed her mother's hand and held it tight. "Please mother…"

"Okay…um…you're right. I guess I just need to start from the beginning…" Constance could feel her courage returning to her as Maura's hand held her own. "I was an associate professor when he decided to walk into my class…of all the classes he could choose from…it had to be mine."

"Who?" Maura asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Your biological father…" Constance paused as she swallowed hard.

"What?" A cold fear settled in the pit of Maura's stomach as Constance fought to continue.

"His name is Paddy Doyle…" Constance started to say but stopped when Maura let go of her hand.

"The head of the Irish Mob?" Maura pulled back to put some distance between them. She knew that name and now she was suddenly feeling sick to her stomach. "You're telling me that my father is Paddy Doyle…? Why…why are you telling me this now?"

Constance looked away from Maura as she glanced over towards the living room where Jane was sleeping. The minute Jane had left her office she felt like a coward letting Jane have this conversation with Maura alone. She decided that she couldn't let Jane take all of the responsibility that led them to this point in time. "She figured it out…"

"What are you saying? That Jane knew?" Maura couldn't contain the hurt and surprise that started to flow from her like the tears that now rolled down her cheeks. "And she kept it from me? How long has she known?"

"Maura honey…please don't be angry with her. She didn't have a choice…" Constance tied to explain.

"There is always a choice…" Maura's voice was harsh and filled with barely contained anger.

"Not in this case Maura. Paddy is a cruel man…" Constance sighed.

"Did he threaten her? Did he threaten her family?" Maura was suddenly afraid to hear the truth.

"I can answer that…" Jane said from across the room. Her sleep addled brain was having trouble focusing on the scene before her. The sound of soft murmuring voices had woken her up and it had taken her a moment to realize who it was. At first she thought that Maura was talking to herself but then she heard the distinct sound of Constance's voice. When both voices sounded strained, Jane decided she needed to see what was going on. It was Constance's admission about Paddy being Maura's father that had her moving quickly across the room just in time to hear Maura's question.

"I would appreciate it if you would do just that…" Maura turned around slowly to find Jane leaning in the doorway with her arms crossed. She recognized the defensive posture as a means of protection against the anger that laced her voice.

"You asked if he threatened me or my family and the answer is not directly…at least at first." Jane had a serious expression on her face. Her dark eyes looked even darker with the rings underneath and her mouth was set in a grim line. "I told you about my Pop…when I found out that there was contract out for his life I went to the only person I thought could help…" She hesitated long enough to give Maura the chance to jump in.

"Why…why would you go to him? You could have come to me or my mother…we would have helped…" Maura waved her hands in the air.

"I guess maybe I was too proud to ask you for help…I thought I could handle it on my own." Jane looked down at her feet feeling the same shame she had that day she had met with Paddy.

"I don't understand…you could go to him but you couldn't come to me!" Maura's anger was reaching a breaking point as she slammed her hand down on the table surprising both Jane and Constance.

"I was just a stupid kid Maura…I was ashamed of my Pop. He gambled away everything he and my mother had saved and then some. If I hadn't already been questioning if I was good enough for you, that certainly gave me enough reason to think I never would be." Jane tried to explain, her voice cracking with emotion.

"So…what does all of this have to do with why you left me?" Maura pushed herself up from the table and turned to fully face Jane. She could have sworn that they had gotten over Jane's insecurities long ago but this admission made her realize that she had been very wrong.

"When I went to talk to Paddy…he gave me two choices…" Jane looked away again. Having those hazel-green eyes looking at her, seeing straight into her soul was too much for her to handle.

"What did he do Jane?" Maura took a step closer. "Look at me…tell me…"

"He made me choose between my Pop's life and my life with you…" Jane finally looked up to meet Maura's eyes.

"How…? How could he have that much power over you? I just don't understand…" Maura shook her head as if it would somehow make things clearer.

"Because of what I knew…that he was your father…" Jane started to say but stopped when Maura's tears started to fall in earnest.

"He was afraid you'd tell me…" Maura took a deep breath in an attempt to slow the tears. "You would have…right? You would have told me…eventually…" She didn't want to believe that Jane would have kept a secret like that from her.

The plea in the shaky voice had Jane taking several long strides to gather Maura up in her arms. "Yes…" Jane couldn't contain her tears any longer. Placing her hands on either side of Maura's face, she used her thumbs to try to brush away the wetness that had gathered on Maura's cheeks. "Yes…I would have told you. I hated not being able to tell you…it was killing me to keep it a secret. But you don't know him like I do Maura…he is a dangerous man…"

Leaning into Jane's touch, Maura allowed herself a moment of reprieve before gently untangling herself from Jane's arms. "You should have come to me Jane…" She let out a heavy sigh as the rational part of her brain took over. "When you walked away…it broke me…right here." Bringing a hand up to her heart, she pressed her palm against her chest. "I don't know if you can fix that…"

"Please Maura…please let me try." Jane placed her hands on top of Maura's.

"I don't know if I can…" Maura reached up to place her palm against Jane's cheek. "What's changed Jane? What's brought you here to tell me after all of these years?"

Jane closed her eyes as the warmth of Maura's hand seeped into her. "My Pop left Maura…he ran out on my mother…left her with nothing…not even a place to live. I went to see Paddy…I told him that I have washed my hands of it. I told him that he would never again manipulate me the way he did all of those years ago. I told him I wouldn't give up on you…" Jane opened her eyes to see that Maura was giving her a thoughtful look.

"But what if it's not what I want Jane…what then?" The question was like an arrow straight to Jane's heart. "You lied to me, broke my heart. I understand that you felt like you had no choice…but as I've already told you…we always have a choice. You could have come to me and you didn't…because of that…" Maura couldn't bring herself to finish as an image of the future they could have had flashed through her mind.

"I see that now, but I didn't then. By the time I realized what was happening…it was too late to walk away." Jane tried to explain.

"But not too late to walk away from me?" Maura asked as another arrow hit Jane's heart.

"Maura…I can't change what happened but I can promise you that I will never walk away from you again. I'm ready to give you all of the things I should have been able to then." Jane's tears began to flow again as she struggled to make Maura understand. "I still love you…I've never stopped. Please…please forgive me…let me love you Maura…please."

"Oh…my sweet, sweet Jane…" Maura whispered as she pulled Jane's quaking body against her own. "It's going to take some time but I just can't tell you yes yet…I don't know if I have it in me to let you love me again. It almost killed me to know what that felt like only to have it taken away."

"Please…give me a chance…" Jane pulled back just enough to look into Maura's eyes. "We can start slow…I want be your friend again…I really miss you Maura…" When she saw the small spark of interest in the depths of hazel-green she felt a glimmer of hope.

"I'd like that Jane…I've missed our friendship." Maura tried to smile but her heart was struggling to make itself be heard. Having Jane so close was beginning to muddle her thoughts and she needed to put some distance between them before she decided to give into Jane's pleas. She wanted nothing more than to love and be loved by Jane but the logical and reasonable part of her brain was doing a good job of giving her reasons not to. Working on their friendship was the only consolation she would allow herself, at least for now. She looked over her shoulder when she heard her mother clear her throat. The look on her mother's face said it all and Maura realized that it was a losing battle to try to fight her love for Jane but she was going to at least try, she had to. "We still have a lot to talk about…" She knew there were things that she needed to tell Jane but she wasn't ready just yet. "You too…" She glanced back at her mother to let her know that she wasn't off of the hook either.

"I promise things will be different this time…" Jane couldn't stop herself from touching Maura on the cheek with the backs of her fingers.

"We have a future of promises ahead of us Jane…let's just take it one day at a time." Maura sighed as Jane moved her fingers along her cheek. The feeling of Jane's skin against her own lingered even after Jane had moved her hand. She realized that her heart may have lost this battle but it wouldn't lose the war. No…she still loved Jane and it would only be a matter of time before she gave in. Forgiveness would come but it wouldn't come easy and it would come at a price, she just hoped that Jane would be as willing to pay it as she was.