*Okay, this one is a little on the lite side…Also I wanted to apologize if I hadn't made it clear that Ryan works for the DA's office as the Assistant DA…so I hope that helps those of you who had questions about where she worked. Again, thanks for the reviews and follows…I really appreciate the time those of you who review take to keep me on track and also thanks for all of the encouragement. Hope you like this one…see ya next time…

A Long Way to Go

Chapter 11

"So what happened after I left?" Constance peered over her wine glass at Maura with a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty.

"Nothing happened mother…I offered her the guest room." Maura huffed impatiently as she ran her finger along the white linen tablecloth that covered their table. Her eyes went from her plate to the spot where her finger continued to move, making an infinite pattern. When she realized what she was doing she tugged at her sleeve where her tattoo lay at her wrist. A dull ache settled in her chest when she realized she already missed Jane.

"Really?" Constance sounded surprised. She watched as Maura fidgeted with her sleeve while her plate continued to stay untouched.

"What? Did you expect the last fifteen years to just disappear? The fact that you and Jane kept a very important piece of information from me about…" Maura stopped short of saying the name out loud. She realized that being in a public place meant that precautions had to be taken and that one particular name was not to be mentioned.

"I won't make excuses Maura but I thought it was the best thing to do at the time. He wasn't ready for you to know the truth and as you probably know…he can be very persuasive." Constance leveled her gaze. She recalled the thinly veiled threats he had hurled at her every time she had the misfortune of meeting him face to face. Fortunately, it hadn't been something she had had to endure frequently, in fact it had only happened three times after the adoption but she would never forget the sinister flicker that flashed behind the green in his eyes. It was the same green that was so much like Maura's. She couldn't contain the shiver that ran up her spine and down her arms causing the hand she was holding her wine glass in to shake ever so slightly. When she noticed that her fingers were trembling, she casually reached over with her other hand to steady herself. She glanced back at Maura to see if she had noticed and to her relief there was no indication that Maura had.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to accept that yet…" Maura glanced back down at her untouched plate. Picking up her fork, she moved her food around, not really paying attention to what she was doing. "But I'm willing to try…" She let out a heavy sigh and set her fork back down. "I don't have much of a choice…whatever choice I would have had was taken away from me. That seems to be a running theme in my life…"

"I understand that you are angry, but what Jane did…I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same thing to protect you. In fact, I guess I did by not telling you in the first place." Constance reached over to take Maura's hand. The fact that Maura didn't have an intimate understanding of who Paddy really was had caused her to evaluate whether she had done the right thing and the more she thought about it the more she realized that she had. And the only thing that gave Constance peace now that Maura knew everything was that Jane also knew and would stop at nothing to protect her daughter.

"Do you know who my biological mother is?" Maura looked up to find Constance slowly shaking her head. She thought she saw a flicker of hurt in those dark blue eyes that suddenly looked like storm clouds.

"No…he never told me." She stiffened slightly and pulled her hand away.

Reaching across the table, Maura grabbed Constance's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm not looking to replace you…I was just wondering what happened to her." She offered as an explanation. It hadn't been her intention to hurt her mother with the question.

"I didn't know anything about him back then…when he walked into my art class. He seemed like a nice young man and he was actually a very good artist." Constance shrugged her shoulders as the memories came flooding back. "Your father and I had been trying to have a baby for so long…I didn't question the miracle that landed in our laps. I guess I should have…" She frowned at the thought.

"You are my mother…no matter what happens from this day forward." Maura tried to reason when she saw the sad resignation in Constance's eyes. "Nothing will ever change that."

"I appreciate that Maura…" Constance gave the hand within her own a squeeze before letting go. "And for what it's worth, I am sorry. Although I don't think I would have done anything differently…except maybe with Jane. I can't fathom what she went through with her father…and to have so much taken away from her." She ruminated over her thoughts of Jane and what she could have done differently.

Leaning back in her chair, Maura regarded Constance with a guarded smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I won't pretend to understand why you feel that way but then again I don't know him the way that you and Jane do. And as far as Jane is concerned…she had other choices."

"And I hope you never have to know him the way I do...or heaven forbid the way that Jane does. He is not someone you ever want to know." It was a statement meant to convince but there was an edge of fear to it. "And do you really believe she had any other choices…what would have happened if she had come to us about her father? Do you really think we would have been understanding…nonjudgmental…supportive?" Constance watched Maura carefully.

"I guess we'll never know the answer to that question will we? And, I'm not planning on having anything to do with him…" Maura started to say but shook her head as thoughts of Jane came to her mind. "Although I wouldn't mind giving him a piece of my mind about the way he interfered in my life."

"He won't see it that way…to him it was a means to an end. It was his intention to have control from the beginning…" Constance stared over Maura's shoulder at nothing in particular. Even though her dealings with Paddy had been infrequent and somewhat impersonal, she wanted nothing more to do with the man. However, his insistence to watch over Maura had never set well with her but even she realized the danger Maura would be in if anyone found out the truth. "Will you be able to forgive Jane? Is there hope for a future?"

Tapping her fingers against the table, Maura bit down on her bottom lip as she thought through her answer. Her heart had already decided but her head wasn't ready to reconcile yet. "Yes…" She let out a frustrated sigh as she watched her fingers drumming alongside her plate. "I think that maybe there is a future for us…but it will come at a price."

"And what's that Maura? Haven't you both already paid enough?" Constance placed her elbow on the table and then her chin in the palm of her hand as she listened intently.

"Well…" Maura continued to chew on her bottom lip as she thought things through. "I don't know what to say. I want to move on from this but…I just can't accept an 'I'm sorry'. I need to know that she's in this for the long haul. I couldn't go through another heartbreak if she walked away again…"

"What is it you want from her?" Constance couldn't stop herself from interrupting.

"For one, she has to stop making decisions for me…" Maura looked up to see that her mother was watching her with a curious look on her face. "What?" She asked feeling slightly indignant by the look her mother was giving her.

"Come on Maura…what's good for the goose is good for the gander…when are you going to tell her about your relationship with Angela…or Carly and Ryan…" Constance frowned as she continued. "Or the role you played in her hospital stay and rehabilitation?"

"Look, I have a right to be angry…so let me be angry…" Maura's eyes flashed in that way they did when she got angry. She knew that her mother was being fair by posing those questions that she herself had asked herself over and over again. The answers were out there somewhere but at the moment she couldn't find any. Her only defense was anger because if she allowed reason to rule she would have to own up to the things she had kept hidden as well.

Constance watched as the usually soft hazel flecked with green turned hard just as Paddy's did when he got angry and it caused another shiver to run up her spine but this time it was accompanied by a sadness she couldn't explain. "You know…holding onto anger for things that happened in the past will only make it harder for you to love in the present…"

"Really?" Maura rolled her eyes at her mother impatiently. "It wasn't your heart that got broken…"

"I understand that dear, but I really think that Jane has paid the same price as you, if not more so. With what is happening now…with her father…she chooses you, above all else…she chooses you. That has to count for something." Constance picked up her wine glass and drained what was left of the red liquid. Never in a million years had she expected to find herself defending Jane, not after the animosity she had felt for the young woman who had broken her daughters heart so effectively all of those years ago.

Maura brought her hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose as the headache she had been keeping at bay began to bloom behind her eyes. She knew her mother was right but her stubborn streak was making it hard for her to admit it. "I have forgiven her…I forgave her the minute I saw her being wheeled into the hospital beaten and broken. I'm just not ready to put my heart on the line yet. It is going to take some time…I won't risk losing her again…"

"You know there are no guarantees in life Maura. Don't wait too long…you might miss your opportunity if you do. With her line of work…" Constance looked away, unable to finish what she was saying.

"I know that…" Maura's voice was almost a whisper but there was a conviction behind it that brought Constance's eyes back to meet hers. "And you're right…" The words were exhaled on a frustrated huff. "I've suggested that Angela move in with me…into my guest house." She changed the subject, not sure if she could continue the direction their conversation had taken without shedding a few tears.

"Okay…that sounds like a reasonable idea." Constance leaned back and crossed her arms. The relationship that Maura shared with Angela had always nagged at her. "What does Jane say about that?" She tried to keep her voice even to hide the hint of jealousy she was feeling.

"She seems okay with it. Of course it means that she will be around a lot more…I'll have to get used to that." Maura raised a questioning eyebrow at Constance. She could see that her mother was fighting to keep her voice from betraying her thoughts.

"Um…no really…that sounds like a good idea." The fact that Jane would be spending more time with Maura intrigued Constance and frankly it made her feel better about the Paddy situation. With Jane nearby, Constance realized that there would be someone to keep an eye on her. Her impending trip to Paris had her worried about leaving Maura but now it seemed as if she needn't worry so much.

"Well, with you going to Paris…I thought it might be nice…" Maura shrugged her shoulders casually. Her mother's slight bristling at the mention of Angela hadn't gone unnoticed but she learned long ago that her mother quickly got over things.

"It would make me feel better to know that you won't be alone…especially now…" Constance started to say.

"Now that I know that my biological father is a homicidal maniac…?" Maura tried to smile to lighten the severity of her statement. "Did dad know the truth?"

The question had come out of left field and Constance wasn't sure how to answer it. Bill had known that there were questions surrounding the legality of Maura's adoption but he never questioned it. It had been decided that the true identity of Maura's father would remain unknown to everyone except Constance and Bill had seemed okay with that arrangement. "If you are asking me if your father knew…then…no…he never did, only I did."

"I'm sorry…it must have been hard to carry that burden. It must have been nice when Jane found out…you know…not having to be the only one anymore." Maura hadn't meant for her words to sting but they did nonetheless.

"Are you implying that I was happy that Jane found out?" Constance stiffened. Her eyes dropped down to look at her now empty wine glass. "I would have liked it if I hadn't known the truth about your father…but I would have never wished for anyone else to know…nothing good could have come from it."

"I didn't mean to imply that…" There was a silent apology hidden in the words. "It couldn't have been easy for you…I understand that now. But to have someone else know the truth…" Maura hesitated. "I'm sorry…" She shook her head, unable to finish what she was about say.

"He never once asked to know the truth…" Constance sighed heavily. "And when he died…he died knowing in his heart that he was the only father you had ever known."

"And that would have been the truth. He is the only father I have ever known…and will ever know." Maura said with a conviction that brought a small smile to Constance's lips.

"Try not to be too hard on her though…she really does love you." The smile was one of first to reach Constance's eye since their evening had begun. "And please don't wait too long…I'm not getting any younger. I'd like to at least be able to keep up with my grandchildren before it's too late."

The last statement brought a hearty blush to Maura's cheeks accompanied by a shy smile. "Do you really see that for us?" She hadn't allowed herself to see a future with Jane, yet.

"I absolutely do…" Constance beamed.

"You are sounding a lot like Angela…" Maura laughed. For the first time since they sat down to dinner, she was feeling light hearted and hopeful. She wanted nothing more than to allow the picture her mother was painting of her future to take shape in her heart and mind but her mind was still over ruling her heart. It would take time, but she had faith in what was in her heart and she knew it would eventually lead to wonderful things.

"Come on Ma…why're you being so stubborn about this?" Jane threw her hands up in frustration. She thought her mother would jump at the idea of moving in with Maura. The resistance was a surprise she hadn't expected.

"I don't understand Jane…you haven't seen or spoken to Maura in what…" Angela ticked off the years on her fingers before giving up and waving her hands in the air. "Fifteen years….and now you want me to move in with her?" The glare she gave Jane was meant to wither but all Jane could do was roll her eyes.

"Really…? I told you that we talked things over…" Jane huffed impatiently. The fact that her mother was arguing was beginning to get on her nerves. It should have been a lot easier to convince Angela and Jane's impatience was at the boiling point.

"Is the idea of sharing a space with me so awful…?" The hurt in Angela's eyes rendered Jane momentarily speechless. "Well?" She crossed her arms as she continued to glare, waiting for an answer.

"No…I just thought that you might like to have your own space…" Jane gave a sheepish grin. "Maura has a guest house…she said you could stay there." She eyed her mother cautiously as she prepared herself to reveal her last cards. "And you'd be there to keep her company while her mother is in Paris…and it'd give me a reason to be around, more…" The words came out on a rush of air as Jane did her best to convince Angela.

With arms crossed, Angela studied her daughter with a measured eye. The thought of sharing Jane's apartment hadn't been high on her list but it was better than sharing a place with Frankie. But this new idea had come to her on a wing and a prayer and she wasn't sure why she was so reluctant to admit it, she just was. Her stubborn streak was a mile wide, but just as she was about to dig in her heels and not budge, Jane's words sank in.

"Aw, come on Ma…help me out here…" Jane pleaded.

"What do you mean you and Maura talked about things?" Angela asked as she brought her coffee cup up to her mouth in an attempt to keep herself from saying anything else. She had so many questions bouncing around in her head that it was all she could do not to let them flow from her mouth in a stream of conscious.

"Well…" Jane let out a heavy sigh as she too took a sip of coffee but for very different reasons. She had to be careful what she revealed to her mother. Of course she couldn't tell her about Paddy which in turn would make it impossible for her to understand why Jane had walked away all those years ago, essentially breaking more than Maura's heart in the process. "We cleared the air between us…" She hedged as she eyed Angela over the rim of her cup.

"Details…" Angela held the gaze in challenge.

"Um…we are working on forgiveness…" Jane threw her arms out as she bowed her head. It had been a half-hearted attempt to buy herself more time to come up with a good enough story.

"You mean she is working on forgiving you…" Angela set her cup down, the hard look on her face indicated she wasn't buying what Jane was selling.

"Yeah Ma, I know I screwed up…" Jane dropped her shoulders in defeat and ran her fingers through her hair. "But I'm really trying here." Her grin was crooked and her dimples deep as she did her best to charm her mother.

Angela's expression softened as she watched Jane's usual confidence fade. "Okay…so you are both trying to move on."

"Ma…I think there may be a chance for us…a real chance at a new start." The hopefulness that shone in Jane's dark eyes caused Angela's heart to lighten. "I still love her…I've never stopped."

"Don't you think I know that?" Angela sighed as she wrapped her hands around her coffee cup allowing the warmth to comfort her. "What I don't know is why you walked away in the first place." Her mouth set in a grim line as the hardened expression returned.

"I know that there's nothing I can say to you that will ever excuse what I did…" Jane could feel her temper flaring under her mother's scrutiny. "But you have to understand that sometimes there are things that I can't tell you. Maura knows the reason and she is willing to forgive me. That's all that matters…"

Angela watched as Jane clasped her hands in front of her on the table and unconsciously rubbed at the scars in her palms. She couldn't help but wonder if Maura had told her the role she played in Jane's recovery so she hedged a little further in an attempt to find out. "So is that all you talked about…what you did wrong."

"Yes Ma…" Jane clenched her jaw as she tried to control the ire that was bubbling up into her chest. "I screwed up…I apologized…profusely I might add, and now Maura is willing to rebuild our friendship. I know we have a long way to go, but at least it's a beginning…"

Giving a slight nod, Angela acknowledged what Jane had said. It was apparent that Maura had yet to confess her own secrets. "I suppose that is a start…" She tried to smile at Jane but she was feeling slightly sick at her stomach due to the secrets she herself was keeping from her daughter.

"Does that mean you'll do it?" Jane let out an exhausted sigh. She hadn't expected to have to fight her mother on this, she had actually thought that Angela would have jumped at the idea.

"Yes…" Angela conceded. The realization that she had no home hit her hard as the tears that she had tried to hold in stung her eyes and began to flow down her cheeks. The sob that came next shook her body causing Jane to jump up from her seat to engulf her in a hug.

"You'll be alright Ma…we'll get through this together…" Jane tried to console with a soft soothing voice.

"I know sweetheart…" Angela allowed Jane to hold her as the tears continued to fall.

They stayed like that until Angela could find no more tears to shed at the direction her life had taken. Giving Jane's back a gentle pat, she reluctantly pulled away and gave Jane a genuine smile as she looked up at her. "So, when do I get some grandkids?"

The smirk was a surprise to both of them, but Jane was feeling bold as she looked down at her mother. "Well, I'm taking her to dinner Saturday…" It was the best answer Jane could offer at the moment and it caused Angela to laugh.

"I suppose that's a start." Angela said as her shoulders shook with laughter.

"Yeah Ma…it's the start I've waited my whole life for."