Chapter 18: Persuasion
Finn decided not to freak out. His step-brother was pretty smart, smarter than he was, by miles. So, if Kurt said there was nothing wrong with him, Finn believed him. He chalked the whole thing up to teenage hormones and forgot about it. He forgot about it, right up until he walked into the kitchen the next morning, nothing on his mind except the eternal debate between Captain Crunch and Honey Nut Cheerios … and saw Kurt leaning against the counter drinking orange juice.
"Morning." Finn grabbed milk, cereal, and a bowl.
"Morning." Kurt opened the drawer next to him, and passed Finn a spoon.
Finn took a mouthful of cereal, his eyes darting between Kurt and the counter. "Dude, that counter is always going to seem like a prop from a porno."
Kurt laughed. "So, if I see you and Rachel in here, I should keep walking."
Finn's mouth dropped open, obscene possibilities rushing through his mind. "Really? You think she'd go for that?"
Kurt shrugged and put his empty glass in the dishwasher. "Depends how persuasive you can be."
"Uh, Kurt?"
"Sorry, Finn, not exactly my area of expertise." Kurt turned and started out of the kitchen. "Ask Puck, he used to be magic with the ladies."
Finn nodded. "Right. Thanks, dude."
Kurt ran to catch up with Puck in the hallway between classes. "Finn's going to hit you up for advice on talking Rachel into kitchen counter action."
"Me? Why me? You're the one who had me over the counter, he should be asking you."
"He did, but I told him that I don't know anything about women, and he should ask you."
Puck snorted. "You're so full of shit, Hummel. You've got the inside scoop on every girl in Glee. You could get them to do anything."
Kurt tried to look modest but he just couldn't pull it off. "Well, yes, but I don't want them to do anything." Kurt shuddered. "Anything like that! Besides they wouldn't want me divulging their secrets to the enemy.
"Yeah, you don't want to piss them off, you might get banned from spa night."
"Hey, don't mock spa night. Tina gives fab facials, and the gossip is primo."
"You just didn't want to talk about it, so you volunteered me."
"Pretty much, yeah."
"I'll have to think of something then, because that thong of yours would look really fucking bad on Hudson."
Kurt put his hands over his ears. "Not listening, Noah."
"Puck?" Finn grabbed Puck's jersey and pulled him down on one of the benches alongside the football field. "Kurt said to ask you…"
"He told me. Dude, Rachel's not some desperate pool mom whose husband spends more time in the office than in her, or some bimbo who wants to brag about what she did with the quarterback. You're going to have to figure this out on your own." Puck picked up his helmet. "You're going to have to do all that Oprah kind of shit; listen to her, find out what gets her hot."
Finn stood and fell into step with Puck. "Aw, dude, she's not going to tell me that."
Puck clapped Finn on the back. "Ask Kurt, the girls talk about all kinds of shit at those spa nights."
"Yeah, good idea." Finn jogged ahead and Puck grinned. Back to you, Princess!
"Kurt?" Finn tromped down the stairs to Kurt's room.
Kurt turned from browsing Alexander McQueen bags on eBay. "What?"
"Puck said you'd know what gets Rachel hot."
Kurt stared at his step-brother. "Are you nuts? How the hell would I know that?"
Finn shrugged and sat on Kurt's bed. "Puck said the girls talk about that kind of stuff at their spa nights."
"One: Even if Rachel had said anything like that, I couldn't tell you. That would be betraying a confidence. Two: You're her freaking boyfriend, Finn. You're supposed to know what turns her on."
Finn jumped up and started to pace the floor. "Well, I don't. She's pretty quiet. She doesn't say much."
Kurt banged his head on his desk. "Why me?"
"Come on, Kurt, you must know something."
Kurt sat up and looked at Finn. "Why? Because I'm such a girl?"
Finn looked startled. "No, cause they talk to you, dude."
"I really don't know, Finn. Couldn't you just ask her?" Kurt held up a hand to stop Finn's protest. "Just say something like, 'I think this would be hot, do you want to try it?'"
Finn stopped pacing. "Ya think?"
Kurt shrugged. "It can't hurt to ask."
"What if she thinks I'm some kind of pervert, and breaks up with me?"
Kurt turned back to his laptop. "Oh, please, you're a teenage boy. She knows you're some kind of pervert."
"Yeah, maybe." Finn tromped back up the stairs.
Kurt grabbed his phone.
From Kurt: you set Finn on me!
From Puck: yep, payback's a bitch.
Burt opened the door at the top of the stairs and yelled down to his son. "Kurt, Carole and I are going to see a movie."
"Kay, Dad." Kurt called up to his father, laughter in his voice. "Drive carefully, and don't stay out too late. It's a week night."
Burt laughed. "Smart Aleck!"
Kurt worked on an English paper, read two chapters of history, and decided that he needed a caffeine fix. He was vaguely aware of some odd moaning as he got closer to the kitchen, but he wasn't prepared to see Finn and Rachel sprawled over the counter. Fuck! Kurt froze in the doorway. He couldn't seem to pull his eyes away. Rachel gripped the edge of the counter, her face hidden by her hair. Finn was all thrusting pelvis, his hands holding Rachel's hips to keep her at the right angle. Finn looked up and froze, just as shocked as Kurt was.
Kurt put a finger to his lips, and backed out of the kitchen. Holy fuck! He didn't think that Finn would actually be able to talk Rachel into it. No way! There's no way that Frankenteen was that persuasive. Rachel must have wanted to do this. Never would have guessed that the baby Streisand was that adventurous. Kurt grinned as he walked back to his room. He grabbed his car keys and phone, and left the house through the back door so he wouldn't have to pass the kitchen. He clicked to unlock the car door, slid into the driver's seat, and fastened his seat belt. He sent Puck a text, and started the car.
From Kurt: on my way over get naked