*Hey everyone…Hope this finds you all well. Even though this chapter is setting up something…it won't happen for a while. After Carly has her say in the next chapter I am going to move into some more Jane/Maura getting back together chapters…so look for some fun, love, and sweet interactions I hope. Again, thanks for the reviews filled with insights and questions…I always look forward to hearing what you guys are thinking. Also thanks for reading…it means a lot to know that people enjoy what I write.
Chapter 16
Can't go Back
It had taken some convincing to get Carly to agree to meet at Maura's house, but she finally relented when she saw how tired Jane was. The dark, purplish rings under the brown eyes that usually held a vibrant light had made it an easy decision but a slow simmering anger was still present. Jane had seen the darkening of the light blue that indicated Carly was only placating her request and had no intention of discussing what they had talked about earlier. Her anger for Ryan however was at an all-time high and even though Jane did everything she could to smooth over the turbulent storm brewing behind Carly's eyes, she wasn't sure if she had done enough. She hoped that once they all explained what they needed to know about Paddy, Carly would understand that none of them had a choice.
It was only after promising that she would go home a take a nap that Jane was finally released from Carly's intense stare allowing her to slip away to the solitude of her car. With a heavy sigh she dropped down into the driver's side of her car. She set the brown paper bag that had been shoved into her hands as she left into the passenger's seat next to her. Her aviators hung from the visor and she reached up to grab them to shield her eyes from the glare of the sun. It was a mundane task she had done a million times but for some reason in that moment it took almost all of her energy to accomplish. She adjusted the glasses and glanced at herself in the rearview mirror, shaking her head at the image reflected back at her. Tired and hungry were not a good look on her, they never had been.
The brown paper bag that sat next to her, unobvious in its simplicity piqued her curiosity. She reached over the seat, grabbing it to set in her lap so she could see what it was that Carly had graced her with and as she opened it and peered inside a grin spread across her face. A neatly wrapped bagel with strawberry cream cheese oozing from the sides greeted her. When the smell of the freshly baked treat accompanied by the sweet aroma of berries and cream hit her it caused her stomach to growl, echoing throughout the car. The sound was enhanced by the fact that she was alone and she couldn't stifle the giggle that erupted from the same place the growl came from.
Carefully, Jane shifted the bagel to find a bottle of water nestled alongside and it warmed her heart that even though her cousin was mad at her, she was still looking out for her. But the feeling dissipated almost instantly when she remembered the sad look on Ryan's face as she had left…empty handed. Reaching into the bag, she pulled out the bagel and set it on the dash board above the steering wheel before pulling out the water. With a quick twist she removed the cap and took a long drink. She hadn't realized how thirsty she was until the cool liquid hit her very dry throat soothing it with each swallow. Without looking down, she dropped the bottle into the drink holder between the seats and reached for the bagel. With careful precision, she began the process of unwrapping her lunch with the hopes of keeping the cream cheese from dropping onto her pants. It didn't take much finesse, but she succeeded.
She placed the bagel in her mouth to take a bite and as she did, she realized that she needed to text Ryan to let her know that Carly had agreed to meet at Maura's. Her next move did take some finesse as she bit down on the food to keep it from falling into her lap and reached for the phone that was clipped to the belt on her hip. When her fingers didn't find it right away, she looked down and essentially drove the whipped cream cheese up her nose in the process. It wasn't until she had the phone in her hand that she reached up to wipe away the smeared delicacy from her face with a napkin. With the bagel still clamped between her teeth, she set about texting Ryan before hitting the send button so she could finally eat.
With her last bite, she wadded up the paper and napkins before shoving them back into the bag. With a heavy sigh, she leaned her head back against the head rest and a silent 'thankyou' to Carly. She had a sated feeling that was warming her from the inside out and it made her feel slightly sluggish as she rested her hands on the steering wheel. Unable to stifle the yawn that seemed to come from her toes, she stretched her arms up and over her head as far as she could…which wasn't very far at all. The sudden overwhelming urge to close her eyes set in as she contemplated going home and taking a nap. For some reason the idea of driving all the way home only to have to turn around and head back out to Maura's discouraged her. She was already halfway between her apartment and Maura's house so it seemed like a waste to go back and forth. The contemplating was making her even more tired when it hit her that she knew where Maura kept her key. And with that revelation came the idea that she could just go to Maura's and take a nap while she waited for everyone to get there. Of course she could also just go to her mother's, but she'd rather wake up to find Maura home.
As she sat back and planned her afternoon, her attention was focused on what she would do next…not on the person standing at her window on the verge of knocking on the glass. When the tapping finally broke through her sleep addled brain, she jumped with a start hitting the horn with the palm of her hand. Realizing who was trying to get her attention had her rolling down the window with her best scowl in response.
"Hey Janie…sorry…didn't mean to sneak up on you like that." Giovanni placed his hand on the top of the door jamb so he could lean in to see her better.
"Jesus Gio…you tryin' to give me a heart attack?" She frowned up at him.
"Nah…Carly sent me over to tell you to get your skinny ass in gear…somethin' about a nap…" He smiled down at her. The slight breeze that ruffled his hair caused her to notice that he was growing it out since the last time she had seen him.
"What's with the hippie doo?" She asked as she reached up to touch the light brown hair that almost reached his shoulders.
"Aw…come on…don't touch the hair." He pulled back so she couldn't reach. "It's the style now…"
"Really?" She couldn't suppress a grin at his answer.
"What? Chicks love it…gives 'em somthin' to hang on to when I…you know…" He wiggled his eyebrows.
"You are a dog Gio…" Jane rolled her tired eyes at him.
"Hey…you of all people should understand…" He gave her a wicked grin as he reached out to tug on her long dark hair to emphasize what her was talking about. "See, somethin' to wrap your fingers around…"
"I'm not arguing with your logic…" She said as she jerked her head away from him. "But come on…really?"
"Why'd Carly send me out here to tell you to go get some rest?" He leaned further into her window, a concerned look on his face.
"I didn't get much sleep last night." She huffed like she did when she was little and had been caught doing something she shouldn't be.
"Rumor has it that you're distracted by the new Medical Examiner…" He winked at her knowingly.
"Does everyone know she's back?" Jane couldn't stop herself from pouting.
"Well…yeah…you how it is in this neighborhood." He seemed surprised. "It's pretty big news though…means one of the biggest players is out of the game…"
"Hey…I've never been a player Gio." She frowned again as she thought about her past failed relationships.
"Whatever…" He tapped on the top of the door as he pushed himself away. "I'm just messin' with ya…ya know that right?"
"Most of the time…yeah." She finally smiled at him, this time it was genuine.
"For what it's worth…I'm glad she's back." Gio shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "This mean you get another chance?"
"Something like that." Her smile widened as she thought about the fact that she was indeed getting another chance.
"I hope it works out for ya…" He turned to leave but stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Like I've always said…you guys look hot together…"
"Fuck you Gio…" Jane laughed.
"You shot down that dream years ago Rizzoli…" He quipped back. "And hey…get some rest…you look like shit…and hey…don't be a stranger."
As she watched him saunter off back towards the bakery she couldn't help but laugh again at the banter between the two of them. Over the years they had stayed friends and even though they hadn't seen much of each other recently it was nice to know that things hadn't changed between them. They could still joke and razz each other while keeping their friendship intact.
"Alright…" Jane let out a heavy exhale as she pushed the key into the ignition. "Guess I'd better get some sleep if I expect to be of any help tonight." With those last words, she started the car and headed towards Maura's and the soft couch she knew she would find there.
The late afternoon sun had dipped down leaving Maura's backyard shaded making it all the more difficult for Jane to maneuver. It had taken several minutes for her eyes to adjust to the once bright light that assaulted her in the driveway to the sudden dim light as she slipped past the gate around the back of the house. When she found the clay pot by the backdoor, she fumbled around the edges until she found what she was looking for. She couldn't stop herself from smiling as she tossed the key up and caught it in a light hearted gesture of giddiness. Only after she had opened the door did she slip the key back into its hiding place.
The first thing she noticed was the quiet. It wasn't an unnerving quiet but a calm stillness that resonated deep within her as she looked around taking in the well-appointed den she found herself standing in. As she looked around, her eyes immediately fell upon the brown leather sofa she had found Maura curled up on the night before. With a sigh she headed straight for the sanctuary she knew she would find in the soft leather and the light blanket that lay draped over the back. She sat down and kicked off her boots before sinking back into the depths of comfort that awaited her. With her head resting against a plush throw pillow, she reached over to grab the blanket before draping it over herself. The movement stirred up a light, sweet fragrance causing Jane to inhale deeply in order to identify the newness mixed with faint traces of the past. Gone was the fragrant smell of strawberries only to be replaced with vanilla and the gentle touch of something spicy, something Jane couldn't quiet identify. She had always thought that Maura smelled like sunshine and spring but as she closed her eyes and let the new smells rush over her she realized that she liked this better. It reminded her of the way Maura's lips tasted after a glass of her favorite red wine, aged and more mature. With another deep breath, she relaxed and finally drifted off to sleep.
When Maura opened her front door and stepped into her foyer, she immediately knew she wasn't alone in the house. Her first thought was that maybe Angela was there but as she moved around a strange sensation washed over her. From the moment she met Jane there had always been a bond between them, a sixth sense so to speak. She could always sense the presence of the one who held her heart and as she stood alone in her hallway, she revealed in that familiar tingle because it meant that nothing had changed.
She set her medical bag by the front door where she always kept it just in case she had to leave in a hurry and then moved to the closet to hang her jacket up. For some reason she wasn't in a hurry and for some reason she already knew why.
As she made her way towards the den, she stopped in the doorway and smiled at the sight before her. The quiet stillness that permeated the house surround her and a sleeping Jane causing her to stand still and watch intently. She could feel the draw the moment she saw the splay of dark hair and relaxed features on the figure that lay across her couch and if she were being honest she had felt it as soon as she closed her door and realized she wasn't alone. Only one person had ever affected her that way and her fingers itched to touch the soft skin she knew she would find along that chiseled cheek.
Quietly, she slipped out of her heels and padded across the room on tip toes so as not to cause a disturbance. She wanted to observe the sleeping beauty in an unguarded moment, something few had the privilege of sharing in. Another smile crossed her lips when she saw that Jane had curled herself up under the blanket she had found herself under the night before. For what seemed like an eternity, she watched the rise and fall of Jane's chest. An overwhelming feeling of gratitude washed over her as she thought about how differently things could have ended for Jane where Hoyt was involved. And then a wave of sadness crested as she realized that this…coming home to Jane every night should have been their future together. It was then that she gave in to her need and reached out to run the backs of her fingers along Jane's cheek. The skin beneath hers was as soft as she remembered and she let out a sigh at the memories it evoked.
"Ummmm…hey beautiful…" Jane blinked her eyes open and stretched her legs out. "What time is it?"
"It's after five…" Maura continued to allow her fingers to graze until her thumb moved over Jane's slightly parted lips.
"What are you doing Maur?" Jane reached up grabbing the wandering hand when she realized what Maura was doing.
"Remembering…" Maura leaned in to place a gentle kiss to the corner of Jane's mouth.
"Jesus Maura…" Jane couldn't stop herself from trying to capture the retreating mouth with her own again to deepen the connection. But when Maura continued to pull away, she reached out and slipped her hand around the back of Maura's neck to stop her. "Please…don't…"
Maura stopped and gazed into the soft brown eyes that held a plea for something she wasn't sure she was ready to give. Even though her body wanted nothing more than to take things further, her head was admonishing her for even starting to think she could. With a heavy sigh, she allowed Jane to pull her closer until their foreheads were touching and their lips were only a breath apart. But even then, Jane didn't cross the invisible line that had been drawn. "This is what it could have been like…everyday…coming home to you." The words were barely a whisper as a single tear rolled down Maura's cheek.
"I know sweetheart…" Jane gave a weak smile as her own tears began to threaten. "But we still have a chance…the dream isn't dead yet…it's just changed a little." She tried to reason.
Maura let out a shaky breath as she nodded. "Different can be good…" She tried to smile back.
Jane's weak smile suddenly turned serious as she stared into the hazel-green eyes filled with tears, tears that mirrored her own. "I won't make the same mistakes Maur…I promise. You are all that matters to me…you're all that's ever mattered to me. No one is going to keep me from you…not now…not ever again."
"I believe you…" Maura closed her eyes against the intense look that Jane was giving her. "At least my heart does anyway…"
"It's gonna take some time but we'll make it through this." Jane closed the distance and placed a soft, gentle but quick kiss to Maura's lips. "We have too…I don't think I could survive another fifteen years without you." She tried to laugh but ended up clearing her throat instead. They were quiet for a moment before Jane spoke again. "You know; I remember things too…"
"Yeah?" Maura shivered as Jane's fingers moved over the back of her neck and in to her hair.
"I remember you reading to me…when I was in the hospital…before I woke up." Jane couldn't stop the sheepish grin from spreading across her lips. "You read 'Jane Eyre' to me."
The only thing Maura could do was nod in response because her words wouldn't come. The memory of those nights, alone in the hospital room with Jane haunted her but at the same time she held them close because she thought it would be the last time she would ever see Jane. As fate would have it wasn't and she was grateful for that.
"You never finished…so when I got back home…I went out and bought the book so I could finish it." Jane wrapped her other arm around Maura's back so she could pull her close in a hug. "I can see why it's your favorite."
"How did you know it was me?" Maura sank into the comfort and security of the warm embrace she never thought she'd feel again.
"Well…actually I didn't…at least not until last night. I just remember hearing the words and then when I woke up…I had the sudden urge to read it." Jane gave a gentle shrug of her shoulders. Pushing Maura back just enough so they could look at each other, she smiled. "See…sometimes I can be quite a good detective…" She laughed and the levity of the statement caused Maura to laugh too.
The laughter was replaced by silence, a comfortable silence that had always been easy between them. When Maura moved back into Jane's arms, they both sighed gratefully at the contact and the need that still seemed to exist between them. As the seconds turned to minutes, Maura laid her head against Jane's strong shoulder and knew that just as Jane Eyre had found her home in Mr. Rochester, she had found hers in Jane.
"So, let's talk…" Maura handed Jane a beer as she sat down on the couch.
"When did you have time to buy me beer?" Jane inquired as she watched Maura make herself comfortable on the couch next to her. She couldn't help but smile at casual way that Maura had leaned back and brought her legs up, tucking one leg under herself and bending the other so she could rest her arm on her knee.
"I asked Angela to pick some up for me today…seeing as you are not the biggest fan of wine." Maura held her glass up to indicate what she was talking about before resting her arm back on the faded blue jeans she had changed into.
"Thanks…I do like the wine though." Jane couldn't hide the smile as she thought about the way it tasted on Maura's lips. "I like this look you've got going for ya…" She reached out to run her finger along the soft, worn-out denim.
"Yeah?" Maura tilted her head as she watched Jane run her fingers along her leg before stopping at her knee where her hand was resting. "I like it too…"
"Don't get me wrong…you always look…well…incredible but there's just something about this casual look that…" Jane paused and shivered slightly.
"I know…me too." Maura understood what Jane hadn't said.
"I've really missed you Maur…" Jane sighed as she let her fingers graze Maura's before tipping her beer bottle back to take a sip. When Maura didn't pull her hand away from Jane's touch it gave Jane the confidence she had been lacking recently. "A lot may have changed over the years, but one thing hasn't…you are still incredibly sexy."
"Well, as much as I would love to sit here and listen to you sweet talk me…I think we need to talk about Carly and Ryan." Maura gave a small smile to indicate that the subject wasn't closed, just postponed.
"I suppose so…" Jane took another sip of her beer. The tension that had been building between her and Maura over the last few weeks was causing a strain that both of them could feel. "I haven't told you about my meeting with Ryan yet so I guess I should start there."
"Yes…that would be a good place to begin." Maura studied Jane's features, watching as her expression turned from contemplative to serious.
"Ryan thought I was on the take…" Jane started to say but was interrupted when Maura stiffened and interjected.
"What? That's absurd…" The sudden outburst of anger was uncharacteristic for Maura who was usually very much in control of her emotions.
"Thanks…I appreciate that." Jane reached out to run the backs of her fingers along Maura's cheek before pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "And that is what I told Ryan…but it seems that Paddy has been under surveillance and my impromptu meeting with him recently put me in the limelight."
"Oh Jane…I'm sorry." Maura leaned into Jane's touch but she couldn't hide the sudden worry that flickered in her eyes.
"I had to tell her Maura…everything…about Paddy, you…and me." Jane gave a slight shrug as she moved her hand away from Maura's face before bringing it to rest on her own knee. Her fingers still tingled from the warmth of the skin she had just touched.
"I understand…but why is Paddy under surveillance?" Maura asked even though she already knew the answer. There was only one reason the District Attorney's office would be watching someone.
"They are trying to build a case against him…trying to get him off the streets…" Jane sighed as she turned her attention to the label on the beer bottle that she was in the process of peeling off. "Trying to keep him from hurting anyone else…ya know."
"I do…" Maura nodded as she took a sip of her wine in an attempt to give herself a moment to think of what she wanted to say. As she studied Jane, who wouldn't look at her, it occurred to her what she hadn't said yet. "They want you to help?"
The question should have taken her by surprise but Jane knew that it wouldn't take long for Maura to put two and two together. Without looking up, she gave a nod as she continued to focus on her beer bottle and the label that was now stuck to her fingers.
"I'm not surprised…" Maura let out a heavy sigh. "It seems logical that they would. I understand why Ryan is involved but what does this have to with Carly?"
Finally, Jane looked up, an apologetic smile on her face. "I guess I'm not the first Rizzoli to get involved with Paddy…"
"What are you saying Jane?" Maura wasn't sure she wanted to know.
"Carly and Paddy have a history…" Jane stuck the label back on her bottle and smoothed it down before continuing. "I don't know what it is yet though…all I know is that it runs deep Maura. Deep enough that he may have been involved in trying to hurt Ryan."
Maura looked away as she processed what Jane had told her. She bit down on her lip and furrowed her brow as the implications of what Jane was saying sank in. A wave of nausea rolled through her stomach at the thought that she shared the same DNA with someone who could hurt another person. And that person wasn't just another someone but he was her father.
The deep look of concentration on Maura's face gave her thoughts away causing Jane to reach out and touch the cheek that was now wet with tears. "I know what you're thinking…and like I told you before…you're nothing like him."
"We can't deny our biological make-up Jane." Maura closed her eyes as her tears continued to fall.
"Fuck biology Maura…what matters is this…" Jane moved her hand down to cover the place where Maura's heart lay. "You are nothing like him."
Reaching up to place her hand over Jane's, Maura gave a gentle squeeze and opened her eyes. "Thank you my sweet Jane."
"Look…I know this is asking a lot from you…but we need to tell Carly everything. I think she may be able to help us figure out how to take him down…for good." Jane moved close enough to Maura, breaking their contact but only long enough for her to wrap her arm around Maura's shoulder.
"I just hate that we have to do it…" Maura snuggled against the warmth and comfort that Jane was offering.
"Yeah…well…" Jane started to say before Maura's words registered in her brain. "What we are you referring too?"
"You don't think I'm going to let you go up against a known mob boss…who happens to be my biological father alone…do you?" Maura pulled back so she could give Jane a stern look.
"Oh, hell no…that is not going to happen." Jane's voice raised an octave as the implications of what Maura was suggesting sank in. "You will not now or ever have anything to do with that man."
The conviction in Jane's voice was strong enough to give Maura pause but only briefly. The reprieve gave her enough time to come up with another approach, one she knew would be fool proof and would broker no arguments from Jane. With a heavy sigh, she sank back into Jane's arms as she plotted her next move.
"I can smell the smoke Maur. What are you planning in that big brain of yours?" Jane looked down at the smaller body that was nestled against her own. When Maura didn't answer, Jane let out a heavy breath. "I'm not going to like it, am I?" She sighed as she rested her chin on the top of Maura's head.
"No…probably not." Maura knew that if she pleaded her case to Ryan, she would get what she wanted. There was no way to go back and change the past but she could certainly help today. The most logical way to get to Paddy would be to use someone close to him…and who could be closer than his own daughter. No, Jane wasn't going to like this, but if it got Paddy off the streets and behind bars where he belonged than Maura would do her part. She just hoped that she wouldn't come to regret the part she played especially if it got Jane hurt. When she heard the light knock on the front door, she knew what she had to do and she said a silent prayer it was the right thing for both her and Jane.