*Had a little trouble with this one…Carly was kinda being tight lipped as I wrote, but hopefully this answers some questions and maybe brings up a few unanswered ones as well. I hope everyone has a great weekend…Thanks again for reading and reviewing.

Take me Home

Chapter 17

"If you think I'm gonna let Maura get anywhere near that man…than you're crazy…" Jane glared at Ryan across the dining room table.

"It's not a bad idea Jane…not really." Ryan tried to reason, looking down at her hands as she fidgeted with her glass of wine.

"Not a bad idea…are you fucking kidding me?" Jane's temper was about to over flow.

"I'm right here Jane…" Maura reached over to touch Jane on the arm to get her attention. "I think I can be of some assistance in this situation, so why wouldn't I try?"

"Because I won't stand for it." Jane clenched her jaw as she tried to grapple with the idea that had been presented to Ryan. "There is no way you are going to have anything to do with him…"

"He's my father…" Maura hesitated. "My biological father…it wouldn't seem strange for me to want to know something about him." She tightened her grip on Jane's arm to command her attention. "I could get close to him…"

"There is no fucking way we are using you for bait…" Jane ground out through gritted teeth. "No matter what either of you say…it isn't going to happen."

"So, you're making decisions for me already…again?" Maura tried to sound calm when she was anything but. "I am a grown woman…I can decide for myself what I will or will not do."

Jane ducked her head at the tone of Maura's voice. She recognized the barely contained anger for what it was and she suddenly felt overwhelmed. "But Maura…" There were a thousand reasons why she should fight this but only one reason not to. She watched Maura's mouth set in a grim line as the stubborn streak Jane knew so well was beginning to show and all the while Ryan sat silent. "Look, I'm sorry…I just don't want to see you get hurt." It was a valid objection but one she knew would not be accepted.

"But it's okay for you to take that chance?" Maura leveled her gaze at Jane, even and temperate.

"I'm a trained police officer…I know how to protect myself." Jane shrugged her shoulders as she felt her argument fading in the fiery hazel and green that flashed at her daring her to continue the dispute.

"Look, it may not even come to that…" Ryan interrupted causing both Jane and Maura to look at her as if they had just noticed her for the first time. "We have someone on the inside…that is all I can tell you but Maura's right…if it comes to it…she is our best option."

"So what do we need Carly for?" Jane chose to ignore Ryan's last comment. She wasn't ready to relent yet.

"Well, she knows things…things that no one else knows. Her dealings with Paddy are deep and intricate…the insight could be invaluable if we have to turn to Maura that is…" The words trailed off as Ryan hesitated to finish her sentence.

"I can't believe you're going with this idea." Jane shook her head as she pushed herself up from the table. "I know what kind of man Paddy is…he's ruined that last fifteen years of my life…I won't let him ruin the next." There was a desperation to Jane's voice that had both Ryan and Maura looking away in contemplative silence. "But mark my words…this is on you Ryan if anything goes wrong."

"Jane please…" Maura called to her retreating back as she headed towards the kitchen.

"Like I said…it may not come to this. But if it does…" Ryan stopped and let out a heavy breath. "I just think Jane needs to hear what Carly went through…she's a good cop but sometimes she forgets she isn't bullet proof."

"We both know all too well how true that statement is." Maura's expression turned sad as she looked back at Ryan. "But I'll do my part…if it keeps her safe from Paddy…and herself."

"Let's just get through this evening…I don't want you to worry about it. It will take weeks to process what we already know…and what we don't." Ryan ran her fingers along the crooked wood grain embedded in the table. "I'm just glad you and Jane have been able to get past everything."

"I'm not so sure…" Maura shook her head as Jane appeared in the doorway with a beer in her hand and her heart lightened at the lopsided grin that was being offered as a symbol of peace.

"I'm sorry Maur…it's just the thought of something happening to you makes me crazy." Jane nervously twisted the bottle between her fingers. "But you're right…there will be a time when your path will cross with Paddy's and I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it. Maybe having me and Ryan in the wings would be a good idea."

"I'm glad you see it that way Jane." Maura gave a grateful smile. "But like Ryan said…maybe it won't come to that."

"Nah…I'm afraid he's gonna want to meet you eventually. I think it's inevitable." Jane looked down at her feet as the realization that she couldn't stop it hit her hard.

"What if it's not what I want?" Maura tried to sound defiant.

"That's just it Maura…when it comes to Paddy you don't get a choice." Ryan let out heavy sigh as she gave Jane an apologetic smile.

"I know…that's what I'm afraid of." Jane said as she pushed herself away from the doorframe she had been leaning against for support. It was about the only thing holding her up at the moment so when the knock came from the front door it took everything she had to move on shaky legs across the room to answer it.

"That'll be Carly…" Ryan said without looking up at Jane as she walked by.

"She still isn't talking to you?" Maura asked causing Ryan to shake her head in answer.

As Jane made her way towards the front door, she couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of guilt at having been the cause of all of this strife. She stopped to take a deep breath before opening the door to find a very somber Carly on the other side.

"Hey…" Carly said as she pushed past Jane rather abruptly. "Let's get this over with…"

"Carly, wait…" Jane called to her to get her to stop. "This isn't Ryan fault…I mean not really." She shifted her weight nervously from one foot to the other when Carly stopped to look at her. "Come on…we'll explain everything."

Carly watched as Jane walked past her, waving her along as she went. Her stomach had been in knots all day over what had transpired earlier and her anger towards Ryan was based mostly out of fear. She had hoped to never have to talk about her dealings with Paddy Doyle ever again but it seemed as if she needed to open old wounds one more time and she wasn't entirely sure why or if she could.

Looking up at the approaching figures, Maura watched as Jane and Carly moved towards the kitchen without saying a word to either her or Ryan or each other for that matter. She noticed Ryan's stiff posture slacken in defeat when the two women passed through the dining room without acknowledging their presence and it broke her heart. "Everything will be alright Ryan…" She tried to reassure but her words didn't even sound genuine to her own ears.

"I just hate to have to open old wounds…it's taken so long for us to heal." Ryan pushed her hair away from her face. "I'm thinking of getting it cut short again…" She said nonchalantly as she changed the subject.

"Yeah? I think it would look good…" Marua tried to smile but even that seemed hollow. It wasn't until Carly and Jane came back each with drinks in their hands that Maura realized the extent of Carly's anger. Instead of sitting next to Ryan, she pulled out a chair on the other side of the table and sat without saying a word.

"Alright…" Jane set her beer bottle down on the table with a loud thump. "Enough of this shit…" She glared over at Carly. "You need to get over this…we need your help and I'm gonna tell you why. In fact, I'm gonna tell you everything…" She glanced over at Maura for her silent support which she got in the form of a soft smile and gentle nod.

Carly looked over at Jane before shifting her eyes to meet Ryan's. The pain and sadness she saw reflected back at her almost took her breath away causing her to look away. All of a sudden she was feeling guilty for having not heard either Jane or Ryan out earlier.

"I asked you to come here to Maura's because this involves her too." Jane pulled her chair out and sat down with a huff.

"What could Maura possibly have to do with Paddy Doyle?" Carly wasn't sure she was ready to hear what Jane was about to tell her.

"Well…that's a long story…so I guess I'd better start at the beginning…" Jane ran her fingers through her hair pushing it over her shoulders. It was going to be a long evening for them all and she took a long drink of her beer before starting at the beginning.

"Wow…that isn't what I was expecting to hear." Carly looked from Jane to Maura and then finally to Ryan. "Your father, huh?" Silence descended upon them as what Jane had told her sank in. Maura's only response was to nod her head. When her eyes fell upon Ryan's her expression softened. "He mentioned he had a daughter once…but he never elaborated and I never asked him to."

"He is the reason I gave up being with Maura…" Jane looked down at the table as she began to rub her scars.

"Yes…well…he does have a way of being persuasive." Carly watched as Jane fidgeted. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. Maybe if I had talked to you before…none of this would have happened."

"That's a load of crap Carly…how could have known I'd go to him?" Jane looked at Carly and noted the darkening behind the light blue that gazed back at her.

"I noticed…" Carly hesitated before continuing. "I wasn't sure what it was…but I noticed."

"Still…you didn't know he was Maura's father and that he would use it against me." Jane just shrugged as if that would put the argument to rest.

"I know that he'll take away what you love the most." Carly looked over at Ryan, a silent plea for forgiveness in her eyes.

"You know we could never prove it Carly." Ryan sighed as she pushed her hair away from her face again.

"He told me what he was going to do Ryan…and I didn't do anything to stop him." Carly's voice was low and filled with emotion. "It's my fault you ended up in that ditch with a broken leg…left for dead."

"It's no more your fault that that happened than its Jane's fault that her father did what he did." Maura leveled her gaze at the two Rizzoli women who had matching remorseful expressions.

"Still…I should have tried to stop him." Carly looked away.

"And then maybe you'd have ended up in that ditch…dead." Jane mumbled. "I know what kind of man he is…I just didn't know it then."

"So…what do you want from me?" Carly placed her hands on the table and spread her fingers out as she tried to take a deep breath to quell the anxiety that pumped through her veins.

"Will you please tell Maura and I about your time with him. It might help us get the upper hand…" Jane started to say but was interrupted when Carly let out an impatient huff.

"There is no such thing as getting the upper hand with that man." Carly's expression hardened as she remembered her time with him. "But I'll tell you what I can. One thing you need to understand though…no matter who you are or how close you think you are to him…he is ruthless when he wants something, especially if he thinks you're standing in his way."

"I think we all know that…except for maybe Maura." Jane tilted her head as an idea came to her. "She's doing her best to convince Ryan to let her help…but I think it's a mistake."

Carly silently regarded Maura for a moment as she thought about what Jane was saying and what it would mean. "It won't matter to him that you're his daughter…the fact that his blood runs through your veins won't mean a thing Maura. His own father…your grandfather, threatened to have you killed if he ever found out who you were."

The words caused Maura to furrow her brow as she thought about what Carly was saying. "Did he ever say anything about my biological mother?"

The question had Carly taking a deep breath. With a heavy heart she realized that she would have to tell Maura the truth. "I'm sorry Maura, but I heard him say that she died in child birth…but I don't think he believed that."

"Are you saying that she was murdered?" Maura's voice raised an octave as the implications of Carly's words hit her hard.

"I can't say either way…he never talked about it, just that one time and even then I just overheard it." Carly's expression turned sad. "I'm sorry Maura."

Swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, Maura gave a slight nod. She wasn't sure what she was feeling at the moment but she certainly hadn't expected to find out that her mother had died all of those years ago.

"Look, I'll do what I can to help…" Carly stood up abruptly. She picked up her beer and walked over to Ryan. Bending down, she placed a light kiss at the corner of the mouth that was turned down in a small frown. "I don't like it…but I understand why you're doing this." The words were whispered into Ryan's ear. "I'm gonna get some air…" She said as she ran her fingers through the blonde hair that was sticking out in all directions in an attempt to smooth it down. It was her way of letting Ryan know they were okay. Three sets of eyes watched as Carly headed towards the back porch without another word.

"She gonna be alright?" Jane asked when the back door closed leaving them alone.

"I think so." Ryan gave a half smile as she ran her fingers through her hair where Carly had just touched.

"Yeah…well, I'm gonna go out and make sure." Jane jumped up. She looked over at Maura who had a pensive look on her face and tried to smile in an encouraging way but she had the feeling that Maura wasn't really seeing her.

"I think I'm going to have another glass of wine…" Ryan glanced over her shoulder as she watched Jane leave as well. She wasn't sure what she could say to Maura so she decided to give her some time alone to process what Carly had told her so she headed towards the kitchen to get open another bottle of wine.

"So…" Jane leaned against a patio chair next to where Carly was sitting. "Wanna talk about it?" She asked before taking a seat.

"Not particularly…" Carly shrugged her shoulders as she pulled at the label on her beer bottle.

"You know I do the same thing…" Jane said holding her hand up to show the label that was stuck to her fingers.

"Yeah?" Carly said, not really looking at Jane.

"Come on…talk to me." Jane pushed.

"I just really hate that I had to be the one to tell Maura about her biological mother…" Carly continued to pull on the paper label, peeling it away from the slick bottle. "I never in a thousand years would have predicted this…"

"Me neither…" Jane reached over to take away the bottle that was monopolizing Carly's attention. "Look at me…tell me what happened between you and Paddy…" She urged.

Crossing her arms, Carly finally turned her attention back to Jane. "I can't do that now Jane…" She let out a tired sigh. "I'm sorry…"

"Look I get it. But if it comes to it…will you tell me what I need to know to keep Maura safe." Jane asked as she set both of their beers down on the patio table.

For what seemed like an eternity, Carly didn't say anything or move. They sat in silence for so long that the motion sensor light on Maura's porch turned off leaving them awash in shadows and slivers of light that escaped through the slates on Maura's blinds. When Carly finally did speak, her voice was quiet and even, causing Jane to almost miss the first words.

"Yes…but when it comes to Paddy Doyle there are no guarantees…as you already know." Carly had a sad look on her face. "I thought I'd never have to think about that man again for the rest of my life. I should have known my past would come back to haunt me."

"Help me understand…" Jane leaned further back in her chair in an effort to give Carly some space to think. When Carly didn't answer right away Jane couldn't stop the next words from escaping her mouth. "You didn't kill anybody did you?" It wasn't meant to be a serious question but the continued silence caused her stomach to roil with nausea. "Jesus Carly…please tell me you didn't…"

"No…but I would have it he'd asked me too…" Carly reached up to rub her suddenly tired eyes. "I was in deep Jane…really, really deep."

"Why?" The question came out before Jane could think of anything else to say.

"Why?" Carly seemed surprised by the inquiry. She furrowed her brow as she tried to come up with a reason but when nothing came to mind she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Bullshit…" Jane scoffed harshly in an attempt to push Carly into answering.

"Because I didn't care…" Carly looked away from the dark eye's that were gazing at her intently filled with concern and the barest hint of anger. "Live or die Jane…I just didn't care."

"What are you talking about?" The anger that had been lingering around the edges came full force as Jane leaned forward.

"Look…I didn't have a supportive family when I started to question myself. I didn't understand…there was no one to turn to…but for some reason Paddy took a liking to me. We never talked about it, but he knew I liked girls. It was like he accepted me in a way I never thought my family could."

"Yeah…well you never gave anyone the chance too." Jane frowned as the truth of Carly's words rang in her ears.

"Are you telling me that my parents would have accepted their fifteen-year-old lesbian daughter with open arms. Hell at the first sign of trouble…they shipped my ass off to Paris to live with Aunt Sophie…but that shit backfired on them…didn't it." Carly gave a self-depreciative laugh.

"But they love Ryan…" Jane tried to reason.

"Now…they love her now. But we both know it wouldn't have been that way back then." Carly looked down at her hands wishing she was still holding her beer bottle. "Look…I'm not trying to paint a picture of dear old Paddy as a mentor or father figure…but there was a time when I would have done anything he asked of me. I'm not proud of that Jane."

Jane clenched her jaw a few times as she tried to contain her anger and the biting words that were on the tip of her tongue but she knew Carly was right. Deep down she knew that it wouldn't have gone over well and the truth pained her.

"How did it happen Carly? How did you get in over your head?" Jane couldn't help but ask. She had always thought of Carly as a strong person, someone who wasn't easily influenced.

"I don't know…how did it happen to you?" The question was point blank and it caused Jane to blink a few times before she could formulate an answer.

"I trusted him…" Jane said with a sigh.

"So did I…but the difference between our situations is that he trusted me in return…" The admission was a painful one but one that Carly had to make in order to move on. "I could've had it all Jane…if I'd wanted it."

"But you do…you have it all right now with Ryan and the bakery…don't you see?" Jane shook her head as she thought about what could have happened to her cousin.

"Your absolutely right…" Carly said with sudden vigor. "And here I am sitting outside while my everything is in there thinking I'm mad at her."

"You guys gonna be okay?" Jane asked timidly.

"Yeah…I've got some groveling to do. I won't pretend that it doesn't bother me that the D.A.'s office is putting Ryan in the middle of this but it's her job and I have to find some way to support her…" Carly hesitated as she glanced over at Jane. "And you…"

"I appreciate that…but hey…like Ryan said, maybe it won't come to that. Maybe we can all just move past this and Maura will never have to know what kind of man Paddy is." Jane said hopefully.

"Hold on to that ideal…" Carly gave Jane a pat on the back before picking up the two now empty beer bottles. "Please tell me you've got more of these…"

"In the fridge…grab me one too…would ya…" Jane said over her shoulder as Carly slipped back into the house through the sliding glass doors leaving her alone to think about their conversation.

Carly slipped into the kitchen by way of the sliding doors, bypassing the dining room where Ryan and Maura sat quietly in conversation. She moved over to the sink in order to rinse out the bottles for recycling and stood quietly contemplating what her and Jane had talked about. Her eyes wandered over to the darkened cottage that Angela now occupied and she said a silent prayer that her Aunt wasn't home at the moment. If she were home, they probably wouldn't have been able to speak as candidly as they had outside. As she stood in the silence with her attention on what lay outside the window she was facing, she realized the minute Ryan had entered.

"Please don't be mad at me anymore…" Ryan placed her hands on the broad shoulders in front of her before resting her forehead between Carly's shoulder blades.

"I'm not mad at you…just the situation." Carly let out a heavy sigh when she felt Ryan's touch. "I hate that it has to involve Jane and Maura…and especially you."

"I know you do Love…but it's my job. It's what I signed up for…putting the bad guys away where they can't hurt people anymore." Ryan's hands wandered down Carly's arms before coming to rest on top of strong hands. Threading their fingers together, she wrapped her arms around a trim waist and pressed herself further against Carly's slightly rigid body.

"He destroys everything he touches Ryan…I should know; I still carry the emotional scars to prove it." The words were exhaled on a shaky breath as Carly gave the hands in hers a gentle squeeze.

"And I have the physical ones…" Ryan indicated the scars on her leg without having to say it.

"We're a pair aren't we?" Carly spun around in the circle of Ryan's arms and rested her chin on top of the blonde head that was now burrowed against her neck. When she felt the nod, she let out another long sign. "I'm sorry that I shut you out earlier…it's just that when I realized what you were going to do…it tore open those wounds I thought had healed. I should have known we couldn't get away from him. I'll do what you need me to do…but I just can't bring myself to talk about it with Jane and Maura, not right now."

"Things have changed…the stakes are higher now that we know he's Maura's biological father." Ryan's voice was slightly muffled causing Carly to pull back so she could look down at her.

"Don't you think I know that? The stakes have always been too high for me…I'm not willing to sacrifice you or anyone I love to get him off of the streets. You know that, don't you?" There was an unspoken plea in the light blue eyes that darkened slightly.

"I do…and I won't ask you to." Ryan watched the blue of Carly's eyes darken slightly with the fear of what she might be asked to do. "I'm doing all that I can to keep everyone off the radar…especially Jane. I didn't tell you that they thought she was on the take…"

"Bullshit…" The anger that laced Carly's voice had Ryan cringing. "She'd never do that…"

"I know…but I had to bring her in on it before IA got involved. That's why I had to involve her Carly…I didn't want to…I didn't have a choice." The sadness in Ryan's voice permeated her words.

"I get it…I'm just sorry it came to this. That man has ruined more lives than I can count…" Carly pulled Ryan close to her again, hugging her tight.

"Well for what it's worth…he didn't ruin our lives. He may have tried, but we made it Carly…despite his best efforts." Ryan let out a sigh as she reveled in the comfort and safety of the strong arms that surrounded her.

"And what about Jane and Marua…?" Carly asked.

"I think they'll be okay…" Ryan answered.

"Do you really?" There was the barest hint of doubt in the question Carly posed.

"I do…" Ryan looked up at the pensive expression on Carly's face. She could see that Carly was struggling to believe. "I really do Love…I think we're all gonna be okay…I have to…it's all I've got to hold on to right now."

"Ryan…?" Carly let out a tired sigh.

"Yeah?"

"Take me home?"

"Absolutely…" Ryan said as she smiled up at the crooked grin looking back at her.

As Jane sat, surrounded by the stillness and silence she was learning to take comfort in, the motion sensor light turned off again leaving her in the dark. A shiver ran through her as a gentle breeze blew past, kicking up the dry leaves that littered Maura's backyard. She still didn't know much about Carly and Paddy's history but she had a better understanding as to why her cousin was reluctant to talk about it. It would eventually come to light, of that she was sure. She just hoped that she would be able to handle Carly's truth even though it was the truth she feared the most.

Her contemplative silence was interrupted when the sound of the sliding door carried to her and the light came on indicating that she was no longer alone. At first she thought it was Carly returning with her beer but when she felt strong arms wrap around her neck from behind in a hug she let out a contented sigh.

"Hey…" Maura wrapped her arms around Jane and whispered in her ear.

"Hey yourself…" Jane reached up to pat the arms that had her surrounded in a protective hold.

"You alright out here?" Maura inquired as she moved around to look at Jane.

"I think I should be asking you that…" Jane grabbed Maura by the waist when she moved around in front of her, pulling her down into her lap.

"I'm okay…" Maura allowed herself to be pulled down into Jane's lap. The move gave her the liberty to snuggle her head against Jane's shoulder. "A little shocked maybe…but okay…"

"I'm sorry…I wish it didn't have to be this way." Jane rested her chin on the top of Maura's head.

"It's not your fault Jane…it's not Carly's either. None of this is any of our faults." Maura sighed as she sank deeper into Jane's protective arms.

"I just wish you hadn't had to find out about your biological mother the way you did." Jane frowned as she held Maura tighter.

Maura could feel Jane frown as she spoke and it caused her to pull back so she could see Jane's face. The dark brown eyes looked down at her with a sadness that Maura could feel deep inside, were filled with unshed tears for Maura's loss.

"It's hard for me to mourn someone I never knew…but still…" Maura's voice trailed off as she struggled to find the words.

"You know I won't let anything happen to you…" Jane's voice held an urgency that bordered on fear.

"I know that you'll do your best to protect me Jane…and don't think I wouldn't do the same for you." Maura reached up to push a strand of hair away from Jane's face, tucking it behind an ear. "The good thing is that we don't have to face any of this alone…never again…promise me that."

"I do Maur…no more going it alone." Jane turned her cheek into Maura's touch. "Is everything okay in there?" She tipped her chin towards the house.

"I think so…they went home." Maura sighed. "Ryan told me to tell you she'd call you in a few days."

"M'kay…" Jane leaned her head back and closed her eyes. The feeling of holding Maura in her arms caused her heart to beat faster and it made her feel light headed.

"Jane…?" Maura placed a palm on either side of Jane's face forcing her to look at her.

Jane blinked a few times before her eyes could focus on Maura's soft smile, a smile that brightened everything around her. "Yeah?"

"Will you stay with me tonight?" The soft smile turned shy as Maura diverted her eyes, afraid the answer would be no.

"Absolutely…" Jane pulled Maura closer and tightened her hold. She knew that it didn't matter how their evening ended…just as long as they ended it in each other's arms. It was the only absolute truth that Jane knew and one she decided she would hold onto tightly, almost as tightly as she was holding Maura.