Reiner woke up, cold and alone. He sat up in the small bed he found himself in, and looked around. The room was dark, lit by a single torch at the door. With no windows or natural light to speak of, he wondered whether it was night or day. He had no sense of time, or how long he had been unconscious.
Scanning the room, he assessed his surroundings. The small bed he was sitting in was up against a wall, and seemed similar to those the cadets slept on. A small writing table and chair were nearby. That was it. He was reminded of the simple furnishings of the Warriors' barracks back home. No... not my home anymore...What have I done?
Reiner slowly took stock of himself. His body no longer hurt like it had before, and his arm had fully healed. He pressed his hands to his face, and confirmed that his markings had vanished. It must have been at least a few hours he was out. He didn't know beyond that.
Bertholdt. What happened to Bertholdt?
He went over the events on the wall in his mind, and began to panic as he realized he had no clue what was going on, or what had transpired while he was unconscious. He had no idea where he was, or what was going to happen next. He had basically surrendered himself to the people of these walls. He was one of their most feared enemies. What were they going to do with him? He cupped his face in his hands, his fingers running through his hairline.
The door to his room opened, interrupting the panic he felt building within him.
"You're finally up. I'm glad you got your beauty sleep."
Reiner was not sure who he expected it to be, but he was surprised to see Ymir. He removed his hands from his face and looked at her. Her body had also fully recovered from its injuries. She stood there in the doorway, standing on her own two legs as if one had not just been torn off by titans.
"Ymir..." He didn't know what else to say.
"Yep.. That's my name... or something." her voice oozed sarcasm. Ymir crossed the small room and pulled out the chair by the writing desk beside the bed, and sat down. She pulled her knees up to her chest and exhaled audibly. "Looks like the cat's out of the bag for both of us, eh?"
Reiner just looked at Ymir. He had never really considered this girl a friend. She had always seemed abrasive toward him, so he tended to avoid her. Now though, she didn't seem antagonistic in any way. She seemed oddly relaxed and comfortable.
"I can only speak for myself," she started, looking up at the ceiling - at nothing in particular. "But I am glad I don't have to keep carrying that secret any longer."
"What are you doing here, Ymir?"
"In these walls? Or do you mean here, right now?" She paused. "Well at the moment, I want to thank you... for saving Krista."
"Historia," he corrected.
"Right, right. It will take me some time to get used to calling her by that name." Ymir smiled to herself then. "Historia...It's about time."
"You knew, I assume?" Reiner asked.
"Yes and no," Ymir replied. "She never actually told me, but I knew... from other sources. Did you know?"
"Not until Utgarde. She told me... just before the titans appeared and everything got crazy."
"She told you huh? That I didn't expect." Ymir looked genuinely surprised. "If I were the type, I'd probably be jealous." Reiner wasn't looking at her, but he could feel Ymir's eyes on him. "What happened between you two at Utgarde?"
Reiner met her gaze then. She appeared to be... grinning? Was she teasing him? He was shocked that she even asked, and couldn't decide how to respond.
Ymir didn't wait to hear what he had to say. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. She cares about you enough to tell you her name. You care about her enough to want to protect her. That's good enough for me."
Reiner wanted to laugh. She might have cared about him before, but now he wasn't holding his breath. He wished he had told her everything back at Utgarde. What would he have said though? 'I'm the Armored Titan. Bertholdt is the Colossal. We are the ones who attacked Wall Maria five years ago'? She would probably have thought he was losing his mind. Maybe he was.
"Have you seen her? Is she okay?" Reiner thought she was. He hoped she was.
"I wouldn't be in here thanking you if that weren't the case," Ymir said simply. "She was in my room when I woke up, passed out at the foot of my bed, like a cat." She smirked, clearly imagining the sight. "It was pretty adorable."
"I'm glad," Reiner sighed, relieved. He wanted to ask about her... where she was now and what she was doing. He couldn't bring himself to. What right did he have to ask after her?
"We didn't talk for long before I sent her off to go get some rest in her own room. She checked on you for a minute before heading upstairs."
Ymir was perceptive. Reiner's concern for Historia must have been obvious. He was genuinely surprised that she had visited him though. "Did... did she say anything to you?"
"About you? Maybeee." She snickered quietly and looked at Reiner then. At the moment their eyes met, she must have understood that he was not in the mood for banter or games. "Okay, yeah. A little. But I honestly haven't gotten to talk to her too much. She was basically a zombie by the time I regained consciousness."
A long silence passed between them while Reiner considered Ymir's words. Historia cared for him enough to have checked on him. That was something.
Ymir stood up from the chair and stretched. "Well I'm going back to my room. You don't seem to be in the mood for conversation, so... I'm right next door to you... I think we're allowed to move around to some extent... but I wouldn't be surprised if the guards have orders to kill us if we try going up to the surface."
"Ymir," Reiner called out, before she had walked out the door. "Do you know what happened to Eren and Bertholdt?"
"No idea. Almost everyone went after them... but they haven't returned. It's been a few hours since they left, and eight since the incident on the wall, if I had to guess."
Another silence passed between them as she stood in the doorway, preparing to leave. "See you around, Reiner," Ymir turned to leave the room.
"Thanks, Ymir."
With Ymir gone, Reiner was able to sit and think about what he had learned. He leaned back on the bed and let his mind wander while he stared at the ceiling of the dark room he had found himself in. His thoughts coalesced around two things: Bertholdt and Historia.
He hoped Bertholdt was still okay, that he was safe. He also had to hope that his friend would fail in taking Eren. If Marley got ahold of the coordinate, there would be nothing he could do to keep anyone here safe.
Reiner's thoughts of Historia were just as confused. He knew he cared about her, and he desperately hoped that she still cared about him in return. That wouldn't make sense though. Now that she knew the truth, what could she possibly see in him, aside from the horror he had brought to the people of these walls?
These were the thoughts that dominated Reiner's mind as he lay there. He descended deeper and deeper into despair as the hours and minutes passed.
After some indeterminable amount of time, Reiner was suddenly overcome with a strange sensation. Something was happening. He didn't know what, where, or who was involved... but in those moments a feeling of connectedness seemed to consume him. He had never felt anything like it. Of all of the unfamiliar feelings he had experienced since he gained the ability to turn into a titan, this was unlike anything else. It was over in a matter of seconds.
He had just begun to recover from the jarring experience when the door to his room slammed open. He sat up in bed and saw Ymir once again, a wild expression in her eyes.
"What the hell was that?"
"You felt it too?" Reiner asked and paused. "That must have been the coordinate. I can think of nothing else it could have been... I've never felt anything like that."
"The what?" Ymir asked in a voice that was almost pleading. She really had no idea.
"It means that Eren really was the one Bertholdt, Annie, and I were trying to find when we came here – the coordinate."
"You mean you didn't already know that?" Ymir was incredulous. She took the same seat at the table that she had taken during her previous visit. "I thought that was why Bertholdt took him to begin with?"
"We suspected," Reiner started. "It was likely, but we weren't sure."
"So that's how it is," Ymir's voice trailed off as she stared off at nothing in particular.
"We have to hope that Eren is returned safely to the walls," Reiner began, without really knowing why he was volunteering this information to Ymir of all people.
It dawned on him that he wouldn't be able to keep all of his secrets any longer. He would have to give them up, one way or another. He had taken a side, and he had chosen the people of the walls. They had little reason to trust him, but the information he had was of value to them. He suspected his future would be less than pleasant, but that it would be worse if he didn't cooperate fully. There was no reason to hold back any information now.
He told Ymir everything – about the Warrior program, about the coordinate, about his mission. In turn she shared her story with Reiner.
Ymir was truly a girl with no name of her own. He had always suspected that Ymir was not her real name, but the truth was far darker than he would ever have guessed. After she seemed to have recounted everything, she turned to Reiner with an uncharacteristically serious look on her face. Eventually, they landed on the topic of Marcel.
"Earlier I thanked you for protecting Historia.," she started, hesitating. "That wasn't all of it though. The truth... is that as soon as I saw you three in the 104th Training Corps, I knew who you were. Well... I had an idea, anyway. I remembered you." She looked down on at floor, with a grim expression. "The truth is that your voice is what drew me to where the you had stopped that night. Your voice is what drew me there so I could eat your friend. I know that probably makes me terrible, for being thankful for that... but you gave me a second chance at life. I was stuck in a nightmare for what I think was about sixty years..." Ymir looked at Reiner thoughtfully. "Is it like that for everyone? Before they become like you I mean... someone who can take titan form at will. Was it a nightmare for you too, before returning to your natural body?"
"I don't know," Reiner stated. "It's different for everyone. I don't remember anything about the experience... and I count myself lucky for that." It was true enough. Reiner had no recollection of being a simple, pure titan. He didn't remember consuming the other warrior who had come before him. He only remembered being scared. He had wanted so badly to be brave, but he was only a child – and he had been absolutely terrified. He remembered blacking out soon after they gave him the injection that would turn him into a titan, and the next thing he know, he was waking up somewhere else.
"What about the memories?" she asked.
"You inherited Marcel's memories?"
"Marcel... I didn't know his name," she looked sad. "The memories are vague... like they could be mine, but I know they aren't."
"That also varies person to person. I know nothing of the person who had the Armor before me." Reiner had been a part of the first batch of warrior candidates after Marley had decided to start recruiting children. They hadn't been encouraged to develop bonds with their predecessors.
"That must be nice... I don't -" Ymir's sentence was cut short when the door suddenly opened.
Ymir and Reiner both turned their heads and watched as Historia entered the room, carrying a crate in her arms. She crossed the room, and set the crate on the table in front of Ymir.
"I brought one to your room already Ymir," Historia stated, looking at her friend. "I figured you two were hungry and could use a change of clothes." She had changed into fresh clothes herself, but she looked ragged and disheveled. She made eye contact with Reiner for a split second before looking away.
"You were supposed to be getting some rest," Ymir scolded her. "You look terrible!"
"Our friends were out risking their lives going after Eren. I couldn't sleep, so I figured I would make myself useful while I waited." She yawned at the end of her sentence, and sat at the foot of the bed, with her back to the wall. "They just made it back."
"They?" Ymir asked. "Did they manage to get Eren back?"
Reiner wanted to ask what had happened, but he couldn't bring himself to. His stomach felt like it was doing flips as he looked at the girl he had grown to care a great deal about, and simultaneously hoped his best friend was okay. He felt like he was wrong for thinking of them both right then.
"Eren is back," Historia sighed, looking at the door. "We took very few losses in retrieving him. Erwin lost an arm, Mikasa is severely injured... but most everyone made it back. Bertholdt escaped though... with the help of others."
Some relief washed over Reiner with the knowledge that Eren was back and alive. Bertholdt had escaped too. He had been looking at the floor, but he felt Historia and Ymir looking at him. He hadn't said a word during the whole exchange. He looked up and met Historia's eyes, and she didn't look away this time. She was beautiful, but she looked so incredibly tired – almost sickly. He had never seen her like this in the years that he had known her.
"You said there's food in here?" Ymir had gotten up and started rummaging through the crate on the table.
"Ymir... You have your own," Historia turned to look at her friend, humorous disapproval evident in her voice.
"Reiner isn't going to miss a piece of bread," she quipped, popping a hunk of bread into her mouth.
"Go ahead," Reiner told her.
"See?" Ymir looked pleased, as she tore a bite out of the loaf. "I'm starving," she mumbled, despite her mouth being full.
Historia just sighed at Ymir. "There's a washroom down the hall too, if you need a bath or anything," she said.
Ymir's eyes went wide and she swallowed the bite that had occupied her mouth. "THAT is the best thing I have heard all day." Ymir wrapped her arms around Historia then. "I don't know what I would do without you sweet Krista - I mean Histoooooriaaaaaa," Ymir sang Historia's name. Historia only tilted her head and gave her friend a tired smile.
Ymir began to walk towards the door to leave, but turned to Historia one final time. "Don't go too hard on him... We were just starting to get to know each other." Ymir walked out the door, leaving Reiner and Historia alone.
Historia let out a sigh and shook her head at the door, as silence fell upon them after Ymir's departure.
"...Reiner..."
He couldn't read her face. She was so close, and she looked so tired. He couldn't help but imagine how nice it would be to hold her again. Things had been so different the last time they found themselves alone together.
"I am so sorry,Historia," the apology fell out of his mouth before he even considered how ridiculous it was. What good was an apology coming from someone who was responsible for so much terror and pain? What was he even apologizing for? For five years ago...? For deceiving everyone...? For letting things escalate the way they had with Historia at Utgarde? He had so much to be sorry for, and he didn't know where to start. "I am so very sorry," he repeated.
"Reiner," Historia started again, gently. She had no malice in her eyes, he realized. She should hate him, but here she was... looking at him like he wasn't one of the worst things to have ever happened to the walls. "I have spent a lot of time thinking about you since we left Wall Rose... thinking about the things I know about you." She looked down at her lap, where her hands rested. "And there's one thing I really can't reconcile in my head... maybe you can help me..."
"I... I can try," he said quietly. Historia looked up at Reiner again, and then he saw the darkness in her eyes. Whatever was on her mind was weighing heavily on her.
"You're the Armored Titan," she started. "And you've been the Armored Titan this whole time... You and Bertholdt were the ones who attacked Wall Maria five years ago..."
"That's all true," Reiner responded, breaking her gaze and looking down at his own two hands. It was all true, but he couldn't help but feel shame bubble up inside him, hearing her say it all so simply.
"You were a child when Wall Maria fell. You had to have been no older than twelve, " she paused, considering. "That is horrible in itself. I can't imagine what life must have been like before you came here, to make a child do something so monstrous. That's what I don't understand..."
Reiner thought about his first years as a titan shifter. By the time he had come to put a hole in Wall Maria, he had already been a Warrior for two years. He had been responsible for the deaths of so many in the war that took place during those two years between Marley and its rival countries. He had never questioned what he was supposed to be doing, he just followed orders – like a good Warrior.
"I was ten," he stated simply, answering the unasked question. "I was ten when I inherited my titan, but this all started for me years before that." He couldn't meet her eyes, thinking of how he had been a weapon for such a large portion of his life... almost the entirety of his life that he could remember.
"Reiner..." Historia was aghast. She hadn't been expecting that.
He didn't need to look at her to know the immense amount of pity she felt for him then. He could hear it in the way she said his name.
"Reiner," she said again, and he looked at her. "I want to trust you," Historia started, gently. "You were a child soldier... but I don't think you're necessarily our enemy... not anymore. You wouldn't be here right now if you were."
Reiner hung on her every word. She wasn't looking at him like a monster, but like a person – a person who had been through hell and had somehow managed to claw his way out. He had made an incredibly difficult decision, yet he knew it had been the right one. It had to be the right decision. He didn't know it was possible to feel this way, but his soul ached. He felt he was being torn apart from the inside, and somewhere in the chaos he hoped he would find himself.
She wanted to trust him? Why? What had he done to deserve anyone's trust?
"I don't blame you for what you did," Historia looked at him as she spoke.
"Maybe you should..." Reiner hated himself in that moment. "I am responsible for so much pain and suffering, Historia... for so many people. Thousands have died because of things that I did." He brought his hands to his face, as tears began to well up in his eyes.
"It's true," she said sadly, glancing down for a moment before looking at him again. "The things you have done are atrocious, and you can't undo any of them." She paused. "You can try to make up for them though. It's not too late for that."
"How can you or anyone else ever trust me though?"
"Well... some people probably never will. There are those who will probably hate you until the day they die, regardless of what you do from here on out." Historia reached over and pulled Reiner's hands from his face, willing him to look at her. She let her hands linger in his. "Personally, I find it hard to believe that the Reiner Braun I got to know over the past few years was a complete lie. It can't have all been a lie, or what was the point of any of it. You helped and saved us more times than I can count. Even just at Utgarde, you saved both me and Connie when you didn't need to."
Historia was right. Reiner knew she was. That was the whole reason he was here now. He had grown to care about everyone here. He had changed. Knowing these people, at some point he found himself incapable of blindly hating them as he had for his whole life. "Honestly," he started. "I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not the person you got to know during training, but I'm also not the person I was before I came here."
"I believe you're better than you think. You are not a bad person, Reiner. The horrible things you have done... they would have been carried out by someone else if not you. Someone else would have been sent in your place. It was never your decision to do this to us." She looked so sure. Reiner wanted to believe her. "And if you don't know who exactly you are... that's okay. I can relate to that more than you know. Maybe we can help each other figure out who we are." A subtle smile formed on her mouth as she thought for a moment.
"Reiner Braun," she said softly, "It's nice to meet you." Her smile widened a bit as the words came out. "I'm Historia Reiss." She squeezed his hand in hers.
"It's good to meet you, Historia." He squeezed her hand back in turn, and forced a slight smile. It was the best he could do at the moment.