It's half an hour later, when they're both about to turn in, that Steve remembers. He rolls onto his side in the dark, hearing the cot creaking mutinously beneath him. Nothing sounds quite ready to break, so he decides to ignore it.
"Hey, Buck?"

There's a half-hearted groan, that's probably largely for show, before Bucky rolls over to face him.
"What, kid?"

I do need you, you know, he almost says. The words get stuck in his throat.
"You… are you ok?" comes out instead. He hurries on before whatever denial Bucky's about to make can interrupt him. "And I mean, like, honestly ok, -and don't fuckin' lie to me, 'cause I'll know." He thinks he hears Bucky snort at that, but chooses to ignore it. "… Because you don't sound like you are, and… I don't... when I thought I'd never see you again… I was..." He swallows hard in the dark, staring up at the tent ceiling. "I can't- Look, I just... I wanna make sure you're alright, pal, s'all. ...You're my family. Y'know that, right?"

Bucky's face is half buried in the grubby pillow and for a moment Steve thinks he's dozed off. It doesn't seem like he's going to answer.
Then Bucky shifts, rolling onto his back and stares up too.
"As ok as I'm gonna get." he says quietly, almost a sigh. Buck sounds exhausted. "S'the best I can do, Steve-o… M'sorry." His head rolls to one side to look across the gap of floor between them, and Steve shifts to meet his gaze.

Steve thinks of a million things he wants to say. To ask. He settles on an offer instead.
"If there's anything you need, Buck-" he whispers earnestly into the dark, feeling like he's 13 again, " Anything - I mean it- You tell me and I'll help ya out. Whatever you need."

Bucky seems to consider this for a second before turning his eyes up into the dark again.
"Just don't do anything stupid, kid. That's what I need ya to do. No more crazy shit, s'gonna get you killed. Ok?"

The silence that stretches between them is too long, and says everything that Steve can't. He can practically hear the disappointment and the utter lack of surprise, when Bucky rolls away to face the tent wall, and tugs the blanket up around his ears.
After a long moment, he tips his head back over his shoulder.
"G'night Steve." He sounds flat and tired.

"...Night, Bucky."
From then on, all he can see is the lump under the blankets that is Bucky's back and hunched shoulders. His friend doesn't turn to face him again all night.

Silence reigns.
Bucky doesn't cry out in his sleep, doesn't whimper, doesn't shake. He just lies there, quietly… breathing.
At least the night terrors seem to have abated…
There's that.

Steve lies awake a long time, rolling Bucky's words over and over in his mind. He feels absolutely awful. If he could do it, he would.. Bucky rarely asks for anything, and he'd happily give him whatever he asked for at this point, without hesitation… but there are so many people depending on Steve now. It's just not his decision to make anymore.

Bucky has long since drifted off across from him by the time Steve finally turns over and closes his eyes.
They open again a few moments later.
He blinks into the darkness. It feels oddly silent. Much too still. It takes him a second to put his finger on why.

He rolls over again to stare at Bucky's back. Bucky's still lying there facing the tent wall. What must be shoulders are moving up and down beneath the blanket, steady and even.
Buck's asleep alright, but-

He's damned near silent.

Bucky always used to snore before. Ever since they were little. It was loud, a little grating, and annoying… but it was familiar. It felt like home. Steve is surprised at how much he feels the sudden lack.
Bucky seems to have stopped doing it sometime after that first night in the truck. Steve doesn't know when or why.

He closes his eyes and huddles in on himself, trying to be small again; like he can will things back to the way they used to be if he just tries hard enough - and feels that little bit more adrift in the world. His eyes sting, but he just squeezes them shut a little tighter and refuses to let out the prickling frustration that's burning inside him.

It's like Bucky said… the little things in life.
You'd be amazed what you miss when it's gone.