Okay THAT EPISODE WAS AWESOME AM I RIGHT? I need to write some kabby to go with it so here is a little missing scene for 5x02 – The Red Queen.
There's also another modern au one shot coming so keep an eye out for that too maybe ;)
Her Light
Abby is still processing when they make their way back to their bunkroom. Her head hurts but she has become used to that, her eyes feel puffy and she feels like something huge and invisible is sitting on her chest, crushing her. Grief.
Someone has to tell Ethan, she reminds herself of that. Someone has to tell Ethan about Jaha and that someone will more than likely have to be her or Marcus, if not the two of them together.
A more pressing concern than Jaha is the new order Octavia has just imposed. You are Wonkru or you are the enemy of Wonkru.
She can still smell the blood.
She has seen death before, she's intimately acquainted with it, she's seen people kill each other but never quite like that. For sports. For survival, maybe, but it has been made a spectacle and that…
Conclave's rule.
She's still processing.
"Abby."
Hands rest lightly on her shoulders and steer her away from her bunkroom's door. She blinks and lets Marcus guide her to the small room he's been allotted as their leader. She has never been in there yet. The unspoken invitation has been floating in the air but she has never taken it.
The room is small and feels even smaller once the door closes behind them. There's a bed and a small table and not much else. Marcus' clothes are folded on the floor, always so meticulous even without proper stocking space. The bed is made and she sits on the scratchy blanket gingerly, almost unwilling to disturb that small corner of order in the surrounding chaos.
She doesn't ask why she's here. She knows.
"So, we're in Rome now?" she asks tiredly.
She is tired, that's the thing. Tired of the fight for survival. Tired of being a mother who has lost her daughter countless times. Tired of the headaches that should have long subsided. Tired of…
Marcus sits on the bed next to her and rubs his forehead. His eyes are closed and it occurs to her that he's tired too.
I couldn't bear to lose you. I'd just gotten you back. The world was ending right before our very eyes and I thought I could weather any storm as long as you were by my side.
She was so angry with him for having saved her against her will, for having imposed her another fight for survival… But it wasn't until he said those words, until he asked her if she regretted opening the door for him – damning their people and perhaps her daughter too – that she truly understood it. And maybe forgave.
It's hard to say if she's still angry now.
She's tired. So tired.
"I don't know…" he says at last, a minute too late. "I don't know what that's going to mean."
Nothing good, she wants to answer. Probably something that will prompt you to risk your life again, is the next thought she swallows back.
She doesn't say anything because his shoulders are slouched and he looks defeated. She doesn't need to ask to know he's thinking about Jaha.
Tentatively, she reaches for his head. He startles when he feels her fingers combing his hair and the way he looks at her… It's hopeful and pleading all at once.
I'm not going to apologize for saving your life, Abby.
She forces a small smile and his body relaxes with relief. He leans towards her until their foreheads are pressed together.
"I love you." he whispers.
And that's not an apology, not even remotely, but it's a plea for mercy, a plea for her forgiveness, a plea for her to stop locking him out of her life.
"I love you." she breathes out.
And this is an apology, a frank and open one, it isn't quite a plea for mercy but it is a plea for forgiveness, a thank you for being welcome back into his life.
The kiss is gentle, almost hesitant, tentative like their first one never was. It turns desperate soon enough.
Because death is knocking at their doorstep again.
Because she doesn't know if they will still be alive tomorrow.
She wonders when they will be able to stop staying alive and start to live.
She wonders if they ever will be allowed to.
But when she's with him… When she's with him she feels alive, she knows why she wants to stay that way…
He is the light that will guide her out of the dark. And she won't get lost in the darkness again.