Storm Fronts

Funny how time seems to slip away from us with no recourse, going unnoticed by most as it disappears like sand through your fingers. But today, Maura noticed. From the moment that Paddy left her and Jane alone to the moment she found herself sitting in Jane's car gazing out the window at the world whizzing past her in a blur, she noticed. It was all a haze mixed with emotions ranging from anger to fear to an overwhelming sadness she couldn't explain. The feeling of Jane's hand on her thigh was the only thing that kept her tethered to solid ground. Warmth seeped into her body from the point of their contact but it did little to soothe her aching heart. The worst part wasn't learning the truth; it was how much more she still had to learn. Even after talking with Paddy, Maura realized that she had only been shown the tip the iceberg. She was angry at Paddy for having kept something as important as this from her which lent to the fear that she would never know everything there was to know. Her sadness was reserved strictly for the child who was left to bounce from foster home to foster home, never knowing where she came from. Not knowing where one came from was a burden that Maura understood all too well. It was that thought that caused her to shiver and reminded her that time continued to march onward. But she wanted nothing more than to turn the clock back. If only she could go back to a time before she knew the truth, to before Paddy had changed everything…to before. But that was impossible now and her chest tightened with new knowledge and new choices she would surly have to make. She could feel Jane fidgeting next to her with concern and fear but she didn't have the energy to reassure her that things were okay because she wasn't sure they would be.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jane's voice was tight with nervousness as she continued to watch the road in front of her. She didn't have to look at Maura to know what was going on. The pain rolled off Maura in waves, leaving Jane breathless with anxiety.

"I don't think I can." Maura continued to gaze out the window. Her head ached with unanswered questions. Questions she couldn't ask herself or Jane for that matter.

"I want you to know that I'm here for you, whenever you're ready." Jane gave Maura's knee a gentle squeeze before returning her hand to the steering wheel. She had known Maura long enough to know when to push and when not to. This was one of those times not to.

"I know." Maura's eyes scanned the horizon where dark clouds had started to gather. "I think there's a storm front moving in." She let out a heavy breath before turning her head. The effort it took to do just that caused tears to well up in her eyes.

Glancing over, Jane noticed the tears before they started to stream down Maura's cheeks. She reached over and cupped Maura's face, using her thumb to wipe away the wetness that had pooled at the corners of sad hazel-green eyes. "Why the tears?" Her voice was soft and her touch gentle.

Maura blinked a few times as words failed her and the tears began to slowly roll down her face even though Jane tried to wipe them away. With what little energy she had left, she turned her head back towards the window and the approaching storm. She could hear Jane sigh when she moved out of reach but for some reason she didn't want any comfort. Her only aim was to wallow in the sadness that was sweeping over her making her feel alone.

When silence returned to hang over them with its crushing weight, Jane decided not to push for answers just yet. It wasn't Maura's lack of words that worried her but the lack of emotion that had followed, at least up until that moment. Her eyes scanned the horizon ahead of them and she squinted when the sun burst through the gathering clouds ahead. Maura was right, there was a storm on the way and even though Jane knew it had been a literal statement there was an unspoken metaphor hidden between the lines. But as the sun's rays reached out past the darkness that tried to consume it, Jane realized that no matter how dark it got, the light would always return. This thought brought a small smile to her face as she turned the car into Maura's driveway. "We're home." She put the car in park and reached over again to touch Maura on the cheek. Relief washed over her when Maura covered the back of her hand with an open palm, giving a squeeze.

"Home…," Maura whispered and closed her eyes. Another wave of emotion threatened to wash over her causing her to take a deep breath. The need to push her feelings down almost overwhelmed her but with a careful control, something she had mastered over the years, she regained her composure.

With a measured eye, Jane looked over at Maura and could see that precise moment she stilled everything inside of her. It was the unknown emotions she could see Maura grappling with that had her worried now. Nothing had been said about the information that Paddy had shared with them. She had no idea what Maura was thinking and worse, she had no idea what Maura was feeling. That sudden feeling of optimism she had felt earlier was slowly starting to fade with each passing minute. "You know we need to talk about this." She tried again to get Maura to open-up.

"I know…and we will. Just not right now." Maura reached for the door handle just as Jane's cell phone rang. She watched as Jane fumbled around trying to silence it and look to see who was calling at the same time.

As Jane juggled her ringing phone in her left hand, she glanced down to see that it was Ryan calling. It was a call she needed to take. "I need to answer this." She gave an apologetic smile to Maura who only nodded as she pushed the door open and stepped out of the car.

"I'll leave you to it." Maura bent down so she could look at Jane who was still sitting in the driver's seat. "I'm going to take a shower and then order dinner. I'll see you inside…," her voice trailed off as she walked away without looking back.

With a heavy sigh, Jane hit the accept button on her phone and brought it up to her ear with a shaky hand. "Please tell me you didn't know." Her voice was flat and lifeless as she waited for an answer. When none came, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back. "Ryan…," she said through gritted teeth.

"She's in protective custody Jane. I didn't have a choice." Ryan sounded tired.

"You always have a choice. We're family…how could you keep something like this from us?" Jane's voice softened because she understood all too well how things worked in situations like this.

"I don't even know where she is." Ryan's voice faltered. "I wanted to tell you."

Jane could hear the sincerity in Ryan's voice. "Can we see her?" Even though she already knew the answer to the question, she had to ask anyways.

"You know I can't do that." There was an unspoken anguish in Ryan's words. "Please don't…," her voice trailed off to try to stem the flow of emotion.

"I know, but I had to try." Jane reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose to hold off the headache that was threatening. "You could have told us though."

"How did you find out?" Ryan placed an elbow on her desk and leaned her forehead into the palm of her hand before pushing her unruly blonde hair away from her eyes.

"I heard through the neighborhood rumor mill via Giovanni at just about the same time that Paddy was meeting with Maura." Jane's shoulders sagged slightly under the thought of Paddy.

"Damn Jane. I'm sorry." Ryan said as she sat up straighter in her chair. "I can't take you to see her but I do have some pictures." She hesitated as she reached for the file that had been sitting on the edge of her desk for weeks. When Jane didn't answer right away, she let out a heavy breath. "It's the best I can do right now."

"Okay. When can I get them?" Jane conceded that even though she wasn't happy, she understood.

"How about I drop them off later this evening?" Ryan tried to sound hopeful even though she was starting to feel the strain of everything they had been through. Her job was beginning to take over every aspect of her life, including the time she should be spending with Carly. "Jane…?" She paused before taking a shaky breath.

"Yeah?" Jane could hear the change in Ryan's voice and her heart broke just a little for everything that was happening to them both.

"We need to finish this…soon. I don't know how much more I can take." The heavy emotion was evident in Ryan's halting speech.

"I know Ryan." Jane tried to sound understanding. "We'll find a way…," her voice caught before she could finish.

"I'll see you in a few hours." Ryan leaned back in her chair and looked towards the window at the darkening sky. "I'll try to beat the storm."

"I hope you do." Jane looked up at the sky. "I really hope you do." She let out another heavy sigh as she realized how true her words were. She hoped they would all beat the storm that was headed their way, both literally and figuratively.

When she hung up the phone, she sat in the car contemplating her next move. Maura needed space, that much was true. But how much space was up for debate. She could put the keys back in the ignition and go to her place or she could go inside and hope for the best. It wasn't a hard decision for her make as she pocketed the keys and climbed out of the car. With one last look at the sky, she let out a frustrated huff and took several long strides towards the door and what she hoped was the right choice.

It had been a quiet evening, even quieter than their drive home earlier but Jane didn't feel like it was a bad thing. On the contrary, it seemed contemplative on Maura's part and that in and of itself was a good thing. Jane had taken the initiative and ordered dinner while Maura was in the shower but as she watched the way that Maura was moving her food around and not eating anything, she wondered if maybe she should have waited.

Maura could feel the heavy weight of Jane's stare as dark brown eyes watched her every move with concern. She fidgeted with the food on her plate because she wasn't really hungry, but she also didn't want to disappoint Jane's attempt at being thoughtful. Lifting her chop-sticks up, she dropped some chicken and broccoli in her mouth and tried to smile as she chewed. "Who called earlier?"

"Um…Ryan." Jane said around a mouthful of fried rice. She watched with a raised eyebrow as Maura swallowed hard, choking slightly on her food.

"Really?" Maura coughed to clear her throat. She didn't have to ask why, so she didn't. Instead she waited for Jane to elaborate, setting her chopsticks down to give her full attention.

"I don't know how you eat with those things." Jane said pointing her fork at the two wooden sticks Maura had set down.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Maura shook her head before resting her chin in the palm of her hand. "Are you going to make me ask?"

"You're the one who said you didn't want to talk about it." Jane countered with a frustrated huff as she also set her fork down. Clearly they weren't going to finish eating.

Maura looked away from Jane's questioning eyes and pushed down the raw emotion that was threatening to come forward. She wouldn't, couldn't allow herself to feel anything…not yet. If she did, there would be questions and she wasn't ready to hear the answers. "What did she tell you Jane?" She finally relented and asked.

"We can't see her because she's in protective custody." Jane watched for any change in Maura's facial expression. Anything that would give away what she was feeling.

"So she's not in the foster system?" Maura let out the smallest breath of relief. It was enough of a change that Jane noticed.

"No, she's not in the foster system…yet." Jane said, doing her best to will Maura to ask the unspoken question that had haunted them both since they left the morgue.

"Yet…," Maura whispered and frowned as the word slipped past her lips. She dropped her gaze from Jane's as if she already had the answer to the question she was afraid to ask.

The sudden change from relief to defeat caused Jane to backtrack when she realized what Maura had thought. Reaching across the table, she took Maura's hand in her own and gave it a gentle squeeze. She hoped the move would get Maura to look at her, but when it didn't, she changed her approach. "Maura…," she started to say but was interrupted by the doorbell. "Damn…I forgot Ryan was coming over."

"Why is Ryan here?" Maura had a fearful look in her eyes as she quickly pulled her hand away from Jane's. The one thing that had always made her feel safe and secure now made her feel trapped and uncertain.

"She's bringing over the file she has…," Jane hesitated when Maura moved her hand. "…with pictures."

"I don't want to see any pictures." Maura jumped up from the table, panic written all over her face.

"What are you talking about? I thought you'd at least want to see what she looks like if we can't actually go see her…," Jane's voice was filled with confusion. She didn't understand why Maura was acting this way or why she was pulling away both physically and emotionally.

"No…," Maura shook her head. "I can't do this now. I can't think about what it all means…," her voice trailed off as she continued to shake her head.

Before Jane could say anything else, the doorbell rang again drawing her attention away from Maura as she headed up the stairs. "Shit…," she mumbled as she ran her fingers through her hair. The fact that she had completely lost control over the situation did not escape her but she couldn't help but wonder when it had happened.

As Jane pulled the door open, the sight of a very tired Ryan caused her to pause before she stepped back to allow room to pass. The wrinkled jacket and open collared shirt indicated that it had been a rough and long day. Giving a sympathetic smile was the only consolation she could offer.

"Hey…," Ryan moved past Jane to stand in the foyer. She tucked the folder under her arm and slipped her hands in her pockets causing her shoulders to sag slightly.

"You look like shit." Jane couldn't stop herself from saying what she was thinking. "Um…sorry…," she gave a quick shrug of her shoulders as she tilted her head towards the kitchen indicating that Ryan should follow her.

"Yeah, well you don't look so good yourself." Ryan let out an irritated huff as she watched Jane walk ahead of her. The ripped jeans and t-shirt should have given the sense of a casual appearance but instead it just made Jane look unkempt.

"This can't be over soon enough for me…for us all." Jane took a seat at the table in front of her half-eaten plate of food. She was too hungry to let it go to waste. "Want some?"

"Nah…, Carly's waiting on me." Ryan held up the folder before dropping it on the table next to Jane. "He's agreed to turn states evidence in exchange for our agreement to give Maura full custody of the child."

Jane looked up, her mouth dropping open mid-bite. "What's the catch?" She tried to swallow but suddenly her food tasted like a mouthful of sand.

"Well…," Ryan said as she ran a finger along the edge of the table. "It's complicated."

"It's always complicated where he's concerned." Jane set her fork down and pushed her plate away, her appetite gone.

"It's all here in the file. I wanted you to read it over before we agree to it." Ryan finally sat down across from Jane. Placing her elbows on the table, she dropped her head in her hands before raking her fingers down her face with a heavy sigh. "I need you both to agree." Her expression turned serious before she spoke again. "He wants you to legally adopt her Jane…both of you."

"That goes without saying." Jane reached out to touch the file that now sat in-between them. "Maura and I are in this together. No matter what."

"Take some time to read it over before you make a decision." Ryan's gaze dropped to watch as Jane's fingers continued to trace along the edges of the folder.

"Ummm…, okay." Jane continued to run her fingers over the manila folder but didn't open it.

"Where's Maura?" Ryan looked around as if Maura would suddenly appear and ask her the same questions Jane had earlier.

"She's upstairs." Jane ducked her head as she looked away from questioning eyes.

"Is everything okay?" Ryan pushed, not sure she wanted to know.

"No, it's not." Jane pushed her hair away from her eyes as she began to fidget nervously.

"Care to elaborate?" Ryan's question was laced with concern.

"Do I really need to?" Jane sighed as she started to close the takeout containers. When Ryan stayed in her seat and gave an expectant look, Jane rolled her eyes dramatically. "Maura won't talk to me and she's shut herself off emotionally. I've never seen her like this before."

"She hasn't said anything?" Ryan tilted her head as she tried to understand what this news meant.

"Not about this." Jane dropped her head into her hands before running her fingers through her hair, pushing it away from her face again. "I don't know what to do."

"Do you think she's afraid?" Ryan continued to pry.

"Of course she's afraid. Paddy has a way of doing that to people, but this…it's different." Jane shook her head as she tried to find a reason for Maura's behavior.

"That's why she isn't down here, isn't it?" Ryan looked over her shoulder as if checking to make sure they were still alone.

"She said she couldn't talk about it yet." Jane reached for the folder and pulled it closer to her. But she still didn't open it.

Ryan watched as Jane moved the file, running her fingers over it with trepidation. "She's afraid you don't want her." Her voice reverberated through the room even though she had barely whispered.

"Of course I want her. How could she ever think differently?" Jane's eyes widened at Ryan's statement.

"I'm not talking about Maura…," Ryan let out a sigh as the words lingered long enough for Jane to absorb.

Looking away, Jane bit down on her lip as she contemplated what Ryan had said. She knew they weren't talking about Maura, what she didn't know was why she had denied it at first. There again was that question. The question that begged to be answered. But Jane wasn't sure she could answer it. She looked back at Ryan who had a sad look on her face and she realized she had given away too much in that moment and she wanted to take it back.

"I guess she's just afraid you don't want the same things anymore." Ryan said as she stood. "Have a look at the file and then go talk to her. Let me know what you decide." She reached over and gave Jane's shoulder a gentle squeeze before turning to leave. "I'll talk to you later." It was the last thing she said before she left Jane alone.

Jane placed her hand over the file and gave a quick nod as Ryan left. She let out a long breath of air when she heard the front door open and close. Dropping her eyes to the beige folder, she watched as she flipped it open to the first page with a picture paper clipped to the inside. She could feel the tears sting her eyes when she recognized the smile and the honey-blonde hair that looked so much like Maura's except for the curls. As she studied the picture further, she noticed dark brown eyes…almost as dark as her own and a small smile creased her lips. For some reason, she could almost see herself in the child that gazed back at her from the glossy picture and suddenly everything became clear. She didn't need to see anything else to know Maura had nothing to be afraid of, of that Jane was sure because in the end, they both wanted the same thing.

Maura curled up on her bed with arms wrapped around her legs and her chin resting on her knees. She heard the front door open and close, signaling Ryan's arrival but that just caused her to burrow down deeper against her pillows and self-imposed solitude. Closing her eyes, she wondered why she was acting this way. Why was she so afraid to talk to Jane? And most importantly, why was she trying bury her feelings? The one thing she loved about being with Jane was that they were both open and honest with each other. It had been a hard lesson to learn but one they had both agreed to abide by after their reconciliation. So why was she sitting up in her room trying to hide her feelings from Jane?

The soft murmurs of conversation floated up to her giving her the sudden urge to find out what was being said, but she stayed rooted to her spot because she knew what was being said and she wasn't ready to think about it yet. Instead, she thought back to the conversation she had had with Paddy…the one that had changed her life. She squeezed her eyes shut as his words echoed through her mind repeatedly. "You have a three-year-old niece. Her name is Valley…," the phrase continued to play on and endless loop.

Valley…, she had a niece named Valley. It had been such a shock to find out that she hadn't had time to process all the information and then before she knew it, she had shut down emotionally as a way of self-preservation. She had shut out her own feeling and worst of all, she had shut out Jane. But as she sat there in her room all alone, a flood of emotions overcame her causing her to gasp for air as she tried to fight off the tears. Her heart ached for the child who had lost both of her parents at such a young age. She ached for the life that would be forever changed and the uncertainty that change brought with it.

Something deep within her broke, bringing forth a torrent of tears she could no longer control and as she lay back finally giving herself over to the moment, she knew there was only one thing that could fix that broken part of her. She knew what she had to do. She just hoped that Jane would feel the same because if she had to make a choice, Jane just might lose.

A flash of light, followed by the distant sound of thunder rumbling off in the distance woke Jane from a sound sleep. Stretching, she reached over to the spot where Maura lay, only to find the space cold and empty. She sat up and looked around the dark room just as another flash of light confirmed what she already suspected-she was alone. A few seconds of silence passed before it was interrupted by another roll of thunder, but this time the windows rattled and it caused Jane to shiver. Climbing out of bed, Jane moved around the room with a comfortable ease even though it was dark. She slipped past the door and down the hall towards the stairs in search of the one person who could set her heart at ease.

She hadn't spoken to Maura since Ryan had arrived because when she headed up to bed, Maura was already asleep. Upon slipping under the covers, she wrapped her arms around Maura and held her close, hoping to offer some sort of comfort. She thought she had succeeded when Maura snuggled against her, but waking up to find their bed empty told a different story.

As she made her way down the stairs, another flash of light momentarily lite up the darkness. No lights were on anywhere in the living room, kitchen, or dining room. The lack of light piqued her curiosity as she looked around for Maura, wondering where she may have gone. A sudden rush of panic gripped her heart as the thought that Maura may have left but then she caught movement out of the corner of her eye across the room. Squinting in the dim light, Jane tried to make out Maura's form sitting on the couch with her legs tucked up under her and her chin resting on the arm.

"Maura?" Jane called out tentatively, but didn't approach.

Maura was quiet for a moment as she contemplated what she wanted to say. Having woken up to find herself wrapped in Jane's arms had at first been a comfort, but as the approaching storm made its presence known, she suddenly felt the need to be alone. And that is how it had been until Jane called out intruding on her solitude, but now it was a welcome intrusion.

"I'm here…," Maura's voice was quiet and soft. Another flash of lightening illuminated the room and she could see that Jane was moving closer to where she sat. The following thunder was almost instant and loud enough to shake the house.

"What're you doin' down here in the dark alone?" Jane moved across the room quickly when the house rattled and dropped down on the couch next to Maura.

"I just needed some time to think." Maura set the folder down in her lap. She leaned into Jane and rested her head on a broad shoulder. "I think I'm ready to talk now."

Wrapping an arm around Maura's shoulder, Jane snuggled closer and rested her chin on top of a honey-blonde head. She took a deep breath to help prepare herself for what she knew was to be a serious conversation. "Where do you wanna start?"

"Here, I suppose…," Maura let out a heavy breath as she picked up the file. "Did you read it?"

"Yes, I did." Jane's voice was hesitant as she glanced over towards the window watching the rain that had finally started to fall.

"And?" Maura pulled away just enough to look up at Jane.

"And…," Jane pulled Maura against her again. She needed to feel Maura's warmth flowing through her before she could continue. "I think you should do it." The words tumbled out quickly as fear and uncertainty took over.

"You would be okay with that?" Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's middle and buried her face against the warm skin her cheek lay against. "You wouldn't leave?" She squeezed her eyes shut hoping the answer was no.

"Is this why you've been so quiet?" Jane let out a heavy sigh. "You thought I wouldn't want the same thing as you and that I'd leave?"

Maura didn't say anything, instead she nodded her head ever so slightly as she burrowed deeper into Jane's warmth.

"Hey…," Jane pulled away and used two fingers under Maura's chin to tilt her head back so they were now looking in each other 's eyes. "I won't ever leave you again Maura. You must know by now, nothing will ever change that."

"You said that you wanted to start a family with me, but that you weren't ready yet…," Maura started to say until tears filled her eyes and she looked away, clearing her throat.

"I know I said that, but things change." Jane cupped Maura's cheek and forced her to look back. "Tell me what you want Maura and I'll make it happen…we'll make it happen." Maura dropped her gaze briefly as she tried to find the right words before lifting her eyes up to Jane's again. This time there was a resolve shining through so strong that Jane could feel it in her heart. She gave a small smile and ran her fingers through Maura's hair, pushing it away from her face so she could see her better. "Please. Tell me."

"I want her Jane. I want to bring her home…to our home." Maura said on a heavy exhale as she tilted her cheek towards Jane's hand that continued to stroke her hair.

"Then I want that too." Jane leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to Maura's forehead. "She has your smile and hair color."

"And eyes as dark as yours." Maura reached up to run her fingers along Jane's cheek.

For a moment, they were both silent as they contemplated their future together but then Jane shifted slightly, just enough to distance herself from Maura. "Why do you think he did it?"

"I don't know. Maybe to right a lifetime of wrongs?" Maura shrugged her shoulders.

"It just seems so unlike him." Jane let out a heavy sigh just as another flash of light filled the room. The thunder came seconds later, rumbling in the distance for what seemed like forever. "He's giving up everything to make sure you get her. When Ryan told me, I didn't believe it…but after seeing this…," Jane ran her fingers over the folder Maura had dropped in her lap. "Agreeing to turn over the evidence needed to put him jail but only if the state agrees to giving you sole custody."

"It's evidence that will put more people away than just him." Maura let out a heavy breath. She wasn't sure how she felt about Paddy's decision but being grateful was at the forefront.

"All of this is going to take some time." Jane sat back and opened her arms in invitation. When she felt Maura move closer, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "But we've weathered worse storms than this…,"

"Yes we have." Maura said matter-o-fact. "I think we should get married first…you know…before we bring her home with us."

"Yeah?" Jane couldn't help but smile at the thought of being married to Maura. "Speaking of that...do you think we could have a do over on the whole proposal thing? Maybe make a night of it…stay in the city…go out dancing…," She started to ramble on.

"Even though I loved the way you proposed…yes, we can do all those things that you want." Maura leaned up and placed a long, lingering kiss to Jane's lips.

Jane accepted the kiss without abandon as she ran her fingers through Maura's hair again, pulling her closer. "Um…," she pulled back and hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Let me get this straight then…we are going to become moms to a three-year old and Paddy is going to go to jail where he can't hurt anyone else. And he has agreed to stay away from us and not interfere in our lives ever again."

"Yes." Maura punctuated the word with another kiss, but this one didn't linger. "And it seems as if we have a wedding to plan." And this time her smile reached her eyes, causing them to crinkle around the edges in that way that sent waves of warmth along Jane's skin.

"Well then, I think we should make the most of our alone time before it becomes limited." Jane wrapped her arms around Maura, pulling her down with her as she lay back on the couch.

In the distance, the faint flash of lightening gave the night sky a brief reprieve from its darkness before it was followed with the far-off sound of thunder indicating the storm was already passing. And as Jane held Maura tightly in her arms, she couldn't help but hope it was the beginning of the end of a battle they would never have to start.