Chapter 3: No matter what kind of woman she may be, she will always cause some sort of trouble…and everyone hates Hijikata.

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"You," Hijikata muttered in the interrogation room as he stood before a seated Keiko. Then in a falsetto voice, squealed: "Are you really Katsura's sister?"

Keiko burst out laughing while Hijikata coughed several times, trying to reinstate his manly voice. He was not enjoying this.

Wiping the tears away from her eyes from her laughter, she asked incredulously, "What does it matter to you?"

"Katsura Kotaro is one of the most wanted men in Edo for his crimes against the Shogun."

One eyebrow rose on her face in utter disbelief. "Really? From how the news paints him, he doesn't seem to be one who poses a significant threat to the head of the government, now does he?"

"..."

"...?" She smirked, almost triumphantly, at him. As if she won a debate that he wasn't even trying to participate in. He glared right into her literally sharp and cold eyes. Grey pupils that were outlined by an icy blue …and a chill engulfed him.

"Ah, sh*t."

She stifled a chuckle.

"…" He fumed. "That's it." He swerved around and stalked towards the door to the other side of the interrogation room, determined to end any future communication with her.

But before he reached the door, Okita flung it open, grabbed Hijikata's shoulders, flipped him back around and pushed him back towards the table.

"Hijikata-san, if you fail to interrogate her, you will be a failure of a policeman and that will add to the fact that you are a failure as a person."

"How can you expect me to interrogate this woman?! AND STOP INSULTING ME!"

"You're just upset that I kicked you in the balls," Keiko said, deadpan, as she shrugged her shoulders.

"YOU RAMMED A CHAIR INTO THEM! I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF I...I ...if I...if," Hijikata ended his loud tirade by suddenly lowering his voice to a whisper and blushing profusely.

Okita and Keiko smiled deviously at him.

'Crap, just what I needed. Another sadist in the mix.' Hijikata thought to himself, still blushing, of course.

"Tonikaku," Okita said, "Keiko-san, do you have any form of identification on you?" he asked with an uncharacteristic politeness, his head bowed slightly towards her.

"Ah, I do not. I apologize." She said, also with uncharacteristic politeness, and returned the gesture. "My things were supposed to be sent later on. My ID should be among them."

Hijikata became very afraid.

They were now allies, an S-team of crazy that could probably beat him down and chop him up into little pieces, marinate him and serve him with curry just with the sadistic thoughts running through their minds. He imagined himself being at their mercy, frozen in place by the woman's stare and Okita brandishing his katana while licking his lips in preparation for the kill.

"Either way," Hijikata muttered (after crying a little bit on the inside) in his typical let's try to do this seriously tone as he lit a cigarette with his mayonnaise lighter, "Whether she is Katsura's sister or not, we still need to keep her. We were required to do so anyways and now we have more of a reason to...OI!"

The lady started ice-glaring at Hijikata again and frost starting forming over his cheeks.

"Stop that! Seriously. It's freaky. Dangit, my face froze over again."

"Even if you are able to tell him that I'm here, he won't come." She huffed, crossed her arms and slouched down in the metal chair. "Katsura Haru is dead. She has been dead for 5 years."

"So you are she." Hijikata attempted to say seriously with half of his face covered in icicles. It didn't work because she started glaring icily again at him.

"I just said that she was dead. The woman before you is Yamamoto Keiko. Or are you just the type of man who disregards everything a woman says?" Keiko spat.

"Why do you have such a grudge against me?"

Sougo joined her and both said, quite matter-of-factly: "Cuz' you're a bastard."

"Don't join in, S-baka!"

Keiko sighed and glanced off, bitterly. "You're going to regret associating yourself with me."

Hijikata slammed his hand on the table.

"Look here!" The demon revealed itself and was prepared to roar. "You are going to shut up and tell us what we want to know or you could be in our company for a REALLY. LONG. TIME."

Keiko clenched her teeth in readiness to release a biting comeback but then a soft clanging noise resonated into the room through the walls. Her eyes widened and she retreated into the back of her seat like a scared puppy. The clanging noise grew louder. Louder and louder, then followed by yells and screams, crashes and a screeching cat.

"Here. That person is already here." Keiko muttered, frightened.

"Who's here?"

She slowly met his gaze and in her eyes Hijikata saw genuine fear.

"My warden." She smiled worriedly.

The door flew open and a junior officer with a worried face rushed in, his hand still on the door handle. "Vice-commander, we're under attac-!"

His eyes rolled back and he fell to the ground to reveal his attacker behind him. The attacker's head bowed to follow the body to the ground then the gaze rose, revealing the death-inducing face of the scariest short old woman anyone had ever seen.

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"Did you really kill him!?" Keiko asked the old woman, in horror, bounding over the table.

Hijikata and Okita already had their swords at ready- prepared to defend and attack as soon as they sensed the flooding killing intent unfit for the woman's age and stature. Simply put, she only stood a meter and a half high.

"Eh," the old woman spat indifferently, while stabbing her small heel into the soldier's back, forcing a jerk and a cough from his fallen body. "He be fine." She slurred with a thick and unrecognizable accent.

Then, the old woman took an ominous step towards them and instantly, hands went to hilts. But before the two men could draw their swords, Keiko strode in between them, pushing the tense air back with her hovering hands, as if physically telling them to stand down – or – trying to protect them.

Hijikata eyed the gesture and it ticked him off but still conceded, relaxing his stance. "Who are you?" he dared to ask.

"Johnson-san desu."

Hijikata, Keiko and Okita all exchanged glances.

"…it really is her name." Keiko confirmed.

"What kind of name is that?!" Hijikata yelled.

"Western." Everyone else replied.

"OBVIOUSLY! GRAAAAH!" He flung his hands in the air.

Johnson pointed at Hijikata as he practically chocked his frustration out of the air. "This one yells a lot, huh?"

"Everyone in this series does." Keiko commented.

"We apologize for his rudeness and his failure in being a decent human being." Okita said with a sincerely sarcastic bow, at Hijikata's expense of course.

"Oi, Sougo."

"Did you kill any of the others as you came in?" Keiko asked, cutting him off.

"No. Maybe put a few ugly ones into comas, but yeah, didn't get to kill anyone today."

"Oi…"

"Johnson!" Keiko shouted, reprimanding.

"Hey, don't get so hung up 'n it." Johnson shrugged.

"You could've asked for an official audience. Why barrel your way through like this and waste your energy?"

"Oi…"

"Well, if the Shinsengumi Headquarters can be so easily infiltrated we ought to take a look at retraining our men and replacing the Vice-Commander."

"OI!"

"Johnson is quite the skilled assassin, though. You shouldn't underestimate your force. I completely understand replacing the Vice-Commander, however." Keiko said in conventional Japanese politeness.

"Oi!"

Keiko continued, "But really, Johnson was even once an elder of the Harusame Pirates in her youth. I'm surprised that it even took her a whole minute to reach us."

"Really now?" Okita responded in equal politeness. "What made you come into caring for this crazy snow-b/witch here?" He asked, gesturing at Keiko. She frowned at the name.

"Well…" Johnson was about to start until Hijikata shouted: "Don't make small talk with the assassin!"

After a few more spats (mostly between Hijikata and Okita) and some explanations, Johnson-san and Keiko were left alone on the raised veranda circling the Shinsengumi quarters. Johnson had Keiko's left arm in her lap and examined it with care.

"Being tortured put your Marisu Regulator out of whack. You really ought to take better care of it." Johnson grumbled as she pulls out a Phillips driver from her belt and fiddled with a small piece of machinery embedded in Keiko's skin.

"You could hardly call that being 'tortured' especially after what all your bosses put me through."

"Can you blame 'em? You're a misbehavin' pawn."

"Well, I'm sick of men having their way with me so there's absolutely no way I'm going to follow along in a plan that has the sole purpose of me getting pregnant. That's what the king and queen are supposed to do, have at it like crazy until a prince is born. A pawn is just supposed to be a pawn."

"So your ice powers made you frigid in bed, huh?"

"Ew. You know I hate puns."

"Liar. You secretly love that stuff." Johnson relinquished the arm and Keiko cautiously fingered the area where skin met machine in a clash of claret red. "So you still have those annoying ice powers, huh? I noticed the ice on that man's face earlier."

The old woman gave her a long glove that Keiko took, almost out of habit, and pulled and draped it over her arm, hiding the secret implanted in her skin.

"Yeah, I do. Funny, huh?" Keiko smirked as she glanced at her gloved hand and forearm. "That the thing causing men to be attracted to me is producing the only power I have to keep them at bay."

"Not funny, it's inconvenient." Johnson hissed comically.

Keiko chuckled, returning her arm to her side. "Having some form of inconvenience is a nice change of pace. I mean, heck, they let me out of the Interrogation room in a matter of minutes. That wouldn't happen unless I had this thing in me. Convenience after convenience. But when something inconvenient happens, the universe is set straight once again. So, for me, inconvenience is welcome anytime."

"You talk way too much for a woman. And as much as inconvenience may be welcome to you, it isn't for us."

"That's why it's nice." Keiko lifted her brows. "So did you figure out how they find out about me? And about Haru?"

Johnson sighed. "We have people working to find out. But it's likely that we've got a mole."

Keiko ground her teeth and glowered. "It'll only be a matter of time until I'll see them then. And I tried so hard to stay away from Edo."

"Hey. You never know. Maybe the only place you'll see your brother will be when you see the familial resemblance when you look in the mirror." Johnson laughed as she walks away.

"It's not my brother I'm worried about seeing."

That comment stopped Johnson mid-step.

"Either way, your stuff is with the the Shinsengumi Commander and there's going to be a flood of reporters later on today so be ready."

"Hai." Keiko murmured, rubbing her temples. Then she jerked suddenly and turned to her warden, grabbing her arm. "Johnson. Is he safe?"

Johnson looked down at her with unreadable eyes, then slowly stated, "As long as you stay here until the higher-ups are satisfied, he'll be fine."

A sense of defeat filled Keiko who released Johnson's arm as she stood. "I figured," she said with a half-laugh. "I'm a girl with out-of-control pheromones living in a confined area with over a hundred men who are devoted to the Bakufu…" Keiko chuckled softly and wryly. "You guys really aren't taking any chances, are you?"

"Of course not," the warden stood with a huff and looked up to Keiko, "So, get f*cked properly please."

"...Oi."

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A/N:

Maybe I should change the rating….