Chapter 32: Keeping the Darkness at Bay
Man, this whole week has been messed up, Kyoko thought to herself. She didn't even begin to know what the hell to think anymore. So many strange things had happened, things she'd never even heard of before: the multiple Witches they'd fought through what had apparently been multiple barriers, the shadowy boss Witch and its cache of Soul Gems, the strange changes in their powers... the glowing eyes. It was, well, pretty fucked up stuff, when she stopped to think about it.
Add to that the brush with those stupid yakuza, running into that Maeko bitch, having to kill a bunch of girls... and do it all over again when one got all Witchy.
Not to mention those men they'd slaughtered, and worse, in this town. Or the ones the blunette had... encountered, back in Mitakihara.
Wow, thought Kyoko, impressed. That's quite a body count, even for me. Hope that's not a consequence of me being around this chick. She shrugged. Even if it was...
As she watched Sayaka scan the lobby intently, seeing that crazy look of recognition behind her azure eyes, Kyoko's concern began to melt away. A bittersweet melancholy had been hovering at the edge of her awareness, and she almost stopped fighting it. Preparing for the worst, as she had so many times before.
It hadn't all been bad. There had been parts...
Opening her eyes as the blunette, streaming water, knelt over her on an evil beach. The concern in the girl's eyes while the red-head had lain entangled, watching the scything blade descending, the screaming volley of power that had saved her. The wonderful feeling of closeness, their shared experiences something no one else could begin to comprehend. The feel of the younger girl's strength, flowing into her in a fierce embrace, and that astounding feeling of being the one providing comfort to someone so important...
Her pulse spiked. It always did so, when she remembered how their fingers had intertwined, the rings touching-
Closing her eyes, she smiled to herself, just a bit. There had been parts that had definitely been worth it.
"We gotta go up."
Crimson eyes snapped open. Enough of that. "Okay, lets." Kyoko wasn't surprised there was no one behind the clerk's station; it was approaching an ungodly hour of the morning, and the streets had been mostly empty. The lobby seemed utterly deserted, silent and eerie after their journey through the early morning darkness.
Sayaka headed toward an elevator, seeming to have regained some of her composure. She thinks she's close to something, the veteran noticed. I hope she find's what she's looking for. The younger girl's reticence, the sudden rift in communication, was what had bothered her the most. She'd been resentful at first, but remembered how she had felt, after... well, she was no stranger to needing answers but being unable to talk about the problem that you obsessed over. She just wished the stubborn blunette would come clean and let her understand how she could start helping the little-
There was a pleasant chime, and the elevator doors slid open. Kyoko followed her friend inside, lounging against the far wall. The doors closed, and the red-head waited, watching the younger girl's back. She was just standing there.
"Uh, Sayaka?" Nothing. "B-a-... Hey, you ready? We're in..."
The blunette turned around, eyes narrowed with an unhealthy intensity and more than a spark of annoyance. "I'm thinking! I'm not crazy, I know where we are." Kyoko caught her mumbling, under her breath, "More than you do."
"Okay, then, no rush..." Kyoko watched Sayaka reach out, hitting the button for floor 5. The floor shuddered, and the numbers began to light up as they climbed.
Sayaka started breathing heavily, still facing the door, her shoulders beginning to shake. Kyoko reached out impulsively, grabbing her hand.
She gasped. Her heart felt like it had just been tazed, and she was one to know. Kyoko felt the disgusting taste rise up the back of her throat, her stomach clenching sickeningly in time with her throbbing temples. She took a deep, shuddering breath. She hadn't felt this afraid since... a long time ago. All the same, Kyoko was no stranger to fear. She knew how to master it, and luckily, the remedy played to her greatest strength.
Goddamn psychic backwash, Kyoko cursed, allowing the building sense of anger to wash away the lingering effect of Sayaka's mood. You don't get that scared by yourself; something is terrifying her, and I'm going to figure out what and kill the shit out of it.
Sayaka looked at her with wide, fearful eyes, clutching her hand where the rings had touched.
"Sayaka," the red-head half-growled through clenched teeth. "What the hell is going on?"
The elevator chimed, twice. The doors slid open. Sayaka was panting, looking horrified and pathetic, her fingers locked in a death grip on her skirt. Kyoko felt a stab of pity for the girl, hating herself for feeling that way but unable to prevent it. Pity was for the weak; she had grown to admire the younger girl.
And not just in that way.
She knew Sayaka would never leave her behind. She was too damn noble. And despite the blunette's hardline approach to morality, a somewhat twisted definition of right and wrong, the younger girl had done what Kyoko had thought unthinkable. She'd broken her own personal code to save her.
Sayaka stepped out of the elevator, looking like she knew where she was going. Kyoko followed, remembering the blunette's attack, shredding the girls who'd had the veteran down and surrounded. Stupid lucky shot, I can't believe that bitch snagged me. I could have handled it myself, Kyoko insisted with a trace of self-deception, but the fact that Sayaka had done that... How many people could say their girlfriend was literally willing to kill for them? If she could stop thinking about that dripping red, skeletal corpse... it would actually be kind of hot.
The younger girl stopped in front of a door. It read: 517.
She tried the knob. Kyoko couldn't help rolling her eyes, shaking her head as the blunette began fumbling more desperately with the handle. She became alarmed when the younger girl raised a fist and began banging on the door. She got in two knocks before the red-head had grabbed her arm.
"Shhh! What are you doing?" Kyoko glanced around. She was done with this stupid city, and the last thing they needed was someone calling the cops at this hour of the morning.
"I need to get in there Kyoko, it's in there, I know it!"
"What's in there?" the older girl whispered urgently. "What the fuck is going on? Why are we breaking into this apartment?"
Sayaka's eyes were wild. "Just... I'll explain, everything. But I need to get in there!" She looked on the verge of tears again. "P-please..."
Kyoko pulled out a small bag from the pocket of her short cut-offs. Digging out a few slim metal rods, she bent over the lock and got to work. "Good thing this place hasn't upgraded to those damn electronic locks," Kyoko whispered, half to herself. It may as well have been completely to herself, given the lack of reaction from the other girl, who stared at the door impatiently, somehow still radiating dread.
The problem with biometrics, the older girl mused, was that a finger was only good for a couple days at most, before the skin began to slough off, ruining the print.
Click. Smiling, Kyoko turned the knob and looked back at her friend-
Sayaka burst into the room, colliding with the red-head before pushing past. "Oof." The place was dark, lit only by the lights from the street below, a pale gray nimbus along the ceiling. The windows overlooked the city, several large buildings occupying a significant portion of the view. "You're welcome," Kyoko muttered peevishly. Trying the switch along the wall, but with no apparent effect, she waited a moment for her eyes to adjust. Something about this place was weird...
She blinked as pale, yellow light flickered on, illuminating a hallway. Then she heard the scream.
"NOOOOOO!"
Instantly, she was sprinting across the room, a crimson flash illumining the empty, immaculate room. Feeling her outfit clinging to her comfortingly, spear in hand, she charged down the hallway, pushing off and leaping into the room lit up by a single, ceiling-mounted lamp.
Sayaka was there, head in her hands. The room was empty. Just carpet and four walls.
Completely empty.
Kyoko crouched down, putting her hands on the younger girl's shoulders, her costume vanishing back into regular clothing. Sayaka looked up, her eyes swimming with tears, looking so forlorn, so lost... "Sayaka..."
"It's not here. It's gone. It's... gone."
Time to wash this thing again, Kyoko thought, feeling increasingly detached. Baffled. Sayaka had spent the last... forever, it seemed like, crying on her shoulder. Hysterically, then gasping painfully, then weakly. It had been the longest ten minutes of the red-head's life, almost. She'd just held her, stroking her hair, feeling the very worst feeling of all. Powerless.
There was nothing here. It was an empty apartment.
Finally, finally the blunette had seemed to gather herself. Or, maybe, was just too exhausted to cry anymore. She wiped her eyes for the dozenth time, and Kyoko's gaze was drawn to her lower lip, sticking out and quivering. "S-s-sorry."
"Don't be sorry, just tell me what the hell's happening here, Sayaka! Please... you gotta let me in, here." Kyoko knew how she must look, the pleading, desperate eyes... and hated herself for it. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"
The blunette took a shuddering breath, shifting to cross her legs beneath her. "I... omygod you must think I'm a... some kinda crazy..."
"The thought had crossed my mind," Kyoko admitted wryly. Sayaka just stared at her, mouth twitching. Shit, the red-head though. Too soon?
But Sayaka suddenly smiled, a bit sadly, but genuine all the same. "Yeah, well. Maybe I am." She looked the other girl straight in the eye for the first time in what felt like hours. "This place... it's where that Witch we fought use to live. Back when she was a girl, and then a Puella Magi." Sayaka shuddered. "She... it... spent it's whole life here. This was h... it's room."
Kyoko looked around, not wanting to contradict her possibly crazy-ass girlfriend, but... "Um, there's nothing here. Nobody lives here." Sayaka opened her mouth, but the questions kept coming. "Even if... someone, what her family? If they were here... what help would that be? What did you expect to find?"
The haunted look was back in the blunette's eyes. "This Witch, let's call her Gabrielle-"
"Huh?" Kyoko was taken aback.
"It's just a... feeling I got. When I, um..."
"I realize I'm bombarding you with questions here, but... any idea what that is about? The whole... memory thing?"
Sayaka shook her head helplessly. "No, but I'm scared, Kyoko-"
"No shit, nearly exploded my heart when I touched you in the elevator."
"Well, what do you want? You want me to be sorry for being terrified about some horrible possib-" The younger girl stopped, watching Kyoko's slim eyebrows climb her forehead expectantly, head tilting charmingly as if to say, Yes, I do. Wouldn't you?
"Fine. Sorry."
Kyoko smiled. After a second, Sayaka did too.
"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?"
The blunette frowned. "I mean it, though. Kyoko, something... something's wrong with me."
"What? What do you mean?"
"Remember... when I was asking you about C-contracting..."
"You mean, like half an hour ago while we were walking here?" The red eyes rolled. "Yes, I do remember that, as a matter of-"
"Don't be an ass. I asked because... well, when I was, um, let's call it 'dreaming,' well... it was like I saw her life."
"Like a movie or something?"
"Kind of, like I was inside her head, almost."
"Like the movie Being John Malkovich?"
Sayaka frowned. "What?"
"Nevermind."
An azure glare cut across the room. "Do you mind? Should I answer your questions, or...?"
"Oh no, please, answer away. I'm just, ya know, trying to keep things light."
It was Sayaka's turn to roll her eyes. "Whatever you say, Kyoko."
"Well, you're not crying anymore, right?"
Sayaka considered that; it had some merit. "Whatever. So yeah, a movie of her life. It's life. And... what happened. Kyubey did something to her, Kyoko. Something bad."
Kyoko nodded, having long come to terms with that sad fact. "He's done something bad to all of us. I mean, there's a reason they don't let people our age vote, or drink, or even drive! Taking someone's soul for a... childhood wish, and the way it always..."
The red-head was startled when the blunette's hand gently gripped her shoulder. "You're right, you're so right... but that's not what I mean. When it... when the Incubator granted her wish, it... reached. Inside her." Sayaka watched Kyoko's eyes intently.
Her eyes narrowed, disgusted. "Are you saying-"
"It reached into her chest, with those arms coming out of its ears. It did something. To her. I think... to her soul."
Kyoko held up a hand, needing to sort out her spinning thoughts. First, she'd thought... yuck. Mutant devil man-cat alien hybrid abomination. Well, it wasn't that bad, at least. "Can you explain it to me? What do you mean, 'it did something to her soul'?" Something was wrong; this didn't make sense. Kyubey, the little prick, had never laid a paw on her... undoubtedly it knew the outcome of such an action.
Still that strange stare. Expectant, but worried, too. "Kyubey... when it reached inside her, it did something to her. It... was painful to her, she was trying to scream, but... And then-"
"And then? There's more?"
"Later. A little before... the Magical Girl turned. K-Kyubey d-did something to her. Again. It... it touched her Soul Gem... I think it did something bad to her. I think it, um, corrupted her. Sh... it got all crazy, like, homicidal. She turned into a monster. I bet there were some bad memories in this place... bet that's why it's empty. She killed people." Sayaka couldn't help leaning closer to her friend, watching her imploringly. "I think Kyubey did something that made her into a Witch."
"What?" Kyoko cried. "That... that doesn't make any sense, though, Sayaka. I've never seen Kyubey hurt anyone... he's an arrogant little bastard, and he tricks and cajoles girls into Contracting, but... I just don't see..."
Sayaka looked devastated. Out of all the people in the world, she expected her incredibly special, amazingly wonderful friend she felt such a connection to... to believe her.
"I mean, his race doesn't even have the capacity to feel emotions! What you're saying... it's like he's some kind of sadistic manipulator... hmm." Wait a second... Nah. Nothing could pull off an act that good.
"At least, that's what it wants you to believe." Sayaka paused as the red-head looked at her. "Us. All of us." Her last utterance was broken by a half-sob. She put a hand over her face.
Shit. Sensing her error, Kyoko overcame her mental paralysis. "I believe you. Really, I do," she reassured her friend, who was looking positively weepy again. "It's just... I wasn't thinking. We're going to figure this shit out. It's so... messed up." It felt like an epic understatement, but was all she could come up with.
Wait a sec. Why was she so upset over...?
"I know... it's just... scary, I feel so alone-"
"Sayaka, what aren't you telling me? Why are you so freaked out by this, what happened to this... Witch?" Her mouth was suddenly very dry.
The blunette lowered her head, and her voice to a whisper. "Kyoko... the Incubator... did it to me, too."
Kyoko stared.
"I didn't know... know that it wasn't supposed to be... that way. Like that. I just thought, the pain was, I guess, my soul getting ripped out of my body." Sayaka giggled, a little hysterically. "I mean, you'd think it would hurt, right?"
Kyoko kept staring, her eyes narrowing a fraction.
"I... I don't know what to do!" Sayaka cried suddenly, losing all semblance of calm. "I know he turned her into a Witch, I know it... and me! It's going to happen to me! I'm going to eat my friends!"
Kyoko sprang into action, grabbing her friend's shoulders, giving her a shake. "Sayaka, baby, slow down. Let's-" she winced, "talk this out. Take some deep breaths. Sorry, I know you don't like it when I call you that-"
Instantly, the tears were back. "N-no," the blunette gasped. "I lied... oh god... I like... when... you saaaaay iiiiit," she sobbed, clutching the red-head tightly. Kyoko was actually starting to feel a little out of breath. "I couldn't... help it," the younger girl sniffled, "I was so freaked out... I didn't mean to hurt you."
Kyoko couldn't decide whether to roll her eyes or smile blissfully; the fact that, now of all times, this crazy blunette was worried about having hurt her feelings...
"Christ, you dumb girl, you need to stop beating yourself up. I can handle it if you need some space. I know what it's like, kind of." The blunette looked up curiously, but she went on. "What I don't want is for you to go all silent on me again! We walked halfway across this damn city, and you wouldn't even drop me a hint..."
"It was the journal. I wanted to find her journal."
Kyoko's perplexed expression was eloquent enough for Sayaka to elaborate.
"The girl, who turned into a Witch. Who I call Gabrielle. Her journal."
"Uhhh..."
"I thought, maybe, there'd be proof, somehow. Maybe some kind of, I dunno, hint or something. Obviously she didn't figure out how to, um, break the curse or whatever." Again, that disturbing giggle.
A hopeful idea sprang into Kyoko's mind. "Is this even the right place? Maybe... I don't know, maybe it was one of those really, uh, real dreams, like, your past experiences or something, manifesting in some kind of, ah, unconscious... um, Freudian... you know what I mean," she finished, even as Sayaka shook her head.
"No, that would be so much better. Just a vivid dream... Come here." the younger girl patted the floor next to her. Kyoko scooted across the carpet, careful of the bare thighs her short-shorts exposed. The blunette pointed, and her gaze followed, up, out a window... and there it was, the tower, so similar to the one that had housed this... Gabrielle, the Witch, in her barrier. Like a clutching hand.
"This is where she slept. That's what she saw when she went to sleep at night, when she woke up in the morning. As she sat at the desk that would have been..." Sayaka pointed. "there." She sighed. "It's meaningless, just a piece of landscape that sort of imprinted on her. There's no clue here. This whole idea was stupid, I wasn't thinking clearly. I mean, what... what use could it even have been...?
"I don't want to die, Kyoko. But... I can't live like this. I'm so... scared. Even before... this, I was just a frightened little girl wandering around, trying to prove myself to myself. That's... that's why I let Madoka come along, I was so scared. You were right, it was selfish and dangerous. I don't know if I can keep going, I'm sorry, I'm so weak-"
"That's bullshit and you know it." Kyoko spoke in an angry growl, heedless of the blunette's wide, fearful eyes. "You're scared, fine. I'm not afraid to admit I'm a little freaked out myself. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up, to roll over and let... whatever, whoever is responsible for this shit to get away with it."
"But-"
"You felt bad that this... stuff happened to... Gabrielle?" Sayaka nodded. "Even though she was that fucked up Witch that, if you recall, ate us..." Sayaka nodded again, a little more hesitantly. "So, something that you think was done to her... and you. Something potentially horrible. Don't you want to figure out what the hell's really going on? You're going to let Kyubey get away with that? If that is what he did, are you going to sit back and him do that to another girl?
"Or are you going to do something about it?"
"I c-can't stant it anymore," Sayaka sobbed. "I feel... so s-scared. It's... it's too much. The pain-" Her face twisted in agony, the blunette buried her head in Kyoko's lap. "I'm so scared, I feel like I'm losing myself. Nothing makes sense," she wept. "I feel so alone. I don't want to feel like this anymore!"
The red-head looked down at the blue-haired head in her lap, bringing her hand up to stroke the girl comfortingly. Bending down, she ran her fingers through blue locks, uncovering an ear. "You're not alone, Sayaka," she whispered. "I'm here. Here for you," she finished fervently, trying to express the feelings swirling around inside of her.
"It... it just s-seems hopeless," Sayaka sniffled. "I don't know what to do anymore..."
"You're thinking about things wrong, love." Azure eyes opened at the word, failing to see the color that crept into Kyoko's cheeks through the blur of tears. "Stop thinking about everything else, everyone else. What do you want?"
"Wh-what do... I want?" Sayaka murmured, as if the question had never occured to her before. She wiped her eyes with the back of a hand.
"What do you want, Miki Sayaka? Your wish, the way you act... hell, the way you think! You're always concerned about somebody else." Barely able to contain herself, Kyoko pushed on, holding the blunette pinned below her with the fiery intensity of her stare. "You need to start thinking about you, girl."
Glistening oceans of blue opening up below her, threatening to swallow her resolve, Kyoko willed the other girl to feel what she felt.
"I... I just want this to be over," choked Sayaka. "But... things are so bad-"
"I want it over, too, Sayaka." She grabbed her friend's left hand in her own, weaving their fingers together so that the rings touched. Sayaka gasped, and azure eyes sparkled, thinking. Kyoko continued onward, taking the younger girl's hands in her own. "But, you need something, until it is. You need a reason. You're not like me; revenge, aggression, those aren't things that will keep you grounded. You need to figure out why you want to live. What you can hold on to."
The blunette looked confused. "A reason to live...?"
"Melodramatic, I guess, but basically." The red-head shrugged. "What do you want out of life, Sayaka? What is it that you hope for out of all of this?" Kyoko waved a hand theatrically to encompass the entire world.
Sayaka considered for a moment. "I want to help people, keep them safe, like Tomoe Mami did. I-"
Kyoko held up a hand to stop her. "That's not what you want, it's something you want to do. It's different. What do you want, Sayaka?"
"I... I want to live-"
"You're doing that now! Come on, baby, what is it that you want more than anything?"
Sayaka hesitated, tears in her eyes. "It's selfish."
"Duh, it's what you want more than anything!" Kyoko rolled her eyes dramatically.
"It's impossible."
This time Kyoko rolled her eyes without comment.
"I want to be... happy?" The way blunette said it, it came out a question.
The older girl smiled. "Well, that makes sense. And vague enough that you might even be able to get some of what you want. Now you just have to convince yourself you deserve it." That was a trick she herself had yet to master. "Think about what makes you happy, Sayaka. Think about what you want to fight for. Want, not need; this is your choice. We're going to figure out what's going on, but in the meantime you have to figure out how to get a hold of some of that happy, friend." She paused, brows furrowing at the blunette's odd stare.
"You." It was barely a whisper, little more than a breath.
Kyoko's own breath caught. She leaned closer. "What?"
Sayaka looked up, abruptly blushing. "I... know it might be forward, but... Kyoko, I don't know what I'd do without you. I was so scared, lost, and you... I want, more than anything, to be with you. Oh god, that sounded so desperate." Sayaka sighed. "I don't even care. That's how pathetic I am. There. Happy?"
Kyoko was happy, but she wasn't showing it. Her glowering snarl made the blunette lean away, scooting back like a crab. "Nobody talks to my woman that way," she spat, advancing on her friend. The blunette stopped, then flashed a quick, hopeful grin.
"We're in this together, baby, until the end. I promise. Let's make each other happy. Let's enjoy this, what we have, like there's no tomorrow... we both know that's a definite possibility, with or without strange alien Soul Gem tampering." Sayaka tensed, but Kyoko held firm, whispering softly in her friend's ear. "But I'd take one day with you over an infinity of the life I was living before. I... I want you to know I'll be here for you, Sayaka, and I know you'll be here for me.
"You'll never be alone, not when we have each other."
Liquid, blue eyes looked up, searching. "You and me? You promise?"
Kyoko didn't dwell on how she was being asked to make a promise for, essentially, the second time. "Promise. Us against the world."
Instantly, Sayaka was attacking her, the veteran gasping in shock as the blunette connected with her, face first. And then her breath was cut off, smothered by the delicately soft but suddenly insistent lips pressed tight against her own. Powerful arms encircling her, pulling her close...
Sayaka pulled back, Kyoko staring at the yearning look the blunette gave her. Her eyes, still puffy and red-rimmed, were alive with a passion Kyoko hadn't seen all night. It makes her look so beautiful...
"I don't want to think about any of this; the dream, going home, school... any of it. All I want to think about is you, Kyoko. Help me... help me forget, at least for a while..."
Kyoko held her friend tightly, vowing to keep the darkness at bay.
*SLAM*
Thank you for all the sweet, sweet reviews. Thanks particularly for pointing out things you were confused by, it was perfect. I hope at least some stuff was, if not cleared up, at least partially explained. As always, let me know if you feel the urge, and your thinking is always appreciated. It was a bit moody, so constructive criticism appreciated.
In case you have an opinion, it could go a few different ways. Who'd you like to see things from the next chapter, Homura, Kyubey or Madoka?