Emma Swan

I turned off my alarm before it even had a chance to sound this morning. Apparently, I didn't need a wakeup call this Thursday morning. I haven't truly slept at all this week. I would maybe get an hour or so here and there, but I've been spending most of my nights tossing and turning. The last good night sleep I had was the morning Regina slept over.

The lovely woman has been calling every day to check up on me and on Tuesday she even brought me dinner. Now it's time for her seven-a.m. class and I'm dreading it. I've been attending all my classes this week but trying to stay focused has been hell.

I just can't wrap my head around the fact, Neal was caught. Five years with that man, wasted. I thought, no, I believed with everything I had that we were going to end up together. I would graduate, we would get married and maybe even have kids after I turned thirty. Now all that is gone, and I'm left with nothing. Nothing but memories that haunt me. My room, my car, my house, are filled with five years' worth of memories.

He even haunts my dreams. I keep having the same reoccurring dream, just when I am beginning to fall asleep. It's of Neal one day coming back to find me and he tells me how sorry he is. That's when I wake up in a cold sweat and that's exactly why I can't sleep. It's the same vicious cycle that I can't seem to break no matter how hard I try. Ruby and Belle are doing their best to keep me occupied but they are just a reminder of him as well.

I reluctantly rolled out of bed, throwing my hair up into a messy ponytail. I walked into my bathroom and stared at my reflection.

I don't even know that girl anymore. Fuck, I look terrible.

I tried to put my contacts in, but it was no use. My eyes were too puffy and irritated from all my crying. I slipped my glasses on and continued to prepare myself for another miserable day.

XXXXXXX

I decided this morning I should sit a little closer to the front of the class. I'm having a hard time listening so maybe this will help me stay focused. I heard the all too familiar sound of clicking heels against the tile and I knew my best friend wasn't too far. Hopefully she will cheer me up.

Miss Mills walked into the class and my first reaction was to swallow...hard.

Damn why am I finding her so attractive today? Maybe from that kiss?

My eyes wandered across her petite frame. She had on a pair of suede boots that ran all the way above her knee with a high heel. A small portion of her olive skin was on display before her black skirt was there.

First of all, that skin peeking out, what a tease! Second, that skirt is a mini skirt, a little on the risky side for school. She wore a silk black blouse that was low enough to see her cleavage popping out, with a maroon blazer over.

Why am I checking out my friend?

Regina strolled effortlessly through the classroom toward her desk but stopped in front of mine first. She placed her fingers on my desk and leaned down for only my ears to hear.

"Are you okay, Miss Swan?"

Her brown eyes were full of concern, but her tone was authoritative. I nodded slowly because my mind couldn't muster up words fast enough. She presented a stern nod in return and made her way to her desk before starting class.

My head was spinning as I watched her walk away. We were drunk and just experimenting, right? So why am I feeling this sudden rush of excitement when I see her? I'm looking at this woman in a whole new light and I swear she's glowing like an angel. This is impossible, there's no way that I'm developing feelings for this woman...my friend.

After three hours of my head bobbing up and down as I fought to stay awake, the class was finally over.

"Miss Swan, a word?" Regina clipped sternly causing me to roll my eyes at the brunette. I gathered my belongings and made my way to her desk. "Are you sure you're okay Swan? You look tired," this time her voice was soothing and more relaxed, sounding more like my friend.

"I am tired. I haven't really slept since you stayed over," I confessed.

Regina's shy disposition was on full display making me smile for the first time this week.

She hastily tried to change the subject, "Did you even pay attention at all today?"

"Nope," I deadpanned.

"Miss Swan!"

"Miss Mills!" I mocked. "What are you gonna do punish me?" I watched as the brunette struggled to remain calm. She made an audible gulp and turned her head, refusing to make eye contact. "So, are you gonna come back to my place and cuddle with me so I can maybe get some sleep?"

"I have a ton of work to get done. We are so close to the end of the semester," her tone snapped back to professional Mills, making my head spin.

I pouted out my bottom lip and sniffled in the most pathetic way. "Please, I'll call you Miss Mills the rest of the day..."

"Ugh, please don't dear," she exasperated while rolling her big brown eyes. I think she likes when I call her that a little too much. "Come on, let's go."

"Thank you," I whispered leaning in to kiss her cheek, but she was quick to pull away and reject my gesture.

"Classroom!" She reprimanded before we headed out the door.

Regina and I went back to my apartment. She tried to work on grading the last of her essays while I attempted to sleep. After a half an hour I couldn't sleep, and she couldn't focus because I was begging her to cuddle with me. She finally gave into my whining and allowed me cuddle into her side as we both drifted off into a deep sleep.

Regina and I woke up around six o'clock in the evening. Seven full, non-interrupted hours of sleep. We lazily stumbled into the living room to find Belle and Ruby eating Chinese.

"There's plenty of food, we made sure to order enough for you both," Belle explained when she noticed us walking in.

"How'd you sleep Emma?" Ruby asked with a mouth full of noodles.

"So good! Seven hours of heaven."

I started to unpack the food as Regina pulled down some plates from my cabinet.

"Looks like Mills is the trick," Ruby winked while both of us rolled our eyes in return.

I loaded our plates up and joined the other two in the living room. It was awfully quiet as we all sat around the living room and ate. I couldn't help but think something was wrong, because Ruby is never one to keep her trap shut.

"So, Emma. There's something you should or well might...want to know," Ruby finally confessed stumbling over her words.

Belle pulled a neatly folded up newspaper out from under her leg, instantly demanding everyone's attention in the room.

"I read the paper this morning and August was in it," Belle began explaining while her fingers fiddled with the edge of the paper.

I dropped my fork and leaned closer to her, holding out my hand, silently demanding the newspaper. Anything they were about to say would have been dead to my ears. I needed to read that paper for myself. Belle reluctantly handed it over before explaining.

"Um Emma, August was caught. Apparently, he had a cousin in Boston who worked at a jewelry store."

"Em, the stuff is still missing and so is Neal," Ruby admitted timidly.

I knew Ruby was having a hard time with this as well. Neal wasn't just my boyfriend. He was best friends with Ruby and Belle as well. We were all inseparable over the years. I'm not sure if my friends are worried for Neal's sake or if they are scared for my sake.

I read the article as fast as my eyes would allow while my heart hammered painfully in my chest. I was mostly scanning to see if Neal's name was mentioned at all in the article. I needed to know if they knew who the other guy involved was. I relaxed a little bit when I didn't see his name. Slowly I exhaled a long, exaggerated breathe of relief.

"August's case should go to trial in the next week or so," Belle explained.

"Do you think he will rat out Neal, to insure a lesser sentence?" I anxiously questioned the girls as my grip on the newspaper tightened in fear.

"I hope not," was all that Ruby muttered.

"Well at least now I know he wasn't lying, and he does love me. He didn't want to leave, and he was giving me my best chance."

Everyone fell silent after that as we tried to continue with our dinner.

XXXXXXXX

The end of May was here before we knew it. Finally, graduation was over and it's time to celebrate with my family. The only family I have, Ruby, Belle and Regina.

Those three have been amazing since Neal left a little over a month ago. I'm forever thankful that they were there for me, to help me get through this rough time. Now it's time for me to stop moping around and start looking forward to my future. I'm going to continue with my plan, get a job related to sociology and work for my masters.

The four of us were back at the apartment discussing what we wanted to do for the remainder of the evening, in honor of our graduation.

"Let's go to The Pub, it's our place," Ruby suggested as she poured four glasses of white wine.

"Shouldn't we do something different? Maybe go somewhere fancy," Belle countered.

"Why don't we just stay in and drink?" I offered because my entire body felt like I was hit by a freight train, after that never-ending ceremony.

"Emma Swan doesn't want to go out? Call an ambulance this girl needs to get to a hospital stat!" Ruby joked pretending to be in a panic as she clenched her chest.

"Shut up! Maybe I'm just over the whole going out scene. I rather just sit at home, drink some wine and talk," I casually explained.

"In all seriousness, are you sure you're okay Emma?" Regina asked in a concerned motherly way, prompting my eyes to roll in annoyance.

"Yes, I'm fine. You know what, let's go to The Pub." I set down my full glass and reached for my keys. I spun the key ring around my finger and smirked. "Who's coming?"

XXXXXXXXX

The bass from the music was pumping hard against my eardrums. My clothes were actually vibrating from the intolerable sound. The flashing lights were in full effect tonight making me feel a little queasy. We squeezed our way through the crowd and found a table in the back corner next to the bathroom and that's probably why this table is still vacant.

"It's packed tonight!" Ruby screamed across the table while leaning forward so we wouldn't miss her words.

"It's probably because of graduation," Belle confirmed.

"So, Belle when are we going to meet this mystery man?" I asked playfully earning a dramatic eye roll from those icy blue irises.

"He's not ready yet."

"He's not, or you're not dear?" Regina asked prompting us to laugh.

"We both aren't. I want to enjoy this time. I'm still getting to know him. I don't want to rush anything."

A waitress with a tray of long colorful tubes walked by, breaking us from our conversation. "Shots girls?" We each took two and tossed some money her way.

"Here's to the next step in our lives. Our future!" Ruby screamed as we all clinked our shots together and threw them back with expertise.

My stomach instantly twisted as my gag reflex flinched. Something didn't sit right with me, I wasn't even sure what kind of alcohol that was. I swallowed quickly trying to force the alcohol back down my throat. I leaned into Regina's side and whispered in her ear.

"Can you hold this, I'm going to run to the restroom." She nodded and held out her hand for me to place my shot in.

The moment I stepped into the bathroom, I exhaled and felt relief from the obnoxious music and dizzy lights. I sluggishly stomped over to the sink and turned on the cold water. The cool liquid was practically evaporating from my cheeks the second I splashed my face. I took a quick glimpse in the mirror to discover how flushed my cheeks were.

I cupped my hand and sipped a little water hoping to calm down whatever this feeling was in my stomach. I took an extra minute or two to relax and breathe slowly before I made my way back to the table.

"You okay?" Regina inquired while handing my shot back to me.

"Of course. What, a girl can't pee?"

She faked a smile, that I am all too familiar with by now, while her eyes were intently focused on only me.

Why do her looks make me feel so nervous?

"Now that you're back," Ruby held up her shot coaxing everyone to follow her lead, "here's to being young and free!"

I was hesitant to take my shot, thinking something was wrong with it from the first one, but I took it anyway. And I regret it! I fought back against my reflexes to gag again and swallowed down the nasty alcohol. My whole body buzzed as I shuddered violently.

"What is in those things?" I coughed out.

"Rum," Belle deadpanned as all three girls shot me the same questioning look.

My body broke out into a sweat and for some reason I don't think it has anything to do with the massive amount of people surrounding me.

"Let's dance!" Ruby screamed pulling Belle to follow.

"I'm gonna hang out here. I'm a bit tired."

"I'll stay here with her," Regina insisted as the two brunettes left, barging their way to the dance floor. I swept my annoying long hair to one side and fanned my neck in a lame attempt to cool down my heated body. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes. You've asked me like ten times tonight, fuck!" I didn't mean to sound so annoyed but that's exactly how it came out.

"You just seem off, no need to jump down my throat Swan!" Regina wasn't one to let me slide with an attitude since we became so close.

"I know, I'm sorry. I feel like maybe there was something in those drinks. They didn't sit well with me and they definitely didn't taste like rum," I confessed. Regina's brows furrowed, and her lips pouted out as she contemplated my reasoning. Why do those thick lips send my heart into overdrive? "I think I'm just tired. The last few weeks with school ending, exams and Neal. My body is just shutting down," I stammered as I tried to come up with any excuse to my poor behavior.

"Well we can leave if you want," Regina proposed and I didn't hesitate to nod along.

"Yeah, I think it's best. I'm feeling a bit dizzy now." Regina nodded before gripping my hand tightly.

The brunette dragged me through the crowded bar to say goodbye to the girls. Everything felt a little fuzzy which wasn't normal for me after two shots. I don't really remember walking through the bar, I just know I'm standing on the sidewalk with the evening breeze cooling my cheeks.

Regina was fumbling with her purse trying to find her keys when two guys approached us.

"Hey ladies, how are you this evening?" The taller man asked...or maybe it was the smaller guy. I don't really know who's talking.

"Fine. Thank you," I hiccupped generating a dirty look from Regina.

"Would you two like to accompany us for a few drinks?"

"No thank you," Regina sternly stated still rummaging for her keys.

"Just one drink? And then we can give you a lift back?"

"No," Regina replied not giving the men any attention.

"You can choose the bar."

"No."

"How about this one right here? You won't have to walk far."

"Jeez!" Regina yelled in annoyance.

Before I could comprehend what was happening her pouty lips were on mine. Her tongue was invading my mouth aggressively, claiming my mouth and inevitably turning me on. Damn this is hot! She abruptly pulled away and glared at the dumbfounded men before us.

"Now, will you please fuck off and leave my girlfriend and I alone?" She snapped.

Both guys walked away with their tails tucked between their legs. An evil smirk slipped across her face, before she finally pulled out her keys and opened the door for me. I stared at my friend bewildered by what just happened.

"What was that?"

"A way to get those guys to leave us alone. Now get in."

I obeyed and quickly climbed into her car. The fresh air helped my mind find my bearings, but now that I'm confined to this car, I'm not looking forward to this ride.

We were almost back to my apartment when Regina pulled into a convenient store parking lot.

"I have to run in really quick, do you need anything?"

"Maybe a ginger ale, to settle my stomach?" I sheepishly asked but she nodded before stepping out of the car.

When we arrived at home, I sprinted straight for my bedroom. I stripped out of my clothes and put on the most comfortable pajamas I owned. Regina was awfully quiet, but she followed closely behind like my damn shadow.

I went into my bathroom and began brushing my teeth trying to rid my mouth of any alcohol. Regina entered a few moments after I did and slumped down on the toilet seat. She was holding a plastic bag, staring blankly at it before she tossed it onto the counter in front of me. I spit out my toothpaste and rinsed my mouth before flashing her a quizzical look.

"Take it," she demanded, a little too cold for my liking.

"What is it?" I picked up the bag and reached inside.

"Take it now."

My eyes went wide, my stomach flip flopped, and I was nauseous all over again. I pulled out the pink box, completely baffled as to why she would buy this.

"You've got to be kidding me?"

"Nope. You've been moody, snapping at me all the time lately, you've been overly tired and feeling nauseous. Take. IT!" She demanded once again with such force I felt like a scolded child.

"I'm not pregnant. I'm telling you something was off with those drinks."

"I'm not telling you again Swan."

"Fine! Move!" I snapped forcing her to stand from the toilet.

I lifted the lid and began tearing through the package.

There's no way I'm pregnant.

My hands began to shake as I fumbled to open the box. With trembling hands, I pulled out the white stick. Why am I shaking so much? I know it's going to say negative.

Regina turned slightly allowing me some privacy as I pulled my sweatpants down. After I peed on the stick I placed the cap back on and laid it on the counter. Regina turned back around but her cold mask was up, and I couldn't read her expression. This was a first for me, because I can always tell what she's thinking.

"You're going to feel stupid when it reads negative," I said trying to provoke the woman because I needed to know what she was thinking. She shrugged casually but didn't say a word. After a minute I picked up the stick, not looking at it and shoved it in Regina's face, "Look!" I watched her brown eyes shift to the stick and then lock onto mine. Her face was expressionless, the only thing that gave her emotions away was her bottom lip quivered the slightest bit.

"Emma look at it," she calmly whispered as her sorrowful eyes peered into mine.

I quickly whipped the stick around and saw the word, positive, written across the tiny screen.

"No. No, there's no way. There's false positives. I'll take another one," I suggested in complete denial.

"Fine but if that one comes back positive then will you admit it?"

"It won't," I declared coldly as I ripped open another package.

Regina sighed while I wondered why she bought three boxes. Clearly, she knows me and how stubborn I am.

All three tests, all three positive. I paced frantically around my room as Regina sat calmly at the edge of my bed.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me?" That's all I've been mumbling for the past half hour.

"Emma come sit down, let's talk about this."

"Talk about what?" I snapped turning my attention back toward the brunette. "I'm not keeping it."

"You're going to have an abortion?" She asked appearing slightly horrified.

"No, but I will give it up for adoption."

"So, you're going to put your baby through exactly what you went through. I thought you hated being in the system?"

"I did, but maybe I can have a nice family all lined up before it's born," I explained with a little hope.

I finally stopped my obsessive pacing and sat down on the bed facing Regina. Her facial features were soft as she offered me a small smile. The compassion in her eyes was the only thing keeping me from having a nervous breakdown.

"Why don't you take some time to think about it. You have nine months to decide. You just found out, allow yourself time to process this situation," her voice was calming and sincere as she placed a hand upon my bouncing knee.

"I can't. Regina this baby will be a constant reminder of Neal. Every time I look at it, I'll see him," I confessed as the tears began to swell in my eyes. "What if I end up resenting the baby?" I stood up and turned away from Regina, so my tears could fall freely without her eyes on me. "No, I can't."

My voice cracked, and I wasn't even sure if she heard what I said. Then she was there, standing in front of me and pulling me into her chest.

"It's going to be okay Emma. I promise. I will be here every step of the way. Whatever you need, I have your back."

She pulled away but laced our fingers together to reassure my mind that she wasn't leaving my side. Regina led me over to the bed and urged me to lay down. I stiffly climbed into bed, but she was right there beside me every step of the way. She covered us with a blanket as I cuddled into her chest. Regina wrapped her arms around me and held me close as I cried my eyes out.

"I'm not ready to be a mother."