Hope you enjoy… 😊
Alone Time
After two surgeries and five days in a hospital bed, Jane was ready to go home. She had become restless as she struggled to regain her strength, but it was slow going and left her feeling exhausted. It didn't help that her room had a revolving door with a steady stream of friends and family coming and going but there was one glaring omission, one that left her feeling lonely and afraid.
Maura hadn't been to see Jane since her last surgery on her shoulder and that had been three days ago. Angela and Constance had been a constant presence, and both had become quiet adept at making excuses for Maura's absences. The reality of what she had put Maura through was almost too much for her to bare so she didn't press for the answers she was anxious to hear.
A combination of anger and self-loathing weighed heavily on Jane's mind, causing her to evaluate where her life was headed, and she couldn't help but wonder if it was a life without Maura. Just as her thoughts took a dark turn, Maura appeared in the doorway with a hesitant look on her face. After a moment of uncertainty, she watched as Maura stepped into the room with a sad smile gracing her lips.
"Hey…" Maura said with a sigh as she sat at the end of the bed.
It didn't slip Jane's attention that Maura sat far enough away that she couldn't touch her. "Hey yourself…"
Silence fell over them as they both fidgeted nervously under each other's gaze.
Clearing her throat, Maura finally spoke, breaking the uncomfortable stillness that had settled around them. "I hear they're releasing you tomorrow."
"Yeah, that's what they say." Jane pushed her hair over her shoulder and shrugged noncommittally. "I was thinking of going to Frankie's for a while…until…you know…" she stuttered as she waved a hand between them, dropping her eyes to look at her lap.
"That won't be necessary." Maura let out a heavy breath. "Your mother won't stand for it. She'll want to be close to you."
"What about you Maura?" Jane lifted her eyes to meet sad hazel-green. She regretted it immediately. "Don't you want to be close to me?"
Maura's shoulders dropped. "I'm sorry Jane, but I'm leaving for a while. I need time…" she hesitated then looked away from intense brown eyes that watched her through tears. "I need some time alone."
"What about Valley?" The desperation in Jane's voice shook them both.
"She's better off with Gerry and Nance for the time being."
"Have you given up on me? On us?" The question got caught in Jane's throat and her voice cracked.
Maura was quiet as the tears that had pooled in the corners of her eyes began to roll down her cheeks. "You lied to me Jane." It was all she could bring herself to say.
"What would you have had me do, Maura? He threatened to kill you…and Valley. I couldn't let that happen.
Maura shook her head. "I don't know. All I know is that you lied to me when we promised not to and because of that…you almost died."
Looking towards the window, Jane wiped at the tears that now fell from her eyes with the back of her right hand. "You didn't answer my question." She let out a long, heavy sigh. "Have you given up on us?"
Taking a deep breath, Maura contemplated her answer as she bit down on her lower lip. "No. But I need some time away. Time to figure some things out. Can you give that to me?"
Sitting up, Jane reached for Maura's hand. "Yes. I suppose I owe you that much." She could feel the smaller hand trembling, so she brought it up to her lips. "When will you go and how long will you be away?"
Maura's eyes fluttered closed when she felt the soft touch of Jane's lips along the back of her hand. For a brief moment, she had second thoughts but then her resolve kicked in. She had things to do before they could start their lives together. "Um, I'm leaving tonight. I'm not sure when I'll be back." As she said the words, she could feel Jane's heart breaking as well as her own at the thought of being away from each other.
"Will you call me while you're gone?" Jane gave a hopeful look.
Maura shook her head. "I think it's best if I don't."
"Okay." Jane nodded her understanding even though she really didn't understand at all.
"I've hired a part-time nurse to come by while I'm gone…" Maura started to say but Jane interrupted with an angry huff.
"I don't need a nurse."
"I know, but I'm doing this for your mother, so please don't argue." The plea was soft spoken, but it came across loud and clear.
"Alright." Jane conceded. "Can I ask where you're going at least?"
"I'm going to California to visit Maggie."
"Oh…" Jane's heart sank at the idea of Maura being so far away.
Another uncomfortable silence pressed down on them before Maura looked at her watch. "I have to go. My flight leaves in two hours." She stood up and for a moment she was unsure of what to do next. It surprised her when Jane pulled on their still joined hands and pulled her close.
They didn't kiss, instead Maura placed her forehead against Jane's and let out a shaky breath. "Come home soon. Our story isn't over yet. We still have more to tell." Jane ran the backs of her fingers over a tear stained cheek.
"I know my sweet Jane." Maura placed a quick kiss to Jane's forehead before running her fingers through thick, unruly dark hair. Reluctantly, she pushed away from Jane and headed towards the door, but before she could leave, she turned back to Jane. "I love you and you're right…our story isn't over yet. I promise I'll come back to you." She said as she slipped from the room.
"I know you will." Jane said with a shaky confidence as she settled back against her pillows, watching Maura reluctantly leave. "Our kids are counting on it." She whispered as Maura disappeared knowing in her heart that this wasn't the end.
The sound of the doorbell lured Jane from the couch where she had been lounging since breakfast. Glancing over at the clock on the bookshelf, she realized it was too early for her physical therapist Rosa and she let out a relieved sigh. The nurse she had so aptly nicknamed Nurse Ratchet had already been there that morning, so it couldn't be her either. Stretching her right arm up and over her head to work out the kinks in her neck from laying down so long, she winced when she felt the stitches in her shoulder pull. A glimmer of hope that maybe the person behind the door was Maura filled her heart but then, she realized that Maura wouldn't ring the doorbell.
When the doorbell was replaced by an insistent knocking, Jane tried to move faster. "Hold your horses…" she growled to whoever was interrupting her leisure time.
The knocking stopped when she twisted the top lock and opened the door to reveal Korsak with a sheepish grin on his face.
"Thought you were gonna make me wait out here forever." He shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for Jane to invite him in.
"Yeah, well if I'd known it was you…I might have." She mumbled as she stood back to let him in.
"You look like you need to get out of the house." He looked her up and down, taking note of the sweatpants and dirty BPD t-shirt. "When was the last time you put on clean clothes?" Pushing past her, he headed to the kitchen and Maura's elaborate coffee machine.
Looking down at herself, all Jane could do was shrug her shoulders as she followed him. "It's not easy to change my shirt with this stupid thing on." She held up her left arm, showing off the sling and winced again at the pain that radiated from her shoulder.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, Korsak eyed her skeptically. "Didn't Maura hire a nurse to help you out?"
"Oh, you mean Nurse Ratchet?" Jane frowned at him. It was bad enough that she actually needed the help, but the woman had the disposition of a rattle snake.
"That's not her real name, is it?" His eyes widened in surprise.
"No…" Jane couldn't stop the small smirk from creasing her lips. "But she's awful and if I didn't know any better, I'd say that Maura hired her to get me back."
"Hmmm, maybe." Korsak nodded sagely. "Um…speaking of Maura…have you heard from her?"
Shaking her head sadly, Jane let out a heavy sigh. "Nope."
"It's only been two weeks." He tried to comfort her but then thought better of it when he saw her glare at him.
"What do you want Vince? I know you didn't just come here for a cup of coffee." She asked as she gave him a gentle shove away from the coffee maker. "Regular or decafe?"
Allowing himself to be ushered aside, he smiled knowingly. "Regular today, thanks."
Jane turned to appraise the knowing smile. "You know if she was here she'd make you have decafe." She laughed as she began to push buttons and set a mug down to wait for the coffee to brew.
"I know." He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "You won't tell on me, will you?"
"Nah…but my Ma might if she finds out."
"Then let's hope she doesn't."
They shared a moment of silence waiting for the coffee to finish and when it did, Jane grabbed the mug and handed it to Korsak. "You know where the cream and sugar are."
"Thanks." He said as he took the mug. "Only cream. I'm trying to cut back on the sugar."
"Really?" Jane raised an eyebrow skeptically. It was then that she noticed he had lost a few pounds. "I guess you have been." She gave him a nod of approval.
When he was finished putting cream in his coffee, he followed her to the living room. Jane took her place on the couch and he sat in the loveseat across from her. For a minute, they were quiet as they both settled back to get comfortable.
After taking the first sip of coffee, Korsak let out a satisfied sigh and closed his eyes. "Ummm…Maura always has the best coffee."
Jane yawned and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand as she slid back against the pillows she had piled on the couch to rest her arm on. "Okay, you've got your coffee. Now tell me why you're here." She had done her best to be patient but there was only so much she could take.
"I talked to Ryan. I believe we now have a plausible story for why…" he hesitated as he eyed her over the rim of his mug.
"Okay, I get it." She shook her head angrily. "Spare me the lecture."
Furrowing his brow, Korsak frowned at the tone of Jane's voice. "Oh, I haven't even begun to lecture you…yet." His anger was evident in the way he set his mug down, causing his precious coffee to slosh around.
"Come on Vince…" Jane started to say but stopped when Korsak held up a hand.
"I'm only going to say this once." He took a deep breath to prepare himself for the monologue he had been rehearsing since recieving the initial phone call that Jane had been shot. "I thought your encounter with Hoyt would have taught you how important it is to ask for help when you need it. But you still don't get it, do you? You are important to a lot of people. I don't know how any one of us would survive losing you…especially Maura. I think it's time you re-evaluate your life. This can't happen again…" he pointed at her. "You aren't some sort of super hero that can't die. In fact, from what Maura told me…you did die. Take stock of what you could lose if you don't change. Nothing is worth what you have with Maura. Nothing!" His voice trembled with his anger.
Jane was quiet as Korsak spoke but then something he said caused her to frown and suddenly interject. "You've talked to Maura?" It was more an accusation than a question.
Tilting his head to regard her, Korsak glared angrily and let out a heavy breath. "Out of all that, all you heard was I talked to Maura?"
Crossing her good arm over the one in the sling, she stared at him defiantly and nodded. "Well?"
Korsak let out a frustrated huff and scratched the back of his neck, knowing there was no way to deflect her question. "Yes." He could lie, but at this point, why would he.
"She won't call me or answer any of the texts or calls I've made to her since she left." Jane's eyes filled with tears. "And I did hear everything you said, by the way. I know what I stand to lose if I don't change. Everything!"
Giving a nod of understanding, Korsak moved to sit next to Jane on the couch. "I'm sorry. You are stubborn as hell, though."
"Got the short end of the straw, did ya?" She tried to smile but found it too difficult, so she just slumped back and dropped her chin to her chest.
"Look…" he reached out to lift her head, so they were looking at each other. "I'm not trying to beat you up, but your family loves you, damnit. You're like a daughter to me Jane." His voice quivered as emotion almost overcame him. "You're my family…" he added as he cleared his throat.
"I know Vince." Jane said as she reached over to pull him into a hug. "I've been thinking about things a lot lately and there's something I want to run past you."
He pulled away from her hug, so he could look her in the eyes again. "Yeah?"
"You still have that friend at the academy?" She asked.
For a moment, he looked confused but then his eyebrows shot up to his forehead when he realized what she was about to ask. "Um…I do."
"I think maybe it's time I turned my badge in and looked into something else." She returned his surprised expression a sheepish grin. "Change things up a bit, ya know."
"But you love being a homicide detective." He tried to reason with her. "How could you give up everything you've worked for?"
"I do love being a homicide detective, but I love Maura more. I can't put her through anything like this again. I won't. I think I'd be a good teacher, don't you?"
As Korsak quietly contemplated what Jane had said, he noticed the excitement in her eyes. It was something he hadn't seen in a long time and it made him smile. "Yeah, I think you'd make a great teacher at the academy." He conceded.
"And who knows, maybe I can still consult on homicide cases…ya know…just from a desk."
"I suppose something like that is doable." He said.
"Good." She tried to clap her hands together but stopped when she realized her left arm was still tied up in a sling. "I don't know if I'll ever get my mobility back in this arm. They might try to retire me, anyways."
"You've got a point there." Korsak nodded in agreement. But then he realized with a heavy heart that he would have to tell her something that might change everything. "Um…" he let out a heavy breath as he struggled to find the words. When Jane gave him an expectant look, he swallowed hard and found the courage to continue. "I think you should know something Jane."
"What?" She eyed him cautiously as he fidgeted nervously.
"Um…well…" he struggled to speak.
"Come on Vince…spit it out." Jane tried not to sound impatient.
"Maura turned in her resignation this morning…effective immediately." The words came out on a rushed breath. He hoped this wouldn't set Jane back and cause her to jump to the conclusion that Maura wasn't coming back. Bracing himself for her anger or despair he squeezed his eyes shut and waited. When nothing happened, he peeked one eye open to find a dreamy smile on Janes face. "You're not upset?" He dared to ask.
Shaking her head, the silly smile still planted firmly on her lips, Jane laughed. "Not at all. I know what she's going to do."
"Care to elaborate?"
"No, not yet." Jane said as she pushed herself up from the couch to stand. "Want some more coffee?"
"Well, I never really got to finish that one." He pointed at the mug that was still full.
"How about I make you a fresh one?"
"Okay…" he eyed her suspiciously. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"
"Absolutely." Jane said with her first truly genuine smile in weeks. "Soon." She said as her mind wandered to the future and everything they had to look forward to. Life was about to change, and she was finally ready to do whatever it might take to ensure she and Maura would take on that change together.
Maura held her cellphone tightly in her hand and reread the text from Jane for the hundredth time since she had gotten it a week ago. It was the last text that Jane had sent, and it simply said, 'I love you, go for it.' She hadn't heard another word since that last text and it had her worried. She was tempted to answer and just as that temptation was on the verge of taking over, Maggie dropped down in the seat across from her and tapped her fingers on the glass patio table where they now sat.
"Put it down and slide it over to me." Light blue eyes sparkled in the early afternoon sunlight as Maggie waited patiently for Maura to comply with her demand.
"I was just checking the weather." Maura tried to improvise a lie but then let out a heavy sigh and slid the phone over to Maggie. "I wasn't going to text her back."
"Right…" Maggie drew the word out as she picked up the phone and slipped it into the front pocket of her shirt. "Do you think she knows about your resignation yet?"
"I would suspect so." Maura leaned back in her chair and slipped her sunglasses on. They sat on the porch overlooking Maggie's pool and the valley that was covered with a light haze. "Based on the last text I received I would say she knows about my plans as well." Tilting her head, she accepted the sun's touch on her cheek and compared it to Jane's.
"How would she know?" Maggie pushed her sunglasses higher up her nose and leaned closer to Maura, expecting an answer.
Maura was quiet for a minute as she enjoyed the Southern California weather. She wasn't used to spending her days outside enjoying the light, humid free breeze in the early staged of autumn but she couldn't deny that she enjoyed it. Her eyes moved to the crystal-clear water of the pool and she smiled. "It was something we talked about."
"And what did she say?" Resting her chin in her hand, Maggie listened intently.
"Well, it wasn't something we talk about at length."
"So, you don't know how she feels about it, do you?" It was a fair question, but it still rubbed Maura the wrong way.
"I know she wants me to be happy." Maura crossed her arms in defiance and waited for the next question.
"What about what makes her happy?" Maggie pressed, even though she could sense Maura's ire.
"I would never ask her to give up her job. I just have to learn to accept what I can't control."
"But you want her to quit, don't you?" It was a question that came across more as a statement and it caused Maura to let out a heavy sign.
"Yes." Maura glanced away from Maggie's penetrating blue eyes that challenged her. "But I won't ask her to."
"Look…" Maggie reached across the table to take Maura's hand. "You came here because you knew I wouldn't coddle you. I know you love Jane, but you need to find your balance, or you'll never make it."
"I know." Maura watched as a leaf fell into the pool causing a cascade of ripples to travel from the center. The ripples grew larger as they traveled outward, crashing into the tile edges with a small splash. She couldn't help but equate those ripples to the events that had taken place in her life over the last few years. And it was then she realized life was a series of ripples. They may come on strong first, but eventually they would weaken and disappear, only to be followed by more. "My balance will be the clinic and I think if I can push past the fear of what she does every day…we'll be alright."
"Then that's the question, isn't it? Can you get past that fear?"
"I can. Being away from her these past few weeks and not talking to her have been the hardest of my life. The pain and emptiness I feel without her surpasses everything I felt while she was in the hospital. I don't think I'll ever stop worrying but…" Maura gave Maggie's hand a gentle squeeze. "I can't live without her."
"Okay." Maggie smiled and nodded. Before she could say anything else, they were interrupted by a young woman with the same color hair and eyes as Maggie. "Hey Amy…" she said to her sister as a platter of fruit and cheese was set down in front of them.
"Byanka asked me to bring this out to you." Amy took the seat between Maura and Maggie and picked up an apple slice. "She said the wine is on the way, but isn't it a little early for wine?" She asked as she glanced down at her watch, noting that it was just past eleven in the morning.
"It's never too early for wine." Maggie's blue eyes sparkled with amusement. "Anyways, Maura's on east coast time."
"She's been here for three weeks, I think she's over her jet lag." Amy rolled her eyes as she gave her sister a gentle push. "Oh, I talked to the contractor. The building should be ready by the end of the month. I think we can start moving in around the first week of October." She turned to Maura.
Maura smiled as she pushed her hair over her shoulder and watched Amy and Maggie tease each other. "I'm really glad you agreed to join me on this endeavor."
"Me too." Amy's red hair shone bright in the early afternoon sun and her pony tail bobbed back and forth as she looked between Maggie and Maura. "I'll miss the mild weather but I'm looking forward to working with you in Boston." Her grin widened. "Steve's going to be happy though. He's from there and his parents still live there."
"All that cold weather is for suckers." Maggie laughed. She leaned back in her chair when Byanka brought a bottle of wine and three glasses. "But, I suppose it will give me an excuse to visit."
"Are you saying that you're going to miss me?" Batting her eyes dramatically, Amy grinned.
"Yes, but you'll be back for my wedding in the spring, so I won't have time to miss you that much." Maggie poured the wine and then slid two glasses towards Maura and Amy.
Taking a sip of her wine, Maura watched the exchange between the two sisters and was reminded of how Jane and Frankie were with each other. She missed Jane so much that it made her heart ache. In the three weeks they had been separated, she had put into action her plan for a clinic that would service the economically disadvantaged in Boston. It was something she had always dreamed of even though she had loved her job with BPD. But she also realized that having Valley in their lives meant they would need a more consistent schedule and it was up to her to make that happen.
"Hey, you're still coming to my wedding, aren't you?" Maggie waved her hand at Maura to get her attention.
Blinking a few times as her thoughts about the clinic dissipated, she smiled broadly. "Of course."
"You're going to bring the hot detective with you too, right?" Maggie took a sip of wine and peered at Maura with an expectant look.
"Absolutely." Maura laughed.
"Good, although I'm beginning to see the appeal of eloping like you and Steve did." Maggie turned her attention to Amy. "I think things are getting away from me with the wedding planner."
Maura set her wine glass down and picked up a piece of cheese. "You eloped?" She asked Amy as she nibbled on the small cheddar cube. The idea intrigued her as she wondered what it might be like if her and Jane did the same thing.
"We did." Amy nodded emphatically. "And I think it was the best decision we made. Of course, we did have a nice party with family and friends to celebrate after, but it was wonderful having just the two of us and our two best friends with us."
Nodding, Maura's mind began to devise a plan that might or might not come to fruition. If her and Jane eloped, they could avoid all the stress that went with planning a big wedding but then again telling their families what they had done might not go over so well. It was, however, something to consider and Maura had every intention of exploring the idea. "That actually sounds really nice. You don't have any regrets?" She asked Amy.
"Not a single one." Amy tossed a grape up in the air and caught it in her mouth. She chewed thoughtfully for a moment before clearing her throat to speak again. "Okay, maybe one…I wish Maggie could have been there."
"I was in Italy working on the sci-fi movie." Maggie frowned as she ran her fingers through her short red hair. "If we hadn't been on such a time restraint, I would have been there."
"You did make it to the party though, and you brought that little gold statue you won for the special effects in the movie that kept you away from us." Amy boasted proudly.
"That's right…I forgot about that." Maura clapped her hands together in excitement.
"You're not thinking about eloping, are you?" Maggie gasped as she brought a hand to her chest in an over dramatic gesture.
"It has crossed my mind." Maura shrugged. "But Jane is very close to her family and…well…I wouldn't want to take something like this away from them."
"Good." Maggie winked at Amy.
"Hey…" Amy set her glass down and crossed her arms in defiance. "It saved us a ton of money and when you have student loans to pay off…well, that's important. It only took us three years instead of seven to pay them off."
"Here, here!" Maggie held up her glass of wine. Maura and Amy did the same and they toasted, clinking their glasses together. "I'm proud of you. And now you're going to Boston to help Maura run a clinic."
They all smiled at each other as silence fell over them. A gentle breeze kicked up, ruffling Maura's hair and carrying with it the fragrance of the gardenia's planted along the fence. For a few moments, they each sat in quiet contemplation, sipping their wine and enjoying the early afternoon sun as it draped its warmth over them, that is, until Maura's phone buzzed, indicating she had received a message.
Pulling the phone from her pocket, Maggie glanced down then looked up with an uncertain look on her face. "Here…" she pushed the phone towards Maura.
Entering her code, Maura cautiously opened the message and then smiled broadly. The words blurred as tears filled her eyes. "It's done." She set the phone down to show Maggie and Amy.
"Paper work filed…she is officially your daughter…Valley Rizzoli-Isles." The message from Ryan was brief and to the point but it made Maura's heart soar.
"What now?" Amy asked.
"Now…" Maura paused to catch her breath as she wiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I go home."