Regina Mills
One horrific week since Emma and I slept together, and I can't help but feel she's avoiding me. No, I know this woman inside and out and she is definitely avoiding me. Either she regrets saying I love you or maybe she was half asleep when she said it and is now feeling embarrassed. Either way her avoidance is a gut-wrenching pain, because I have never loved anyone more than I love Emma Swan.
I was just arriving home from work and the minute I opened the door, I was greeted by Henry's ear-piercing screams from the nursery. I kicked off my heels and slammed the door shut before I took the stairs two at a time.
My heart was racing as I fought against my lungs to calm my breathing. I burst into the little boy's bedroom in a panic, to discover Emma bouncing him up and down, with thick tears streaming down her face, matching her son's.
"Hey, what's going on?" I asked gently as I entered the room.
"Take him! I can't. Just take him!" Her voice was shaky and desperate as she held the infant out from her chest. I instantly held out my arms as she quickly placed Henry into my embrace.
"Ssshhh, little prince. What's wrong?" I cooed in a calming voice.
I swayed around the room whispering to the distressed baby. His tiny face was pinched together in a deep shade of red, almost to the tint of purple. He wailed uncontrollably as tears streamed down his face. I rocked the baby gently as I hummed and whispered sweet nothings into his ear.
After twenty minutes of his frantic state, he calmed down. His tiny eyelids drooped closed and soon he was fast asleep, most likely from exhaustion. I laid him gently into his swing and turned it on, to continue the slow rocking feeling in order to keep him calm.
I stepped out into the hall to find Emma crouched down against the wall with her arms hugging her legs close to her chest. Her head was buried but I could still hear her muffled cries.
"Emma? What's wrong?"
I knelt down beside the woman and stroked her back in a loving manner. I hated seeing her so upset like this. I haven't seen her this distraught since she found out she was pregnant.
"I can't. I just can't. He's my son Regina and I can't even comfort my own son!"
"It's okay, the doctor said he's just colicky. They cry constantly, but it will be over in the next two to five months. It'll go by quick, I promise," I reassured the blonde with a kiss to her temple to seal my vow.
Emma brushed me away and stood abruptly, leaving me dumbfounded on the floor. I sat back on my heels and peered up into her tear-soaked eyes.
"No, you don't get it Regina!" She snapped before storming off into our bedroom.
I jumped to my feet, chasing after her and shutting the door behind me, not wanting to wake Henry. "Get what Emma?"
"I can't do this. I can't be a mother! I told you that when I first found out I was pregnant."
"You're a great mother! Henry adores you. Sometimes babies can sense when someone is nervous or overly tired and it just agitates them more. You can't help it, and neither can he," I spoke softly hoping that maybe I could calm her down.
"No! I'm not fit to be a mother. Stop it! I made up my mind!" She bellowed prompting my feet to take a few steps closer toward the hysterical blonde.
"Emma? Made up your mind about what?" I cautiously questioned because I knew in the pit of my stomach that I wasn't going to like this answer.
"I'm doing what I planned to do in the beginning, I'm giving him up for adoption. This is what I wanted to do from the start."
"No don't say that," I quickly answered feeling utterly confused as to what was happening in front of me. There's no way she could actually mean any of this.
"It's because of you, I kept him. If you never would've came into my life, Henry would be with a happy loving family right now!" She spat looking at me with such disgust, I thought I might actually be sick.
"I... Henry is with a happy, loving family."
"We are not a family Regina!" Her hand came flying out, motioning between us frantically. "WE! We aren't even a couple!"
"That doesn't mean I don't love you."
"Ohhhh, so now you say it! But over the last year we never even once talked about it. You made it very clear Regina, we are friends!"
By now she was screaming at me and I just stared blankly in return. I was so taken back by all of this. I couldn't believe one word coming from her mouth. Emma has never behaved this way and I couldn't wrap my head around this argument.
"I told you the other night, I love you," I pleaded hoping she would settle down just the slightest bit, so we could discuss this rationally.
"That was just the aftermath of a good orgasm," she quipped coldly causing me to take a step back from pure shock.
"Why didn't you ever say you wanted more?" I hated that she was pinning this all on me.
"I tried so many times, but we always got interrupted."
"So, you gave up?"
"I'm done Regina. I found a job in Boston as an assistant for a foster system and they will even help pay for the rest of my education toward my masters. I'm going to place Henry up for adoption, like I had planned all along and we will be out of your hair."
My heart beat was growing erratic as my mind tried to ply catch up on her words. My chest constricted so tight, I found it nearly impossible to take in a single breath. Emma had rushed to the closet and dragged her suitcase out, but I refused to believe any of this was actually happening. The unshed tears were burning my eyes as I nervously walked over to her. I placed my hand upon her cheek and cringed when she flinched at my touch.
"Don't say that. You two belong here, with me. Maybe we can talk to someone, maybe this is all part of postpartum?" I tried to reason, but she pulled away as if I burned her.
"Stop it! Even if it is postpartum, I'll deal with it on my own."
"Emma please stop, you're rushing into this, you're going to regret it."
This wasn't my Emma standing before me.
"The only thing I regret was not following through with my plan from the beginning. Because now this is a million times harder for me to give him up. I love him with everything I have, but I need to let him go. I need to give him his best chance at life and that's not with me," she cried as the tears streamed down her reddening cheeks.
"That sounds an awful like what Neal said to you the day he left." My lips curled in disgust just thinking about that pathetic excuse of a man.
"Yeah but he was right, I was better off without him. Henry is better off without me and one day he will know that I do love him, and I did this all for him."
Emma was sobbing uncontrollably, and I desperately wanted to console her in this moment. I cupped her cheeks and to my surprise she didn't push me away. My thumbs swept away her tears, while I fought to connect our eyes.
"Please don't do this. I can't lose you or him."
I rushed forward to kiss her lips softly, so she could feel just how much she means to me, but she pulled back once more, crushing my heart even further.
"I've already made up my mind."
"Please don't take Henry away from me. I love him so much. He's mine just as much as he is yours," I begged through my cries.
I was starting to really panic thinking maybe I couldn't convince her to stay and maybe she will take that little boy away from me. My biggest fear was staring me down, and suddenly I was desperate and hysterical just like the woman before me.
Emma was silent, hanging her head low, refusing to look me in the eyes.
"Please Emma, let me keep him. Don't send him into a foster home. Let him stay here with me. This is his home. I..." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, preparing myself for my next choice of words, "I want to adopt Henry." Her red, tear stained cheeks shot up in disbelief.
"You want to adopt Henry?"
"Please, let me. Nobody will ever love him like I do. I have been here since day one. I watched him grow inside of you. I watched him come into this world. I've been here every day since he was born. I deserve him. He's my son too!"
"He would be lucky to call you mom." Her voice was so calm, I felt an eerie sensation creep up the back of my neck. "I never have to worry about if he's happy or being taken care of because I'll know he's with you," her tone completely shifted giving me hope for the first time since we entered this bedroom.
"Then why don't you stay? I could still adopt him or take legal guardianship over him. You can stay here so you won't miss out on his life," I offered with a small smile despite the drops of water racing down my face.
"I can't Regina. I couldn't sit by everyday knowing I signed him away to you. I have to go. I have to stick to my plan. I'm going for my masters and moving to Boston." She turned her back on me and continued packing, without another word spoken.
There's no way I could lose her. I would be miserable without her in my life. I'm in love with those stunning green eyes. I'm obsessed with her adorable carefree laugh. I'm addicted to her playful banter. I am head over heels in love with this woman and I just can't imagine my life without her.
"Emma I'm so sorry I didn't say it earlier. I'm so sorry I didn't make you mine. I love you with all my heart. You're my soulmate." With my own admission I began crying even harder.
"I..." she paused, clearly expressing the internal struggle she was facing. "Thank you for taking Henry. I will have all the legal documents drawn up for you to sign. Just so you know, he is my heart, so my heart is now forever yours," with that she cupped my face and kissed me one last time.
A kiss that would forever be embedded on my lips. It was short but gentle and filled with love as we both cried. She pulled away leaving me fumbling to catch her lips one more time, I just wasn't ready to lose her just yet.
I watched in complete and utter shock as she took her bag and walked out of our room. I watched as she went into Henry's room. She gently picked up her son from the swing. She brought his tiny cheek to her lips and kissed him sweetly. Her lips lingered while she cried hard against her son. "I love you so much baby boy," she gasped.
With trembling knees, she walked over and carefully placed Henry into my arms. My tears were uncontrollable, and I was sniffling excessively trying to prevent more of a mess to my face. Emma was shaking violently as she gazed at us one last time. I tried my best to memorize her green eyes before she turned around and walked out the door and out of our lives.