Chapter 53

You might hate me for this, but...

Kyoko lay in bed for what seemed like a long, long time. Staring sightlessly up at the ceiling, she allowed herself the luxury of basking in the afterglow. Her mind felt utterly blank, and she was feeling amazingly at peace.

Until...

Despite her best efforts to keep them at bay, the memories started to creep back in. Instead of sleep, her exhaustion seemed to speed up her thoughts, flashes and feelings bombarding her with such gut-twisting force that she felt claustrophobic. The room was too small, she was entangled in sheets, tendrils of her hair itching and tickling and the heat radiating beside her suddenly made it unbearable to stay any longer.

Gently extricating herself out from under the blunette's limp arm, the veteran slowly sat up. Try as she might, she couldn't keep from gazing at the door to Mami's closet. The box inside, glimpsed only for a second before she'd closed the door, was burned into her memory. An itch waiting to be scratched, it seemed to beckon to her. The neat, calligraphic lettering of her one-time friend, so familiar. Kyoko-chan.

She saw that beautiful face with such sad, pleading eyes. Vivid, like it was an hour ago, not over a year. Don't go. Please. Please, Kyoko-chan! I'm begging you-

Barely containing a snarl, Kyoko slid her legs off the bed. What the fuck?! I should be happy now, not ready to fucking cry like some… standing up, the redhead grabbed her ribbon and strode out of the room, tying up her hair. The specter of what lay in that box seemed to push her onward, out into the main area.

Looking around, the sickening feeling of panic began to fade. It was so familiar. So much was the same. There was the couch that the blonde had bought, entirely for Kyoko's benefit. The kitchen was set up the same way, the same pictures were up on the walls. It was strange, and certainly not what she'd expected. Mami had altered her apartment substantially during the time Kyoko had known her. The redhead figured the place would have maybe a few things she'd recognize, that she would be forced to reminisce about.

There was hardly anything she didn't remember. It was… wrong, somehow. Unsettling.

There were so many things she remembered with incredible detail, even after over a year. The colorful pillows, the strange geometric shapes the blonde had insisted was "valuable art." The embroidered towel hanging from the cupboard below the sink, neatly folded. But after a moment, for the first time since entering Mami's place, she focused, seeing things she didn't like. Things that, somehow, hurt worse than the memories.

The plants had begun to wither, some already drooping and shedding leaves. I'll have to do something about that. Tomorrow, she promised herself. Everything would have to come tomorrow, tonight she just wanted to get out, get away from this place.

Walking across the room swiftly, eyes locked on the door, the redhead tried to clear her head. As soon as she opened it, she hesitated. What am I doing? I just promised myself that I wasn't going to let her out of my sight. The compulsion to leave persisted, though. If she didn't get away, now... She's asleep. I have to… get out of here. Just for a few minutes.

Proud of her control, Kyoko quietly closed the door, trying to banish the memory of the dishes. The dirty dishes that Mami would never have left out, never have failed to wash. The way Sayaka told it, she and Madoka had been invited over after school for snacks on several occasions. Usually before or after she'd foolishly led them into mortal danger, a bad habit she'd passed along to Sayaka. Sloppy. Not like Mami at all.

So stupid! Kyoko raged, bounding across the rooftop, her ponytail and red dress flapping softly behind her. Why did you have to die? What the hell happened, Mami? How? The strange Witch may have been strong and posed a challenge, but the Tomoe Mami she knew wouldn't have relaxed her guard. Especially not with the lives of her friends at stake.

It just didn't make sense. Nothing made any sense anymore. Something was strange with Sayaka, not wrong exactly but just kind of weird. She hadn't thought about it earlier, having been preoccupied, but all of these strange and frankly creepy things… flashes of the Witches' lives, and whatever she'd supposedly done to destroy the assassin. That wasn't normal. Not that Kyoko had any problem with not normal, but when it came to the integrity and safety of her love's spirit and consciousness, her very essence, her soul, it was cause for concern.

My love. She tried it out in her head a few times. It wasn't something she'd ever say out loud, hell no. But, as merely a thought, it made her smile. Her revery was short-lived, though, as her stomach seemed to drop, leaving her sweating and slightly nauseous. The sad golden eyes began to haunt her once again, and she continued her flight across the city with another tremendous leap, powering herself high into the air.

Clamoring up to the top of the tower's massive antenna structure, Kyoko surveyed the darkness all around her. Streetlights glowed, stitches of light sewn across the tapestry of Mitakihara, the precisely-aligned roadways and grid pattern shockingly orderly after living amongst the haphazard layout of Kazamino for so long. It was kind of beautiful, in a predictable sort of way.

The glass buildings, with the moon overhead, were downright gorgeous. She couldn't deny that.

Sitting precariously on the one of the spokes jutting out from the metal tube, she tried to clamp down on the feeling of… panic, or whatever that had been. Feeling slightly ashamed at her weakness, she dug out her phone, trying to figure out what time it was, and how long she had until Sayaka would be waking up.

Frowning, she considered the blank screen. Batteries dead? "Piece of…" Then she remembered turning the thing off earlier, annoyed at the inconvenient buzzing of the thing when she'd had more pressing concerns to attend to.

The phone buzzed strangely as the lights came on, nearly making her drop it. "What the hell?"

She peered at the glowing, greenish screen.

18 missed calls (4 new messages)

After their fruitless search for Madoka's best friend and her one and only ally, Homura had fled back to her apartment. Or rather, it's roof. The pinkette had remained positive and upbeat, even as she'd fallen asleep on Homura's couch, exhausted from the long day. "We'll find them tomorrow," Madoka had predicted, whispering it to the taller girl before her eyes closed, wearing a smile. The time traveler hadn't been able to shake an overwhelming sense of defeat. Rather than wake the small girl, she'd draped her blanket across the petite form and decided to do her thinking under the stars.

Staring up at the night sky, Homura watched through blurry eyes as the moon disappeared behind a cloud, the silvery orb suddenly translucent, then entirely occluded, the only hint a faint silver lining against the darkness.

She felt her phone buzz. After a moment, she reached into her pocket.

Kyoko: HEY SORRY I DIDNT GET YORU MESSGE BUSY BUT WERE BOTH OK

Homura rubbed a hand across her eyes, blinking to clear them. What…?!

She's… they're... alive? Alive…

She tried to suppress the swirl of excitement that threatened to lift her off her feet. Madoka was right.

titrave: Glad to hear that, Madoka will be pleased. It's late, and I don't want to have a conversation with my thumbs.

Chuckling at her latest renaming of the enigmatic girl, Kyoko slowed down to work the numbers meticulously with her finger.

Landing silently on the rooftop, the redhead made her way to the strangely huddled figure. It took her a moment to realize Homura was crying. She froze in her tracks.

"Homura." Kyoko tried to sound gentle, but nerves made her voice a little sharp.

Startled, the black-haired girl flinched violently, spinning around fully transformed. Kyoko blinked, and the girl's tears were gone, as well as the large pistol she'd pulled from her shield. Her eyes were rimmed red and swollen, but her face was admirably impassive. "Kyoko. You startled me."

"I wasn't trying to sneak up or anything. I…" She sat down on the ledge of the roof, scratching behind an ear. She opened her mouth and closed it with a snap.

Homura, pale but dignified, motioned the girl on. "What do you want?"

"Want?" Kyoko asked, "I don't want anything, I was just... out patrolling and got your messages, and figured I may as well drop by on you down here."

Homura sighed, standing up. "If that's how it is… mission accomplished. Good night, Kyoko."

Swallowing, the redhead felt herself give in. "No, wait! Wait. I… I need to talk." What began as a slightly desperate exclamation ended as a mortified whisper.

It was several long seconds before Homura blinked and turned around. "You. Need to talk. No, no," she placated, raising her hands at the ugly look that hardened over the redhead's face like she'd donned some kind of oni mask. "I'm listening." Sitting down on the ledge a meter from the other girl, Homura noticed the tenseness radiating from the normally unfazable veteran.

Kyoko felt herself blush furiously as the raven-haired time traveler sniffed experimentally, raising an eyebrow from her perch just an arm-length away. "You were busy, were you?" she smiled wickedly, loving the flush of color in those cute cheeks.

"It's none of your…" Kyoko began, her face feeling like it was on fire, but then, as Homura kept waggling that one single eyebrow up and down with a ridiculous smirk on her face, the redhead burst out into laughter. She laughed until tears were streaming down her cheeks. "You perv."

Homura raised both eyebrows this time in mock surprise. "Really? Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone. Doesn't your male-centric religion have a saying like that? I know for a fact I'm not the only one who's been watching the object of my affection from afar without their knowledge or consent..."

Snorting, the redhead shook her head. "Not my religion. But," she admitted, "point taken."

"So, what happened? She turn you down? Things not, um, go well?"

The redhead frowned, first confused and then angry. "As in… hell no! I mean, yes, they went well. Better than well. Fucking amazingly."

Homura nodded as if impressed. "Wow, amazingly, huh? Do I get any details?"

The flush came back instantly. "Ah, well… no. Perv."

"So… if it's not that, what's troubling you?"

Kyoko stared at the black-haired girl for a moment. It had sounded so sincere. "Um, well, it's... complicated."

"Big problems always are."

Kyoko rolled her eyes. "Ugh, no cliched advice please, or I'll knock your ass off that ledge."

"It's not a cliche, it's a truism. Consider it, Kyoko. It must be a very large problem indeed if you are coming to me for help. I'm going to try my best to help you," she assured the conflicted redhead with all the conviction she could muster, "since I have a feeling you'd do the same for me." She paused, picking her words. "You're obviously upset about something, and you're not the kind of person to go asking for advice or seeking out comfort. You're the kind of girl who either faces her problems head on or ignores them entirely; either way you deal with it yourself."

Kyoko stared in silence, feeling uncomfortable at how well the girl seemed to know her. Although some of her opinions fell short. I do not ignore things! But in a way, it made it easier to start talking. "I… you're right," she sighed. "Mostly, anyway. I… there's this part of my past that's kind of, well, come back to haunt me-"

"Could it have something to do with bringing those yakuza girls down on our heads? What did you do to piss them off, anyway? Did getting Sayaka's best friend shot get you in the doghouse?"

Kyoko had the decency to feel a little bad. "Nah, she didn't mind about that stuff. She fought off three herself," Kyoko bragged, smirking at the incredulous expression that confronted her. "She's coming around, finally. Realized they were the bad guys, and did what needed doing."

Homura looked confused, her own worries forgotten. "Another group attacked her, and she held off three of them by herself?"

"Not exactly. She destroyed them. They're dead."

The black-haired girl was shaking her head. Ever since the subway, where the decapitated men had been left to rot, and even worse, be found, Homura had wondered about the blunette's sense of "justice." This was the same girl who wouldn't allow a Familiar to gather enough energy by killing normals, letting it hatch into something useful? "What is going on?" she whispered, drawing Kyoko out of her elaborate and undoubtedly entirely made-up recounting of the fight.

Kyoko changed topics reluctantly. "It's… it's the more distant past." She took a deep breath, readying herself.

"Tomoe-san?" Homura asked needlessly, obviously having guessed the answer already. Kyoko bit down on a wave of annoyance that washed over her. "What is it about her that has come back, Kyoko?"

Helplessly, Kyoko shrugged. "I don't know exactly. Me and Sayaka, well we're kind of crashing at Mami's place right now, and…"

"Aha," murmured Homura infuriatingly.

"Aha what?" the redhead demanded, eyes narrowed.

"Nothing, please continue," Homura responded patiently.

"It's like, suddenly, I can't get her out of my head. Mami. Sayaka too, but... I… at first it wasn't a problem, but as soon as I tried to go to sleep… it's like that place is haunted. Like I could feel her presence in there."

Intrigued, Homura's eyes widened slightly to show her interest. "Really? Could you actually feel a presence?"

"What?" Kyoko asked, annoyed with the interruption. "No, I'm not sensing ghosts, dumbshit. I was being poetic, when I'm in there it's like, I don't know, she's staring at me from the great beyond or something. Like she can see me, and I can't help feeling like… like…"

After a long pause, Homura felt compelled to goad the girl along. "Like she's disappointed in you? Judging you?"

"Like she hates me."

And then, to Homura's intense surprise, the redhead turned a tear-streaked face towards her, anguish written on her pretty features. "I… I left her. I was mad, and confused, but most of all stupid and young and stubborn. But, it's like now that I've seen that place again, all these… these feelings, and regrets, and… I don't know. They're all spinning around in my head, and it's driving me crazy! I feel responsible, like it was all my fault, and cheated, because she was fucking alive a month ago!" Pausing to regain some semblance of control, the red-haired veteran continued. "But I also feel like… like there's a part of me that's glad, in a sick way. Because that's how I met Sayaka, that's why I came to Mitakihara in the first place… I don't know," she finished helplessly. "I don't know what to think. I don't know what's wrong with me!"

Homura took a moment to digest the information, giving the girl sitting at her side time to recover. "Kyoko, you're feeling guilty."

The great red ponytail whipped through the air. "No, I don't. Guilt is not in my vocabulary."

Homura smiled in disbelief, feeling a sneer was not appropriate for this particular conversation. "You are so full of shit." As the redhead made to stand up, she continued. "You are completely obsessed with guilt over the deaths of those you love, Kyoko. It's the governing foundation of your life, and lifestyle." She paused, forcing herself to keep from flinching while she stared into the other girl's crimson eyes, now mere centimeters from her own and slowly filling with a look of wary consideration. "Come on, it's me. Be honest with me, even if you can't be honest with yourself. Your family, Kyoko. And now, Mami, and Sayaka. You're consumed by the first because you were unable to prevent what happened, and blame yourself because of the wish you made. And your… special friends, you worry that it's your fault one died, and are afraid of either hurting her, or being unable to prevent the same tragic fate from happening to the other. You blame yourself for letting Sayaka out of your sight for an afternoon; you were muttering about it earlier tonight. You blame yourself for leaving Tomoe-san, that somehow your absence was what led to her death. When was the last time you saw her?" she suddenly demanded.

Kyoko stepped back. "Mami? Over a year ago," she admitted.

"Think about that. Somehow, not the day you leave, or the week, or even the month, but after over a year your action suddenly results in Tomoe-san's death?" Homura shook her head. "Your worries are almost arrogant, Kyoko, to think you impact others' lives so profoundly."

Simmering, the redhead gritted her teeth. Part of her hoped the black-haired girl was right, but the way she said it left a lot to be desired. "What are you getting at?"

"Simply this. I'm certain you were important to Tomoe-san, just as she was important to you. But I know, personally, from experience… sometimes she fought Walpurgis with me. I don't know what it was during this timeline that resulted in her demise, but there's no doubt it arose from my meddling, since she made it the first time." Homura's thousand yard stare gave Kyoko a sudden case of the shivers, that and the phrase this timeline. The pale girl's eyes looked haunted. "Before… before any of this, it was Mami and Madoka who fought off Walpurgis."

Kyoko opened her mouth, but the violet-eyed girl went on. "You're not stupid, Kyoko. Deep down, you know Mami's death had nothing to do with you. Maybe it's, in some way, comforting to think that it did, rather than acknowledge the very real, arbitrary cruelty we are so often confronted with in this existence. I think the reason you're really feeling guilty, though, is because you haven't told Sayaka, and… Well, she's not the brightest bulb on the tree," she began, continuing hastily at the redhead's growl of warning, "but if you're shacking up together in Mami's apartment, she might just figure it out herself. And you think she'd take it badly, and you would somehow wind up hurting her, and that's something you just can't allow. Is this your conundrum?"

Kyoko swallowed. It was sobering, almost chilling, to hear that assessment of fears. This girl knew her too well, it seemed. "I… I guess it maybe is. It's… awkward. To think about, even-"

"Kyoko, don't be a dumbass. You know the solution."

"What?" Waiting, the redhead realized she wouldn't get any help on this, and gave up. "Tell her?" she asked, feeling defeated.

"Yes. Tell her. Communication is the key to all relationships. And trust a close second."

Kyoko was silent for so long, Homura began to wonder if she'd fallen asleep. Clearing her throat, the redhead looked up, towards the other girl if not directly at her. "I don't know how, but… I feel better. Thanks." Homura nodded, relishing an unfamiliar feeling of being pleased with herself. "One thing, though. You said, those two fought off Walpurgis?" Kyoko inquired. "As in, destroyed?"

Glossy black hair spilled over delicate shoulders as Homura shrugged. "The Witch disappeared. No Grief Seed, but… They won. As if that mattered. They were both killed."

"But not you? Too scared to fight?" Kyoko asked, puzzled. It didn't seem right. Homura was one of the most fearless people she'd even encountered.

"No. Well... yes, I suppose I was too scared. I wasn't a, um, I hadn't-"

"You were a tag-along, too? What is it with Puella Magi giving girls guided tours all of a sudden?" Ruby eyes widened. "That's when you contracted!"

"Yes. To go back… and do it all over again."

Kyoko was silent for a minute, considering. "To save Madoka. Again and again. And again. And again."

"Yes." Homura sighed, feeling exhausted. She realized, however, that focusing on someone else's problems was infinitely preferable to staring at her own. "So, I know what it's like, feeling guilty for things you think you should have done." She chuckled darkly at her own words.

Kyoko caught a fresh glisten in the violet eyes as the raven-haired girl looked up at the moon, white and spectral as a ghost. Thin, not just physically, but seemingly stretched, washed out. Forcing the image out of her head, she listened as the time traveler continued.

"But I've done it so many times, and been able to see where I've gone wrong. Imagine that," she whispered, feeling half-choked, "going back and reliving things after you've messed them up, only to do it again and again, over and over. It's very… disheartening," she finished, biting her lower lip. "To keep failing."

Damn. Kyoko couldn't imagine. "You're right. Sounds like a curse."

"It feels like one, sometimes. But… the very thing that is very nearly driving me mad also proves your worries unfounded. Kyoko, the only thing I know for certain is that it's impossible to predict what the future holds. I've repeated this charade so many times I've lost count, and it never ceases to amaze me how quickly everything can go to hell despite your best intentions and preparations."

"How do you keep doing it, then? Hope that you will eventually figure it out?"

"More like stubborn determination."

Kyoko laughed. Given recent events, she could relate to the idea. "I can see the attraction, and I can definitely relate. But, you said you've been trying... what? How many times?"

Homura calculated for the space of a breath. "My best guess is around a hundred and ten."

Whistling, Kyoko thought about that. "Is that why… you know," she added, feeling suddenly embarrassed to bring up the girl's earlier crying. "Why you're kind of… sad?" the redhead finished awkwardly. "Does it feel hopeless?"

Homura closed her eyes, turning her head away. "It does, sometimes, but I won't give up. It's not that, though," she murmured, keeping her gaze averted from the inquisitive redhead.

Kyoko waited what seemed like an excruciatingly long time before asking, "What is it, then?" Silence. Alright then. "We're kinda friends, right? Basically. You helped me, maybe… maybe I can help you." She shrugged, slightly embarrassed. "I'll try, at least."

"I…" Homura sniffled. Kyoko, uncertainly, scooted across the ledge, closer to the bent over figure of the girl next to her. She reached out, giving a bony shoulder a gentle pat.

I should say something like, You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Kyoko thought. But she had no intention of respecting the girl's privacy. She was intrigued, but more than anything the thought of Homura somehow undoing everything, reality even, and negating whatever she had with Sayaka was profoundly disturbing. It was reinforced every time Homura spoke of other timelines and not giving up, basically a euphemism for resetting things, and it stabbed at her nerves.

She'd begun to realize something. They not only had to win, they had to win the way Homura wanted it.

After a long pause, the time traveler took a deep breath. "It's funny, I suppose, but it's a bit similar to your own situ-"

"Oh shit, I'm an idiot. It's Junko-san!"

Homura stared, open-mouthed. "Ju- uh, wha… what-"

"Oh come off it," Kyoko pressed, certain now her intuition had been correct. "You may practice that stoic look in the mirror every day, but you don't fool me. Goddamn though, I can't believe I was right. Your secret girlfriend is Junko? Her?"

Despite herself, Homura felt a spark of anger. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's, I dunno, scary."

"Scary?" Homura stared at her, a smile slowly spreading across her face. "She's the smartest, most exciting person I've ever met! A little intimidating, possibly, but that's just the force of her personality-"

Homura, smiling? wondered Kyoko, feeling at wit's end. "What the hell, Akemi? I don't get you. I thought… Junko? She reminds me of a… a rabid tiger, or something."

"Oh, the sleepover," Homura chuckled, then began to laugh. Kyoko stared at her like she had gone insane.

"What? Why do you think that's funny? When she found out I ate her bacon-"

"Well, what did you expect? What do you do to people who steal food from you?"

"Yeah, well… still. Her?"

"Well, you're kind of… an arrogant bitch, sometimes," Homura explained. Kyoko nodded reasonably, and she continued. "Well, Junko has, let's say, a little of that in her as well. I think she just wanted the sleepover to go smoothly. Did she sort of… lay down the law?"

Kyoko rolled her eyes, but strangely, that is what it had felt like. She wasn't used to anyone telling her what to do. "Not as harshly as you laid down on that brush. Some of my hair is still growing in, by the way," Kyoko snarled, remembering the black-haired girl's clumsiness, or outright sadism, with the brush.

"Yes, sorry, I was rather on edge."

"I s'pose I can see why," Kyoko admitted, "What with your little pink crush and your big purple… what, exactly?"

"I don't know." Homura's voice wavered with pain. "That's my problem, Kyoko. I don't know what I feel. I don't even know where to begin."

My turn for a cliche, thought the redhead. "Well, then, begin at the beginning."

"Ever since the first time I met her, I've loved Madoka. There, I said it. She saved me, Kyoko. She was so strong, so brave… ultimately, it was her selfless sacrifice that destroyed Walpurgis. But she wasn't like she is now; she was a leader. Don't scoff, before any of this she was our leader. Not powerful, but strong, if you get the difference."

"Not powerful? I thought she was supposed to be the most powerful Puella Magi of all?" Although she tried to keep her tone light, it came out mocking.

"That happened later. I'll get to it. Let me just say, to dispel your earlier worries, Mami and Madoka made it to Walpurgisnacht. The same Mami who you'd left over a year before. You may have caused her pain, but you did nothing to cause her death. I can't help you with the former, but I hope you can put the latter to rest once and for all." She waited for Kyoko to nod, but the crimson eyes continued to stare.

"And then you contracted," Kyoko prodded after an uncomfortable pause.

"Yes. I made my wish. And it was wonderful! Madoka was alive again, and Mami, and I was so-"

"Wait a sec. What about Sayaka?"

"What? Oh, she was alive too-"

"No, did she help fight Walpurgis?"

"Uh, no. She became… she despaired over losing Kyousuke, and turned into the Witch I told you about. We talked about this before."

"Oh, even then, huh?" It was sobering to think of, remembering that moment in the subway where she'd thought, for a moment, she'd been too late.

"Every time. It was one of the few constants. Until this time, that is. Whatever you did… well, in every way, Sayaka's living on time you bought her. You shouldn't feel responsible for keeping her alive; you should acknowledge that she's only alive because of you." Something about the redhead's face made Homura look away, feeling suddenly awkward. "Sometimes you were there, sometimes not. Sometimes Mami was, and other times she'd already died."

Already died. Like it was inevitable. The notion was chilling. Kyoko pressed her palms to her eyelids, feeling suddenly tired.

Anxious to get the discussion away from the blunette, Homura continued. "We fought as a team, sometimes. Other times, just her and me. But every time, I'd fail. She'd die, or… or worse. No matter what I do…" Shaking, the raven-haired girl gripped the ledge with clenched fingers, tendons visible on the backs of her hands.

"Madoka… she made me promise something. She figured out how to end the cycle; she couldn't contract. She thought that was the only way to defeat Kyubey's plan."

"Kyubey's… plan? What are you talking about?"

"The Incubator was nearly gleeful, at the end. I never thought about it, just figured it was a typical inappropriate inflection to its voice, that everything just worked out the way it did. When Madoka lost, the super-Witch destroyed the town. When she defeated Walpurgis… she became something even worse." She shuddered. "Something the Incubator said would destroy the world."

Holy shit. This explains some of the paranoia, Kyoko admitted to herself. "Um, what?"

"It was Madoka," Homura continued, lost in her remembrance, "who figured it out. She knew what I was, what I could do. And… she made me promise to keep her from contracting."

Watching the pale figure squirm, seemingly uncomfortable in her own skin, Kyoko had a rare burst of insight. "There's something more. Something you're not telling me."

"She… sh-she didn't want to become a W-witch," Homura sobbed. "She… made me do it!"

Kyoko's stomach was clenched nervously, feeling like a stone in her gut. This was as close to hysterical as she'd ever seen the time traveler. A single word rang through her mind. Fragile. "What did she make you do, Homura?"

"Sh-she m-m-made me sh-sh-shoot her!"

"Damn," Kyoko breathed. "And you did it." Sobbing, Homura looked at her, desperation written across her face, self-loathing and horror vying for dominance. "Homura-chan, you are a really good friend."

For a moment, her ears interpreted the redhead's comment as mocking, but through her bleary vision she saw the veteran's frank admiration. "Wh-what?" Homura asked in disbelief. "I killed my best friend!"

"Now you're twisting things," Kyoko stated, matter-of-fact. "You just described what happened, and it sounds more like you saved her from a fate worse than death, the one we're all staring into in one way or another, every day we get out of bed." She continued over the black-haired girl's mumbled protests. "Who would want to turn into a monster responsible for the destruction of the world?" Even if the girl exaggerated, Kyoko was confident that a being more powerful than the dreaded and mysterious and potentially invulnerable Walpurgis could inflict its fair share of damage.

"But-"

"Look at it this way," Kyoko went on, an analogy a fourth grader could grasp springing into her mind. "If this were the zombie apocalypse, and someone got bitten by a zombie, and you knew they were going to turn in a zombie and bite you and your remaining friends… well, you need to do what you have to do, and suffer the consequences. But if you don't take out that threat, then you have to realize that, if things go badly, you're responsible for the deaths of everyone that zombie ends up biting."

"Madoka is not a zombie!"

"No, but her situation was similar. And damn, she asked you to do it. You granted her final request. And, on top of that, you just reset time after that anyway! Why do you even feel bad about-"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Homura shouted into the redhead's face. "People are real, everything is real in every timeline I've lived through, Kyoko." It was hard to acknowledge that, lately, this had been less true than usual. She'd resorted to some fairly extreme measures back around timeline mid-seventies, all the way into the nineties. "If you had the ability to go backwards in time, would you be able to crush Sayaka's soul gem, even knowing that you'll probably be seeing her again during one of the endlessly repeating loops?"

"Luckily, that's something I've never had to consider. I don't think you're being totally honest. I know you see Madoka as real, but as for anyone else…"

"I know they're real. You're real. I'm just… focused. I can't save everyone. I'm busy, trying to-"

"Trying to save Madoka, I get it. But how often is that at other people's expense?"

"What are you implying?"

"Nothing," Kyoko shrugged her shoulders. "It's just… how many times have you tried to save Sayaka, help her out before she 'succumbs to despair' over that stupid grey-haired kid? Just what I thought, none, right? Didn't you ever stop and think about how she Contracted to save that little fool's hand? Have you ever thought she might be an asset in your battle, that if she survived, maybe Madoka would have the strength-"

"Madoka does have the strength!" Homura insisted. "I can't be everywhere-"

"I know that," Kyoko snidely reassured her. "You've made that abundantly clear. What I'm talking about is your lack of perception. All those times, and it never occurred to you to try and help her understand the danger, or keep her away from the alien you consider your mortal enemy."

Kyoko looked at the black-haired girl sadly. "All this time… and you still don't really get it, do you? There is no Madoka without Sayaka, and no Sayaka without Madoka. Not the girls we know and l-like. They're best friends, dammit, and when one gets hurt the other feels it-"

"No, I didn't." Homura's voice was harsh. "I'll make sure to give that a try, if I end of having to do this again." She glared into the distance, consumed by her own thoughts.

Deep inside, Kyoko couldn't help thinking to herself: You won't. Not unless it's over my dead body.

After a long period of silence, Homura cleared her throat.

"Don't you think it's strange, Sayaka taking on all those girls by herself? I'm glad she was victorious, but… in all honesty, Kyoko, Sayaka was never a very powerful Puella Magi. Until this time, that is."

Frowning, Kyoko thought hard. "It's something I've picked up on, too," she admitted, troubled. "At first, I thought it was just that she was finally learning to harness her powers, but some of the stuff I've seen her do… It's impressive."

Homura caught the slight undercurrent in the girl's tone. "You noticed that after being sucked into the Witches' barriers during your little excursion?"

"That is when I first noticed," Kyoko breathed, remembering. "She was so fast. And was pulling out all these different moves I'd never seen her do before."

"But not before that? Not sometime shortly after the… after what happened on the overpass?"

"No. Why then?" Crimson eyes lit up for a moment. "That's when she said Kyubey did… whatever he did to her." The thought made her murderous.

"Indeed. That creature seems to be instigating a lot of activity. Getting you into Mitakihara. Connecting Madoka and Sayaka with Mami, who then set to work convincing the two to contract. Implying that Sayaka and you were dead, which is what got Madoka to contract." Each thought was an iron nail, locking down the coffin she found herself trapped within. "And just tonight, it told me I was the only one who could defeat Walpurgis. Madoka informed me it had said the exact same thing to her. And… and it flat out said Sayaka had transformed into a Witch."

"But… she hadn't!" Kyoko stated, a fact that was obvious to her.

"No. It's apparent now that Incubators can lie, despite their vast intellects and emotional detachment."

"Or maybe, because of."

"But… why would it lie about that? The thing's infallible honesty has been compromised. What did it even get out of that lie?"

"Maybe it underestimated you?" Kyoko waved a hand to ward of the evil eye sent her way. "Okay, I admit that's doubtful. Kyubey's pretty cautious. What happened when he told you that?"

"When it told us that, Madoka wanted to try to find and somehow rescue Sayaka." Kyoko felt warm inside, the thought of the pinkette determined to bring back her best friend swelling her heart with a unique feeling of gratitude. "I… I was going to go looking for you, make sure you were alright, and, well, help you deal with whatever aftermath I couldn't begin to imagine but fully expected to find."

The aftermath. Homura and her euphemisms. "So it wanted you and Madoka to chase after me? That doesn't make sense."

Homura stood bolt upright, mind working furiously as she felt the chill course down her back. "No," she murmured.

Kyoko allowed another three seconds of patient waiting. "What? What is it?" When Homura didn't respond immediately, the redhead raised her voice. "What the hell is it? You're even paler than usual and it's freaking me out!"

"I…" Homura desperately tried to collect her thoughts. "I didn't want Madoka to come with. Sayaka… she made me promise her something." Crimson eyes beckoned her on, impatient and demanding. "B-basically, to help you shoulder the burden, if she should… yeah," she finished lamely at Kyoko's dismayed look.

After a moment, the redhead shrugged. "Look, I'm not mad. I don't like the idea, obviously, but in a way, it's kind of… well, I don't want you to be afraid of me, Hom-"

"Afraid? What are you talking about?" Homura interjected.

Kyoko blinked. "I… thought you were nervous about how I'd… react?"

"No… no, that's not it at all," the time traveler whispered. Her eyes darted around, almost nervously. Kyoko forced herself to keep from glancing around in kind before realizing if Homura was jittery she should probably be as well.

She didn't see anything on the rooftop or up in the sky. Apparently, neither did the other girl, who began explaining. "We were out alone, walking around, waiting for Madoka to get ready. Well, I was. Sayaka was waiting for you. I promised her. There was no sign of it, I could have sworn we were alone, but… somehow, Kyubey knew."

"Huh?"

"Let me finish," Homura answered, annoyed. "The only reason I can think of for him to tell us that Sayaka had been turned… two things, I guess. One, he assumed, wrongly, that we would never have the opportunity to see one another again." She paused, giving Kyoko a strangely intense look. "You're not lying to me, are you? Deluded? Sayaka is alive and well?"

Kyoko sputtered. "Yes, she's alive! I didn't just-"

"That was a third possibility. But I'm certain it wasn't being truthful; Madoka has said as much."

"Madoka? But she's so trusting and innocent," Kyoko mewed, hoping to get the better of the black-haired girl.

Homura merely nodded. "Lending credence to her story. She says that she can feel something from the creature, like it has emotions."

"That's… weird."

"Yes. Very. The only other possibility I can think of is that, somehow, Kyubey knew about that promise. Knew I'd have to… maybe even want to go after-"

"Really, Hom? Want to?"

"-go after the threat I'd been expecting all along," Homura breathed. There's no way the creature knows me that well. "Maybe Madoka just happened to be around…"

"Maybe. Or maybe it knew you would do everything in your power to keep her from seeing you murder what used to be her best friend," Kyoko stated matter-of-factly, a ruby glint of anger in her eyes.

Homura stopped. Am I that obvious? Is that how it knew? It was better than the alternative.

That Kyubey was spying on her. On them.

Taking Homura's stunned expression as permission to continue, Kyoko elaborated. "Maybe… what it wanted was for you to split up. That would make it easier to ensure some of us 'never had the opportunity to see each other again', if we want to get really paranoid," the redhead concluded. "Although, despite his new found evil side, I don't find Kyubey particularly physically threatening."

Homura's eyes grew wide, and suddenly Kyoko felt a gentle breeze as air was displaced by the girl's abrupt disappearance. A moment later, she reappeared.

"Had to check, she's fine. As for Kyubey… That's not its way," Homura stated flatly. The Incubator doesn't do the dirty work itself; it gets others to do it instead. "Not attacking itself. It is completely capable of setting us up for… something. Probably something tragic."

"Hmm." Kyoko ignored the other girl's stare. "Hmmmmmm."

"What?!"

"Well, it's just… You mentioned Madoka talking about reading Kyubey's supposedly non-existent emotions before. That pinkette seems to have a knack of knowing when… when I need cheering up," she finished, liking that better than when I'm ready to snap.

"So… you think that, maybe, she is picking up on something?" Privately, Homura still entertained doubts, and reading the raw emotion of Kyoko's expressive face was easy enough. Especially when those expressions vacillated mainly between smugly cocky and pissed off.

"Yeah, it's possible. What isn't, I guess? This situation is all kinds of fucked up," she finished with a sigh.

"SNAFU."

"Bless y-" Damnit! raged the redhead. I haven't said that in years. What the hell?

Homura was shaking her head. "No. Situation normal: all fucked up. That's what it means." Feeling compelled to answer the questioning crimson stare, she added, "I heard it in a movie…"

"SNAFU. Yeah, that about sums it up." Kyoko shook her head. "Four days?"

"Three, and barely that. It's getting late, or rather, it was late hours ago, and now it's getting early." Abruptly, a thought occurred to her. "Kyoko… how did you find out about Mami so quickly?"

"Huh? What the fuck kinda random... It… it was Kyubey. He told me."

"Of course. It also told me that I was Madoka's 'ace in the hole,' or something like that. It told Madoka that you and Sayaka were in danger, and needed her help."

"Telepathy. Can you ever hear my thoughts, or send a message to Madoka or something?"

Homura sneered. "Never, that's all Kyubey. Whenever he's around is when it works, and I don't trust that little creep."

Kyoko thought hard. "So… if we kind of shared thoughts back in Motogawa, that means…"

"Kyubey was there. Or, possibly, you and Sayaka are all sorts of exceptional and can establish that connection at any time?"

Recalling her fruitless search, she shook her head. "No, not always. I was just curious."

"Didn't you and Mami ever… connect mentally like that?"

"Sometimes, I guess. When we were fighting. But I thought…"

"What?" Homura asked after a long pause.

"I… it's stupid. I thought we were, well, special."

"Junko was right. You are so cute when you blush!"

Kyoko's embarrassment was incinerated by the fiery anger that washed over here. Going from guilt to rage was almost a special power of hers, handy in situations like this. "You'd better lock that girlfriend of your's down, she was pretty into me in the kitchen, you know." As Homura began to laugh, the redhead's outrage only increased.

"K-Kyoko, you are… so easy," the raven-haired girl gasping for breath.

Suddenly, the anger became dangerous, a boiling soup of potential threat. "I'm a lot of things, Akemi Homura, but easy is not one of them!"

Sobering instantly, Homura immediately discarded the comeback on the tip of her tongue: I wonder if Sayaka would confirm that? But, having survived this long, she didn't want to ascend into the great beyond, or oblivion, or whatever awaited in the hereafter. Not yet.

"No, Kyoko. She's fucking with you." It was Homura swearing, more than anything, that broke the redhead's sudden need for physical violence. "She's smart, and, well I may have given her a little background on you before the sleepover-"

"Wha? Wait, how often do I come up in your conversations, exactly?" Kyoko demanded.

"Look, she's very good at, well, manipulating people. Not that she's manipulative, not exactly," the raven-haired girl amended quickly. "She's-"

"Wow, nice half-hearted defense, there. You can barely agree with your own statement!" Kyoko laughed in the other girl's face. Homura bore it stoically.

"I guess you have to get to know her, but, well, she can pick out a person's weaknesses in about ten seconds."

"Wait, my weakness? What is my weakness?"

"Well, you know."

"No, what? I'm extremely curious."

"It's just that, well, you're kind of… afraid of your own sexuality?"

"I… wha… you think… what does that even-"

"Kyoko, no offense, but you are so good at talking the talk I think you are starting to believe your own myth." For some reason, the redhead felt even more annoyed by what promised to be an in-depth explanation of her faults, but she couldn't help shooting the girl an inquiringly raised pair of eyebrows. "You're tough, but you're not nearly as rough, or as, um, casual as you come across. You followed Sayaka around for how long before working up the courage to talk to her, and even then your misguided feelings ended in fights rather than… flirtation. I couldn't have had this conversation with the first Kyoko I met; it took me a while to realize you were capable of more than threats and monosyllabic responses. If you even know what that means, dropout."

Anger flared up again, and Kyoko stood up, towering over the still-sitting girl. "One-syl-la-ble," she sneered, clapping at each appropriate point right in the black-haired girl's face. That arrogant bitch! "I-" and then she stopped, understanding the trap a second before Homura began to beam with pride at the successful ruse.

"Ha! You just pretend to be dumb like that, for some reason," Homura pressed. "I guess it works for you, sometimes I used to forget you were around, when I was talking to the others, or Kyubey."

Grasping on a way to save face, Kyoko lunged. "That's what convinced me to go find Sayaka last week, when you two were discussing something not quite as over my head as you might have thought." She shrugged. "I did stop going to school, but that doesn't make me dumb." The glare came back. "But… afraid? Of my own... I am so not, even ask Sayaka!"

Now was the time to strike. "Would she also vouch for how not easy you are, too?" Homura asked in a pathetic attempt at innocence. Kyoko opened her mouth, snapped it shut, then opened it again. Gleefully, the time traveler watched the girl's painfully slow struggle to form a response.

"Sure, you're crude and ill-mannered, but not in the sexy harlot kind of way. More like a boy, bodily functions and posturing and that kind of stuff." Kyoko idly wished she'd had the need to belch, or worse, at that moment, but got nothing for her efforts. "You dislike touching, and even more being touched, and, well. Your outfit," Homura finished, as if that ended things.

"What about my outfit?" Kyoko felt a cold wave of panic, wondering, What's wrong with my outfit?

"It's all very nice, but… so stereotypically girly. The long gloves, the thigh-high stockings, that ruffled dress… Like a princess or something. I've always thought you'd have looked good in something more like Sayaka's gear-"

"Your outfit isn't all that great, either," Kyoko snarled, furious at the blush she couldn't contain. The very thought of walking around in only a bra…

"Mine's functional. Just like everything about me," she murmured, feeling suddenly fatalistic, watching the first glimmer of dawn light up the sky, a slightly-less-than-black horizon.

How the hell did we arrive at this topic? Kyoko wondered, taking a moment to realize Homura had retreated inside her head again. "Now who's lying to themselves?" the redhead inquired. "You pretend you're a machine, and sometimes it works for you, too. But you're not, Homura. Tell me, right now, that there's nothing that you want in the world. Aside-" she interjected, knowing what was coming as the black-haired girl opened her mouth angrily, "from making sure Madoka survives Walpurgisnacht, is there nothing you want from life?"

Homura laughed bitterly. "If there's one thing I've learned during my 'travels', Kyoko, it's that what you hope for and what you get-"

"That's not my question, Hom. Don't think for a second that I, of all people in all the whole fucking world, don't understand the difference between what you wish for and what you get in reality. What I want to know is, what would you do if we win? What will you do if we survive, and you don't have to… do it all over again?"

Homura's gaze unfocused, and she didn't seen Kyoko scrutinize her closely as she answered. "I… It's something I've hoped for, dreamed of, for so long… it's become something of Holy Grail for me. The truth is… I don't know, exactly, what I'd do. Celebrate. And then… well, I guess… Damn. You are correct, Kyoko, there are several things that I hope for, in the future."

After allowing a few moments of reflection, Kyoko posed another question. "What are your win conditions, Homura?"

The black-haired girl blinked. "What? I… Saving Madoka. That she survive Walpurgisnacht. Why?" Then, it fell into place. Kyoko was worried about something. Something Homura might do. The other veteran feared that this timeline would be erased. Even though it would mean the possibility of actually reuniting with Mami again… something about the blunette held even greater sway over the Kyoko. Besides, to her, this was the only real existence.

Sometimes, it was difficult for Homura to remember that absolutely linear perspective.

"Shit." The sky was quickly turning pink, a line of clouds pastel and beginning to glow. "I gotta get back." Kyoko stood, then turned to the other girl. "Thanks. We'll win, Homura. You can bet your soul on it," she grinned wolfishly.

"How can you be so sure?" Homura asked automatically, feeling vastly less optimistic.

"Because, I never lose," Kyoko smirked, gathering herself for a jump. Then she turned serious. "I hope you figure out what you want. Really."

Homura blinked. "Me, too. Don't forget my advice."

The redhead paused. "Yeah, thanks. I… I won't."

"Just tell her, talk to her about, how hard could it b-"

"Okay, thanks, goodbye Homura," Kyoko called, at the apex of a hundred meter leap by the time she finished her farewell.

Homura shook her head, feeling strangely invigorated, and headed downstairs to check on Madoka.

On the way back to Mami's apartment, Kyoko felt the presence of a Witch below her, but ignored it. She was on a more important mission. She convinced herself all manner of terrible things may had happened in the hours she'd been gone, right up until seeing the quiet, peaceful apartment complex. Not burning in flames, not exploded or collapsed or swarming with police.

To her dismay, Sayaka was somehow up with the sun. Kyoko walked through the doorway, right into the expectant gaze of the blunette, sitting tensely in a char. In her oversized T-shirt, the younger girl looked adorable and worried at the same time.

"Oh, there you are!" Sayaka exclaimed, leaping to her feet. "I was worried-"

"Sorry I didn't leave a note or anything, just had to get out for a bit. Clear my head."

Sayaka looked puzzled, a bit of worry creeping back in. "I… okay. It… it wasn't something from, you know. Last ni-"

"No, no… no. This was, is… well, dammit why is this so hard? Sayaka, you might hate me for this, but there's something I have to talk to you about."

Long wait for the longest chapter yet. Brevity is not one of my strengths. Let me know if it is confusing or repetitive or helped you gain any insight. Wish I could write a better response to all the awesome comments but of course the italics didn't register so I'm up late and wanted to get this out before procrastinating any further.