Regina Mills
After everything Emma confessed in front of the Tilt-a-Whirl, I'm having a hard time staying angry with the insufferable woman. I want to be furious with the blonde, but when you love someone that much, it's very easy to forgive them without a second thought.
I know our time has passed now. I am with Robin, but I noticed she doesn't seem to acknowledge him when he's around. Emma looks right through him as if he doesn't even exist.
The other night at the fireworks, Henry devoted all his time to playing with Emma. My son followed the blonde everywhere she went, constantly seeking her attention. He even ignored Roland which was very unlike him, those two boys are inseparable.
Emma purchased glow sticks for Henry and the two of them chased each other around pretending to have an epic battle of sword fighting. They danced around together swinging the glow sticks in the air, Emma even pretending she was wounded by my son. The beautiful scene warmed my heart because that was a moment I always hoped to see when Emma told me she was keeping him.
I always dreamed about what our lives would be like together, the three of us, walking hand in hand, laughing, playing, cuddling on the couch together...but she left. I still enjoyed all those precious moments with Henry, even though she was gone. Now she's here again and I'm watching all my dreams come true.
My fork aimlessly brushes my food back and forth across my plate, while my mind plays an intense game of chess with itself. Constantly moving pieces in my head to figure out my best options to win this battle for my future.
After I picked Henry up from the ice cream parlor, I allowed my son and Roland to play upstairs while Robin and I ate dinner together. I knew my boyfriend had to work late this evening, so I waited to eat with him.
My phone vibrates loudly against the dinner table, breaking me from my inner turmoil as the device skids across the marble surface. I peek over at the screen to find Emma's name shining brightly. I scoff, roll my eyes and reach for my glass of red wine.
"Who was that?" Robin mutters around a forkful of lasagna.
"Emma," I roll my eyes yet again and gulp down more than a sip of my wine.
I met Robin two years ago. Henry and Roland attended the same preschool and I always saw the ruggedly handsome man whenever I dropped my son off. I knew he was recently divorce, so I never engaged in any sort of conversation, except for the casual hello.
About a year ago, he began striking up polite but slightly flirtatious conversations with me on our walks back to our cars. Eventually, he asked me out for coffee. With his deep blue eyes, resembling the tranquil waves of an ocean, I found myself sputtering yes, fairly quickly. His sandy blonde hair is always groomed to perfection, but his strong jawline and toned body express his masculine demeanor.
I found myself stumbling rather quickly into a relationship with the man. He's always very polite and putting my needs and concerns first but I still find myself keeping him at a safe distance.
"Was there more to the story than what you originally told me?" My boyfriend questions with his face scrunched tightly, expressing his confusion.
"What do you mean, dear?"
"It just seems like there's a lot more tension there than just a friend leaving her baby behind. I don't see Emma looking at Ruby or Belle the way she looks at you."
Robin straightens his posture and shifts in his seat until he's sitting just a little taller. He's never been the jealous type in the past year we've been dating but I'm wondering if Emma has lit the match that will soon start a fire, awakening his green-eyed monster.
"That's probably because I'm the one who took her son in and raised him," I suggest casually, taking another hefty sip of wine.
"Regina you can be honest with me, was there more between you and Emma?"
His thick fingers stretch forward between us in attempt to intertwine our hands. I jerk my hand away without even thinking.
"No, don't be silly. We were friends," I stand up in a rush effectively ending the interrogating and bring my plate with me to the sink.
I place my dish into the sink and begin scrubbing the pots and pans from earlier. My mind starts to drift away once again. I no longer have control of my thoughts, I'm constantly thinking about Emma.
She's looked absolutely gorgeous tonight. That woman always did look beautiful in just jeans and a t-shirt. Especially the way she was interacting with Henry, so effortlessly yet there was so much love between the two of them. He resembles her so much. Their green eyes both sparkle in the same way when they are exciting. Their crooked smiles shined as they stared at one another, like they shared some deep dark secret.
Strong fingertips skim across hips before digging into my flesh and pulling me back against his broad chest. I blink once to clear my head as he sweeps my hair to one side.
"If you don't want to talk about Emma, that's fine, we don't have to. But I think you need to express what you are going through right now. I can only imagine how difficult this situation is for you." He places a gentle kiss to my temple and holds me close.
"I understand your concern, but I think this is something only Emma and I can work out together."
I drop the sponge into the sink and spin around in his arms. Robin smiles kindly and nods not wanting to press the issue any further.
"It's getting late, so I'm going to grab Roland and head home."
I nod just as his lips connect with mine. I keep my lips sealed shut because there are far too many conflicting emotions tormenting my mind to allow his demanding tongue in my mouth.
I wait until after Robin leaves and I am in bed before I check my phone to see what Emma had to say earlier.
I curl up beneath my duvet and inhale sharply. I don't want to check her text message but I'm not one to be rude, so...
Emma: I can't believe that kid I embarrassed six years ago still works at that ice cream shop!
I laugh to myself thinking about our first time eating ice cream together. There's no need for me to reply, I can simply leave it at that.
Me: I know.
There. I kept my message short acknowledging her message but not really leaving room for any further conversation.
Emma: Remember that was the day I taught you about the rules of conversation with ice cream.
Me: I do.
Does she not understand that I'm being short with her?
Emma: You were so cute and shy back then.
Cute? Is she trying to flirt? I should have never responded to begin with it. I need to terminate this conversation.
Me: Good night Miss Swan.
Emma: That reminds me, how come you don't want Henry to know my last name? Doesn't he have yours?
This woman is so frustrating. Can she not take the hint? I guess I'm also to blame because I continue to answer the woman.
Me: He has both. Henry Daniel Swan-Mills.
Emma: I honestly didn't know that. I thought you would've taken my name out for sure. Swan-Mills is really cute. It has a nice ring to it.
Is she still flirting? She never did understand social cues or when enough is enough.
Me: Yes, it does. Good night Miss Swan.
Emma: Good night Gina!
There goes the last bit of strength I was clinging onto for dear life. Gina. I haven't heard that nickname in five years. Some of my most favorable moments occurred when Emma and I were cuddled up in bed together. The soft breathless whisper of Gina would fall from her lips. I never allowed anyone to ever call me by a nickname but with her...
I honestly don't know how long I can keep her at bay.
XXXXXXXXX
"Are you gonna get out of the car?" Ruby teases while I continue to stare blankly at the door handle. My mind is spinning like a vicious tornado cycling through all my emotions and memories, tossing them in the air to jumble my sane judgement. "Regina!"
I groan forcing out all my pent-up frustrations. I spin around abruptly in my seat and glare at my friend in annoyance.
"Why did I ever allow you to talk me into this?"
"Because, I know what's best for all three of you. This will be good. You and Emma need to hash it out, so we can all move past this. It's time."
"Why is now the time?" I cross my arms over my chest like a stubborn child and throw myself back into the seat.
"Emma has been back in your lives for almost two months now. I have known that girl since I was sixteen, she's not going anywhere. So, in order to have a healthy relationship between the three of you, you need to say everything that needs to be said and lay out all your cards on the table."
"This isn't some poker game. This is my life, Henry's life!"
"Listen, you wouldn't keep allowing these ice cream outings with Emma if you didn't want her apart of his life. Clearly you think having her around is a positive influence for Henry, otherwise you would never allow her to see him, correct?"
"Well-"
"Correct! So, with that being said, get out of the car Mills!"
I huff and puff like a disgruntle teenager as I climb out of Ruby's car.
After Emma invited me to dinner, I became very indecisive about our status. I agreed to dinner but then I cancelled and rescheduled and cancelled again. I pleaded with Ruby to come along as a buffer. I was still very unclear on what I wanted from Emma, so I assumed if Ruby was there, no lines would be blurred. Strictly friends, like Emma promised.
"Hey!" Emma calls out, waving Ruby and I over to her booth.
We decided on a casual burger joint to make this evening less of a date as possible. I denied the suggestion of Granny's knowing too many familiar eyes would be gawking at us like we were animals at a zoo exhibit.
I slide in the vacant spot across from the blonde while Ruby slides in next to Emma. Ruby barely allows enough time for her ass to meet the seat before her greedy hands are reaching for the appetizers.
"Pretzel bites, yum!"
"Thanks for coming guys, I'm really glad we were able to make this happen," Emma sincerely declares while she nervously tucks a piece of golden locks behind her ear.
"Uh, free food, of course I'm here," Ruby announces while stuffing her face with another soft pretzel.
"I'm not paying for your food," Emma deadpans.
"Regina is." I roll my eyes at the free-spirited woman and kick her shin with my boot beneath the table. "Ow! What the hell?"
"Way to make things more awkward," I retort.
Offering to pay for Ruby's meal was a guaranteed way to drag the woman along to this painful situation.
"Hello, I'm Tiff and I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?" The tall redhead waitress questions as she sets down a few extra napkins.
"Three rum and cokes. Keep them coming because we will need all the liquid courage available to make it through this dinner," Ruby mocks, instantly eliciting a deep blush to spread across Emma's cheekbones.
"I hate you," Emma whispers as she leans into Ruby's side.
"I can leave," she quips back pointing to the door with a wicked smirk across her face.
"Don't you dare," I threaten narrowing my eyes at the brunette. She chuckles to herself while popping another pretzel into her mouth.
"So, how's Henry?"
Emma leans forward into the table granting me her undivided attention. There's still so much hurt and anger from the damage she caused to my heart that I just want to reach across the table and shake the damn woman.
"The same as two days ago," I flatly reply.
"It feels like a lot longer," the blonde mumbles mostly to herself, but I hear her sorrowful words.
"Longer than five years?" I quip but the moment those words leave my mouth I instantly regret the petty reply, as they leave a bitter taste in my mouth.
Both sets of eyes flick toward mine, further adding to my embarrassment and regret. I shift awkwardly in my seat under their intense gaze. Ruby is narrowing her eyes at me, silently scolding me for my behavior. While out of the corner of my eye, Emma's eyes are much softer, and five years of her guilt is transparent while she stares at me in humiliation.
"I'm-I... I apologize, I shouldn't-"
"Please don't apologize. You don't have anything to apologize for, I was the one in the wrong and I know you're still angry with me. You have every right to be," Emma sincerely states just as the waitress makes her appearance to drop off our drinks.
The blonde slumps back into the booth appearing like a kicked puppy. All three of us ramble off our order to the waitress, hoping the woman will disappear from our torturous conversation. When the waitress vanishes, we fall into an insufferable silence.
My palms grow moist as I clench my fists from my anxious nerves. I haven't truly felt this uncomfortable in a public setting since before I met Emma. A burning wave ripples violently up my spine prompting me to sweep my hair to one side from the uncomfortable heat.
"You two really don't need me here to sit in silence," Ruby finally breaks through the muted atmosphere. I'm not quite sure if she was teasing us or she was just desperate to get the hell out of here.
"Emma," I breathe out, straightening my posture in preparation to finally have the conversation I've been dreading for far too long. The blonde snaps her attention back toward me, connecting our eyes. I know she is terrified of the next set of words to spew from my mouth. "What is your plan regarding Henry?"
Just the mention of my son's name eases her troubled mind causing a smile to dance across her thin lips. Emma sighs and rests her arms onto the table between us. Her fingers interlock expressing just how nervous she truly is. This woman was never an anxious person. Emma always kept her cool under most uncomfortable circumstances but now as I watch her fumble before me, I can't help but think maybe she has changed.
"I don't want you to think I would ever take him away from you. I know you are his mother. I would never tell Henry otherwise. I would never want to confuse him or upset him in anyway. Honestly, I just want to spend time with him. I just want to be his friend."
"Emma-"
"Please, before you say anything. I know I was wrong. I know I don't deserve him but I swear to you he's been on my mind every day for five years. I really did have his best interest at heart when I left. I wasn't fit to be a mother. I was clearly unstable from the postpartum and I needed to help myself before I could come back into his life. I worked through all of that, I promise you."
"She has Regina, she's discussed some of her sessions with me, so maybe I could understand because I was still very angry with her as well," Ruby quickly adds defending the person we both mutually agreed was in the wrong. "I was apprehensive at first as well, I'm just as protective over Henry as you are Regina, but I can't deny all Emma's efforts to fix everything she went through."
"Okay, so again, what do you expect to accomplish here tonight regarding my son?"
"Exactly what we are doing now. You have no idea what those hour visits to the ice cream parlor mean to me. I know I am more than lucky for you to allow those meetings. So, thank you very much. If we could continue that, that's more than I could have ever hoped for."
"That's all you want? Take him out for ice cream for an hour a week?" I suspiciously question while locking my eyes onto hers, attempting to detect any lies hidden in her eyes.
"Yes. I mean maybe after a while you would allow me to take him to the park instead of out for ice cream. Or maybe a movie later down the road, but that's all I want. I just want to spend time with him."
Tears slowly well up in those enticing green eyes. The warm liquid illuminates her orbs creating the illusion of her golden specks sparkling like a star against the midnight sky. Why are her eyes always so intoxicating? I shake my head attempting to knock out all those inappropriate thoughts, so I could focus on the situation before me.
"A year from now you aren't going to demand sharing custody or something ridiculous, are you?"
Her trembling hand stretches across the space between us before I have time to assess the situation. Her clammy palm rests on top of my hand forcing my eyes to dart down and stare hopelessly at the connection.
"I promise you, we never have to tell him who I am. You are his mother and I mean that."
My eyes are still stuck on the overwhelming sensation that's pulsating between our hands. I wonder if she can feel the same warm vibrations rippling through my blood and traveling up through my chest to kick start my heart.
Finally, Emma jerks her hand away as if someone just poked her with a sharp needle. Those watery eyes cast down toward the table as she hides her hands in her lap. Luckily, the waitress pops in front of our table and begins passing out our food. We all mutter a small thank you, politely dismissing the redhead from our miserable table.
Throughout our dinner we engage in small talk, mostly about Emma's job and where she's living so I can feel more comfortable about her lifestyle around my son. We spoke briefly about Ruby and Belle just to keep the conversation light. After our plates were cleared away, the waitress dropped off the check.
"Hey, I'm going to the bathroom real quick," Ruby informs us as she rises from her seat.
Emma nods, reaching across the table for the bill. I gently place my hand on top of the black leather booklet to still her actions.
"I offered to pay for Ruby's meal so please allow me to take a peek, so I know how much I owe."
"No, it's fine. My treat."
The blonde flashes me her infamous cheeky grin, a smile I haven't truly seen since she was pregnant. The small action inspires my heart to flutter rapidly in response.
"No, I insist on paying my half," I demand while tightening my hold on the check.
"Oh, come on, please. It's the least I can do." She attempts to pull the book from my grasp, but I firmly hold on. "Think of it as a thank you, for coming to meet with me tonight. You didn't have to, you don't owe me anything, so please let me say thank you by paying for this meal."
I eye the woman carefully as my fingers slowly release the check. She flashes me another bright, ear to ear grin and suddenly I'm losing all self-control. The world around golden shiny locks seem to evaporate from existence. The steady buzz from the crowded restaurant falls deaf to my ears. All that's left in my mind, is the young girl I met six years ago. The playful, overly enthusiastic, cheeky, insufferably nosy woman who clawed her way into my heart.
I hate how much I still love her.
"Where is Ruby?" Emma questions as she places her credit card inside the black book and slides the check back across the table.
Her voice snaps me back to reality forcing my unwanted lingering emotions to hide back behind the walls I built around my heart. I glance around the restaurant in search of the bathrooms, but our friend is nowhere to be seen.
"She has been gone longer than she should have been," I comment absentmindedly as my eyes continue to wander around the room.
"I'll text her," Emma mumbles. I pull my glass closer and sip the remainder of my Rum and Coke. A harsh exhale forces its way from Emma's nostrils. I flick my eyes toward the woman across from me and tilt my head to the side waiting for her explanation. "So, she ditched us. She said to make sure you get home safe."
"What?" I screech a little too loudly causing a few heads to turn in our direction. "Let me see!" I hold out my hand, silently demanding her phone. Emma easily hands over the phone without a second thought. I read the messages carefully and huff in annoyance. "I can't believe that woman. How could she just leave us like this."
Emma shrugs completely unaffected per usual Emma behavior. She snatches back her phone and slips the device into the back pocket of her jeans.
"Well at least this gives me an opportunity to speak with you alone."
My eyes flick toward green ones that are frantically shifting back and forth, unsure of where they should settle.
"Seriously? The minute Ruby's gone you want to discuss us?"
"I do."
She offers me a warm smile before her lips wrap around her straw and finish the last of her beverage. I remain silent as I glare at the frustrating woman sitting across from me. I don't want to discuss us. I don't want her to know about the feelings I have been harboring for six years now. I should be over her, especially after everything she has done to me, but then I see her smile and moments later I'm lost in the abyss of her enticing green eyes. My heart starts to pound, my mouth dries up and my palms become slick with sweat and suddenly I'm a love-sick teenager all over again.
Emma sighs and pushes the empty glass across the table. She runs her anxious hand through her long blonde hair and exhales rather loudly.
"Gina, I'm so sorry for everything that happened between us as well. I..." she pauses while squirming in her seat, most likely from my intense gaze. I'm just too curious to hear what she has to say to peel my eyes away from hers. "I think we are both to blame on that end. I'm not sure why you never said anything about how you felt. I... well at first Neal had just left but I felt this magnetic pull toward you despite my heartache." A warm rush floods my limbs from her admission alone. "The first time we kissed, too many emotions clawed their way to the surface, but you were so nervous and unsure about everything and I didn't want to scare you off. So instead I acted like it was all for fun." A large knot was rapidly growing in the back of my throat listening to her talk about our past, this is all too much for me. "Then when I found out I was pregnant and you stuck by my side," the tears were building quickly in her eyes, but they clung to those green orbs, refusing to fall. "You were there every day, encouraging me, supporting me while I was falling more in love with you." I bit down on the inside of my lip to fight away all my emotions that threatened to come spilling out, knowing I would burst like dam and end up a crazed sobbing mess. "When I moved in, I tried so many times to tell you, but I always chickened out. I was terrified that you were just being a good friend. I didn't want to risk losing your support and love because I wanted something more."
"And I didn't want to scare you off and risk losing you or the baby. I thought it was better to remain friends, so I at least had both of you in my life than not at all."
"So, we both were too scared to express our feelings and risk losing the other person, but in the end, we still lost each other."