Haven is... it's... Haven's gone. It hurts to write, in more ways than one. Mostly though, it's just physical right now. So, where do I start? Probably after I managed to pull myself together enough to try and attempt the Breach.

Well, that was about three days before we actually marched on the Breach. I was still reeling from Therinfall. I... I never knew about Envy demons, and how close I came to becoming my own worst nightmare. I didn't want to be a part of the Inquisition anyway, all I wanted was just to quietly be in the background of advise someone else to do this stuff. I'm not leadership material, if I was I would have been the First to my Keeper. Also if I was a mage. Mostly the leader thing, though.

So... I didn't know I had become such a symbol to the people and that I'd become so close to the people I worked with. I was shocked to see them all arrive when I was... when I was ill. Even Solas was nearby, but that doesn't really count for much as he just lurked in the doorway the whole time. I didn't think that...

Anyway, I should move on from then. I had gotten up and was ready to end this nonsense once and for all, and I ignored the growing concern that had settled into my stomach that the Inquisition's purpose had been served and would shortly be disbanded. It didn't matter, I thought, they were just friends I could letter about later on. I'm still not used to so many people following me like this. Herald or not, I still have the Mark and I have to lead them. For as long as I can, anyway.

Shortly after we started to celebrate our victory over the Breach, there were explosions coming from the gate, and as we approached someone ordered us to open it. I opened it, and discovered a mage had been fighting some people who were called 'Venatori'. Is it weird that he looked really good while he was dispatching crazed Tevinter cultists? Probably. Ignore me. Back to the attack, I managed to drive them back for a while, and I used an avalanche to do so. Things were looking up, but that was when the dragon attacked. It looked like it was nothing but skin and bones held together through whatever blood magic conjured it.

The quick retreat back to the Chantry bought us some time and Chancellor Roderick said that he knew a path through the mountain to get us away from the attack and the dragon without letting them get caught. He was wounded, maybe a bit delirious, but the Tevinter mage offered to carry him and they left. I wanted to say something else, because I thought I might not make it back from firing the trebuchet to cause another avalanche onto Haven. So did everyone else.

I had to though, because waiting was not a choice. I went out and managed to prime the thing, and when the rest of the people had cleared out, I was going to fire it. However, the dragon knocked away the rest of my group and I was left alone to face it down. Except that was when a monster appeared, made from what appeared to be red lyrium and horror. He grabbed me, threatened me, and then said he could try and remove the Mark.

I told him to take it, that I didn't want it anyway. He tried, but it was permanent now, for whatever reason. There was more talking, but I wasn't listening. Instead I looked pretty awesome and managed to fire the trebuchet. I remember running, then falling.

I woke up in some tunnels under Haven by some miracle. It was a long, cold walk back. I remember some warm embers and then yelling before I woke up in camp. I want to do nothing more than help Cassandra and the others, but from what Mother Giselle told me, I have broken ribs and need to heal.

That doesn't stop me from writing, however. Need to write in this. This memory is an important one. I need to remember when they saw me fall so I don't do it again. I need to ask Solas a way of recovering my other memories later. He knows a lot about the mark and (there is a sharp line)

Shit. Pain. Need to stop before morning.

Sera. Stop reading my journal and giving it to the recruits. I know it's you.

There is snow and pain. The cold numbs the pain. Have to make it back somehow. They're waiting. Need to pull off another miracle. They need it more than me. The red monster is waiting at the base of the mountain. They need hope.