Hangovers suck. However, I have to power through it to record what happened in the last few days, or I think I might forget. I know most of what happened at the bar the night before is completely gone, but that's not anyone's fault except my own. I guess I can hold my liquor pretty well, I nearly outdrank Dorian. I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Again.

It all started shortly after we returned from the Exalted Plains. We'd just slain another group of Venatori and Dorian was grateful, but it was late and we were attempting to retire for the night. Even Iron Bull was tired from the quick jaunt out and back. There wasn't much we could do out there yet, as we just didn't have the influence to end some of the fighting, and we didn't even know where to begin. Undead in ramparts, a Dalish clan that needed help, ruins with more Venatori, and a giant dragon lurking to the north.

There was no way we could tackle any of that with a bunch of arrows and swords. Or at least our current ones at any rate. As I dragged my sore muscles and aching legs to my quarters, I was stopped by Mother Giselle. Something about a letter to Dorian, and how he was estranged from his family. I said I'd tell him and she stopped me. An excuse that perhaps he needed to see his family and thus somehow a surprise was the best option. Even my tired brain could figure out that Dorian and his family was a tricky situation and fooling Dorian into meeting the retainer was a bad idea. At worst it meant being burnt by magical fire, and at best it meant that Vivienne would be disappointed in me if I just too Mother Giselle at face value.

Vivienne had been trying to teach me the importance of seeing between the lines and how to deal with people from the court. It was going to be necessary whenever we attended the ball or whatever, so whenever possible I got etiquette lessons from Vivienne. I never knew that there could be so many spoons.

I took the letter and sensed malice or at the very least, ill intent among the words. I didn't like it, and decided to show Dorian the letter as soon as I could. If he didn't want to go, then we didn't have to go. However, I was tired and left the letter on my nightstand shortly before collapsing into unconsciousness. My last sight was that of the letter on the nightstand, and I felt my heart flutter at the facts that I'd just learned fro Mother Giselle. It recalled a fuzzy memory, but the more I tried to pull it into clarity, the more my head hurt. I abandoned it in favor of a dream where I could fly. Less painful for me that way.

The morning greeted me with a vengeance, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up under the covers for real and ignore it. Alas, I got a wake up call in the form of Josephine, who is nothing short of terrifying when she decides that I need to be awake. I was tossed out of the sheets and into the before I could even try to say five more minutes. I was just thankful that I managed to snag the letter on the way out. I held it in my hands, carefully shifting it around as I debated whether or not I was doing the right thing, even as I climbed up the stairs to Dorian's corner of the library. I turned the corner and there was Dorian, asleep in the giant chair near the window, a book plastered to his face and papers for his blanket. It didn't take a detective to figure that he'd spent the night there, researching. I couldn't remember a time when he wasn't here in the library or out drinking. It was usually the former, so it made me wonder where exactly he slept.

He awoke with a start and papers flew everywhere, and I had just enough grace to dodge the book as it sailed past me and onto the floor. I... might have laughed a bit at the absurdity of Dorian's not so graceful awakening. There was a bit of banter between us before Dorian noticed the letter.

The result was... exactly to be expected. He yelled and made comments about his father and the letter, with a follow up request to meet the retainer at The Gull & Lantern Tavern. I relented and arranged for our travel plans to change and head instead to Redcliffe. Well, it was more that I decided that we were going there and no one else but Dorian and myself knew because if Josephine knew she'd blow a gasket knowing that we weren't going to Crestwood to meet up with the Warden or whatever.

As I headed out, I saw Krem out of the corner of my eye. He was standing just outside the tavern, trying to play it cool before a young waitress walked out and into him. Krem smiled and helped to clean it up, and I noticed that a blush was across his cheeks. I felt a little disappointed, but Iron Bull thumped me on the back, laughed and helped usher me towards the gate where Dorian was waiting anxiously.

Even though I was a little crushed that Krem didn't see me in that way, I remembered this morning and smiled a little. I wasn't too hopeful about Dorian and myself as a pair, but it felt a little less bad that I'd lost my crush and I guess he noticed my heartbreak because he'd made a joke about the waitress not being his type and that the Inquisitor could do better than that anyway.

As soon as we were far enough out of Skyhold I told the rest of the group about the change of plans. Dorian didn't react, Iron Bull told me that he knew all along, and Cassandra made a disgusted noise.

The trip felt shorter than it actually was, and soon enough we'd arrived. Bull and Cassandra stayed behind, doing small errands in Redcliffe while Dorian and I made for the tavern. We stopped at the door and I told Dorian we could still turn back if he wanted. He said that he was too committed now, he said in a light voice. I could hear fear creep in at the edges, though.

He opened the door and for a minute, there was no one there. Before I could say that the retainer probably left, a man with dark hair and Tevinter robes entered the room. Dorian called him Father. Dorian seemed agitated, and I wanted to leave. Dorian agreed, but we didn't leave. The Magister said we should stay and talk things out.

Dorian said that his father tried to change him from whom he was back in Tevinter.

It happened in a blur. One second, I was still in the entryway of the tavern, and the next I was standing over a knocked down Magister who was nursing a bloody nose. I was hysterical, screaming at him, and Dorian managed to pull me back and out of the tavern before I did something more that I could regret.

Dorian asked me why I did that and I said I couldn't tell him why except that it was wrong. That how dare he try to change his son and that the Magister was apparently a son of an inbred nug. Cassandra dragged me away to go hit bandits while Bull stayed behind with Dorian.

I didn't really look back to see how Dorian was doing, and I didn't know until the party returned to Skyhold, where I remembered that I'd gotten a book from Dorian and I wanted to return it. I walked up the stairs with trepedation, worried that he wouldn't be there. He was, however, and staring out the window onto the castle yard beyond.

I placed the book down and was about to leave when Dorian greeted me with a short, terse word. He also asked why I did that. I answered that it wasn't right of his father to do that. To use blood magic to change him without his permission. No body should have the power over another person. Dorian agreed with me. I asked him if he was all right and he said it wasn't something that being at the bar couldn't cure.

I was about to leave when he caught my arm and asked if I minded that he prefered the company of other men. I really didn't know how to reply, so I went with that I understood how it felt. Dorian didn't let me go, and tried to pull me closer. I complied, turning awkwardly and nearly breaking the moment as I turned into the grip and awkwardly tried to switch arms. It was good to see Dorian laugh after what had happened, and I missed that Dorian, the one with a joke and a snide remark when things were frantic. I leaned in a little, and he met me halfway.

I didn't know that I'd really wanted to kiss him until that moment, and when it finally happened, I was overjoyed. I couldn't stop smiling, and I guess the grin was infectious because we rested our foreheads on each other's and just stood there smiling like fools. Dorian broke away, letting go of my arm and saying that he needed a drink. I told him that I'd meet him there, and that was what led to the drinking contest. I can't remember anything after the fifth or sixth drink, but from what Bull told me, I won. Apparently, Dorian just fell off the stool and I won by default. Then I fell off the stool.

Honestly, I hope that I remember that moment where Dorian and I kissed forever. I don't want to lose that memory like the others.