Emma Swan-Mills
My eyelids are growing heavy at this point from working such a long day. Working late tonight was by choice this evening because I was accomplishing something that in the end would benefit me. Regina and Henry were out to dinner with the Mills' tonight. I know my wife wanted me to come along as a buffer, but I had too much work piling up on my desk.
Around eight in the evening, my phone vibrated across my desk, demanding my attention from all my paperwork. I unlock the phone when I notice Regina had sent me a picture message. The second I open the message, a wave of nervousness strikes me to the core.
The picture is absolutely adorable, but the reasoning of the picture leaves me on edge. This picture has Regina and Henry both with pouty lips while a chocolate lab is squished in the middle of my family. I swallow the dry lump in the back of my throat and attempt to calm myself down. She better not have bought a dog because we never even had a conversation about pets.
Me: Gina...please tell me that's a stuffed animal.
My Wife: I cannot tell a lie.
Me: Regina...please tell me that Neal bought a dog because he's lonely.
My Wife: Try again...
Me: Regina Swan-Mills! That better not be our dog!
My Wife: But she's so cute! Think of her as Henry's early birthday present.
Me: You didn't even discuss this with me. You want us to take care of a dog and a newborn?!
My Wife: The baby won't be here for another seven months. Besides she's already trained, she's five years old. She was going to be put down. You would want me to just stand there while they kill this cute, innocent animal?
Me: You're so dramatic.
My Wife: Her name is Cocoa. Henry named her after all the hot chocolate you two drink.
Me: Not fair! Trying to butter me up.
My Wife: I would love to butter you up...
Me: What does that even mean? Stop trying to be cute. I'll be home in a little bit.
My Wife: We love you!
Me: Mmhmmmm...
XXXXXXXXX
The whole way home my mind was running through things I would like to say to my wife about her unexpected purchase, but I know I won't win this battle, Regina has always had me wrapped around her finger.
The moment I step into our foyer, Cocoa is right there to greet me. I expected her to jump all over me, maybe knock me down but she is sweet, I have to admit. Her wet nose brushes against my hand as she sniffs and takes in my scent. I run my palm over her head and down her neck, admiring how soft her chocolate coat is.
I kick off my shoes and head into the kitchen in search of my wife with a loyal dog hot on my heels. Regina notices my presence right away, sauntering over to me with a sly smirk upon her face. Those thick pouty lips stained in blood red lipstick puckered out to steal a kiss from my lips. I hastily divert from the contact and narrow my eyes at my wife.
"No kiss?" She innocently questions with her lips still pouting out dramatically.
"No, I'm mad at you!"
I toss my giant envelope onto the counter and huff purposely to prove my point. Regina eyes the envelope carefully but chooses not to comment just yet.
"Come on, isn't she cute? And well behaved?" She brags while she stares with adoration at the newest intruder.
The chocolate brown dog is laying between our feet. She's half asleep already and oblivious to the fact that she's the topic of conversation right now.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I roll my eyes and cave because I know I'm going to lose this argument in the end, so I might as well just give up now. "I just wish you would've discussed it with me first."
Regina drapes her arms around my hips and tugs me flush against her warm body. She's not much shorter than I am but I still enjoy peering down into those enchanting brown eyes that shine just for me. Her warm breath smells sweet and I know there's a glass of white wine not too far behind.
"I know. I'm sorry. This wasn't planned, honestly," she insists and pecks my lips carefully.
"Okay, fine," I roll my eyes one more time to express that I will drop this, but I'm still not thrilled about the situation. "How was dinner with your parents?"
Just like that Regina's walls that her mother forced upon her coming rushing back up. Her arms fall from my waist and she sighs with the weight of the world crushing her shoulders. She strolls over to the refrigerator, attempting her best to distract herself from her deep, wounded emotions. My wife pulls out some leftovers and proceeds to warm them up.
"Fine. It's great having my dad around, but dear lord my mother is trying."
"I know but at least you are all trying, right?"
"I know." There's a small hesitation and I know she's searching for a subject change. "So, what's with the envelope?" She inquires as she watches the numbers descend on the microwave screen.
"Well seeing as how you reconnected with your parents...I decided that I wanted to find mine."
"Really?" Regina whips around with pure joy lighting up her face.
"It was a closed adoption, so I know they couldn't really find me. Not to mention how my first family placed me up for adoption when I was a few months old and then I was bounced around after that," I explain as Regina places my plate of food down in front of me.
"Thank you." She kisses my cheek lightly and remains silent, waiting for more information. "So, since I have access to a lot of files at work, I was able to find some things out."
"May I?" She asks pointing to the envelope. I nod and begin to eat diverting my attention from the envelope that could possibly change my life. Regina opens the envelope and pulls out the papers inside. Her eyes are serious as they drift across the paperwork while I continue to eat. "Aww they were only sixteen when they had you?" I nod in response because there's so many emotions clawing their way to the surface just thinking about my birth parents. "So, Mary Margaret and David Nolan from Portland, Maine?"
"Yup."
I stand from my seat and walk anxiously to the sink because the amount of nervous electricity coursing through my body is too overwhelming. I need to move or do something to keep my body calm. I rinse my dirty dish and place it into the dishwasher.
"So, are you going to try and contact them?"
"I would like to," I shrug feeling slightly insecure about actually speaking with them.
"Well that's wonderful. I am here for you. I know this is a lot so please don't get all Emma on me and close yourself off. Talk to me, about anything regarding this, your fears and even your hopes."
"I promise," I vow with a genuine smile, hoping she can see the sincerity behind my promise.
"Are you going to call them?"
I twist my lips as I think about what I really want to do. My nerves are starting to consume me, so I bite down on my bottom lip and weigh my options. My fingers curl around the edge of the sink as my heart pounds furiously in my chest.
"Uh, to be honest?" Regina nods, silently encouraging me to continue. "I think I would prefer just showing up at their house and talking to them in person. It says they are married and I have their new address."
"Would you like me to go with you?"
"Yes of course."
XXXXXXXXX
My fingers strum against the steering wheel not at all in sync with the music playing in the background of my mind. My body is buzzing with adrenaline pumping through my veins as we drive to Portland, Maine...to meet my birth parents.
Is this even real?
Regina and I dropped Henry off by Ruby's for the weekend along with our newest member of the family, Cocoa. Regina and I never really do anything for just us, so we decided to make this trip a mini weekend getaway. Besides our honeymoon, Regina and I haven't spent any alone time together, so we deserve this weekend to reconnect.
My wife points to a gravel driveway, silently instructing me to pull in. I turn the wheel and listen to the rocks pop and crunch beneath the rubber tires. I toss the car into park and climb out in a rush. Even though the trip was one two hours, my body is anxious to move around and stretch my limbs.
The house we rented was definitely a beach home, painted purposely in light blue and white. When we stepped inside, the obvious beach theme was decorated across every inch of the house. Anchors, boats, seashells and fish were displayed all around the home. It was actually cozy and to be honest, I felt relaxed.
"Do you want to relax a little bit?" Regina asks as she set our bags down inside the bedroom.
"No. I just want to get this over with. I'm so nervous." My voice trembles with anticipation and I am just pleading for this to all be over with.
"Alright, we can do that. Let's go," my wife kindly offers, flashing me her brightest smile to settle my nerves.
Just one look at this beautiful brunette and all my fears wash away. I'm so lucky to have her by my side right now because truthfully, I'm not sure I would have ever found the courage to do this without her.
Regina thought it would be best if she drives since I appeared to be having a panic attack. The ironic part of her observation was I wasn't panicking at all. I mean yes, my palms were sweaty and my heart was racing but on the inside I was numb. I followed the motions, but I felt like I was lost in a dream.
I am about to meet my birth parents.
So many unanswered questions over my entire life were about to be answered. Do I look more like my mother or father? Or maybe I'm the perfect combination of both? Maybe they don't even want to see me? What was their reasoning for giving me up? Do they regret their decision? Would they slam the door in my face?
"Here," Regina simply states as she turns off the car and squirms in her seat to face me.
Here? Already? I'm not ready...
My wife gently takes my hand into hers and squeezes lightly. I nod once and proceed to open my car door. Regina follows my lead and meets me on my side of the car. Together, hand in hand we walk the pathway leading to the one story, brick home.
"Cute," Regina acknowledges gingerly and clenches my hand again to keep the blood flowing through my veins.
"It is," is all I can say.
"Are you okay?" She softly whispers as her eyes stare intently at the side of my face, but I can't find the strength to look at her.
"Uh huh."
All my attention is on this small red brick home, that holds the two people who brought me into this world. Regina's warm delicate touch brings me back to reality. She cups my cheeks and guides my face to look at only her.
"Everything will be alright. It always is in the end, right?" She beams with pride knowing she just quoted my favorite thing to say to her. "I'm here, no matter what."
"Thank you," My eyes flutter closed for just a brief second to calm my nerves. "I love you."
"Love you too."
We follow the stone path leading to the house where Regina rings the doorbell for me. I drop her hand, hating the feeling of my sweaty palm against hers. Shuffling sounds come from the other side of the door before it swings open.
"Hello," the older man greets us with his hand gripping his doorknob tightly.
This man doesn't look too much older than I am, but if this is my father he is only sixteen years older than I am. The man stands tall and proud, but his baby blue eyes are soft and actually quite calming as I stare into them. His blonde hair is short and neatly trimmed but a tad darker than my color.
I should probably say something...
"Hi, um...are you David Nolan?" I timidly inquire, shifting back and forth between my feet.
"Yes I am. How can I help you?"
My mouth pops open to answer but a young boy, maybe fifteen, pulls the door open wider and pops his head out.
"Is Josh here?" He questions eagerly but his face falls when he sees only Regina and I, not his friend.
This kid looks like my twin.
"No Leo. Please excuse my son. Teenagers." The man playfully rolls his piercing blue eyes and focuses his attention back to me. "I'm sorry, how can I help you?"
"I uh," I was a little thrown off discovering that I may potentially have a younger brother. I try desperately to formulate words, but my tongue is far too large for my dry mouth and nothing is coming out.
"This is actually a rather private yet important conversation. We were wondering if you and your wife were available to speak?" Regina thankfully jumps to my rescue.
"Uh, sure. Let me grab my wife and we can step outside," David suggests as my wife and I nod in unison.
It didn't take very long before a shorter woman with short jet black hair, steps outside with David. The first thing I observe are her green eyes that are identical to mine.
"Hello, I'm Mary Margret." The woman kindly offers her hand in which I happily accept the gesture.
"Emma," I mumble incoherently as I stare shamelessly, still shell shocked that I am in the presence of my birth parents. A day, I never thought realistically possible.
The couple before me both turn into ghosts with their mouths hanging agape. I try to comprehend why they are acting this way but I'm too lost in this moment to think straight.
"E-Emma?" The woman stutters while she clenches painfully tight onto my hand.
Do they somehow know I am their daughter?
"Yes, I believe I am your daughter," I shrug awkwardly, not really knowing how to act right now. "I," I pause to clear my throat and hope to calm my nerves that are clawing just below my flesh. "I work for a foster system and I was able to track down your information. I hope that's okay." I mutter mostly to myself, feeling like a small child with their hand caught in the cookie jar and continue. "I know it was a closed adoption but seeing as how the couple gave me back and I never had parents. I wanted to meet you two," I ramble on as Regina's fingers gently intertwine with mine, reminding me that she is right there with me.
"Emma," Mary Margret breathes out and I'm not actually sure if she knows my name slipped past her lips. "...they kept your name," Mary Margret pronounces in a loving tone.
The woman's free hand flies up to her chest and clenches the area like someone is crushing her heart. Yet, my mind is tripping over the fact that she's implying that they might have named me.
"Wait, what do you mean, they gave you back?" David steps forward full of concern as he crosses her arms over his chest and leans down into my personal space. I feel like a teenage once again and he's waiting for some explanation as to why I snuck out...yet again.
"Um, when I was a few months old...I don't really remember why...I was really young the last time my social worker explained everything to me." I take a deep breath, forcing all those terrible memories aside. Memories I haven't thought about since I met Ruby and Belle. "They sent me into the foster system and after that I was never adopted. I just bounced around from one foster home to the next," I explain truthfully while I watch the couple closely, wondering what could possibly be running through their minds right now.
Stunning green and blue eyes well up with thick tears, surely blurring their vision. Mary Margret is the first to break through the dam, allowing the liquid to trickle down her pale cheeks. She cautiously takes a step forward while she opens her arms to me.
My heart pounds so fiercely in my chest I'm convinced each one of them can hear the erratic rhythm. I'm not exactly sure what would be appropriate in this moment. I want to hug my birth mother...but I don't. I want to scream and shake the woman for ever abandoning but I don't. How can I feel so angry by her actions when I did the same thing? I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
Mary Margret retracts her arms but then she's opening them all over again. "May I?" She timidly asks with fear written across her face. I gulp down all my apprehension and nod, hoping the woman will come to me.
And she does.
My birth mother takes the last step forward enclosing the space between us and enveloping my entire body into a tight...loving hug. I exhale slowly, finally allowing myself to relax and be free from all those haunting thoughts. All those nagging questions that were planted in the back of my mind from being abandoned, slip away.
Mary Margret holds onto my body with everything she has while she cries out even harder. Warm tears escape her jawline and drop onto my shoulder, soaking my shirt. Soon my eyes are leaking as well, and I am a sniffling mess.
"We never wanted to give you up. We were underage, and our parents wouldn't allow us to keep you. We loved you so much. That's why we named you. David and I named you, Emma. We think about you every day." Mary Margret's words come out in a rush as her body trembles violently against mine.
I feel nothing but satisfaction in her arms. Even though I am taller than my mother, I still feel like a small child once again in her embrace. Hearing her sweet confession and knowing that they loved me enough to name is more than enough to mend that broken piece of my heart.
Mary Margret steps back, frantically wiping her tears away. "I'm so sorry," she giggles to herself and shakes her head in embarrassment.
"It's okay, I understand," I sympathize with the older woman, knowing all too well what she is going through, since I myself have been through the same thing with Henry.
Mary Margret rubs her palms against her jeans and holds out her hand toward Regina. "My apologies, you've been standing here, and we've been ignoring you. I'm Mary Margret." A light pink tint dusts across the woman's high cheekbones as my wife happily accepts the gesture.
"Regina," my wife introduces herself with a genuine smile.
"This is my wife," I add to the discussion proudly but, yet I am still a little nervous how my birth parents might react.
This is always a sensitive subject. Our society believes that we have traveled so far and have overcome so many grueling obstacles, but the sad reality is, there are still people who don't necessarily accept this type of love.
"Oh, hello!" Mary Margret beams and shakes my wife's hand with over excited enthusiasm.
"Hello, nice to meet you," David politely says while taking a turn shaking Regina's hand.
"Um...we also have a son, Henry. He turns eight in a few short months." I'm not quite sure what compelled me to blurt that out, but I feel like this couple would want to know.
"Hear that, hun? We are grandparents,"
David chuckles and Mary Margret quickly follows suit.
"Would you two care to come in? We can talk and get to know one another," Mary Margret invites us with hopeful eyes and a genuine gleam in her eyes that expresses love.
I glance over at my wife who is already smiling and nodding eagerly. "We would love to," I confirm as we follow the couple inside.
We sit down with my birth parents in their cozy brick home for a few hours. We talk about everything and anything we can think of. They enthusiastically explained how they fell in love, how I came about, what they do for a living now and they even introduced us to my brother, Leo. David and Mary Margret actually told Leo about me a long time ago, so this wasn't a shock to him at all. My brother is a very sweet young man. He was so inviting and welcoming, just like his parents. All three just over joyed to finally meet me.
I told them stories all about my life growing up, my family that I have now and what I do for a living. Finally, as the night progressed Regina and I decided to head back. The Nolan's invited us out to dinner tomorrow evening and we happily accepted. This entire process went so much better than I could have ever hoped for.
When we arrived back to the house we were renting, I was too excited to sleep. The minute we walked through the threshold I slammed Regina against the door and kissed her feverishly.
"There's something I want to try..."