"You're not running away, not again." When Aramis moves up another couple steps, Athos makes his move. As he goes up, Aramis sees his movements and tries to back up, but his feet lose their grip just as Athos almost tackles him on the steps. He feels the impact of both throughout his body, but it means nothing. Underneath Athos' body, he tries to get free. Then there's a gasp of pain and he freezes, completely. He's done it again.

"You have to breathe, 'Mis," Athos says after several seconds pass. Longer still and Aramis finally gives to his aching lungs, taking a ragged breath. Athos doesn't move from on top Aramis, speaking the words directly into his ear. It's loud enough still that Porthos easily hears. "I know you think you're a danger to us now, but you're not. It's fine. I'm fine. This will heal and so will you if you allow it to happen."

Aramis breathes.

"Now, if I get up, will you stay here," Athos asks.

Aramis nods. Athos pushes himself up and off to the side, while Aramis scurries off to the side, sitting with his back firmly against the wall. He's very carefully not looking at either of them. They sit there in silence.

"Porthos," Athos calls down to the man who's sitting several steps below. "Hand me his phone, please." Porthos grabs the phone, which had slid out of Aramis' grasp in his dash to leave and hands it off. "Aramis, look at me," Athos commands. Aramis moves his head enough to meet Athos' gaze. "If you believe this is your fault and that you're a danger, shouldn't you call. If you want to make sure this doesn't happen again, then call Lemay." Athos doesn't like leading the man to believe he'll hurt them again, but he needs to make the call and it can't be either of them. Aramis has to take this step himself.

Silently, Aramis takes the phone and shuffles through to find Lemay in his contacts. He sighs and pushes the button to make the call.

There's silence save for the ringing of the phone and then a garbled voice that has to be Lemay. Aramis takes a moment to answer and when he does, he can barely keep his tears back.

"I screwed up."

Athos and Porthos cringe at those words. The rest of the conversation is short with Aramis answering simply and with such guilt.

"He'll be here in 30 minutes," Aramis says when the conversation is over.

"How're you about that," Porthos asks. The stairwell is tense

"Don't think I have much of a choice." Aramis leans against the wall.

"Yes, you do," Athos says. "Do you not want to meet with Lemay today? You can call him back and tell him no."

"No," Aramis says blankly.

"Then you want to meet with him?"

"I don't know. I know that I don't want to be like this anymore."

"Let's go down to the den and wait on Lemay to come then," Porthos says. "I'll get some tea going.

Aramis nods and follows his friends down the steps to the den. Once the tea is ready, Porthos hands each a mug and they sit on the couch, waiting for the doorbell to sound. It's a quiet wait as no one want to talk or dares to turn on the TV.

When he does come, Porthos meets him at the door and walks him back to the den.

"Now, as much as I know you two support Aramis, I want to speak with him alone," Lemay says. Porthos and Athos are familiar with this routine. Lemay's come over more than a few times in the last few months to talk with Aramis. It's usually either on weekends or when going out of the house is too difficult for Aramis.

Once the two are gone, Lemay sits in the armchair.

"How're you feeling," Lemay asks after several moments of silence.

"I'm not crazy," Aramis says.

"No one ever said you were."

"I know, but I'm not crazy."

"Why do you think you're crazy, Aramis?"

"I'm not."

"I know, but you seem to be trying to convince yourself that you're not. Did Porthos or Athos say something?"

"No, no."

"Did someone else say something? Someone while you were out," Lemay asks.

"People stared and whispered but I don't know. Probably. I didn't hear." Aramis only occasionally glances at Lemay, looking down as he fidgets with the sleeves of his shirt.

"So, you don't know what they were saying, for sure."

"No, but I can guess."

"Guesses aren't a guarantee, though. Are they?"

"No, they aren't."

"So, the idea that you're crazy, is that what someone else is thinking or you?"

"Me, I guess. But I'm not crazy."

"I agree with you, but you seem to think you are. Can you tell me what's making you think that you are?"

Aramis is silent for several minutes, thinking. Lemay's used to this and lets him go until he's ready. There are sessions where Aramis spends much of the time in quiet contemplation until he's ready to speak. Other psychologists might feel the need to pressure Aramis to speak, knowing where it is that he needs to go in terms of his recovery, but Lemay's never been one for that school of thought. Aramis will get to the conclusion he needs to, but it needs to be on his own time.

"I…" Aramis begins hesitantly. "I couldn't even go into the city for a simple trip."

"You mean a trip to the Market which has to be the most crowded city block in the entire city and gives anyone some hesitation about entering?"

"Yeah, and I couldn't even do it. I ran off instead and they had to come find me." Aramis ignores Lemay's extra comment about the Market.

"Let's take a step back and talk about what happened," Lemay says.

"I told you what happened. I got scared and ran off!" Aramis slams a hand on the armrest.

"What scared you?"

"It was so stupid," Aramis says quietly.

"Tell me, Aramis." Lemay keeps his voice steady as he urges Aramis to open up a little.

"The people! There were so many of them. I… I just couldn't…. There wasn't any…" Aramis' breathing picks up as he's speaking.

"Deep breaths, Aramis. Take a break and breath in, one, two, three, and now out. One, two, three." Lemay repeats the counting a few more times as Aramis slows his breathing to match. It takes a half a dozen times for him to calm down enough to continue. "How're you doing," Lemay asks.

"Fucking tired of this."

"Recovery takes time and it's not always going to be forward movement or easy."

"Seems to be a lot of backward steps lately."

"That's not how I see it. Tell me something good that's happened, something that you conquered."

"I don't know."

"What was it that we talked about in our last session?"

"You mean going to the grocery store with Porthos and Athos early in the morning when it's empty?"

"Could you do that before?"

"It's pathetic. I'm a grown man. I should be able to do that." Aramis' tone is bitter as he almost spits the words out.

"You're avoiding the question. Could you do that before?"

"No."

"Then you've made some progress. Recovery is about going forwards and backward. You have to recognize both, Aramis, and accept that going backward is not permanent unless you let it. Now, do you want to let yourself slide back?"

"No." Aramis knows that sliding back means going back to the streets. Athos and Porthos wouldn't let him stay here if he let his PTSD, depression, and anxiety get out of control again. He was lucky over the last several months that they hadn't kicked him out. He's always felt that this turn with Lemay was his last chance before they cut him loose. Even Treville would let him go because Aramis wasn't the same man as before and was a danger to his children. And he couldn't go back to his family, not after running from them in the middle of the night.

"You're overthinking, Aramis," Lemay says.

"Sorry," Aramis says quietly.

"It's not a critique but a reminder. Your mind's not always your best friend and one of the goals of therapy is to learn when that happens and how to shut it down. So, what were you ruminating over?"

"They're going to kick me out. Especially after today, after I punched Athos."

"When did this happen," Lemay asks, keeping his voice steady. He's not too concerned by the report, knowing, in part, that Aramis skews events to portray them in their worst light and that if Athos and Porthos were truly concerned about the attack, they'd have talked to him. It's not the first time Aramis has physically lashed out at one of them and Lemay's talked to them about the limits of such actions. They know when Aramis would be considered a danger and they'd need to take further action.

"In the city, sometime after I ran. I don't know exactly when. I can't remember."

"You had a flashback?"

"Yeah." Aramis looks away.

"Can you tell me about it?"

"I… I don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay, perhaps later. Let's go back to your worry about being kicked out."

"I hit Athos!" Aramis sits up and looks at Lemay.

"Yes, you did and you're clearly upset about it. Have you apologized?"

"Yes, of course."

"And what did Athos say?"

"He accepted it and told me not to leave. He actually laid on me until I promised not to leave."

"So, why do you think that they'd kick you out?"

"I'm not getting better. I just keep getting worse and today's just proof of all of that."

"Think about this, Aramis, if they were tired of your lack of progress, as you see it, why would they want you to stay after you hit Athos? Wouldn't that be the perfect reason to tell you to leave? Who could argue with them?"

Aramis is quiet while he thinks. Then, slowly, he says, "I guess that makes sense."

"Are you happy here, Aramis?"

"What?"

"Do you like living here with Athos and Porthos?"

"Yes, of course. It's much better than the streets."

"I'm sure it is. Is there somewhere else you'd like to live?"

"I have to live with someone. It doesn't matter if there's somewhere else."

"Yes, it does. Are you happy living here with Athos and Porthos," Lemay asks.

"Yes, I am," Aramis says quickly. "They're nice and understanding and fun to hang out with. Athos can't cook but Porthos is really good at it and we can usually agree on what to watch at night. They're actually the best friends I have in a while. They listen and help me when I need help and don't know what to do. None of my other friends did that."

"That's good. I'm glad to hear that you've found some friends you can count on. You deserve to have people like that in your life."

"I guess." Aramis shrugs his shoulders.

"I want to talk about one last thing, Aramis."

Aramis nods.

"Why did you go to the Market today? What made you want to try to conquer this?"

"A challenge to myself, I guess."

Lemay isn't convinced by that answer. Aramis doesn't just go do things lately. Once upon a time that was probably his personality, but his mental health issues have left him hesitant to leave the house most days. Getting him to go to the grocery store on a Saturday morning before the store had even opened thanks to an understanding manager who was an old family friend of Athos', was a challenge that had a lot of conversations leading up to it.

"Why did you decide to challenge yourself?"

"I wanted to see if I could. I had to try."

"Why, Aramis?"

Aramis hesitates for a moment. "I'm supposed to be a chaperone on Tim's class trip there. He asked and I said sure."

"How'd you feel when he asked?"

"Confused that he would ask. He doesn't like me. I ruined his trip there last year by showing up on their doorstep. And I kept ruining his holiday and days, which only made him hate me more."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Well, I don't like it. I hate that he hates me, but I understand it. I did mess things up for him."

"So, is that part of the reason you agreed to go on the field trip? Because you don't like that he hates you?"

"You think I did this out of guilt?"

"Did you?"

Aramis is quiet again, thinking. Lemay lets him go.

"Maybe."

"I'd like you to consider your reasoning for agreeing more and we'll talk about it at your next session on Tuesday. Rest this weekend, remember your safe places and grounding techniques. Don't hesitate to ask for help if you're having trouble. You're going to be prone to be on edge this weekend, as you know. So, reach out for help when you need it. Call my emergency line, if you need to. I don't want to hear on Tuesday that you were struggling when you really needed some help, okay? There's nothing wrong with asking."

"Yeah, I got it." Aramis knows the routine. He knows what's coming for the rest of the weekend. The nightmares, the edginess, anxiety, mood swings. He's going to be a bear to live with, both for himself and Athos and Porthos. Lemay ends the session there and stops to talk with Athos and Porthos on his way out. He doesn't reveal anything that they talked about but reminds them of what they need to look out for over the weekend.