Thank you guys for all your encouraging reviews and kind words about this story! Now – the reason why this story has been on hiatus for so long is mainly that I didn't know myself how I wanted it to turn out.. Should Nathan have stayed? Should Haley have gone after him? Or should they just let life happen and hope for a reconnection back home? I decided to og with the most realistic option, because I'm trying NOT to be the writer that gives them an easy out and rob my readers of some good drama. But I still hope you like it and stay with me! Hopefully I will have the time to write some more for you guys soon, because I actually DO know where I want to take it from here! Haha.. This chapter is mostly dedicated to the kind version of Rachel we normally barely see! Enjoy :)

Dear Nathan

I don't even know where to begin. My thoughts and my emotions are all over the place. I never imagined myself in this situation – ever. I never pictured myself writing you this letter. But I guess I never imagined knowing you at all, so nothing surprises me at this point.

With that said – knowing you, Nathan, has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've never met anyone who understands me like you do. Or someone who respects me the way you do. There is just something so special about the way you look at me, and the way you touch me.

My heart tells me; there will never be anyone like you. I will never find another you.

So I refuse to give up on us, Nate. I refuse to back down and let you slip past my fingers. Hopefully, this letter will make you understand that I'm not going anywhere. A stupid fight about your past is not going to change my mind.

I know you don't mean to shut me out. I know it's just a defense mechanism. You see, I know a thing or two about you, Nathan Scott:

I know you're passionate about the things that matter to you.

I know you would walk through fire to protect the people you love.

I know you fight for what you believe in, and what you love.

So I guess that's what confuses me in all of this, Nathan. I'm fighting for you, because I believe in you – and in us. So why won't you fight for me?

I also know that you put up walls when you're scared, or hurt. And I guess maybe that's why. Because I know I hurt you. I know I failed you when you needed me to be strong. I just wasn't better in that moment, Nate. And I apologize for that.

You really hurt my feelings when you shut the door on us. And you broke my heart when you left Italy without as much as a goodbye. But I forgive you, Nathan. I can forgive and forget if you let me back in. I'm willing to put this behind us – I want us to be together.

I'm not complete without you, and now that I have felt what it feels like to be your number one – I don't ever want to feel less than that.

I understand if you don't want to see me again, and if you simply toss this letter aside. Just know that this is me fighting for you, Nathan.
This is me fighting for us.

Because I love you, Nathan Scott.

I love you, and I hope somewhere deep down you love me too.

Your Haley

Haley took a deep breath as she folded the letter and slipped it into the envelope. Her tongue scratched the back, activating the glue that would keep her secrets hidden from the world until she was ready for him to read them. Haley wasn't sure if she would even post it. In some ways she had written the letter more for herself then for him. She was tired of keeping her feelings bottles up inside. She needed an out, and writing had always felt so liberating to her.

She had not heard a single beep from Nathan since he left for New York. Their Italian summer had now come to an end and she was packing her stuff, ready for the return. Haley missed her room and her own bed. And she missed her friends. Not that Rachel, Jake and Lucas hadn't been excellent replacements this summer, but having Taylor there causing trouble just ruined it all in some way.

She hadn't spoken much to Taylor after Nathan left. Rachel had told her what she knew about the way everything played out that night, but Haley didn't feel like confronting Taylor about any of it.

No – Haley was too good for that!

Haley was better than Taylor.

Taylor didn't deserve her anger. And she certainly didn't deserve her tears! She saved those for Nathan and her broken heart. And boy had she given him many of her tears in the past weeks. But Haley had made up her mind now!

She would give it one last try. She would give the letter to Rachel and have her deliver it to Nathan when she went back to New York. And then, she would wait…

Haley didn't plan on waiting forever though!

Just until her heart didn't hurt anymore.

Just until he didn't completely captivate her thoughts and dreams any longer.

Just until she was ready to let him go.

If she never heard from him again, Haley would be okay with that. On some level at least! She would know that she had tried her best to make it work, and that it was his choice not to continue their romance. She would know that she loved Nathan with everything in her - he just never loved her back. And even if that thought brought tears to her eyes, it was something she could handle. Yes, Haley James was strong!

She had given Nathan her heart. But she wouldn't give him her entire life if he didn't want it. She was better than that!

"Hey Hales, the driver is here" Rachel's kind voice brought her out of her Nathan-thoughts. "You ready?"

Haley sighed. Was she ready?

Coming home meant facing reality. It meant learning if Nathan really never loved her on not. She was scared. She couldn't deny that.

"Sure, just give me a sec" Haley zipped up the last bag grabbed her coat. "Now I'm ready"

Rachel smiled at her. They had become such great friends over the summer. Rachel could not understand how she could have been so blind to Haley's kindness and grace in the past. Of course it had something to do with Taylor corrupting her vision, but still. Haley was such a great girl. She really hoped Nathan would find his balls somewhere in New York and step up – and she was not about to hide her opinion about that the next time she saw him.

"Rach.." Haley stalled.

"Yeah?"

"Could you do me a favor?" The younger girl's eyes watered up as she looked at Rachel with those sad eyes once more. Rachel had seen them so many times over the summer.

"Of course, Honey. Anything you need!"

Haley lifted the envelope from her bed and sighed before handing it over to the redheaded girl. Rachel looked at the front of it as her heart broke all over again for Haley.

Nathan

"Would you give it to him for me the next time you see him?" Haley asked hopefully.

"I'll deliver it as soon as I get back to New York, Hales. I promise" She reassured her friend. Rachel could not hold back the urge she had to wrap her taller frame around Haley's petite one. Her arms enclosed around the fragile girl as she brought Haley in for a hug.

"It's all gonna be okay, Haley. I'm sure of it! He's had some time to think about it all and I'm sure he's figured out how he feels by now. I'm sure you'll hear from him soon!"

"I hope so. I'm going away for college soon, so I guess that starts a new chapter in my life. But I'm just not so sure if he's still gonna be in it" Haley shrugged.

"Let's hope that he will be! I know I will" Rachel smiled at her as she escorted Haley out of the room and through the living area. Haley turned and looked back one last time at the room where she had met her first love. Where they had shared their special connection. She would never forget their Italian summer, that was for sure…

Nathan rushed into the office, a few minutes late as always. He threw himself into the elevator and pressed for the eleventh floor. His boss was waiting for some important files he had picked up on his way over. They were in the middle of defending a very important client. The guy was charged with fraud, and he was guilty as hell, but he had a butt load of money and paid Nathan's company well to make sure he never went down for it. Nathan hated those cases the most. He had promised himself that when he one day became partner or started his own firm – he would never say yes to a case when he didn't believe the client was innocent one bit. No matter how much the client would pay. It just went against his morals! But for now, he was just a newbie. Nathan's part was to make sure the big shots had everything they needed. Besides that, he mostly kept his opinions to himself and kept his mouth shut.

As the elevator finally hit the correct floor, Nathan stepped out and ran toward the door where his boss was waiting for him.

"Sorry, boss. Traffic is horrible today!" He excused himself as he entered. He placed his boss' special order of coffee down in front of him.

"Thank you, Nathan. You have the files I presume!"

"Yes, sir! These are all of the bank transfers made between Mr. Brown's account here and the account in the Bahamas" Nathan handed over the stack of transcripts he had picked up from their secret source down at the bank. It amazed him how big shot lawyers had dirty connections everywhere just so they could get what they wanted. Nothing about this game was clean, that was for sure.

"Excellent! That will be all for now. Let me know when Mr. Brown arrives later and we can sit down with him discuss his cover story. You might want to come up with some good alternatives to how all this money got around. You got the imagination, don't you?"

"I'll see what I can come up with, sir" Nathan nodded as he exited the office. He finally felt like he could breathe again once he stepped outside. This was definitely not the job Nathan thought he had signed up for! But it was a good experience for him. And it wasn't like they only had dirty clients. Mr. Brown was actually quite exceptional in that department!

He sat down by his desk and buried his head in his hands. Sleep was not something he seemed to get much of these days. Whenever he wasn't busy working the case, his mind filled with thoughts of her.

He hadn't heard anything from Haley since he left. Not that he was all that surprised, it was him, after all, who left her behind. He made the choice to end it before it really had begun, and now he had to live with the consequences of his choices.

He didn't blame her. The ball was technically in his quart. But he hated the feeling that she had moved on. That she had given up on him, when in reality all he wanted was to be with her. He just forced himself to leave her behind because he knew that she was so much better off without him..

Still, he wondered about how she was all of the time. He knew his family had come back from Italy the day before because his mother called him once they had landed. He hadn't heard anything from Rachel or Lucas though, and that confused him a little.

Maybe they are pissed at me too? He wondered. He wouldn't blame them actually, he did pretty much ruin their vacation with the whole Haley-thing. He never should have gotten himself involved with her in the first place!

Liar.

Haley was the best thing that happened to you this summer.

He hated that voice in his head that refused to agree with reason. It kept on telling him that he had made the wrong choice, and it kept reminding him of what an ass he had been to Haley. He knew it was unfair to not say goodbye, but he was living on autopilot at that time. Nathan had never felt so lost in his life. Seeing Haley's broken eyes and hearing her words still haunted him.

"No! You were supposed to keep it in your pants and NOT act like a horny high school boy! You couldn't even last one night here without screwing some whore, Nate! How am I supposed to trust you?"

"Forget it, Nathan! Clearly, you don't really see things the same way I do! Girls are nothing more than toys to you, and you really played me! So, congratulations!"

"Leave me alone and don't follow me!"

Technically he had just done exactly what she told him to do. But at the same time, Nathan wasn't stupid. He had been with enough women in his life to know that they would say one thing and mean the exact opposite. Why women were built that way though, he would never understand. Everything was so much easier without the mind games they played with him. Haley was no exception!

But she was right, he admitted to himself. How was she supposed to trust him? Could he even be trusted? Was he strong enough to take care of her fragile heart without breaking it more than he probably already had? It was thoughts like that that kept him up at night. And the determined voice that told him he wasn't good enough for someone like Haley. And he probably never would be.

"Well hello there, stranger" He jumped at the sound of a familiar voice and looked up into the eyes of his sister. She was very tanned, much more than she had been the last time he had seen her. But she had a happy glow about her he enjoyed, and he suspected a certain man named Jake Jagielski had something to do with that.

"Looking good, sis" Nathan smiled as he stood up and greeted his sister with a hug.

"Please, flattery won't get you anywhere" She laughed. But then her face suddenly grew serious and Nathan got a bad feeling this wasn't going to be a very loving visit. Her eyes burned deeply into his.

"What happened, Nate.. Why?" There it was, the question he dreaded. He had been trying his best to answer that question to himself for quite a while, without any success of course.

"I don't know, Rachel. I freaked out, okay? I got scared…" He lost his words.

"That's what love is, Nathan. It's freakin scary! But it's worth it in the end, if you just see it through" She explained.

"You don't get it. I'm not the guy for her, Rach. I'm a playboy! I'm a manwhore! I've never been in a serious relationship in my life. Heck, I've never even been monogamous when I've just dated girls. I don't know how to be that guy she want's me to be!" He exhaled. On some level, it felt really good to finally be able to tell someone how he was feeling. He thanked the Lord that he had his own office so no one else would hear this at the office.

"Nathan.." Rachel sighed. "She loves you"

"That's what completely freaks me out, Rachel!"

"No.. It's not!" She protested as he frowned in wonder.

"It's not Haley loving you that freaks you out.." she started.

".. it's you loving her back!"

"I don't even know if I'm capable of love, sis.." He looked down while he spoke, but Rachel lifted his chin so he would look at her once more.

"Of course you are. You just need the right girl to show you how it's done. You need Haley" It sounded so simple when Rachel said it, so why did it sound so confusing and complicated in his mind?

"Look; She gave me this" Rachel presented him with the envelope that had his name written on it. "It's for you. But this is your last shot, Nate! If you blow it this time, she's not gonna be around any more. Do you get that?"

"What if I can't be who she needs me to be?" Rachel had never heard her brother speak in such an emotional way. Nathan wasn't the most sensitive guy, but it didn't surprise her that Haley brought this side out in him.

"Then you tell her that so she can move on" Rachel walked towards the door, but altered once she reached it and turned one last time. "But Nathan, I don't believe for a second that you're incapable of love. I just think you need to convince yourself that she's worth the risk of opening up your heart. And if you decide that she is – she will be attending Mom and Dad's fundraiser on Saturday. Just so you know.."

Rachel left his office and Nathan sat back in his chair thinking about everything his sister had said to him. He looked carefully at the envelope with Haley's delicate writing on it. He wanted to open it and read what she had wrote him, but he decided against it. He wanted to save it for when he got home. His office was not an appropriate place for him to potentially break down, because that was the power Haley had over him. She could break him, if he let her.

No, the letter would have to wait. First it was his shady meeting with Mr. Brown…

Dear Diary

We just arrived home from Italy. I'm not sure what words I would describe this summer with. It has been the most amazing summer of my life, but also the worst. I've fallen in love, but I've also had my heart broken. I've laughed and I've cried. I've lived this summer, Diary! Big time! At least I think this is what living is.

I talked to Rachel today, and she told me she had delivered my letter to Nathan. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that. A part of me is relieved that he now knows everything. He knows how I feel about him. The question is; does he care?

Saturday the Scott's are having a huge fundraiser here in Tree Hill. Rachel said she didn't know if he was gonna show or not cause he's pretty busy up in New York with his job. My parents expect me to go, so I guess I'll have to. But I don't know how it's gonna be to see him again if he shows. My worst nightmare is that he will show and ignore me. That would be the worst. I would rather he told me straight to my face that he doesn't love me, and that I'm not the girl for him.

But I seriously don't know what to expect, Diary. So until then..

Haley

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