Wednesday morning, Athos reminds Aramis that he needs to call Treville to let him know about the chaperone thing and that night when Athos asks if he called him, Aramis disappears upstairs, telling him he'll take care of it. They check on him briefly before going to bed, but he seems to be fine. Porthos will keep an ear out as his bedroom is the closest. He's quiet throughout the night, which is somewhat surprising given the last week, but they won't object to him and them getting a good night's sleep. When they check on him in the morning, before heading out to work, he's still asleep. So, they leave a note reminding him to eat and give them a call if he needs.
Work is uneventful until Treville pokes his head out of his office calling for the two of them.
"Where is he," Treville asks before they've had time to fully shut the door behind them.
"Where's who," Porthos asks.
"Aramis? Where is he? Sarah called and said that he never showed up for chaperoning." Treville's frantic in his words, standing nervously in front of his desk.
"He never called you," Athos says.
"Called me? No. Why?"
"Damnit. He was supposed to call to tell you he couldn't do it. The trial run last weekend failed. He had a panic attack and then a flashback."
"Lemay had an emergency meeting with him to work through it," Porthos adds. "We had to chase him through the city."
"Damnit. I knew I should've just put my foot down and said no."
"Did they have to cancel the trip?"
"No. Sarah got the neighbor to look after Meg and went on the trip herself. How's Aramis doing?"
"Anxious and upset but he's doing okay."
"I'm sorry about this, Captain. He was supposed to call you. Lemay wanted it to be him that called, not us," Athos says.
Treville sighs. "It's not your guys' fault. I'm just glad that he's okay. When Sarah called, I feared the worst."
"We'll talk with him unless you want to."
"Not right now. I'll have a talk with him later, but you should let him know that he's going to have to talk with Tim. I'll make some explanation tonight but he's going to have to face the consequences."
The rest of the day is unsettled for them as they wait for any word from Aramis and contemplate what to say. He answers their texts but nothing more. There's no questions or comments on the field trip that he missed.
"How're we going to tackle this, Athos," Porthos asks as they sit on the train.
"I don't know. It's not like he hasn't lied to us before but there's something different about this one."
"What puzzles me the most is the why. I thought we'd gotten past this. I thought he trusted us."
"I know," Athos says. "I think that's our approach. He's not a child and we're not his parents, but we are his friends or at least I thought we were. And I think enough punishment if we want to call it that, will come from talking to Tim."
"You think he's going to be able to do that? He couldn't even call the Captain to let him know."
"It won't be easy, but, yes, I think he will and it might help the both of them to understand each other more. Tim never should've asked Aramis. He should've known better than to ask him."
"He's a kid, Athos. You can't really blame him for wanting to find a chaperone to go on the field trip."
"I'm not blaming him. I am saying that he knows Aramis has issues. Aramis lived with them for a few months."
"You thinking he did it on purpose?"
"No, but I do think he knew how to use guilt to get Aramis to do what he wanted. He really wanted to go to the Market. He has for the past year since they couldn't last year," Athos says. "But with Aramis, I think we just take a questioning route. Something's not right that he's back to not telling us and we need to talk to him about it before it gets worse."
Porthos agrees and they fall into silence for the rest of the train ride. The walk home is quiet, cold, and snowy. The peacefulness of the big flakes falling around them is in contrast to the hesitancy both feel as they approach the house. Talking with Aramis is no longer as volatile or difficult as it once was, therapy and medication having helped to teach Aramis about tempering his emotions, but both are concerned about the answers they'll get from him. Why didn't he just tell them that he didn't call Treville?
When they get home, cold and snowy, the house is quiet and dark save for the den where they find Aramis asleep on the couch under a couple layers of quilts. The cold air gets to him quickly. Lemay's told them that it's probably more of a trigger for him because the night Aramis spent out in the desert following the massacre holds the strongest memories for him, tying it especially with loneliness and guilt. By the time daylight came, time was much less clear for him. Even in the heat of summer, Aramis could still take a terrible chill if his moods or memories took the wrong turn.
"Why don't we just get dinner ready," Porthos says. "Let's see if we can get him to eat something before we have a talk with him. He's starting to lose the weight he's put back on."
"Good idea." Athos' job in getting dinner together is largely prepping ingredients. He's much better with a knife than Porthos could ever hope to be, which is strange because Athos is a terrible cook. In all of their years of friendship, he's yet to understand how a man who's terrible at cooking can be so great with a knife. Together, dinner comes together quickly and Athos is going to wake Aramis while Porthos finishes the last touches.
"When did you get home," Aramis asks, voice groggy. He stretches under the blankets, enjoying the warmth. It was cold in the house and this was the only way he could find comfort.
"About a half-hour ago. Dinner's ready," Athos says.
"Oh."
"You've got to try to eat something, Aramis. It doesn't have to be a lot, but you do need to eat. Porthos even has some tea brewing to help keep you warm."
Aramis reluctantly agrees, throwing the blankets off. Athos steadiness him as he gets to his feet.
"Have you just been sleeping today," Athos asks.
"Um… I think so. I might've eaten somewhere in there but… I don't know…"
"Well, then moving around a little and eating some dinner will be good." Athos suspects that Aramis had a small snack at some point but spent the day sleeping because it kept the anxiety and pain of depression away.
Dinner is full of small talk and covertly watching Aramis pick at his food. He drinks the tea easily, holding the warm mug in his hands with a pleased look on his face. Once they're certain he's done, they decide to start the conversation.
"Treville called us into his office today. He was quite concerned with where you were," Athos says.
"Oh." Aramis looks down at his tea.
"He thought you were showing up for Tim's field trip and when you didn't, Sarah called him worried about you," Porthos says.
"You told me that you'd call him," Athos says. "Why didn't you, Aramis?"
"Don't know." Aramis shrugs his shoulders, speaking quietly.
"Why didn't you tell us that you didn't call him," Porthos asks.
"Don't know."
"Damnit, Aramis. Don't you trust us? I thought you trusted us." Porthos just stops himself from slapping his hand on the table in anger. His loud voice and frustrated tone will be enough that Aramis might be too anxious to talk.
"I… I do. I just…," Aramis begins, panic growing as Porthos' anger becomes clear.
"Let's clean up the dishes and the kitchen first," Athos says. "Then we'll go talk in the den. Aramis, grab your dishes and something else to bring into the kitchen. You can help me load the dishwasher. You know that I don't quite get it right. Porthos, why don't you work on putting the leftovers in containers."
Porthos doesn't argue with Athos' change in plans, seeing the sense in diffusing the tension and giving Aramis time to think without them pressuring him. They work mostly in silence, with Aramis occasionally directing Athos where to put dishes in the dishwasher.
"We're not angry, Aramis," Athos says when they're nearly done. "We just don't understand what's going on. It worries us that you didn't tell us that you hadn't called Treville."
"Yeah, we're just worried," Porthos says, keeping his voice steady so Aramis will stay calm.
"I didn't mean to worry anyone," Aramis says. He leans against the counter while Athos finishes setting up the dishwasher.
"You may not have meant to, but you did because we care about you."
Aramis nods his head, looking down at the floor.
"You do know that we care, don't you?"
"I guess."
"Damnit, Aramis. How many times do we have to tell you? To show you? You think we'd go down to Chicago for a trial run to the Market for just anyone? You're our friend, our brother." Porthos can't help the rising in his voice but it's not from anger. It's frustration, but that's not what Aramis sees. Aramis quickly starts to quicken his breathing and push himself against the counter, slowly sliding away from them.
"Don't leave, Aramis," Athos says quietly. "We can go sit somewhere to talk, but don't run off. We need to have this talk and it has to happen tonight."
Aramis nods and stops moving but he doesn't look any more ready to talk.
"Do you want to stay here or go elsewhere, 'Mis," Porthos asks, being sure to temper his voice.
"Elsewhere," Aramis says quietly.
"Okay. Where?"
"Den?"
"Okay. Den it is." Porthos and Athos are the first to leave, letting Aramis come at his own pace. Once they're nearly out of the kitchen, they hear his feet on the kitchen tile. In the den, they settle into their usual places. Aramis takes up a corner on the couch closest to the TV and further from the armchair where Porthos sits. Athos takes the other corner opposite from Aramis.
"What's going on, Aramis," Athos asks.
"I don't know." Aramis shrugs his shoulders, picking at the pillow he has in his lap.
"I think you have some idea. Now, please, just tell us. We're concerned that something major's going on. You haven't lied to us in a couple of months."
"I didn't lie."
"You said you were going to call Treville and you didn't," Athos says.
"But you never asked if I did."
"There was an assumption, 'Mis. Stop splitting hairs here," Porthos says. "Now, why didn't you call him? He was really worried today."
"I don't know. I just… I couldn't."
"What were you afraid of," Athos ask.
"It's stupid."
"No, it's not. It's something that's bothering you. Now, would you please tell us. We might be able to help."
"You can't," Aramis says, breathing heavily but it's not from a rising panic.
"So, you think, but talking about it might help. It can't be easy keeping it in."
"You know we're not going to judge you for anything. We're here to help," Porthos adds.
"You should though. Everyone else does. Judge that is," Aramis says.
"Judge you for what?"
"Being a grown man who can't do basic things like going to the grocery store or the city without freaking out and bolting," Aramis says harshly.
"There's nothing wrong with any of that, especially in your case. You have anxiety and PTSD. But you're doing better," Athos says. "Sure, going out in crowds and certain public places is a challenge now, but it won't always be. It takes time and patience."
"Too much fucking time, if you ask me."
"I'm sure it's frustrating to you. It is to us as well," Porthos says. "Not because we're frustrated with you but in seeing how much you're working to get better and how hard it is. It's just not fair that it's so difficult. You're working hard enough."
"I didn't think…" Aramis trails off.
"That we knew how hard you were working? Aramis, we watch you working, we see what you're doing to get a handle on everything that's been thrown at you," Athos says. "And Porthos is right, it is frustrating to watch your work not always pay off but trust me that it will. You just have to give it time."
"I hate that though."
"I know." Athos pauses. "So, was that the reason you didn't call the Captain?"
"Yes, and I didn't want to disappoint him. I've already disappointed the two of you and Tim. One more I just couldn't take. Especially not him. Sorry."
"No, we understand the role he has in your life," Porthos says. They'd always wondered whose picture it was that Treville kept on his desk. Sarah, Tim, and Ben they recognized, but the smiling young man was a mystery that Treville never explained. "But he wouldn't have been disappointed. He would've understood."
"So, you say, but you don't know him like I do."
"True, we don't," Athos says. "So, knowing him, the man who never gave up looking for you after you disappeared, who came to visit you at the hospital when you were just back from Afghanistan, who took you into his home, fed, clothed, and cared for you, and who fought so hard to clear you of the trumped up charges, what do you think he would've said?"
Aramis sighs. "He would've been okay with it. He always is but he shouldn't be. I screwed up."
"No, not out there. Where you screwed up, as you want to call it, is in not calling him and letting them worry that something had happened to you."
"And, while we're on the subject of disappointment," Porthos begins, "you haven't disappointed me or Athos except that you didn't tell us you couldn't make the call because you were having doubts and worries."
Aramis nods. "Sorry."
"About what?"
"Not talking to you two. Not letting you know and worrying you. I didn't mean to."
"We know that, but in the future remember that we care and when something's wrong, we'd like you to talk with us so that we can help, even if that's just listening," Athos says.
"Okay." Aramis nods.
"There is one other thing," Porthos says, hesitant for the first time that evening.
"Treville?"
"Tim."
Aramis' face pales as Porthos' answer, but he swallows and nods. "I suppose that's a fair punishment."
"It's not a punishment."
Aramis raises an eyebrow at them.
"That's not how we intend it, at least, but I'm sure that's how it'll feel to you," Athos says.
"We think that it's the best for the both of you. You and Tim have been distant since you showed up on their doorstep and it's largely from a lack of understanding of your condition," Porthos says.
"You think that this will bring us together," Aramis says, the doubt clear in his voice.
"Not as good friends or anything, but you might understand each other better."
"The tension between you two isn't good. You're not going away as a part of those kids' lives and you two can't keep avoiding each other," Athos says.
"I don't see it the same way as you, but I'll talk to him. That's my responsibility anyway for explaining my actions," Aramis says.
"Do you want to talk with him before the party on Saturday," Porthos asks.
"Um… maybe. I'll think about it."
"Let us know in the morning what you decide that way we can arrange something."
"Okay."
"How're you feeling," Athos asks.
"Fine. A bit nervous about talking with Tim but fine."
"You up for some TV time tonight?"
"Sure."
The trio spends the rest of their night watching TV, which Aramis enjoys because he lets himself get lost in the shows.