If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Peter rubbed his tired eyes, shifting uncomfortably in the front seat of his car where he had recently woken. He repeatedly checked his clock, knowing Michelle was later at leaving than usual, agitated and desperate to be near his almost ex-wife. He pulled out a bottle of water from beside him, swigging it back quickly, trying to wake himself up from his restless sleep.
He sat up a while later as he caught a glimpse of Michelle leaving the hospital, grabbing his phone and rushing out of the car, barely stopping to check it was locked as he hurried inside, knowing where he was going like the back of his hand now. He ran up the stairs two at a time, holding his coat in his hand as he finally reached the ward where Carla's private room was, breathing heavily but his eyes alight at the hope of some news.
Peter smiled at the familiar blonde haired nurse, approaching her almost with caution, knowing she could hold the key to knocking down his entire world. The nurse gave him a soft, knowing smile, almost in awe of this man. She was far from a hopeless romantic but if anyone could make her believe in deep, painful, all-consuming love, it was this lost gentleman.
"Alright Claire… Any change?" Peter smiled slightly, his eyes already wondering to the window of the closed door, seeing Carla sleeping peacefully. He thought silently that it was maybe the happiest she had ever looked. But even as that thought lingered in his mind, others were ready to push it away. Her smile when he held her properly for the first time, all night long. The way her eyes lit up whenever he told her he loved her. Her face on their wedding day… As she said I do, as she danced away her troubles, laughing through the night in ecstasy.
All at once a crushing feeling almost brought him to his knees, the never ending regret that wouldn't leave him alone. It never left him alone.
He was bought back to earth as the pretty nurse he had spoken to a moment ago responded. "No more news I'm afraid. But the good thing is she hasn't deteriorated since the last time. Sometimes no news is good news Mr Barlow." Peter merely nodded, wiping his eyes quickly with the back of his hand. "Can I?" His voice was barley a whisper as he nodded towards the door. "Of course. She might not be able to respond right now but that doesn't mean she can't hear.. Remember that." Claire left Peter alone, walking away with more intrigue about the handsome stranger than ever.
Peter took a moment to compose himself before stepping into Carla's room. He placed his coat on the chair beside her bed and places a tender kiss to her bruised forehead, "Hello baby." He slipped off his shoes as always, ever so slowly and carefully climbing up beside her, his routine set after weeks of the same thing. His hand delicately stroked her side, scared of hurting her even in her unconscious state. "Nurse says you can probably hear me. Probably should make the most of your lack of ability to slap me in the face, eh love?" He gave the quietest chuckle, kissing her temple so very softly.
"You probably won't remember these nights at all. Or maybe you will, maybe you'll think you're dreaming or something Carla, I don't know. But I have to say something or I'll go crazy. I think you'd be proud of me if you were awake. You wouldn't admit in, not in a million years but I know you'd feel it. Haven't touched a drop of drink since I left, Car'. Been tempted, god I've been tempted but I have this technique now you see. " Peter wiped his eyes quickly, hardly even realising he was crying. "What I do love is, whenever I'm tempted, I get on me coat and I walk to an offy. Hear me out before you start telling me how stupid that is eh." He kissed twirls her hair around his finger gently. "I walk to an offy and I look how much a bottle of whatever I fancy is. Cos see then, I put that money in a bank for our Si for when he's 18. It's building up nicely now baby. If I hadn't royally fucked up that account might have been for our baby girl."
Peter took a deep breath, waiting a moment before be carried on speaking. "I think about her everyday Carla. What we would have named her, what she would have looked like. Your eyes, your smile. Baby, I miss that smile more than anything. I promise I will never touch a drop if you wake up and just smile at me." Peter watched her, praying silently for the slightest movement but nothing changed. It never did.
"It kills me, Carla. I can't make it better. Not this, not our little girl, not Tina. I can't take it away. And I can't ever give a reason for tearing out world apart when you gave me so very much in the little time we had together. Do you remember sweetheart? The things we did, the plans we made. Your little face used to beam at the thought of our future. I loved being the one behind those smiles. I loved being Carla Connors prince charming." His hand found hers, entwining their fingers together as he lay with her all night long, talking about their past, the future he longs to repair. He tells her promises he desperately wants to keep and talks passionately about their love. The love they shared, Peter thinks, is one that can't be replaced or lost. No matter how severely broken something is; he tells her he knows there is always a way back.
He vows to prove that to her and keep all of his promises if she keeps her side of the deal. If just she wakes up.
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