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Chapter 31 - And Then, There's The Nightmares

The first night in camp with Zevran was the liveliest yet. Normally, everyone was utterly exhausted by the day's events, retiring almost immediately after dinner was finished. Tonight was a flurry of activity, with Leliana playing her lute and Zevran flirting shamelessly with her while Serena and Alistair worked on their second bowl of stew by the fire. Their dueling foreign accents sounded almost like music in and of themselves to Serena, and she found herself more contented than she had been since before they arrived in Redcliffe village.

After dinner was cleaned up, Leliana left to help Zevran set up his tent and pick up supplies from Bodahn, and, she assumed, flirt some more with the elf. Bored, Serena took out the leather vest from the general store and sized it up. Alistair had let her borrow a large needle, so she hoped to make some solid headway on replacing her ruined leather breastplate.

She worked steadily for over an hour, pushing the needle in and out to create holes for the lacing, stretching the leather so it fit her just right. After a time, Alistair came to sit beside her, a pile of nearly dry clothing next to him on the cloth mat between them. He pulled out a small sewing kit and started to patch the holes in his tunics, working much more quickly than Serena would have expected of a man.

Serena adjusted her light shirt, fitting the nearly finished corset over her head. She pulled some leather lacing through the front, knotting it at the top. Noticing Alistair's eyes on her, she did a little twirl, her hair bouncing down around her shoulders from the messy knot that usually held it.

"So... what do you think?" Serena stood still, posing for him. He pulled himself up, inspecting the leather closely.

"It fits surprisingly well, considering it was originally a men's vest." Alistair fingered the leather lacing at the top and Serena felt the familiar buzzing she always felt around him intensify inside her. "Looks good, too. How does it feel on you? Can you move in it?"

"Oh, yes, it's great. See? " She stretched her arms out and bent forward, touching her toes. She straightened back up and grinned at him. "This is going to sound crazy, but... do you want to spar? With me?"

"What? Right now?"

"Yes, right now. I kinda of want to test this out." Serena danced from foot to foot in front of him. "I know, it's crazy! But do you ever just... feel good? Like you could just..." She threw a few swift punches at the air and saw Alistair was smiling at her.

"All right, yeah. I'm game. Let's go over here, though, away from the fire..." He towed her into a clearing just beyond the trees next to their camp where the ground was made of softer sand. "Shall I get some swords, or...?"

Serena sized him up, moving into a defensive stance, raising her fists up. "I think you have all the weapons you need, my prince."

"Oh-ho, dear lady!" Alistair grinned, rolling out his shoulders, and put up his fists. "You wish to see what I'm made of?"

"I do, indeed." Serena rocked forward, throwing a few quick punches that Alistair blocked. He swung his foot around, and she did an awkward little jump, just missing his sweep. He threw another punch and she ducked under it, smacking him in the side. "Point! You are going to have to do better than that to best me, Alistair! You leave your right side wide open." She danced around him, as he blocked her punches with his open palms. "Is that splintmail weighing you down, I wonder?"

"You know, I think it is..." Alistair said, backing up. He unstrapped his breastplate and threw it to the side, then shrugged his shirt off as well. "Much better." He rolled his shoulders out again, and Serena felt her jaw drop slightly at the sight of his bare chest. "Are you all right, my lady?" Alistair grinned at her, raising his fists again into a defensive stance. "You look all... flushed."

"Oh, you..." Serena sprinted at him, releasing a flurry of half-hearted blows that Alistair easily blocked. "You are... cheating!"

"Cheating? How am I cheating?" Alistair pivoted on his heel and threw a punch, landing it on Serena's shoulder. "Point."

"I... you..." Serena backed up, regaining her focus. She rolled her shoulder out, ignoring the sting. "You'd be having a time of it, too, you know, if I decided I wanted to fight you in my underwear!"

Alistair laughed, blocking another series of punches. "I thought I'd save that until we got to know each other a little better, Serena."

"Oh! You are going to get it!" With each word, she smacked at him, finally sweeping her foot around to catch at his ankle. He tipped but didn't fall, instead pulling her in for balance as she landed a hit to his side.

"Point," she said. "I told you, Alistair, I am feeling good tonight." She moved forward and took two of his quick punches, blocking them easily. They moved quickly now, and Serena was reminded almost of a dance. She vaguely wondered if Alistair actually knew the Remigold, as he once joked.

"I wonder... is that all you're feeling?" Alistair asked, sweeping Serena's feet out from under her. She landed on her back, and Alistair pressed down, landing another hit on her new armor. "Point. Next point wins, Serena." He watched her, tempted to help her up. "You seem to be preoccupied."

"It's that damn buzzing," Serena said, rolling and pushing herself back up. "Whenever I'm around you... it's like my blood is alive. Tell me you feel it and I'm not going crazy?"

Alistair grinned. "Yes, I feel it, too. Whenever you're near. It's the taint." They circled around each other. "I'll explain once I've won this little bout."

"Once you've won?" Serena swung her right arm and he blocked it deftly, moving his other arm to block her left before it came around. Alistair slipped his arm under her defenses and pulled, using her own momentum against her and flipping her up and over his back where she slid to the ground with a small shriek. Spinning quickly, he held his hand out in an imitation of a blade at her throat.

"Do you yield?" He swept his fingers across her neck gently, his grin utterly victorious.

"I... yield, my prince," Serena said quietly, leaning her head back against the sand and closing her eyes. "I can't believe you flipped me, and then.. stabbed me! I should be dead right now."

"Then you're lucky I'm sweet on you and showing you my infinite mercy," Alistair said, pulling her back to her feet. "Here, let me just gather my things and I'll tell you everything I know about being a Grey Warden." He picked up his discarded shirt and armor, heading back to camp. Serena watched as he dropped the armor and beckoned for her to follow him to the nearby river.

Pulling off her boots, she waded into the river to her ankles, the water cooling her all over. She shook out her hair, wiping all the sand and dirt from her arms and leggings. Beside her, Alistair put his hands in the water, washing his arms, then his face, then his chest. Serena found herself openly staring at him, utterly transfixed by how his muscles moved and how the moonlight reflected off his skin.

Her toes curled in the soft sand at the bottom of the river, her mind flipping rapidly to less innocent fantasies. She didn't know if she wanted him to hurry up and put his shirt back on or if she should start removing clothes, too...

"And what have you two planned this evening, I wonder?" Morrigan moved forward, leaning casually against a tree. Serena felt her face redden in guilt. "'Tis a full moon tonight... perhaps a late night swim?" Alistair looked over his shoulder and shrugged, all but ignoring her.

"We were sparring," Serena answered, tearing her eyes from Alistair. "What are you doing out here?"

"I was preparing for a run, actually," the witch replied, moving away from the tree.

"I wouldn't take you for a woman who enjoyed exercise," Alistair said. He flicked the excess water from his arms and stood up.

"Not in this skin, no." Morrigan flashed them both a predatory grin. Within seconds she had changed from the beautiful dark haired witch to a wolf, sleek and black. The wolf turned its head to Serena and she swore she could see it smile at her. In a flash, the wolf was gone, disappearing between the trees.

"She is so weird." Alistair came to stand beside Serena in the water, running his feet into the sand at the bottom. "Did you know she could do that?"

"I suspected it, yes. She told me when we first met her that she knew the wolf who had come to me that night in the Wilds. She said they had run together, so I assumed she could... you know. Change." Serena shrugged, her eyes on his feet instead of his bare chest. "You're still... without a shirt, you know." She could feel her cheeks warm up again, despite the cool water.

"Yes, it's payback, I think, for all those times you dilly-dallied around me in your small clothes," Alistair replied. "Plus, I like how it makes you blush."

"It's sort of strange, though. The less there is between us, clothing-wise, the harder it is for for me to touch you. When you're in full armor, I seem to have no problem teasing you."

"Is my bare chest that offensive?" Alistair moved to pick up his shirt off the bank and Serena batted it down, shaking her head.

"No! No, of course not. I..." She paused, thinking of the right words to explain. "Do you really think I've been around so many half naked men that I'm simply immune to it?" She bit her lip, gingerly touching his chest with her fingers. "Maker have mercy, I feel like I might... catch fire."

"Now you know how I felt back in my tent in Ostagar," Alistair replied, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

Serena ran her fingers down his chest to his belt, touching the cool metal there. "Felt? You don't feel it anymore?"

"No, it's so much worse now." Alistair stroked her cheek, his normally honey colored eyes were dark with emotion. He leaned in and kissed her full on the mouth. Serena pushed up on her toes in response, deepening the kiss, enjoying the buzzing in her blood as it sang for her to be closer to him.

"You know we... shouldn't be doing this..." Serena whispered between kisses. "We're the last... and the Blight..."

"There won't always be the Blight," Alistair said softly. His arm was tight around her hip, holding her to him. "It won't always be like this for us."

"Are we an us?" Serena wrapped her arms around his neck, nuzzling his neck. "Can we even be an us? The whole... everything... depends on us. The Blight, Connor... we have to raise an army... There's so much to do..."

"And I know that when I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything." Alistair stroked her hair gently. "I... don't know what will happen, or what this is, but I know what I feel." He pushed her chin up and kissed her again. "I know that for better or for worse, you're stuck with me until we kill that archdemon."

"Pity, that," Serena said, running her fingers down his arms to his hands. "Why couldn't I get stuck with a handsome Grey Warden?" She felt his fingers tighten on hers and she grinned.

"That reminds me, I brought you out here because I promised to tell you all our Grey Warden secrets..." He tugged her over to a tree and sat down. She settled next to him, their hands still intertwined. "So, you already know about the appetite thing... have you... had any nightmares?"

"I... is it normal to?" Serena ducked her head, her hair falling in a curtain, shielding half her face. "I've had some trouble, the last few nights. I thought it was because... stress, from the... from Redcliffe, and everything. Do you have them, too?"

Alistair nodded. "Less, now, but when I first Joined... nearly every night. Duncan always told me it's part of how we sense the darkspawn, and when we sleep, it's even worse. You learn to block it out after a while, but at first it's hard." He ran circles into her hand with his thumb. "It's supposed to be worse for those who Join during a Blight... How is it for you?"

"This is going to sound so silly, but..." Serena sighed. "It's easier, when you're... near. I don't know if it's because I can sense your presence, and I just know it's not darkspawn, but... they weren't so bad, when you slept near me last night."

"Some people never have much trouble, but that's rare. Others have trouble sleeping their entire life. They're just more sensitive, I suppose. Everyone ends up the same, though. Once you reach a certain age, the real nightmares come. That's how a Grey Warden know his time has come."

"What do you mean? His time has come..."

"Oh... that's right. We never had time to tell you that part, did we?" Alistair looked away, as if embarrassed. "Well, in addition to all the other wonderful things about being a Grey Warden, you don't need to worry about dying from old age. You've got thirty years to live... give or take."

Serena blinked at him, her mind working slow. "Thirty years? So... we just... oh."

"The taint... it's a death sentence. Ultimately your body won't be able to take it. When the time comes, most Grey Wardens go to Orzammar to die in battle rather than... waiting. It's tradition." He was watching her now, watching for her reaction. "You'll always find darkspawn down there, I suppose, since the dwarves live so far underground. The oldest Grey Wardens head to the Deep Roads for one last glorious battle..."

"Not that there's a shortage of darkspawn during a Blight, but that's the tradition. The dwarves respect us for it. I've heard they even have their own... legion, I suppose... who do the same. I've never met anyone in it, though." He paused, a crooked smile splitting his face. "And you wondered why we kept the Joining a secret from the new recruits! Well, there you have it."

"I... I guess it all makes sense." Serena shook her head. "Thirty years... wow, so Duncan was... yes. It all makes sense. We stand apart from everyone else because of the taint, and... we... can never be normal, not really, could we?"

"No, not really. You know, Duncan... he started having the nightmares again. He told me that- in private. He said it wouldn't be long before he'd go to Orzammar himself." Alistair sighed. "I guess he got what he wanted. I just wish it had been worthy of him."

"He'll... he'll be remembered, Alistair." Serena held his hand tight, scooting in close to him. "All of them... our brothers and sisters... they live on in us." She wished her voice sounded more steady.

Alistair smiled sadly, leaning his head on hers. "I know, I... I suppose ending the Blight... should make this all worthwhile, right? You know, maybe... once this is all over we could find him, back in Ostagar. Duncan, I mean. I'd like to do something for him, a memorial, or I don't know. He didn't have any family left that I know of, but he told me he was from Highever. Maybe we could... do something there."

"Absolutely. He deserves to be remembered for everything he's done for the Grey Wardens. For us." Serena snuggled against Alistair. "We'll see that it's done."

They sat in silence for awhile, both quiet and simply enjoying each other's company. Serena had never felt so simultaneously excited and at ease with someone before. With the future so uncertain, Serena was grateful to have someone to share her thoughts and fears with, someone who understood it all, understood her, so well.

"Were you... serious, about the nightmares?" Alistair's voice was quiet. "I mean, about them being better when you're... with me?"

Serena looked up into his face. "Yes, it's... well, everything is better when you're near me." She kissed him gently. "We don't have watch tonight. You could... stay with me. Not to... you know... just to sleep."

"I... yes. Okay. Just to sleep." Alistair shifted, offering her a hand up. They headed back to camp where Leliana was playing a card game with Zevran. The assassin grinned at them, laying down a few cards.

"That is three cards for me, Leliana, if you would be so kind. Wardens, would you care to play a bit of Wicked Grace with us?"

"Ah, no, we were just... going to bed." Alistair pulled on his shirt, blushing slightly.

"Again? Is that not what you just did in the woods?" Zevran laughed, flipping another card. "You have quite the stamina, my friend. Is that a Grey Warden trait?" Beside him, Leliana tried covering her fit of giggles with her hand, to little success.

"We were sparring, then went to the river to wash up," Serena said. "Not as innocent as cards, perhaps, but we weren't... engaging in anything off-color, I can assure you."

"Ah, too bad. It is a beautiful night for love-making, what with the full moon and all." The elf shrugged, as if Alistair and Serena's choice in late night hobbies bored him. "Enjoy your sleep, Wardens. The bard and I shall watch the camp tonight."

"Uhh, right. Goodnight all." Alistair discreetly slipped into Serena's tent and she followed. Kneeling down onto her bedroll, Serena removed her new breastplate and dumped it in the back as Alistair pulled off his boots.

They snuggled down into the bedroll, and Alistair gently stroked Serena's long hair. "I know you have a big heart, and you and Leliana like to give people the benefit of the doubt... but I think I don't like that elf very much."

Serena smiled softly, her body feeling sleepy and relaxed next to Alistair. "Yes... he's little too perceptive, isn't he?"

Alistair sighed, wrapping an arm around Serena's waist. "Yes, I hate it."