Author's Note: This was an extremely difficult chapter to write, not in plot, just in pure emotional drain. Every time I turn around it seems something horrible is happening to poor Serena. Murdered family, the debacle at the Joining, nearly dying at Ostagar... The Warden just can't seem to catch a break! It's wonder she doesn't just give up. The moral of the story is "Dragon Age is a game where bad things happen to pretty okay people, all the time." The end!
Anywho, thanks to everyone following along and reviewing and everything. You're all wonderful. :)
Chapter 34 - Twisted Desires
Two more levels of the tower revealed more and more corruption from the demon realm. Bloody postules grew along the walls of the tower, reminding Serena very much of the darkspawn taint they saw in the Tower of Ishal. She wondered if perhaps what Wynne had told her, all the way back in Ostagar about the darkspawn and the Fade wasn't true. It would certainly make sense, given the look of the Circle Tower now...
Their group spread out across the floor, searching for survivors, finding a surprising amount of mages who appeared unharmed, albeit terrified, and even a few templars, although they were significantly more battered than the mages. Serena instructed the survivors to remain together to reach the barrier, hoping that the instincts needed to remain alive would bond the mages and templars into a better working relationship than they had previously.
Assuming none of them killed each other on the way downstairs, of course.
They wandered through the rooms, eventually coming upon a large office. Books and papers littered the floors as if someone had ran through here searching for something in a hurry, and she saw Morrigan wander near them, looking through the tomes curiously.
"This is Irving's office..." Wynne looked around the half-destroyed room. "I half-expected to find him here, but... I suppose that's too much to hope for."
Serena neared his desk and picked up a journal, flipping through it. She saw one of the later entry's mentioned Uldred quite a bit and pocketed the journal while Wynne was turned.
"I think perhaps he has some lyrium potions around here somewhere we could... borrow..." Wynne rummaged through a chest at the back of the office and Serena suddenly felt better about her pocketing of the journal.
Demons continued to stalk the halls as they made their way through the tower, popping out of rooms and rushing their party. Ensorcelled templars ran at them, unknowingly attacking their potential saviors. Alistair had everyone move to disarm them, refusing to outright murder the entranced men. Eventually they bound up the trio of bewitched knights, tying them to a statue.
"Those are mine," called a overly feminine voice. "I earned them..." A purplish demon, nearly naked save for a small loin cloth, and curvy to boot stalked into the room. Two great horns curved out from her forehead, as purple fire burned atop her head, like some wicked candle. Her voice had a silky, captivating note to it and Serena could see even Wynne and Leliana appeared fascinated by the creature.
"She is a desire demon," Morrigan said. "Do not listen to what she says. She will offer you-"
"I simply aim to please, dear girl..." The demon cooed at the witch. "Happiness is bewitching. There is a certain power in all things mortals delight in. Emotions are intangible..."
"Happiness is normally caused by something real- real events, real people!" Wynne shook her head. "What you've done to these people is... abhorrent."
"This is unholy," Leliana gasped, ducking her head to avoid the demon's gaze. "She is feeding off our innermost desires..."
The desire demon moved forward, her hips swaying. She leaned towards Alistair and Serena saw him close his eyes tight, turning his head away from the thing as it pressed against him. "But you have so much desire within you to taste... don't you, young man? What's that in your mind...? Oh, no…"
The demon put one finger under his chin, pressing her face so close to his, her voice whispering to his mind. Alistair could hear her taunts as he tried to shield his mind, tried not to think of...
The desire demon laughed, her voice almost like the purr of a cat. "She can never love you the way I can... Oh, no, she's only human... You know this... She doesn't have my power... I could make you happy forever..."
"I... I don't..." Alistair cringed at the demon's touch, unable to move away from her. "Get out... of my head..."
"G-get your hands off him!" Serena shouted. She felt absolute fury well up inside her as she pulled one of her daggers and threw it, landing it right in the demon's stomach. "You foul, loathsome thing! Don't you dare touch him!"
The demon screamed, pushing Alistair to the ground and ran at Serena, a purplish blur. "You think you can take him from me? That you can take any of them from me?" The demon ripped Serena's dagger from its middle, and grabbed her, stabbing the dagger into her shoulder. "Let's see how it looks on you, girl!"
The demon pushed, knocking her to the ground, and Serena felt an icy spell wash over her as she tried to move her limbs to fight back and couldn't.
"Using passion and jealousy as weapons are a fine choice, but I daresay your methods need a bit of practice." Zevran pulled his long dagger and stabbed at the demon, slicing her across the chest.
Crimson blood spurted down her purple skin as she screamed, casting another spell. Skeletons rose from the ground, coming to attack their party, as Wynne and the others pulled their weapons, attacking the demons in full force The skeletons surrounded them as they worked, fighting their way back out of the melee via sheer force. Morrigan shot spells that sent a skeleton crashing into a wall, and they could hear Zevran yelling in victory as he sliced the demonic woman to death.
With the desire demons' spell broken, Alistair rushed to Serena's side, making the complicated gestures again as she felt her body start to respond to her commands again. The pain in her shoulder intensified ten-fold as she realized her dagger was still lodged in her body. "Serena, can you...?"
"I can move, I can... oh, Maker... my shoulder..." Serena reached back and pulled her dagger from just above her leathers with an agonizing sound. She could feel the gash bleeding freely down her back now and she winced, her face losing all its color. Her head swam as she grabbed for him, clutching his fingers. "I... I'm sorry, Alistair... I m-meant to s-say-"
"No! No, no, just... just hold on-" Alistair held her shoulder, the blood, her blood, was covering his hands quickly as he tried to stop the flow. "I can stop this, I can... just... Oh, Maker..." He fumbled at his back, pulling the handkerchief from his pack and pushing it against the wound, where it soaked red in seconds.
Serena felt her head spin again as the blood loss caused her to collapse in Alistair's arms. "I... s-sorry..." Her blood was now pooling beneath them, a great dark puddle of her life, dripping slowly out. "Love…" Her eyes rolled and she fainted, her body going limp in his lap.
"No, no, Serena... no, I love you, please-" Alistair held her close, his eyes blurry with tears. "Wynne! Please! You have to help her!"
The older mage ran to them, dropping to her knees as blue magic sparked from her hands into Serena's spiritless form. "Come on, girl, I can sense you're still in there... Just wake up..." Wynne pressed on her shoulder, and Alistair saw the wound close, the skin mending itself with the help of the magic into a long pink scar. "She's lost a lot of blood, I think... she just passed out from that... It may take a short while for her to... regain consciousness."
Alistair held her to him, her pale skin almost paper white from the blood loss. He felt tears escape his eyes as he rested his head in her hair, her breathing disturbingly shallow. At least she was breathing now.
How many times had he held her injured body in his arms? How many times had he been unable to help her as she nearly died in front of him? They wouldn't even be here if not for him, for her want to help his pseudo-family...
Leliana kneeled down beside the former templar, her eyes on Serena. "Alistair, we are going to go clear the rest of the floor and help the templars downstairs... You should stay here with her, until... until she wakes up." He felt the bard pat him softly on the shoulder as she stood, the rest of his companions leaving the room. Leaving him alone with Serena.
"Please, please wake up, Serena..." He cradled her body in his arms, rocking her gently, his voice barely a whisper. "I love you, please don't leave me... you have to wake up... oh, Maker, please, don't let her go..."
It felt like hours, although it couldn't have been more than a quarter of an hour, before Serena stirred in his arms, her slender body shifting against him. He felt his chest tighten as she coughed, the color coming back to her cheeks. "Alistair...?"
"Serena! Oh, Serena, thank the Maker..." Alistair kissed her forehead, nearly hysterical with relief. "How do you feel? Are you... are you okay?"
"Did I fall asleep?" Her blue eyes looked around warily, as if she couldn't remember where she was. "The... the demon!" She jolted in his arms and he held her tight.
"It's all right, she's dead. She's dead, Serena." He stroked her hair softly. "Do you remember anything?"
Serena turned in his arms; her eyes finding his hazel ones slowly. "I thought she was going to take you... I hit her, and then... I don't know." She shook her head, as if there was something buzzing around in it. "What happened?"
"She ran at you, I... I couldn't move. I couldn't help you. She made me think such horrible things..." Alistair knew he was babbling, but his guilt at not being there for her was running amok in his mind." She stabbed you and the cut was deep..." He looked down, and saw Serena follow his gaze. Her blood was everywhere, all over her back and his chest... drying on the floor around them.
"That's... all me?" Serena scowled, her hand touching the puddle of sticky blood lightly. She stared at her bloodied fingers and sighed. Alistair could see dark circles starting to form under her beautiful blue eyes. The tip of her braid was dried with her own blood and he cringed inwardly.
"Wynne healed you, just in time, but you passed out from the loss of blood." He wanted to ask her if she had been conscious enough to hear him speak to her, or if she remembered that she'd said love... Maybe now wasn't the best time for that... She nearly died, after all. And maybe she hadn't meant to say it at all, or maybe... His train of thought was interrupted when he realized she was speaking again.
"Where are the others?"
"They went to search the rest of the floor for other survivors," Alistair replied. "We're nearly to the top of the tower now. Can you stand?" He scooted back, helping her up to her feet. She leaned on him a bit, and he was reminded of the day on the docks in Redcliffe, she had been so sleepy... was it just a few days ago when he had given her the rose? All the days seemed to melt together now. They had done so much fighting and so little of anything else...
"I think I'm okay," Serena said, putting a hand out to steady herself. "I felt a little woozy there for a moment, but... whatever Wynne did seems to be helping." She looked down at her feet, at all the blood on the ground and then up at Alistair. There was a moment pause and then she was hugging him tightly, her face buried in his neck. "Thank you... for just, always... I don't know what I would do… without you. Probably be dead five times over."
"I know, I... I nearly lost my mind there, for a second." Alistair stroked her hair absently, wishing they were anywhere else. That they didn't have to keep going, that Serena could just lay down for awhile, just to rest, before they inevitably ran into more unimaginable horrors. "I don't know what I'd do if..." He couldn't finish the sentence.
Serena pulled back from him, her blue eyes were red-rimmed. "I... we should probably... find the others." She wiped quickly at her eyes, a blush coloring her cheeks. "I want to get out of here."
The corruption that began on the lower floors only worsened as their party moved up the tower. Soon everywhere Serena looked there was blood and enormous dark pustules that almost pulsed with energy. Wynne led them through the twisting hallways as they headed to the top, her brow furrowed.
"Wynne? Is everything okay?" Serena paused, realizing how stupid the question sounded considering what had happened to them so far. "I mean, besides the obvious, I guess."
"We've been through countless rooms and hallways, and still we have not found Niall." The white haired mage pursed her lips. "I am worried he did not make it."
Serena nodded, not knowing what to say. She had thought they would at least come upon a body, but...
"Oh, look. Visitors. I'd entertain you but... too much effort involved."
Serena looked up at the thing speaking. A giant, monstrous thing, its body was covered in the vein-like corruption, just like the halls of the tower. At the abominations feet was a man in mage robes, blood on his face.
"Niall!" Wynne moved forward, but the monster held up a hand and she stopped, her chin dipping down to her chest.
"Do not mind him, he is just resting." The fiend glanced down with its one working eye, the other closed over with the corruption, and a noise much like a sigh escaped it. "Poor lad, he was so very, very weary. You want to join us, don't you?" The abominations voice was slow and deep, and Serena found her limbs suddenly felt so... heavy. Maybe she should just... no... wait...
"Wouldn't you like to just lay down and... forget about all this? Leave it all behind?"
"I... can't keep... eyes open." Beside her, Alistair dropped to one knee. "Someone... pinch me..."
"I'll not listen... to your lies, demon. You have no... power over me..." As she said this, Leliana fell to the ground, her eyes closing. Around her, Zevran fell to his knees while Morrigan leaned on her staff, her head swaying.
"Why do you fight?" The demon moved towards them and Serena rocked on her feet as the edges of blackness moved in. "You deserve more... You deserve a rest. The world will go on without you..."
Serena was home. Or, it looked very much like her childhood home in Highever... the castle walls were the same, but everything had a strange blurry sheen to it, like it shimmered with some strange mist.
"Serena, dear, you're up from your nap!"
Serena blinked, and suddenly her mother was standing in front of her, hugging her tightly. "You know, he's coming today to visit, or so you told me just yesterday." Her mother beamed and Serena felt a twinge in her gut. Her mother... oh... there was something...
"What are you talking about, Mother?"
"Oh, don't be silly, Serena," her mother chided. "We've been prepping the castle all day for his arrival." Eleanor Cousland tut-tutted at her daughter, towing her through the hall. Her mother babbled on, mumbling things about flower arrangements and color combinations for dinner cloths. Serena had no idea what she talking about. Was there to be a party? Why did all of this feel so strange?
"He should be here any moment."
"Who? Fergus?" Serena looked around. Was her brother here then? Had he been found? Wait... that wasn't right... Fergus had been in the Wilds and-
"Your father and I are just so pleased you finally chose a suitor. Oriana and I have nearly finished setting up the engagement party. The entire castle is abuzz with excitement, and Fergus is coming home from the south just for it!"
"Engagement party? But I don't know who..."
A voice called from outside the hall and Serena felt her jaw drop in shock. She knew that voice...
"Serena, my love." Alistair strode into the hall, clad in gleaming armor with the Grey Warden griffon emblazoned on the front, much like Duncan had worn when she had met him... Wait, no... Duncan? She turned, peering curiously at Alistair. He bowed politely to her mother and Serena saw he had a rose, identical to the one he had given her at Redcliffe, in his lapel. "It has been too long..."
Alistair reached her in a matter of steps, and Serena felt him gather her up in his arms, as he had done so many times before and kiss her lightly on the forehead. "Duncan requested my presence in Sothmere. A band of darkspawn had tried to raid the village there..." He shook his head. "But that's all done now, and I am yours to command."
"I have missed you," he whispered against her lips. "Tell me you received my letters?"
"Your letters? I... yes... but, Alistair? Is that truly you?" Serena touched his face carefully, not knowing what she was expecting. Everything felt so strange.
Alistair laughed. "Of course, my love. Who else would it be?" He put a hand over hers and smiled. "Are you nervous? Is it because of the party? Your mother assured me your sister-in-law would be helping out with a lot of the preparations..."
"No, it's... I thought..." Serena frowned, not knowing how to explain to him. "What's going on?"
"Dearest, we're getting married. Right near the harvest festival, just as you wanted. Don't tell me you've forgotten." Alistair stroked her face and she felt a chill as she looked into his hazel eyes. They were so bright, and so intense... so wholly focused on her. As if there was nothing else in the world.
"I... we're... my family is dead, Alistair... and you're..."
"I suppose you're going to tell me I'm dead, too?" He grinned at her, pulling her close to him. She felt her heart break as he held her, her body wanted so badly to believe him, to simply have him hold her forever. "I'm right here. I think you were dreaming, my love, a nightmare, perhaps..."
"No, no... I... this is wrong... this is the nightmare!" Serena pushed at him, unable to take the lie anymore. She felt hot tears prick at her eyes and she fought to keep them at bay. This wasn't real and she would not cry in front of this man, whoever he was. "You're not... you're not my Alistair..." The tears came then, and she ran, through the door, away from the mad creations of the Fade of her family and her love.
"Serena! Serena..." She heard him chase her through the halls and she sprinted for the armory. His voice sounded strange now, lower and more menacing. The real Alistair would never speak to her like that. "Serena, come back, my love! I only want to talk!"
She pounded across the stones through the halls, until she found, at last, the right door and slipped inside. She latched the door and sunk to the ground, tears streaming down her face. She pulled a sword from the wall and held it close, waiting for what, she did not know.
"Serena, I know you're in there." Alistair's voice was low, almost a growl, and Serena couldn't help the fear she felt. Her breathing was coming in gasps she could barely control. "Open up..." He beat on the door, and she backed up as the door cracked and he pushed it off its hinges with an unnatural strength.
"Hello, my love." Alistair stood tall and sinister, his sword drawn and his normally honey-brown eyes were red like fresh blood. "You know I do not care for these games of yours."
Serena held the sword, not quite used to the weight of it in her hand compared to her daggers and prepared to defend herself.
The fake Alistair eyed the sword, his red eyes eerily calm. "What do you plan to do with that, love? Strike me down?" He stepped forward and Serena felt fear clutch at her heart. "If I am gone, who will be left to love you?"
"Y-you think I need demons to love me?" Serena cried. "I don't... I don't n-need you..." She brought the sword around and it met his, as he parried the blow and set to push her off her footing. Serena remembered sparring with the real Alistair and watched his feet, preparing for a sweep.
"Don't do this, love. You could stay here, with me, forever. We would never want for anything. Don't you want to be happy?" The man held out a hand to her, his sword at his side. "What is it you want? Tell me and I can grant it."
"I want my Alistair back and you can never give me that!" Serena yelled, slamming her own sword down. It slashed through the fake Alistair in a smooth arc and she watched as he fell to the ground, dead. Serena dropped to her knees beside him, the tears becoming a flood as around her the dream collapsed.
Looking around, Serena realized she was no longer in her parent's castle… she wasn't in any castle. The landscape looked just like one of her dreams. Broken pillars, twisted trees and mist, and the Black City ever present across a sea of nothingness. A pedestal stood nearby, glowing brightly, and Serena found herself drawn to it. Touching it lightly, she felt a rush come over her, and suddenly she was... elsewhere.
"Who are you? Where did you come from? Are you a demon?" A mage backed away from her, his voice wavering in pitch. Serena saw the symbol of the Circle of Magi and hope this wasn't another trick of some sort. "No… No, you're like me, aren't you? Another dreamer... Congratulations on getting out of that trap."
"What do you mean? This is the Fade, right? Are we trapped here?"
"The demon traps everything that comes here in a dream it thinks they can't- or won't- try to leave."The mage sighed. He looked a lot like Jowan to her; he had the same floppy dark hair. "I'd thought I'd escaped, too, but I've been wandering these empty, grey spaces for a lifetime..."
"Is there no way out then?" Serena paused, taking in the man's appearance again. "You're... Niall, aren't you?"
"Yes... I was trying to save the Circle when I encountered the sloth demon. I expect our experiences were similar."
"So you have the Litany of Adralla, don't you? Couldn't you use that against the demon?"
"The Litany was our weapon against the blood mages' domination," Niall said, shaking his head sadly. "But it's too late. Everyone is dead... The Litany was our only hope of saving the Circle. But now... this place drains you of everything. Hope, feeling, life..."
"Well, there must be a way out, Niall. I'm sure of it. We just have to find it..." Serena looked around. "I found my way out of that nightmare... maybe we just need to... find something to fight..."
"No, there is no way out of here. I have looked. You think there might be, but you'd be wrong." Niall walked over to a pedestal identical to the one Serena had used to come to this place with. "You see this? I've studied the runes on it- runes that signify different islands of the sloth demons' domain. The sloth demon itself is on the center island, but you can't get there... the five outer islands somehow form a protective ward."
"I thought I was getting somewhere when I figured that out, and I went to each island in turn only to have my hopes dashed." The mage sighed. Serena shifted, his defeatist attitude was starting to bother her. "There's always an obstacle... you'll see the path but be unable to get to it, and it taunts you... drives you mad..."
"Could my companions be on one of the islands?" Serena asked. "And if the outer islands form a protective ward, if one were to go to them, and defeat whatever is there... couldn't that possibly allow passage to the center island to reach the sloth demon?"
"I don't know much... you may be able to reach your companions through the islands, but... each island has a... a lesser abomination on it that the sloth demon has placed there." Niall paused, his eyes rolling up to look at something Serena couldn't see. She wondered just how long he'd been here, wandering and waiting. Becoming more and more hopeless. "Defeating them may be the only way to reach the sloth demon."
"I once found a passageway smaller than my hand, with a mouse going to and fro through it. Silly thing fled before I could question it, though..."
Serena bit her lip, wondering if perhaps Niall had gone mad sitting here in the Fade. "Why would you question a mouse?"
"Because almost everyone here is a dreamer, except for the spirits and demons, I suppose." Niall pulled at his robes, his nervous fingers picking at the symbol of the Circle inscribed there. "Each dreamer may know things another may not. The mouse could have told me what lay beyond the tiny passage, or how to get there. Even how I might make myself small like him, and crawl through myself. And if one could become small enough to take one path, perhaps there are similar ways to walk the others."
"I see... So... if I search the islands, question the dreamers, maybe I can find a way out of here." Serena put a hand on the mage's shoulder, somewhat surprised to find him solid. His voice sounded so dreamy and far away. "If we work together, we can escape, I just know it."
"Nothing dampens your spirit, does it?" Niall smiled sadly. "I don't know whether to admire or pity you."
Serena shrugged, finally having enough of the mage's disheartening conversation. "Thank you for the information, Niall. I'll be back."
"Don't mind me then..." The mage wandered off past a pillar, his hands in his pockets.
Serena rolled her eyes and headed for the pedestal. Niall was right about one thing- nothing was going to dampen her spirit, not if there was something she could do to get out of this mad place.
It was time to find her friends.