Author's Note: Thanks to everyone reviewing and following along. I can't tell you all how exciting it is to see people really enjoying the story and the characters and everything. Oh! And as a side note, this chapter will have a companion piece to it, a one-shot called Honeysuckle & Pine. It's rated M, for more intense naughty bits and will cover a bit of Alistair's perspective from this chapter. It's not necessary to read it to continue on with Tricking the Past, though, it's just a little something extra!
Chapter 39 - River Dreams
Serena regretted ever admitting to Alistair she was terrible at cards, and regretted more her inability to say no to a game. Unable to back down from a challenge, she had lost every hand to him and Zevran both the night before as Leliana giggled, playing her lute nearby. Unwilling to play strip cards anymore after the night at Redcliffe, where even with Leliana's help, she had still ended up in her tunic and small clothes at the table, she had bet them their chore load, and as a result her chore list had doubled in size.
She heaved the sack of dirty clothes downstream from their makeshift camp, setting up a line to hang them on to dry. Dumping the load unceremoniously onto the ground, she started shifting through the mess, sorting tunics, breeches and underclothes into neat piles.
"This is going to take an hour, at least," she groaned, pulling a clump of tunics towards her and kneeling at the streams edge. She glanced up at the sky, thinking she had maybe an hour or more before full dark was on her.
At least she could use this time to do some thinking. The last few days had been... disconcerting, to say the least. Unbidden, her memories from the Fade had resurfaced painfully two nights previous, causing her to nearly cry out in her sleep. Waking at Alistair's side had only upset her confused mind more, and she had ended up running out of the tent in a rush, tears streaming down her face, her breathing coming in rasps, nearly ready to lose her dinner out onto the grass.
It had been a nightmare, that much she was sure. The sloth demon laughing at her as the demonic version of Alistair merged with the one she had worked so hard to find in the Fade. He taunted her, as the desire demon had, with her love for him. And then the red eyed Alistair had come at her, sword in hand, his voice horribly distorted.
"If I am gone, who will be left to love you?"
Serena sighed, thinking once again about her conversation with Oren about demons. "They cannot escape the Fade on their own, so they try to make deals..." she had told him.
His earnest little face was burned in her mind. "What kind of deals? What do the demons want?" What didn't they want? Serena thought mercilessly. She had been emotionally tortured by her own hopeless desires in the Fade. The Sloth demon had nearly succeeded in trapping her and her friends there forever, where they would be slowly drained until... until they ended up just like Niall.
She could have easily guessed that one of her hearts deepest desires had been to make her parents proud. Just seeing her mother again in the Fade, although she knew it wasn't real, had filled her with such an ache... her mother had been so excited...
"He's just lovely, Serena, really," Eleanor had gushed, holding Serena's hands tightly in her own. That was one of the things that had gotten her the most... her mother had felt real. Eleanor had held her hands, and Serena could have just started crying right there, her longing was so complete. Her mother had been a shock, but she was nothing compared to when Alistair, or what she thought was Alistair, had strode through the door.
The rose, just like the one he had given her; the whispered yearnings in her ear; his gentle touch on her hair. All of it felt just the same, until she saw his eyes. The eyes were something the sloth demon could never duplicate, never even hope to reproduce for her, and that was when she had known, without a doubt.
And though his hazel eyes were almost the same honey brown, never had they looked at her in such a way. True, she had seen them filled with concern, with warmth, even with a touch of longing or dark with desire, but never so full of love and complete and utter devotion. Never had they been so sure of themselves, so confidant. That was when she knew, knew for sure, that this was an Alistair, but not her Alistair, not yet, possibly not ever.
And so she had pulled away, pushing his arms off her, knowing she may never have this again, that he may never be able to be hers... not completely, not with the Blight and everything else looming over their heads... that it may never be anything but a dream...
"I... we're... my family is dead, Alistair... and you're... you're not my Alistair..." Even in her dream, she had not been able to suppress her tears as she crumbled beside his fallen form, his death feeling real to her. Her heart fracturing into sharp pieces at the sight of his broken body...
Serena shook her head, realizing she had been cleaning the same shirt for too long and was likely to give it holes. She hung it up on the line and pulled another, beating it against the underwater rocks.
Because of her nightmare in the Fade, and then her episode two nights ago, Serena had been awkward around the real Alistair ever since. He obviously knew something was up with her; everytime they were alone, which was admittedly not often since they'd been moving steadily towards the Brecilian Forest, she just clammed up as the Alistair from her dream intermingled with the real one in front of her.
But oh, how she missed their easy camaraderie from back in the castle, their flirtatious back-and-forth... and more than anything, she missed her friend and confidante. She missed the one man who understood her so well, who complimented her like... like they were always meant to be together.
Perhaps if she just sat him down and explained the truth? Surely he would understand. She had found him in his own nightmare within the Fade, hopelessly pining for a sister, for a family he had never known. But his dream hadn't involved her... while hers had basically revolved around him... She could feel her cheeks reddening in embarrassment at just the thought of it.
"Doesn't look like you've gotten very far into that pile, oh mistress of our dirty unmentionables..."
Serena started at the sound of Alistair's voice, dropping the shirt she was washing into the stream. "Oh, Maker have mercy, I am a klutz today!" Serena huffed, splashing into the water to chase after the shirt.
"Do you need help?" Alistair called, removing his boots and wading into the river beside her.
"I... no, I'm..." She pushed further into the cool water, grateful for something to do other than bumble around the object of her most recent thoughts. "I've got it, now..." She grabbed the shirt and balled it in her hands. The water was still pretty low at this point, reaching almost to her knees. She turned to move back up stream and then he was there, right in front of her.
"Everything alright?" His voice was casual, but she could see his eyes were searching her face, willing her to open up to him. He pulled the ball of shirt from her hands and tossed it onto the bank. "You've been avoiding me."
"I... I haven't... exactly," Serena sputtered. How in the Maker's name did he always seem to just know? Was she so obviously transparent?
"So, what did I do?" Alistair put a hand on her waist, touching her lightly. "This isn't about losing at cards, is it?"
"No! What? No." Serena sighed. "I... it's not you."
"Because I could easily be convinced to let you win... occasionally." He grinned at her, but it faltered quickly when he saw she wouldn't look him in the eye. "Serena... tell me what's wrong." Alistair put a hand under her chin and brought it up, his hazel eyes boring into hers. "I thought we promised we'd be honest with each other after the whole... prince thing. No more secrets."
"I know," she whispered. "But... it's just so embarrassing." She sighed again, closing her eyes. "When we were in the Circle Tower... the Sloth demon... he... I... my nightmare... oh, sweet Maker, how do I even explain this?"
"I would use the King's Tongue," Alistair answered, smiling gently. "It's the language I know best." Serena pushed at his chest, but he tugged her closer. "Tell me."
"B-before I came to find you, I was t-trapped. In my own dream." Serena gulped, trying to find the right words. "You... were in it."
Alistair's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't this. "I was? Was I handsome?" He ran a wet hand over her shoulder and she found herself shivering at his touch. It felt like it had been weeks since they'd be close like this, although she had awoken happily at his side just the other day. "Did I... sweep you off your feet?"
"Yes, actually," Serena replied, her face reddening. "That's exactly what you did." She turned away from him, her hands crossing protectively over her chest. "Or you tried to, anyway. But I knew it wasn't you, and you eventually became this... monster demon thing and chased me around my parent's castle... I ran to the armory to get away... and I had to kill you with a sword. And then I cried. It felt like I cried forever over your dead body... Goodness, why does this hurt?"
She sighed, her body was remembering the fear and loss she'd felt when she'd realized it wasn't real. That none of it was real. The emotions were so intense she couldn't even face him as she spoke. "I wanted it to really be you so badly... I was a mess... and now I'm just... so embarrassed I lost control like that. It was ridiculous."
"It's not ridiculous," Alistair said softly. He turned her around, pulling her arms out of their defensive position. He slipped one of his hands around hers. "I knew there was something wrong, from the Fade, but I didn't want to ask you about it because... I thought maybe there was someone else... you said to the sloth demon you were chased, by the man you... love... I didn't want to risk the chance... that it wasn't me." He paused, his thoughts coming too quickly. "So... it was... so you...?"
Serena nodded miserably, her head ducked in humiliation.
Alistair smiled, squeezing her hands. "I knew we had something, but I guess I just... didn't know you could... I didn't know that you would ever feel that same way... about me."
Serena looked up into his face, her blue eyes clear. "How could you not know? I... I'm practically crazy for you." She felt her face flush but she refused to back down. She'd laid her cards on the table, so to speak, and it was now or never.
"Then I am the luckiest man in the world." Alistair put a gentle hand on her cheek and leaned down, and Serena tipped her head up to meet his lips. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pushed up on her toes, intensifying the kiss, her mouth demanding his.
His lips felt warm against hers as he slid his other hand under her, lifting her closer to him. She wrapped her legs around his waist, both of them kissing desperately now, overtaken with the sheer joy of physical contact. His hair, his skin... she was overwhelmed with the scent of pine, the scent of him. Serena had never wanted anything so much in her life.
"I should have said something sooner-" he murmured against her lips. "I've known I... I should have..."
"I should have... oh, but it doesn't matter now, just kiss me," she whispered back as he picked her up, kissing her cheeks, her forehead, anything he could reach. She felt him carry her back onto the bank where they fell into the grass, their hands all over each other, grasping, kissing, touching anywhere there was open skin.
"Alistair..." Serena tipped her head back as he kissed down her neck to the area just above her tunic. The buzzing in her blood was intense, everywhere he touched her felt like fire. She looked up into his honey brown eyes, her hands holding his face, praying he could see how serious she was. "I love you, Alistair... I.. I want you to know that."
"I love you, too, Serena. Ever since I stayed with you, that first night... in Ostagar... I just knew. I knew you were the one." He kissed her lips, knowing that he was babbling but not caring in the least. "I know we haven't known each other very long, and maybe... I don't know, maybe this is too soon, but... every time I'm around you, I feel as if my head's about to explode. I can't think straight..."
"Just being around you makes me crazy, but I can't... I can't imagine being without you, not ever." He looked down into her eyes, willing her to understand what he was trying to say. "I just... I don't know how to say this another way."
"It's okay, just... just tell me." Serena kissed his lips, her fingers in his dark blonde hair. "You can tell me anything," she whispered.
"I... I want to spend the night with you. Tonight. I... maybe it's too fast, but I love you, and this feels right to me." He ran a hand down her cheek, pushing her dark auburn hair away, loving the soft feel of it between his fingers. Sweet Maker, she smelled so good... "I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place... but when will it be perfect? If things were, we wouldn't have even met."
"We sort of... stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you... more and more every day, in between all the fighting and... everything else." Alistair pulled her close, his eyes steady, despite his stuttered declaration. "I don't want to wait anymore. I've... I've never done this before. You know that. But I want it to be with you."
"Tonight?" Serena felt an electric thrill go through her body at the thought. "I... yes. Yes." Serena found herself nodding, her face was cracked into an enormous grin. "Yes, of course." She wrapped her arms around Alistair's neck and pulled him down to her, kissing him passionately, their bodies a tangle of limbs in the grass.
"Ha, you Fereldens sure wash your laundry in interesting ways." The elven assassin whistled at them and Serena could hear a girlish giggle join him. Oh, Maker... not Leliana, too! What were they doing? Spying on them?
Serena and Alistair pulled apart awkwardly, both aware of their compromising position on the ground.
"I... we were just... umm..."
"Oh, don't let us bother you, I just meant to collect my clothes, but as I can see... you haven't quite gotten to them, yet." Zevran laughed, his face full of mischief. He turned to the red headed bard beside him. "My dear, if you'd help me, I think these two have better things to be getting on with..."
"No, no, it's fine. I can finish up, really," Serena said quickly, moving to get up. Beside her, she saw Alistair pull himself to his feet, his cheeks pink with embarrassment. "I just, uh..."
"Nonsense," Zevran replied. "I have not been with your group for so long, but the sexual tension between you two was starting to even drive me mad. Really, you will be doing all of us a favor by getting out of here for awhile." He clapped Alistair on the shoulder. "Good show, by the way, my friend. The river was a lovely touch. It's very scenic."
"I hate you," Alistair said, but Serena saw he was grinning despite himself. Alistair clasped her hand in his, tugging her away. "Come on. Let's not stay where we're obviously not wanted, Serena..."
"But..." Serena looked over her shoulder and saw Leliana practically doubled over laughing with Zevran. "Oh, nevermind..." She followed Alistair back to camp, a heavy sigh escaping her lips.