"Are you living?"

Jill shook her head and smiled. "Yep."

"Are you a woman?"

"Nope."

Kelly sighed and wearily fixed her eyes on the never ending scenery rushing by them. A childhood that consisted of making others happy to survive had taught her to quickly adapt to any and all situations as they arose and this was no different. Jill didn't do well when she was bored and with the radio churning out nothing but static for the past hour, unless she played along, the energetic blonde would be absolutely insufferable.

"Are you an actor?" she asked absently.

Jill smacked her lips in response and gave her friend a slight shove. "You already asked that twice and twice I said that I was!"

Kelly rubbed her temple with her left hand. "Sorry. Are you a singer too?"

"Nope." Jill crowed happily. She reached out and swept the quarters the girls had been betting into her hand. "And that's twenty. I'm John Wayne."

"Almost had it." Kelly said dryly, switching driving hands. She yawned and rubbed her eyes with the bend of her wrist. "My turn?"

Jill frowned at her lack of interest. "Well don't get too excited." She muttered, looking a little hurt. "I'm just trying to help pass the time."

"Sorry." She spoke in a detached tone, pushing down on the gas pedal a little harder. It only made the mustang jerk more as the tires passed over the rocks covering the road.

Folding her arms, Jill moodily sunk into her seat. "Kris loves these kinds of games."

"I'm not Kris."

That was fine. Kelly didn't have much patience, she knew. She was tired and frustrated. She didn't know what she was saying. It would switch around soon and she would be back to her normal self. Jill wasn't going to let a tiny, miniscule insult damage her. But that didn't mean she was going to sit there and take it. Deciding she was done with Kelly for the rest of the trip, Jill huffed loudly and snapped her head towards the scenery outside.

"What?" Kelly glanced over, and seeing Jill's back, instantly realized how hurtful she'd been. Recognizing her friend's pout as one of genuine hurt feelings, she sighed and reached out to tug on her sleeve. "Jill! No, don't do that!"

"Oh, now you want to talk to me? Just drive." Jill grumbled, fixing her gaze out the window.

"No, no, no, I'm sorry! I'm being a bitch, I know." Kelly exhaled deeply, taking a free hand to rub on Jill's shoulder. "Hey, I have some peanut butter cookies in my glove compartment. Do you want to split them with me?"

Jill tried to swallow the tightness in her throat and failed. "You could at least pretend you didn't wish Sabrina had come with you."

Kelly groaned, immediately regretting every instance of eye rolling, sighing and muttering she'd done at Jill's expense. "No, Jill, I swear it." She said quickly. "I'm glad you're here, I really am! I like driving with you, it's just- God, this case and that old man have me so frustrated and now we're stuck driving around and wasting a whole day. And I'm sorry, Jill. I shouldn't be taking it out on you."

Jill's eyes remained glumly fixed outside her window.

"Jill," Kelly pleaded, desperate to have her bubbly and animated friend back. "I'm sorry. C'mon, let's play, huh?" She reached out and patted her friend's knee. "Please?"

Finally, Jill turned back around. She sniffled and wiped her eyes before reaching over and unlatching the glove box door. With the package of cookies in her lap, she stared ahead and was silent for a moment before tearing into the packaging and offering Kelly a faint smile.

"Are you a man?"

In an instance, Kelly's face drew nearer to her windshield. Could that be...

"I don't think so." She answered distractedly.

Jill was too busy digging into her bag of cookies to see anything her friend had spotted. "Then you must be a woman."

"No."

"Oh? You're an object then... uhm..."

Kelly gripped the steering wheel, and as she got closer, she realized just what it was that she was looking at. "An R.V!"

Throwing her hands up toward the sky, as if she was looking for God Himself to give her support, Jill shook the bag of cookies at Kelly. "It's called twenty questions not three for a reason! Why'd you..." When she turned her head to look outside, Jill's eyes locked on to the red object Kelly had been referring to. "Kelly! It's an R.V!"

The mustang slid off the road and into the dirt, driving slowly as to not to scare off anyone inside. Didn't want to make it seem like they were on the attack.

"Do you have your gun?" Kelly asked.

Jill patted on her holster. "But don't interrogate at gunpoint like in Burbank."

Kelly sighed irritably. "Then don't blow our cover like in Burbank and I won't have to!" She huffed, easing her car carefully over the uneven terrain.

"I didn't!" Jill insisted. "You need to cut back on all that coffee you drink! I swear you are so paranoid! All I said was-"

But this conversation had been had several times before and Kelly was not in the mood to go over the facts again. She jerked the car into an intentionally sudden halt, silencing Jill's argument by sending the cookies sliding off of her lap and to the floor.

"Careful!" Jill protested, predictably abandoning the previous conversation to come to her snack's rescue.

Kelly grinned. "Sorry." She said quickly. "Okay, this guy is probably just as big a creep as his brother. We'll go in, introduce ourselves, and whoever he seems to be more…interested in will take the lead in questioning. How's that sound?"

"Gentlemen do prefer blondes." Jill said airily as she got out of the car.

Kelly raised an eyebrow. "A soda says he doesn't."

"A soda and chips."

"You're on."

Thus began the rivalry to see whose charm and beauty could woo the man into gawking at them the most. They shut the car doors, hoping to not alarm him inside his questionable looking home. A campfire was nearby, as well as several animal skins hung up on a line with a man's shabby overalls. Jill's lip curled as she surveyed the area in disapproval. "It stinks out here."

Kelly's opinion wasn't any higher. "This guy really takes the wilderness life seriously, doesn't he?"

"I wonder what his diet is," Jill thought aloud as they got closer to the door, "Squirrel for breakfast, raccoon for lunch, bear for dinner?"

"Just knock on the door." Kelly sighed, giving her a light shove on the back.

Rolling her eyes, Jill thumped on the crooked, wooden door. It surprised her coyotes weren't out scavenging for lunch around them. Buzzards flew in the clear sky, and gave the entire place an old western feel. Except it was just a poor man's shack. "Okay," Jill finally said, "He's not home. Lets go."

"Wait a minute!" Kelly stopped her and pounded on the door herself. "Walt Carlson? Are you home? We need to talk to you!" She called inside with her face pressed against the crack of door.

In seconds, the door released and Kelly's face was met with the end of a double barrel shotgun. Her green eyes reached up in surprise and a saw a snarl on the scruffy man's face. "Who's askin?"

Thinking quickly, Jill whipped her gun out and raised it, allowing Kelly enough time to back away and pull out her own. "Put down your weapon, sir!" Jill ordered, hurrying to Kelly's side. "Put it down this instant!"

With his long beard and camouflaged outfit, nobody would think of him as a threat. But as long as he had the mother of all guns in his hand, they couldn't afford to play nice. Though it was Jill's authoritative tone that made him smile underneath that busy, gray hair. "A blonde who knows how to use a gun, huh?"

Jill only stared at him, adrenaline still flying much too high to let down her guard just yet. Kelly might be more irritable these days but all the same, she'd prefer her best friend to not have any more holes in her head. And seeing how Kelly had quickly backed away, she probably agreed.

"Lower your weapon, sir." She said again. "Don't make me ask you again."

Walt Carlson's amused grin widened and with a throaty laugh, he raised his hands in surrender, bringing the shotgun's aim away from Kelly and up to the ceiling. "Okay, okay, don't shoot me, Blondie." He chuckled. "What'd I do this time?"

With the shotgun now out of play, both girls finally exhaled in relief, though they didn't lower their weapons. "Nothing, Mr. Carlson." Kelly spoke up, still a little breathless and pale. "We were hoping we could ask you a few questions."

Walt raised a bushy eyebrow and set his gun down out of sight. "Them deer aren't poached, I can tell you that much right away." He said quickly, crossing his arms defiantly across his narrow chest. "This isn't anyone's property, I checked before I parked. If you don't believe me you can go to county and check the records."

Kelly looked confused for a moment before shaking her head. "No, no. We don't care about that. We're ju-"

"You girls cops?" Walt interrupted.

"No." Jill answered. "Private detectives. Your bro-"

"Well then put down the damn guns!" Walt cried, whipping a filthy handkerchief out of his pocket and waving it in mock surrender. "How am I supposed to talk to you with guns in my face? Makes a man nervous!"

Kelly shot Jill a weary look and the two mutually decided that this old man wouldn't hurt them. Grudgingly, they holstered their weapons.

"Well, now that we're all civil here, yes I'm Walt Carlson. You can call me Walt." The old man said cheerfully. He leaned back, flipped on a light and beckoned the girls forward. "Come on in, I was just about to have me a snack." When the girls didn't immediately follow, the old man looked exasperated. "Well, come on! You wanna ask me questions, I can't answer nothing without my afternoon snack." He paused, narrowed his eyes at Kelly and then grinned. "Hey Quickdraw, you know you remind me of a young Joan Crawford? Me and her had a wild night back in '28. Tell you all about it over some grub."

Kelly blinked, feeling like the butt of a bad joke but swallowed her pride. She certainly didn't want to know what his definition of grub was, though it seemed to not matter to Jill by the way she was scampering inside. Once they made it in, the overpowering stench of dead animal hit them full force. Kelly grabbed Jill's shirt and balled it up into a fist, hanging on to her so she wouldn't pass out.

Jill turned an off shade of green, putting a hand over her stomach as she tried to conceal her dislike of what she smelled – and saw. Clothes covered any object she could see, various stains were embedded into the floors and walls. Flies and gnats swarmed around two dead – still skinned – squirrels laying on a patch of counter space he had next to a rusty sink. There a large hunting knife laid, waiting to filet them open.

God, was that the grub?

Walt hurriedly removed his clothes from two rickety chairs and threw them in a corner. "Yep, she's all mine. Dandy, ain't she?"

"Dandy." Kelly muttered sickly.

"Caught me some squirrel this morning, it's going to be a darlin' meal sharing it with two pretty girls."

Kelly took one look at Jill and could just feel the question she was burning to ask. Which one is the prettiest? Before the words could reach her throat, Kelly decided that squirrel would never touch her stomach and Jill would never ask that question. "We'd rather just make this quick and talk about why we're here. Your brother sent us to look for you."

Walt laughed. "Why did he need to do that? He knows where to find me. But it ain't like it matters, haven't talked to him in over ten years."

Jill sighed and took over for Kelly. "He's dying, Walt."

Walt blinked his eyes in surprise and then turned and hurriedly stepped into his kitchen in three long, easy strides.

"So," he said casually, grabbing up the long knife and wiping it on his thigh. "My big brother is dying." Walt was busily inspecting the blade of his knife. "Well, what do you know? How long's he got?"

The girls shared a look before Kelly gently nudged her friend forward. She had never been good at this type of thing.

Knowing this, Jill sighed and stepped forward to join the old man by his sink.

"Not too long. Six months, a year." Jill answered. She was trying to be sympathetic but her blue eyes couldn't help but notice that Walt had just grabbed up a dead squirrel in one hand and positioned a rusty old coffee can underneath it.

Walt chewed his lip for a moment and, much to Jill and Kelly's relief, set the squirrel down. "That bad huh?" he said easily. "Robby, Robby, Robby." He picked up the squirrel again and Jill took an instinctive step backwards.

"I'm- uh," Jill stammered, her eyes on the squirrel. "I'm sorry to be giving you such bad news."

"Mmhmm." The old man grunted. He positioned the knife under the squirrel's tail, made to dig into it and then suddenly stopped and set it down again to look Jill in the eyes. Both girls' sighs of relief were very clearly heard. "So.. so.. why didn't he come himself? You girls here with your guns to make sure I don't come to the funeral like this? I do own a suit." He picked up the squirrel and without any more delay, slammed it down on the counter, yanked up its tail and began sawing into it. Jill winced but chose not to acknowledge it.

"It's nothing like that." Jill said slowly, her eyes on the squirrel. Her father had drunkenly attempted to teach her and Kris how to do this very thing when they were little girls. It only resulted in her younger sister's skinned squirrel related nightmares for a month, and she knew what was coming next.

Kelly did not and when the old man suddenly lifted the squirrel by the back legs and yanked it's skin off by the tail with a loud Velcro-like tear, she let out an involuntary squeak.

Jill did her best to continue as if unaffected. "Your brother is dying but someone wants to take what little time he has left from him. There's been three attempts on his life in the past month and we believe whoever's behind it wants to get their hands on the family fortune."

The girls listened to Walt skin the rest of the squirrel before the old man finally laid down the knife and looked up at them. "And what can I do? I haven't spoken to my brother since you two were in grade school, I didn't even know he was sick."

Kelly finally stepped forward, if only to hurry along the questioning so they could be spared the squirrel autopsy. "There are people out there who are willing to kill your brother so that he dies without an heir. If that happens then your family's possessions go to public auction where there's nothing to stop these people from getting what they want. We were told you were in possession of your family's genealogy. Your brother said if he had an heir that would be the best place to start looking. We'd like to see that please."

Walt shook his head before picking up the squirrel again. He sliced into it's midsection and the dead animal's intestines plopped into the coffee can with a nauseating splat. "So that's what he wants." The old man said slowly.

"Yes." Jill answered as sweetly as possible, avoiding the innards of the animal before her. "May we browse through it?"

"Sure you could," He suppressed a laugh, but Jill could see how much he wanted to release it. "If I hadn't burned it a few years back."

Kelly's jaw slacked open and Jill's shoulders drooped. They both stared at him, their composure completely gone after driving for nearly six hours to retrieve something that was long gone. Burned!

"Why..." Jill tried to find the words to complete her sentence, but all she really wanted to do was call him insane. "Why burn your whole family history? Wasn't that... didn't it mean something to you?"

Walt wiped his hands on his pants, slanting his head to the side. "Well, you see, it was real cold that night and I had ran out of firewood. Since I have no need for a book that tells me what I already know and when who was born and died when, I thew it in there. Burned real nice."

Kelly, exasperated by this point, clutched her fists. She, who didn't have a trace of lineage anywhere was unable to believe how someone could treat having a family with such disgrace. "You threw away your entire family history because you were COLD?"

"Easy, Quickdraw. There wouldn't have been anything to find in there anyways."

"You can't be sure of that." Kelly shot back.

"I can so. Neither of us married, had kids, and I don't want his stinkin' fortune. Therefore, he ain't got nobody. Let the public have his little golden statues. I have this!" His threw his arms out proudly. "No money in the world could take me away from it!"

Kelly sighed and wearily dropped her arms to her sides. "I wouldn't count on any offers." She muttered.

If the old man was offended by her sarcasm he didn't show it. He only laughed and set about gutting the squirrel. "If that's all you came for, girls, then how about you relax a minute and I'll fry us up some squirrel?"

Kelly shook her head in disbelief and made a point of not looking at Jill. If she knew her blonde friend, there was a disapproving look being cast at her right now that she didn't care to see. She was being rude again she knew, but the stench was getting to her, she'd just seen a woodland creature inside out, and that was the second time he'd called her Quickdraw for her earlier fumble. Whatever happened to the young Joan Crawford?...

Suddenly, Kelly raised her head, the thought of a wild night back in '28 giving her a new hope. The idea made up for the fact that she chose to look at the old man the moment he lopped off the squirrel's head. "Hey Walt?" she chanced, doing her best to ignore it. "Was your brother very popular with the ladies in his younger days?"

"We both were," He inflated his chest, giving them both his most charming smile. "Our family threw parties and those Hollywood gals would swarm around us like flies on shit. My brother liked any girl he could get his hands on, but me?" He thwarted his eyes over at Jill, his voice becoming a little bit huskier. "I liked the blondes." He grinned and then turned his attention back to the squirrel. " Doesn't mean I would turn down Joan Crawford though."

Kelly rolled her eyes, silently conceding defeat.

"Got some snow on the roof these days but if there's a fire in the furnace, this old man wouldn't turn down any girl. But yup, liked me the blondes. Still like 'em, you know." Walt pressed on, half smirking at Jill.

Jill blushed and gave Walt a flirty little giggle, going out of her way to make Kelly realize who had just won. "Squirrel does sound awfully good, doesn't it, Kelly?"

Kelly raised an eyebrow and shot a glance toward the old man, who was now lifting the tail of the second squirrel. That, thank God in heaven, was their cue to leave.

"Too bad I had it for lunch." Kelly said quickly, reaching out and taking Jill's arm. "Can we take a rain check, Walt?" Another Velcro-like ripping made Kelly shut her eyes and shudder.

"A rain check?" Walt echoed, looking genuinely disappointed. "Well, if you gotta go." He stopped and wagged the skinless squirrel toward them. "But don't think you can just come by for squirrel any day of the week. It's a real delicacy you know."

The squirrel's head sagged to the side, fixing Kelly with it's dead, beady, black eyes. It was time to go.

"We'll keep that in mind." Kelly said quickly, dipping into her purse for the bundle of business cards she kept in there. She peeled off the top one and slapped it on a tiny patch of clear space that belonged to whatever was sitting next to her. A table? A chair? Who could tell with all the junk.

"Thanks for your time. If you can think of anything, please give us a call."

"Oh, I surely will." The old man responded. He stepped forward and was about to extend his hand for a handshake before suddenly thinking better of it. With a sheepish grin, he waved.

"Bye, Walt." Jill purred, setting down her own card on top of Kelly's.

She heard Kelly mutter under her breath beside her before allowing her cranky friend to drag her out of the R.V. and into the messy yard it was parked in. The door had scarcely closed behind them before Kelly yanked out her keys and shoved them into Jill's hand.

"Well, that was a complete waste of time." Jill said airily. "Nice old man though, didn't you think?"

Kelly rolled her eyes again. "I'm done thinking. Just get us home." She said wearily. "And try not to pass any squirrels on the way."

Jill giggled and fell into stride with her nauseated friend as the girls made their way through the high grass to where they'd parked. "Oh, come on." She teased. "Squirrel's not bad at all."

Instead of riling up Kelly like she'd intended, she was rewarded with a look that she couldn't decide was disgusted or surprised. "You've eaten squirrel?" Kelly blurted out, as the girls got into the car.

Jill's smile widened. "Of course. My dad loved squirrel."

"What does it taste like?" Kelly continued, sincerely fascinated.

Jill thought for a moment before starting the car. "Hmm. Have you had rabbit?"

"No."

"It tastes like rabbit."

"What?" Kelly sighed, exasperated by Jill's explanation. She turned to face her friend and upon seeing the huge grin on her face finally realized that Jill had been having some fun with her. But she could no longer smell squirrel guts and they were leaving the disgusting R.V. So instead of being punched, Jill got off with a light shove to the shoulder.

The blonde giggled merrily as they drove and Kelly couldn't help but join her.

"He butchered a squirrel right in front of us, Jill." Kelly laughed, shaking her head. "Wait till we tell Bri."

"I know. But you know what my favorite part was?" Jill asked.

Kelly cocked her head. "What?"

"That you owe me chips and a coke."