PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK! I LOVE (and need) FEEDBACK PLEASE! 3
Back at Hogwarts the following evening, everyone still cheery from being at home for two weeks, James however was finding it hard to adapt back into the school routine. He was frustrated sitting in the common room beside Sirius and Remus- Peter was properly around but he was so quiet James hardly knew if he was around or not- talking about nothing of particular of interest, while Lily sat across the room with her friends. He just wanted to be back at his home, just the two of them because now the nights of falling asleep in each other's arms were over, he felt as though part of him was being taken away as he watched Lily easily fitting back in with their school lives. He must have been looking upset because Sirius nudged him. "Something wrong prongs?" He asked in a low voice.
James frowned and shot a glance at Lily across the room, he stood up pulling the map from his pocket. "Fancy a walk boys? He asked.
They used the map to ensure they didn't encounter anyone unwanted, Sirius continued to badger James about what was wrong.
"Look!" Remus snapped at Sirius after a few minutes of this. "He obviously doesn't want to talk about it just leave it will you?"
Sirius grumbled something about "Only trying to help."
James ignored him but shot Remus a grateful glance, Remus nodded slightly and that was that.
They lost Peter somewhere on their travels, James didn't care much but he guessed he'd gone to the library, and as they were heading back to the Gryffindor tower- it was getting late- Sirius decided he was hungry so headed off to the kitchens to scrounge food off of the House Elves. That left just James and Remus; they walked peacefully in silence for awhile until Remus said.
"Do you want to talk about it James?"
James looked at him. "Moony," He paused, why was Remus so easy to talk to? "I had the most amazing holiday ever; Lily was at mine for the whole two weeks!" He smiled. "We talked, we laughed, we kissed, we cuddled, we..."
"So what's the problem?" Remus asked gently, in the same calming level tone.
James looked at his feet, surprised to find tears springing to his eyes. Before he spoke he checked over his shoulder, he didn't want anyone else to hear this, especially not Sirius who would surely tease him senseless if he knew.
"I won't be able to fall asleep next to her now." He admitted not looking up from his shoes.
"Ah." Remus said and rested a hand on his friends arm. "I see," and then he turned and gave James a hug, he didn't say anything more but this hug, this moment gave James a chance to reflect to cope to sort his brain out- They were back at school now, and he had to deal with it.
So they fell back into the normal routine, James didn't forget his upset however became preoccupied with Quidditch, he desperately wanted to win the cup this year.
Sirius threw the quaffle his way. "Jamie!" He yelled as he did so. James caught it and flew up the pitch, he glanced to his right, and there Lily sat high up in the stands watching the training session. James stopped and steadied the broom between his knees and raised his free hand to wave at her, she waved back and for a moment, he forgot that he was at training, that he was over fifty feet above the ground, because he was looking at Lily and the whole world had faded away. However, Sirius called James's attention back to Quidditch with a sharp call of "Oi lover boy! Potter!"
James grinned once more at Lily, who blushed, and then sped up the pitch again with the Quaffle.
The rest of the training session flew past, literally, and then finally James was free. He dragged off his dirty Quidditch robes stuffing them into a rucksack, he slapped Sirius's back called a goodbye to the rest of team and rushed out. There she was. Lily Evans, waiting for him with a book tucked under her arm and a basket containing a picnic, they rushed down to the lake.
After they'd ate the meal; prepared for them by the House elves in the kitchen, they stayed there and spent hours talking. James lay with his head in Lily's lap, she sat, her fingers stroking through his hair; sending delightful shivers down his spine. They hadn't talked for awhile when Lily said. "James?"
"Yeah?" he said opening his eyes to look up at her.
She continued to stroke his hair. "Can you believe we're almost in our final year?"
James grinned. "Yeah, we'll be head Boy and Girl next year." He said self assured.
Lily shook her head, her hair falling onto his face, he savoured this moment; the beauty of the depth of the colour of her hair, the sweet smell. "You will you're a top student." He prompt himself up and kissed her cheek. "And you're beautiful," He kissed her neck and felt her shiver under his touch.
"You know," She said taking his face in her hands, she could feel stumble beginning to appear along his jaw line. James bit his lip, tempted simply by the sight of her smiling at him. "This is perfect!"
"What is?" James asked, his eyes never leaving hers, he loved the green eyes that sparkled every time he looked into them.
"Today. Me and you. Everything." She whispered.
James looked at her and nodded "I know exactly what you mean Dear."
"Prongs." was her simple reply before they're lips met silencing any other words for a long time.
*
Sirius had been going through a rough time; his Easter Holidays hadn't been fun, what with his brother, Regulus, refusing to speak to him, Mrs Black's hatred for him and his father unafraid to turn his wand on his own son. The only person he could confind in was James.
They sat by the lake, under their tree, James leaning against the trunk, Sirius laying on his back staring at the murky sky.
"They hate me," He said flatly, looking up.
James frowned and looked at his best friend. "They don't ha-!" He stopped, as Sirius sat up and gave him an unconvinced look.
"I've got to face it, they hate me!" He laughed bitterly, "And I don't much like them either! But they're all I've got!" He grumbled his hands now busy tearing up the grass beneath his finger tips.
James looked at him annoyed "All you've got?! What about me? Remus? Peter?"James leaned up close to his best friend, trying to catch his eye; however Sirius turned away, his shaggy hair curtaining his face from view, he stopped tearing up the grass."I know why you stay there, but you can't save him." James said gently.
"Huh?" Sirius tried to act like he didn't understand; he looked briefly through his vale of hair, then back out towards the grounds.
"Padfoot!" James urged his best friend, seizing his hand and squeezing it. Sirius turned to look at him, still not quite meeting his eyes. "Reg's too far gone!" James emphasised. "In too deep! You knew for the minute he got sorted that he'd choose that life style. He loves being the Golden boy." James's tone was bitter, showing his dislike for his best friend's younger brother.
This tone didn't go unheard by Sirius who snatched his hand back from James. "Don't hold my hand you puff." He snarled, annoyed that James would attack his brother in such away.
After a moment, he said quietly "We used to be best friends you know, Reg and me." The way in which Sirius said this made James's insides hurt, he yearned to see his best friend smile again.
"I know Sirius- but there's nothing you can do!" James said carefully.
"Don't you see?" Sirius turned on him, angry, tears blazing in his eyes. "I have to try! He's my brother! I can't let them taken him!" He sounded broken, yet definite.
"But-!" James tried to reason with him.
"But what?!" Sirius yelled and suddenly he was on his feet. "But what?! You wouldn't get it! You don't have a brother! No siblings! You don't understand this kind of love!" He sneered but then the hurt and the pain broke through, he shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes. "You don't get it! I have to save him!" He whispered and without another word Sirius turned his back on his best friend and stomped back up to the castle.
James and Sirius refused to talk to each other for a week, Remus attempted to coax them back together, Lily tried to persuade them, even Peter tried but nothing worked. Both boys thought they were right and the other wrong.
"I don't even know what he's angry about!" James ranted. Lily said nothing, knowing he had more to say. "I mean, he's the one that insulted me!" As he spoke he paced up and down the same patch of wooden floor in the library. "Said I didn't know sibling love!" He continued. "I thought he was meant to be a brother to me! Obviously not! I was only trying to help him!"
"I know," Lily sighed, closing a textbook and standing up, she wrapped her arms around him in order to stop the pacing. "It's okay." She told him. "It'll sort its self out!"
He didn't reply just rested his head on top of hers and sighed, visibly distressed.
Remus and Peter were having a similar conversation with Sirius.
"I just don't want to talk about it." Sirius said as the three of them rushed up a corridor- Peter hurrying to match the other two's pace.
"Sirius," Remus reasoned. "You two need to sort this out. You're best friends!"
"Best friends tell their best friends to sell out their brothers' to the Death Eaters do they?" Sirius snapped back.
"I'm not sure he meant it like that!" Remus said evenly.
"Moony, no offence I couldn't give a shit how he meant it!" Sirius said.
"He misses you." Peter said quietly.
Sirius's head shot round "What? Did he say that?" He stared at Peter paying more attention to him than usual. "Did he say that?" He repeated menacingly when Peter didn't answer quickly enough. Peter glanced at Remus nervously. "Well, he didn't say it, but we could-!" He stammered, nervous, as Sirius stared at him desperate for an answer. "We could just tell, couldn't we Remus?"
Sirius laughed hollowly. "You could just tell?" He shook his head pityingly and began to walk away.
He walked backwards in order to look at them. "No, it doesn't matter!"He shrugged, laughed
lifelessly and turned and continued to walk on. "Thanks anyway boys."
Lily looped her arm through Remus's as they walked along the corridor. "Hey you." She smiled Remus blushed. "Lily," He smiled.
"You ok?" She said concerned touching a fresh graze on his cheek.
He sighed and lowered his voice as they walked along the corridor on their normal prefect patrol route. "Last night, well it was..." He looked at Lily to check she understood, she nodded.
"Did both James and Sirius go with you?" She couldn't imagine either boy leaving Remus alone on such a night.
He nodded gravely "Yes but it wasn't the same as normal, I don't think they enjoyed it as much...Of course I don't enjoy it but they usually have fun they just didn't have fun like normal.." He sighed. "When are they going to make up?"
Lily shrugged "James is really hurting and from what you said about Sirius- well they hurt each other pretty badly but friends argue right?" She said hopefully.
Remus shrugged and they continued to walk along the corridor, he took out his wand. "How are you?" He wondered.
Lily looked unemotional "Been better."
"Why?" He frowned peering at her.
"I don't know Remus, since we got back from Easter, things have been weird and then Sirius and James fighting..."
"Been weird?" He asked. "As in you and James weird?"
Lily blushed and looked at her feet. "Don't tell him." She began. Remus squeezed her hand.
"I won't." He promised and Lily knew she could trust him.
"It's just," She blushed wondering how to word it. "We got really close during the holidays and then we had to go back to our- almost separate lives at Hogwarts." She pouted.
"Close as in?" He pulled a funny, suggestive face. Lily laughed loudly and nudged him but nodded blushing. "Oh get you!" Remus laughed then his face fell serious again. "You know," He said slowly unsure as to whether he should tell her what James had said to him. "James said the same thing to me, the first day back. He said he missed falling asleep with you and being with you all the time."
Lily looked at him shocked. "Really?"
"Yes!" Remus nodded bemused and then he laughed. "Of course, Merlin! When will you two realise how in love the other one is, with you?" He laughed. Lily laughed at this and patted his arm playfully. "You're lucky." He said. "Really lucky- both of you." He blushed.
"Hey!" Lily scolded him. "You'll get that soon! One day!"
He tried to smile. "Lils, let's be serious what girl would want me- if they knew about my furry little problem?"
"Hey! You're a good looking guy! Any girl would be lucky to have you!"
"Well I know that-!" Remus laughed, the bravado that he'd adopted from both James and Sirius showing through. "No seriously." He said. "No one's going to want to be with someone like me!" He said resigned.
"'Someone like you'?" Lily copied. "What you mean an amazing guy, who's loyal and trustworthy, sweet, charming?" She raised an eyebrow at him. He half smiled. "And one day you'll find a girl and she won't care about your furry little problem ok?"
He smiled again. "Alright."
After finishing the patrol Lily went up the Gryffindor tower to find James, he wasn't in the common room so she sneaked up to the boy's dormitories. She expected to find James sitting on his four poster bed, maybe with a book out or polishing his broom. Instead she found James laying across Sirius's bed beside a shaggy black canine.
She hesitated by the door way, watching James stroke Sirius's head, they hadn't seen her. She coughed loudly to get their attention. "I see you two have made up." She said flawlessly, trying not to laugh. "Shall I give you a moment?" She smirked.
James looked confused, he sat up straight. "Lily." He blushed. "Yeah," He hesitated. "We made up."
"Having a private moment are we?" Lily winked advancing across the room. She sat on the end of Sirius's bed and ruffled the fur on his back. "Alright Padfoot? Stealing my boyfriend?" She asked.
Padfoot shrugged up onto all four and turned round on the bed, he put his head in Lily's lap, and he wagged his tail. Lily stroked his head.
"You know," She told him after a few minutes of silence. "You're much cuter as a dog." Before she could do anything, Padfoot leaned up towards her and licked the side of her face. "Ew Sirius!" She whined whipping her cheek free of his saliva, she pushed him back towards James. "Get off me!" She said as he pounced at her again, yet as he did so he changed back into his human self. He fell half on top of her half on the bed. She shrieked, laughing loudly, James swore and dragged Sirius off of his girlfriend.
"You git!" He muttered pinning Sirius to the bed. Lily watched, giggling. "That's my girlfriend!" James laughed as he told Sirius.
"All's fair in love and war!" Sirius struggled under James's grip. He leaned forward and licked James's cheek the way he'd licked Lily's.
"You're such a third wheel you know that?" James joked, releasing him.
Sirius leapt up and stood before them. "Whatever," He shrugged then looked over at Lily. "Right, I'll leave you to it! He laughed and turned towards the doorway. "Actually," He said deciding something as he turned back to look at them. "Not on my bed!" He said nodding towards James's bed instead. "Please." He added as an afterthought. He smirked at their expressions and left.
*
She was in the library, a hand in her soft sweet smelling hair when she noticed she was being watched, usually when Lily felt eyes on her they were James's so it was fine but these eyes felt as though they were boring into her very soul-not in a good way. She glanced around at the shelves that surrounded her. She put down the book she was reading and stood up from the table; she peered round a corner and saw the gloomy figure of Severus Snape.
"Oh Sev!" She said relieved, a hand on her chest as she sighed.
Severus pushed his dirty locks out of his eyes and looked at her intently. "Lily." He said.
"Have you been watching me?" She asked raising an eyebrow, the relief fading into anger.
Severus shrugged. "No," He paused. "I was looking for you."
Lily frowned. "Why?"
Severus blushed. "I miss you Lily." He admitted his grey eyes catching hers; his face broke into a smile because she hadn't looked away. "I know I can't ever apologise enough... Lily! I know! I'm sorry!" He rambled. "Please Lily." He begged when she didn't say anything. "Give me one last chance please!" He gripped his joined hands and peered at her. "Please Lily." He begged.
Lily looked at him, at his pale, sad face and she didn't see the gangly teenager who in a fit of anger had called her that evil name, she saw the small, oddly dressed boy who had been her hope, her light into the magical world.
She sighed, she could feel her eyes watering; she gulped. "Okay," She whispered.
The next few weeks passed as normal, except now she saw more of Severus, and James wasn't happy.
"He's bad news Lil!" James hissed annoyed as they rushed down the corridor on the way to their next lesson.
"Please, James." Lily sighed, more intent on looking through her notes from a previous lesson, than arguing with him. "It's none of your business."
James frowned, running a hand through his hair and securing the shoulder bag to his shoulder, before it slipped. "Of course it is, you're my girl." He said.
Lily pulled a face at this possessive comment, something that would usually make her blush. "James." She flared, hands on her hips now, she rounded on him glaring. "He's my friend! And that's final!"
James groaned and slapped his forehead with his hand. "Lily! He's still a Slytherin!"
"House prejudice." Lily glared and stalked off, up the corridor. James ran to catch up.
"No Lily!" James argued as he caught up with her, he touched her arm but she pulled away. "Dear-!" He hesitated then his words caught up with his mind. "No not, not just that." He tried to explain. "He's one of them-!" He hissed. "He's in the young Death Eater group! He'll be hanging out with You-Know- who before you know it!"
Lily looked furious- James had never seen her quite so mad, or attractive. "Look!" She rounded on him. "This is not to do with you! Ok?" She was defiantly mad, James opened his mouth to counter argue this point, when Lily's hand flew up and slapped him square across the face.
"Stop it." She fumed and turned and stomped up the corridor.
James stood, awestruck. Lily had just slapped him, he couldn't take it in. 'What?' He thought angrily. 'Did I do to deserve that?'
He touched his cheek lightly; it stung where she'd slapped him. Emotions surged through him, he stood rooted to the spot, the corridor was now practically empty as people who were late rushed to class; he felt no incentive to go to Charms and sit beside Lily for an hour, he dropped his bag off in the Gryffindor common room then stormed off into the Grounds.
He reached the Forbidden forest and slipped inside its boundaries, as soon as he was out of sight, he changed into his stag form and ran and ran; he kept running, the anger and upset, fuming inside him. No animals disrupted him, he just kept running.
As he ran through the forest his mind whirled with what had just happened, the argument, his anger and upset at watching Lily with that guy...how he hated Severus Snape, that fool, the Slytherin who so obviously liked Lily, who pinned after her when Lily was so obviously in love with James. James felt anger surge through him once more, he wanted to scream, to cry, to punch things, to sob! Lily had slapped him! She had defended Severus over him...and all he was trying to do was protect her!
Later when he had ran so much he thought he might keel over from hunger and lack of energy, he returned back to two legs and walked up to the castle. It was dinner. The Hall was busy, he looked in briefly and saw his three friends grouped together, looking around, talking- properly wondering where he was. He couldn't see the red head of Lily Evans at the Gryffindor table. He moved away from the Hall and headed down a flight of stairs to the kitchens, he was hungry- but he couldn't face people, especially not people that were his friends and would want to know where he had been, people that would ask questions.
He ate in silence as the elves bustled around him attending to his every whim, when he'd ate his full he left with a bottle of pumpkin juice in his hand, saying hurried 'Thank yous' and 'Goodbyes' as they bowed him out the door.
He didn't know what to do with himself, he didn't want to go to the Gryffindor tower- he might see Lily or the other Marauders- he didn't really want to see anyone. He didn't know what to do, or how to fix anything. Then he thought of something and summoned his cloak from his dorm. He wrapped it around himself and instantly felt better, because invisible he was safe and undetectable.
He wandered along the corridors, invisible, loving the freedom, yet his mind was still racing; he just wanted to be with Lily: the Lily who didn't look at him with anger in her beautiful eyes, who smiled every time she looked at him...