Chapter Seven
"Bella, what is going on with you?" Edward was looking at me, irritation was seeping from him. We were both sitting outside in silence. I went outside after Alice visited, I needed some air. An hour passed and Edward returned from hunting and naturally he sat beside me. At first we said nothing to each other; we just sat in silence. I wanted to tell him the truth, I wanted to tell him everything but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that he wouldn't understand and he would be angry and just leave. So I said nothing.
"Bella, please talk to me. Is this about last night? If you really want to get Renesme some help from a human then I will do it. I will do anything to get you to stop acting like this." Edward pleaded.
"This is not about Renesme, Edward." I sighed, shifting my eyes away.
"Then what is it Bella? I can't stand this tension anymore. I want you to be happy, I will do everything in my power to make you happy Bella but you have to tell me what's going on. I can't do anything until you tell me what's bothering you." He said softly. I know this must be driving him crazy. To have the ability to read people's mind and the one person who's mind you want to read you can't even do it. That would drive anyone crazy I suppose. Guilt was consuming me at this point but I couldn't build up enough courage to tell him. I'm such a terrible person.
"Bella, just please say something damnit!" He shouted. I cringed at the sound of him raising his voice at me.
"Please, don't yell at me anymore." I whispered. I looked up at him and it seems with that one look all the anger in his eyes instantly dispersed.
"I'm sorry Bella darling." He quickly pulled me into a hug. No Edward I'm the one who is sorry. I know what I've done can never be undone and I'm truly, truly sorry my love, thought to myself. And more than anything I wish I could say those words a loud but I can't. Not now at least.
"I love you Edward." I said in his embrace.
"I love you too Bella, more than words can express." He said holding me tightly. And I believe every word. Edward has risked his life many times for me; I know he would die for me if it ever came down to that. He loves me with all his heart and I love him. What I did with Jasper last night may have felt amazing. But when it comes down to it I could never love him the way I love Edward. And that's just all to that.
JPOV
I quickly started to pack my bags. It felt like my whole world was coming to an end. I feel completely lost and torn and weak. And I know if I continue to stay here that's all I will feel. It's time for me to move on to bigger and better places. A place where Isabella Swan does not exists.
"Taking a trip somewhere?" Alice was standing in my doorway.
"Go away Alice." I mumbled still packing my clothes away.
"I cannot believe you have jeopardized everything for her; a married woman with a kid." She said smiling.
"Do not bring her into this Alice so help me." I said trying to not let her distract me.
"But this is all about her though, my love. She rejected you and now your little ego is hurt and you're running away. It's quite pathetic if you ask me." She said sitting down on my couch watching my every move.
"Well no one asked you Alice. Please just go away, there's nothing you can say that will make me change my mind." I said.
"Oh is that so?" She started to smile again. What is she up to?
"If you leave my love, I will tell Carlisle and the others your reason for going. It would make her life a living hell and you would have left her all alone to deal with it herself." She still was smiling. I froze. Alice wouldn't dare to do such a thing. She cares about Bella.
"And just think about how Edward would be so angry. He probably would come after you and kill you maybe if he had the chance. I mean once he's found you who would be around to stop him. Certainly not Carlisle, he would be so angry that you left in the first place without a single word; I doubt he would come to your side to help." She was enjoying every single bit of this my torment, my pain. It made me sick to watch her smile like that.
"You wouldn't dare. You care about Bella. You wouldn't hurt her like that." I said trying to calm myself.
"Why should she matter to me after what she did? Jasper you are the love of my life, you mean the absolute world to me. And to see you make love to her like that, it felt like you were literally tearing my heart out and ripping it to shreds. It could have been anyone else but her Jasper! She was my best friend! Why her Jasper, why Bella?" Her smile faded away and the only thing that was left was her expression of disappointment and pain. I started to feel a little guilty. Damnit. I don't need this right now.
"You haven't touched me like that in months, or kissed me like that, or held me like that! What did I do wrong Jasper? Why has your love now turned to her? You know she's with Edward, and that she's happy with him! Nothing good will ever come out of being with her. Someone will get hurt. I'm willing to work on us if you only try and give up the idea of being with her. It will never happen, Jasper. So just stop this." She pleaded. She grabbed my hands I avoided her eyes looking down.
"Jasper, look at me and tell me that you don't love me anymore. If you could do that then I will let you go, I won't say anything to Carlisle and the others. But if you leave you must not ever return." She whispered. I could say it over a million times in my head that I don't have any feelings for Alice anymore, but I wouldn't be completely honest with myself. I couldn't look her in the eyes and tell her that I felt nothing for her anymore. It would be a lie. Maybe there's still a part of me that still loves her. We've been together for centuries, she meant everything to me. After I left Maria I didn't see any reason to exist anymore. But on that faithful night in that diner when I first laid eyes on Alice everything changed. She gave me new hope. So why is it that I fell out of love with her?
And she's right about Bella. Bella is married and happy, she even said so herself. So why have my feelings transferred to her? What have I've done? What do I do now? One thing I know for sure. I can't look Alice in her eyes and tell her those words. They wouldn't be true. Damnit. Looks like I'm not going anywhere.
"Exactly. Somewhere deep inside of you Jasper you still love me and you just proved it. You can't tell me that can't you?" She sounded relieved.
"No I cannot." I said softly still looking down. Damn it all.
"So stop this nonsense and let's work on us, there's still time to fix this Jasper please." She begged. I finally looked up at her.
"I wish it was that easy Alice but it isn't. All of this cannot be easily fixed no matter how much you may want them to be." I said softly. She let go of my hands and walked back to my doorway placing her hand on the knob, she was getting ready to leave.
"I will wait for you Jasper, I don't care how long this takes for you to get over, but I will wait for you. I'm going to leave you with some time to think. But remember what I said. If you leave, do not come back." And with those final words she left me standing there feeling like a fool. What the hell do I do now?
BPOV
"Jacob what the hell are you doing here? The minute Edward catch scent of you, you're going to be in big trouble." I whispered. Edward went back to the main house to speak with Carlisle about getting Renesme some professional help with her nightmares. We both came to that decision when we were outside talking. I still haven't told him about what happened between Jasper and I. Eventually I will tell him, I will make sure of that. I decided to stay outside and think some more. I was sitting on a boulder outside the cottage when Jacob showed up.
"I know I'm banned but I just have to see Nessie, you guys know I've imprinted on her. It's really tough for me to stay away from her like this." He grumbled. He was in nothing but cargo shorts, which means he must have been in wolf form when he came over here.
"I don't know what you expect me to do Jacob, I can't go against Edward's word." I said.
"Well you could at least talk to him Bella please; I don't know how much I can take of this." He sounded defeated. I felt terrible for him. But there was nothing I could do. Talking to Edward would do no good. He meant what he said, Jacob was banned from the house and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
"Bella, are you telling me that he makes all the decisions when it comes to Renesme?" He asked, he was trying to keep calm but I can tell that he was upset.
"Jacob, my hands are tied. No he does not make all the decisions when it comes to our daughter, but he's my husband Jacob I cannot undermine him. I can't go back on his word no matter how much I may want to." I said starting to feel bad. I really did not need this right now. In fact this was the very last thing I needed. I had way more important things to worry about.
"Bella can you at least try please? I really miss Nessie. I feel like I'm losing her. Just imagine how you would feel if you were kept away from Edward? Remember when he left you? You felt like your world was ending. Well I feel the same way you felt. Please Bells, I'm begging you." He talked me into it. I have to do something. I owe him that much I guess. Damnit.
"Is that why you came all the way over here?" I asked smiling a little.
"I love her Bella. She means so much to me and I know she misses me just as much as I miss her." He said seriously.
"You love her?" I asked. Of course he did, he didn't have to tell me that for me to know that.
"Yes, with all my heart and she loves me too Bella." He smiled so big. Wow my Renesme is in love. My beautiful baby girl. I got down from the boulder facing Jacob I touched his check softly and he closed his eyes. Oh Jacob, I remember when I was in love with him. I remember when I contemplated being with him, how he was my rock when Edward left me weak. And now here he was declaring his love for my sweet baby girl.
"I'll try, I'll do what I can alright Jake." I said softly.
"Oh thank you Bells." He said happily. He grabbed me into a hug and twirled me around a little. I laughed softly, hugging him back. He put me back down, still hugging me. He was so warm he felt like the sun beating down on me. And for the little moment I didn't want him to let me go.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Edward voice immediately broke me out of my little world of Jacob. I cleared my throat looking up at Jacob whose face went completely blank.
"No not at all." Jacob's voice was monotone.
"I thought I told you, you weren't allowed around here anymore Jacob." Edward said his voice expressing the same emotion as Jacob which is none.
"I was just leaving." Jacob replied.
"Smart decision." Edward sneered.
"Edward, don't you think this has gone on long enough. You can't keep those two away from each other forever." I said cautiously. But I already know that this is going to start a fight.
"Seriously, Bella you're taking his side? After knowing what he did with Renesme." Edward was shocked a little.
"Yes it was wrong, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. He's imprinted on her Edward; we can't keep doing this to him. It's not fair to him or to her." I said.
"What do you mean it's not fair? Who cares if it's not fair, it's right. We cannot let him thin that kind of behavior is okay." He was starting to get angry. He's so quick tempered, and impatient these days.
"Edward please. According to Carlisle data from the other half breed that was here when we tried to stop the Volturi, Renesme will be completely finished with growing in a couple of years. So we know that this was going to happen. It was only a matter of time Edward." I said.
"This was our decision to do this Bella, why now are you backing out on our word."
"You're wrong Edward, you decided this not me. And honestly I do think you're overreacting just a little bit. I know you think you're protecting Nessie, but think about it darling, you're hurting her too. Just think, her nightmares did not start happening until after you banned Jacob from here. Do you think that not being able to see Jacob the way she used to could cause those horrid nightmares?" I said.
"She's having terrible nightmares? Is she sleeping okay?" Jacob immediately alarmed, started blasting me with questions.
"Jacob calm down she's fine." I assured him.
"I guess I didn't think about that. You're right, it was two nights after I banned Jacob that her nightmares were starting to appear." He sounded defeated.
"And I bet if we let them start seeing each other again, those nightmares will gradually start to go away." I said.
"Maybe you're right." He sighed.
"We could at least give it a try. That way she doesn't have to see a human specialist. You didn't want her to see one anyway so maybe we can compromise on something okay? You lift Jacob's banishment for a week and let's see if Renesme's nightmares will be rid of?" I said hoping he would say yes and wouldn't argue this any longer.
"Fine, Jacob you're un banished but for only a week. But there are some rules." Edward finally gave in.
"Of course, lay them on me." Jacob sighed, but I could tell he was jumping for joy inside.
"You're only allowed to visit if I or Bella is here. No more visits when neither of us are around."
"Sounds fair." Jacob agreed.
"And I please ask you to refrain from any sexual behavior with my daughter, no kissing, not anything further from an hug and if I catch it so help me god it will be the last mistake you will make in your life is that clear and I really cannot express that enough. I just don't think she's ready to engage in something like that right now. And I really hope you respect how I feel about that." Edward said through closed teeth. This is really hard for him.
"Okay I get it. No touchy feely stuff. I will keep my hands to myself. This means so much to me, thank you so much you guys." Jacob smiled big.
"Please don't let me regret this Jacob." Edward said immediately at my side. He wrapped an arm around my waist. I smiled and I leaned in closer into his body.
"I promise I won't. Thank you, thank you so much Edward, you have my word that you won't regret this. I know that she's out now. She texted me. But if it's okay with you guys I would like to come back over later on tonight so that I can see her." He said excited.
"Of course Jake, that will be fine." I said smiling at him.
"Okay cool, so I will see you guys later then. Thanks a lot. I really need to get going now." He was running off as he said those words. Probably off to go tell his brothers the wonderful news. It warmed my heart to see how excited and happy he was to be seeing Renesme again.
"You know when Renesme hears the news she's going to be daddy's girl once again." I said still smiling.
"Well I can't blame her; I'm a pretty cool dad." Edward was smiling too.
"Oh is that so Mr. Cullen?" I asked playfully.
"What, you don't think I'm a good father?" He asked turning to me.
"Hm, I think you're one of the best in the world." I said wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Oh you think so? Better than Charlie?" He asked wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me closer.
"Don't get too carried away Mr. Cullen." I whispered.
"Okay, gotcha Mrs. Cullen." He whispered at my lips and then he kissed me softly while holding me. And I knew it in my heart for sure that I could never love another man like I love Edward. He is my everything and he always will be. I might as well say that he is my life because without him I'am nothing. I couldn't ask for a better best friend, father, and husband. And thinking about how wonderful he is only made the guilt rise again within me.
"Come on let's go in, Renesme should be coming back soon right?" Edward said breaking our embrace.
"Yeah you're right." I said smiling a little.
"Then let's go Mrs. Cullen." He grabbed my hand leading me into the house. I don't know how Edward is going to react when he finds out, and one thing I do know for sure is that I'm not ready to find out. Not now. I just cannot do it. I'm such a coward. I hope I find the strength to tell him soon. Because the longer I wait the more it's going to hurt him once he does find out.